Archives for March 2020

Do They Know They Are Loved?

03.24.2020 by Judy Maldonado //

I (Tracy) can’t wait for you to read our guest contributor’s piece this month! I’ve been anticipating the day I would be able to share my dear friend’s piece. If you know Judy Maldonado, you love her. She is kind, compassionate, funny, diplomatic, & smart. She loves the Lord, and it shows in her every day actions. So snuggle up and see what the Lord put on her heart well in advance of this season of slow down and stay in. Perhaps the Lord knew we’d all need to immerse ourselves in His love to get through our current Covid-19 plight.

Sitting in a counselor’s office I was asked to answer a ridiculously easy question, “What are a few things you love about your daughter?”

When I finished listing my top 40 and looked over at my daughter’s face, her eyes were wide.

The counselor asked, “Did you know your mom thought these things about you?”

I immediately thought, “Of course she does. How could she not?”

But my jaw dropped as my daughter slowly shook her head, “No, I had no idea.”

Those few words shook me. How could this amazing girl, my firstborn child, my pride and joy, not know how incredible I thought she was? How could she not grasp I was head over heels in love with her?

As I spent time thinking over this later, it hit me. I do the same thing with my Father. When I make mistakes or when I feel I’m not doing the things I should- having time with Him in the morning, ending my days with reflection and prayer, spending time in the Word- my natural reaction is to think, He must be so disappointed in me. On some level He probably loves me a little less right now. Perhaps I’m not on His priority list, because He’s busy with people who are better at being Christian than I am.

But if I think about His love for me, that the Word tells me is even bigger than my love for my daughter, then I know this is how He really feels:

He loves me with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

He pursues me with goodness and unfailing love. (Psalm 23:6)

He delights in every detail of my life. (Psalm 37:23)

He is merciful and compassionate to me, and He is slow to get angry with me. (Psalm 145:8)

As I read about God’s love for me in His word, I am blown away. Over 120 times in the NLT translation, the word “unfailing” precedes a reference to God’s love for His people. His love is unfailing. We didn’t earn it. We do not deserve it. We can’t outrun it. We cannot lose it. We cannot hide from it. We can’t run out of it, and we cannot do anything to ever lessen it. We. Are. Loved.

I wish I could get my daughter to see that- to see how I love her with an unfailing love. I love her even when her actions disappoint me, when she does things I know are not living up to her true potential, when she makes bad choices, and even when she chooses to push me away. I love her. Period.

But I’ve never thought about how my Father loves me in that same way, but better. Romans 8:38 tells me there is absolutely nothing, on earth or in heaven, in life or in death, not my fears for today or worries about tomorrow, that can separate me from His love. That is a big love.

And on hard days, on good days, on every day, I want to take comfort in the fact I am loved so deeply and unconditionally. It is the only way I can demonstrate true love to anyone else around me.

1 John 4:19 says “We love because He first loved us.”

My pastor once said, “When your relationship with God is better, every relationship in your life is better.”

Those words have rung so true in my life. When I am consistently walking and talking with Jesus, I am a different person. I’m happier. I extend grace easily. I’m not even as upset with my youngest daughter when I have to ask her ten times to put her shoes on.

But there is a tangible difference in who I am when I’m not walking closely with Jesus. When I’m at those times in my life, when I’m just dialing in prayers for things that I need or not taking any time to spend in the Bible. That Judy gets angry quickly, yells more, and just feels overwhelmed and burdened. My family can tell the difference and so can I.

I remember a season years ago that felt very heavy and sad. I was working long hours, felt I barely saw my family, and had no time with Jesus. I came home late one night, and my husband said he had a surprise for me. He led me to our basement, to the closet under the stairs. He opened the door to the closet normally stuffed with chairs and random things the kids “put away” when they were cleaning. It now looked like a completely different space. It was freshly painted, had a lamp and a soft chair with my Bible, note pads, pens, and a small stereo for my worship music.

My husband had made me my own war room. He recognized I was not myself and knew the only way I could find myself was to have intentional alone time with my Jesus. I sat in that sacred space for a long time that night, crying and asking God where He had gone, asking why I felt like I couldn’t find Him.

He led me to this verse, “This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it.” Isaiah 30:15.

That verse and truth brought me to my knees. I had been trying to do life on my own- living out of my own strength, and I had just run out. I needed to come back to my source of strength and be saved. I needed to remember I was deeply loved, not because of who I am or what I do, but simply because I am His.

Matthew 12:34 says that “…out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

When I haven’t filled my heart daily with the Word of God and spent time in His presence, I have no overflow of His love in me to pour into others. But when I am spending time with Him and living in His peace, I am able to love people in a way that shows them they are truly loved.

So, how do we address the question we began with, Do they know they are loved?

We can’t make anyone know they are loved, but we can choose to consistently and relentlessly love them the way we are loved. Regardless of whether they accept it or how they react to it, regardless of whether they even deserve it, we are called to love. Love them so well they can’t help but draw closer to the Source of our love.

How do you feel God calling you to respond in this moment? Draw near to Him. Experience His love. Freely give love away. Create your own war room. Spend time in His presence.

We pray the Holy Spirit beckons you to respond in the most appropriate way for you, personally, intimately. You are loved!

Join the conversation over on our FACETS of Faith Facebook page.

Love From a Distance

03.17.2020 by Megan Abbott //

Hello friends! Welcome back to our gathering space. This month, each of us have pondered on the question “Do they know they are loved?” and each of us ending with a different “facet” (haha)… Check back with Jen and Tracy to hear their thoughts, and get excited for next week’s guest, Judy! I am going to be really honest, this has by far been the hardest post I have ever written. There have been tears, second guessing, broken internet, interruptions, lost writing, emotional exhaustion, more tears, and the list goes on. I pray that God meets us both here, and our hearts find rest in a time of unrest.

Loneliness Epidemic

For years I have overheard the idea that loneliness is an epidemic in our society, but I don’t think I have ever truly experienced long-term loneliness. I have had moments of loneliness, glimpses, but never long-term. Moments when living alone left me feeling isolated, searching for a new community made me miss old friends, or even those times I was filling out an emergency contact at the doctor’s office and I remembered I’m single, and my family is 550 miles away.

Then this past week happened. Each day there were multiple updates. It was like every few hours the news changed, trips cancelled, gatherings over 1000, then over 250, then churches cancelled, and then schools cancelled. Honestly, by the time we got to the middle of the week, each time I read the news, or got another notification about something changing I started crying. I could foresee the moment when I would be told “you should stay home until further notice”. And now we’re there. I live alone. No other people. No community. No visitors to look forward to. No trips. Just me and my dog. And without a real end date. This is why I was crying all last week. The prospect of loneliness was ominous.

God Given Community

There is no denying that we were created to live in community. Start in Genesis with Adam and Eve in community with God. The census and lists of tribes throughout the Old Testament. The friendship between David and Jonathan. Jesus and His disciples. Think, even, just about the Trinity. God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. They exist in community as One. So there is no surprise that we, created in God’s image, would so desperately need community.

My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:12-13 (NIV)

I often experience God’s love and grace towards me through my friends. They remind me of the truth when I can’t see it. They get me laughing and bring joy to my days. They give me hugs at just the right moments, when I am really needing to feel God’s presence.

So what happens when we are alone? Or we are starting over somewhere new? Or there is a global pandemic, and to best love our neighbors, we practice social distancing? How do “they” know they are loved when no one is around? The easy answer is “God promises to always be with you” (Joshua 1:9, Isaiah 41:10, Matthew 28:20), but what about the moments when we need tangible community? When God feels too far away, and we need a hug to remind us that we aren’t in this alone (unless you are Jen and hugging isn’t your thing).

Seen From A Distance

A year or so ago, my friend Alaina gave a sermon at her church where the main message was: “The cure for loneliness is to help other people feel less lonely.” We have to be intentional to love people when we aren’t physically able to be in a room with them. If you are thinking of your friend, send them a text and let them know you are thinking of them, or that you miss them. Ask them how they are, and actually anticipate a response. Think about a time when you most felt seen and remembered by a loved one, and do that for someone else. Love people unconditionally like God loves you. While I acknowledge that the Spirit lives within me and often reminds me of God’s presence, God has done a pretty awesome job of leaving me feeling loved and remembered without physically being within the 6 foot buffer recommended by social distancing. Pray for the Holy Spirit to nudge you, and then listen when people are brought to your mind.

It is okay, and super healthy, to acknowledge if you are sad, if you are feeling disappointed, loss, anxiety, or even a little scared. I think a lot of us are. Which means we aren’t alone. If you are feeling lonely, reach out to a friend and start the conversation. If you have friends or loved ones that are living alone, check on them. Call them and remind them they are seen and remembered. Help others feel less lonely.

When life starts to return to normal for most of us, let’s remember that community still requires intentionality. Loneliness will still be an epidemic requiring our attention. Let us grow in compassion for one another, and ask God how we can use that compassion to better love our community now, and in the future.

Join us on Facebook, or in the comments, and let us know how you are loving your friends and community from afar!

Love Is…Compassion

03.10.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Welcome, friend, this month the Facets are turning over a good question: Do they know they are loved? Deciding who “they” might be is up to each writer. We ponder whether we are loving others well because that’s what a follower of Jesus is called to do in light of Jesus’ compassion at the cross. Compassion is key. Take a peek at Tracy’s thoughts here, but don’t miss Megan’s and our guest’s posts when they appear!

We’ve Got Stories

I (Jennifer) have a story. You do, too. We aren’t that different, you and I. My story may be rougher around the edges than yours, or not. Let’s avoid the comparison game and, instead, think about the experiences and imagine what compassion looks like in light of the good, bad, and ugly stories. How would we give compassion? How would we receive it?

A Hurting World and Harm

In this crazy-busy world, who of us is not hurting? Our culture is overwhelmed with strong, nagging feelings—anxiety over things yet to come that may never come; fear of the hard reality we face every day; frustration over the things others say, think, and do; and anger because, well, life shouldn’t be this way. Our hearts break just a little more each day in a hundred ways.

The harm is real. Adding two elements, helplessness and abandonment, to any deeply harmful incident creates a traumatizing incident, a perfect storm. Whether you’ve been traumatized or not, this may put words to how trauma affects a person—

Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.¹

The wounds can be deep—and they can heal! God can use Scripture, relationships, and story work powerfully in the process. God’s biblical truth, compassionate love, and power are always the focus. The stories spark heart connection with God, self, and others. In the right human relationships, we may find the wounds aren’t so different or indelible. We might find a whole community experiencing pain we understand.

Time

It heals all wounds, they say. (I don’t believe that’s true.) It happened so long ago, they say. (Read The Body Keeps the Score.) Why would you go back and dig up dead things in the “bone yard,” they wonder? (We don’t want to do that!) It can’t be as bad as all that—ten minutes of your life in 50 years can’t be that big a deal, they say. (Really. Trauma is that big a deal.)

Trauma in the Church

When the Church welcomes a hurting world, the people inside her walls are wounded by real, terrible things. What will the people in the Church do about that? Will the whole community know the truth and freedom in Jesus? The number of people in the body of Christ knowing the biblical truth, compassionate love, and transforming power of God is related to the preaching, teaching, and relationships. I suggest we think about relationships in the context of God, self, and others.

You and Me

Compassion in our world and our churches begins with you and me. We answer questions for ourselves, and then we can sit with others as they answer the same questions.

Let’s start simply.

Do you know you are loved?

I’m a 5 on the Enneagram, and I desperately need to stretch beyond what I know cognitively to the reality of God’s love.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NLT

How do you measure God’s love knowing Jesus would die for every one of us? He did just that! Consider Jesus’ love in light of this: But God showed great love for us by sending Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8).

I won’t lie. It’s not easy to wrap my mind around John 3:16 because I know who I’ve been and the struggles I still have. Honestly, I find myself asking God to make the depth of His love real and settled in my mind and heart.

Do you bless your self with God’s love?

In my too-black-and-white, perfectionist mind, I sometimes fight to believe my God’s grace isn’t saved for perfect people—it saves imperfect people from their sin and into the Kingdom. Imperfect? That’s me! Jesus’ death on the cross wouldn’t be necessary if I could achieve perfection. And if grace could be earned, it wouldn’t be grace. Sin is the reality of this world and our condition at the DNA level. Because of sin, we need God’s solution.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 NLT

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

I think we ask our loving God to help us show appropriate love and care to ourselves—mind, body, and soul—in light of His grace.

Do you bless others with God’s love?

Culture wars, wars on all the things, wars on each other—we aren’t always good at loving, are we? We have a hard time liking people who look, think, or behave differently, let alone loving them! We’ve forgotten the real war:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

If we think “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us,” we would be terribly wrong.² The one who claims to follow Jesus receives two commands: love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Even if someone qualifies as an “enemy,” we must love and pray for them (Luke 6:27).

What does love look like?

We are surrounded by people who have stories, just as we have our own. We do well to remember everyone fights a battle we can’t see. Time doesn’t heal wounds, caring relationship does. We all need a saving relationship with God through Jesus, and then we receive God’s power through the presence of His Holy Spirit. God loves us deeply and well—He is compassion. We need Him, and we need supportive relationships with safe people.

It’s not good for a woman to be alone. A wise woman opens her life to honest, compassionate people who can support her when she’s ready. That looks like finding someone who will hold her story with gentleness and kindness by listening carefully without interruption, instructive comments, or judgement. She takes care of herself with gentleness and humility, and then offers the same gentle, humble compassion to others when she can. As she heals and matures, she becomes a safe person for others.

Thanks for reading. You can find the Facets on Facebook. I would love to read your thoughts here or there.

¹ Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, p. 97.
² Walt Kelly, 1970.
For more on “story work,” check out The Allender Center, Seattle, WA.