God, I’m Desperate—I Want to See!

Hi friend, I’m thankful you popped in to see what’s happening at Facets. This month we’re talking about that thing we are desperate for God to do, our deepest need. I love writing with my beautiful friends, Tracy and Kim, and if you haven’t taken time to read their hearts on any topic, I hope you will. Tracy shared here last Tuesday, Kim will be with us next week, and I look forward to our guest wrapping it all up the following week. That’s how we roll.

I can imagine each of us on our knees, something carefully cupped in our hands held up for our Daddy-God to see—“Abba, please help…” I know I’ve been there, and somehow I think you have, too. To me, it feels like my deepest need wells up inside and finds a voice. I might try to squelch it or let it fly, but it will not be silenced. The heart cry simply must have its way. It must be heard. And it can be overwhelming.

When I tried to find a way to share with you this kind of need, I was at a loss. When have I wanted something so much that time and importance caused my whole self to nearly shake with the ask? I wasn’t sure if I was thankful or sad when nothing came to mind. If I were desperate, wouldn’t it be on my mind day and night? I would think so.

Then I was “gifted” a story.

Seeing is tougher than it looks…
My first pair of glasses were fitted in eighth grade. That’s when squinting in the front row of class finally failed me, and it was time to admit I couldn’t see. I won’t bore you, but the journey of glasses has been hard. I have “tricky” eyes, and each appointment often feels more of a disappointment. Two eyes that aren’t wired to work together is troubling and complicated, so I learned to work around it. The brain is amazing! In my whole four-eyed life, there were two pair of glasses that were great. Just two. The others were—“meh.”

I may have been relieved to find my last doctor left the area, a perfect excuse to go somewhere new. But my poor husband heard my messy, emotional wrestle for days: “I just want to SEE! I hate these appointments. The doc’ asks me to do stuff my eyes can’t do, and I fight the feeling of failure. The prescription is right for the individual eyes, but then it never works for both together. Arrrrrrgh!” (In that last bit, the heart cry leaked all over the place.)

I couldn’t imagine actually seeing, but I was desperate to see.

“The bar is set pretty low if I only have to beat these glasses!” My new optometrist cleared the bulky equipment out of the way.

This time the whole journey toward this set of glasses mirrored what was in my own soul.

God, I’m desperate to SEE!
It’s more than a pair of glasses I need, and I know it.

“Can the blind guide the blind? Won’t they both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.” Luke 6:39b-40 CSB

Sometimes God gives me a peek into my own heart if I’m willing to look. When I can’t see, would I try to lead others, or even tell them how to see the world? Sadly, I might. Especially when I don’t know how poor my vision is.

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but don’t notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself don’t see the log in your eye? Hypocrite! First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck in your brother’s eye. Luke 6:41-42 CSB

I don’t know about you, but I want to hear that word “Hypocrite!” cut to my soul with a whisper when I need it. I want to know when I’m scrutinizing others but overlooking my stuff. I have friends who act as a “soul doctor” and tell me when they observe it. I’m thankful when they do. I want to listen carefully and respond well whether it’s a friend, family, or casual observer. I want to listen when the voice is warm and soft or direct and scalpel-like.

It’s a process, isn’t it?
The eye exam was my living metaphor. I had to make choices. Listening for and understanding direction can be hard. Clear communication takes time and effort. No one likes to say, “Can we try that again?” five times. Perseverance can look clumsy. Repetition can infuse the soul with frustration and words with what I might call “wrong emphasis.” (I’m can’t be the only one to do that.) But the process is worth it!

When I was willing to admit my vision was poor and I needed help, someone could help me. I only needed to go for that help, hang in with the examination process, and be willing to let the doctor do her work. The result? Great glasses for the third time.

Flip that into the spiritual realm, and what does it look like?

Daddy-God, Jesus, Holy Spirit—I can’t see, but I want to! Will you please help me? I want to be the “fully trained disciple” who is like the Teacher. Teach me. Train me. Allow my spiritual eyes to see and love truth, to see and love YOU! Life is hard, and I feel exhausted and helpless sometimes. But I am not helpless. You are my help when I’m in trouble or when I try to lead in my blindness. Can I see YOU in my life?

Jesus said

But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. Matthew 13:16-17

When we come to Jesus humbly and let him teach, I think that’s better than any set of glasses. Just sayin’.

Thanks for reading along, friend. If you read this far, I love you! (I love you “skimmers,” too.) If this topic at Facets stirs the desperate need in your soul, let’s start a conversation in the comments below. What does your heart cry sound like? We might even pray for others’ needs. Wouldn’t that be something?

If these words were useful to you, who else might be blessed? Share away, my friend!