A Desperate Heart

Welcome to Facets of Faith! We’re so glad you’re taking a few moments from your day to join us. This month we’re sharing what we’re most desperate for God to do. Tracy and Jen have shared their hearts and words earlier this month –you can check them out by clicking on their names. Next week we have a special guest, my dear friend Abby, and you won’t want to miss it. But for today, it’s my (Kim’s) turn.

I sit staring at the screen. The cursor blinks at me. Mocking me. Taunting me.

You won’t get it done. You’re in over your head.

The whispered words poke the anxiety floating just below the surface, tightening my stomach as it squeezes my soul. The day’s to do list grows long as I think about yet another task to be done and another that might tumble to the side.

I can’t do this.

I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.” Psalm 143:4, NLT

The realization crushes my heart. I feel like every cartoon character that has ever run smack into the wall. S p l a t !

Lord, I need you. The words begin to bubble from the deepest parts of my soul. I can’t do this.

I think about all of the responsibilities I carry. Wife. Mom. Stepmom. Daughter. Friend. Ministry leader. Counselor. Encourager. Problem solver. Cook. Maid. While it might look impressive on a resume, the weight of responsibilities weigh me down like an anchor trying to steady a ship.

Breath in me, Holy Spirit. Breathe new life into these dry bones. (Ezekiel 37:4-6)

My heart aches. I need you, Lord. I think about the people who depend on me, the ones who look to me for direction, for encouragement, for love. The ones that live under my roof. The ones that carry a piece of my heart. They deserve my very best and yet . . . how often do I look at them as an interruption? A distraction? A frustration?

How often do I look to those around me as a means to an end, that if I can simply get them to do what I want them to do, life will settle. Life will be calm. (insert wide-eyes emoji here) What a lie.

I’m desperate, Lord. For grace. Forgive me for not loving well, for trying to control what is beyond my reach. For not being present for the very ones you’ve entrusted to me. I’m desperate for your forgiveness and grace.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16, NLT

I sit in the quiet as truth begins to shine through the lies. Truth that He hears me, that He forgives, that He knows all I am facing and not only has enough strength for me to endure, He himself is enough.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.” Psalm 23:1

Realization begins to dawn like a gentle and glorious sunrise. I am alway desperate for God, for Him to reveal Himself in my life. Some days I feel the desperation more than others but the desperation is there.

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain i me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5, NLT

I am desperate for God to move. To redeem the broken places and restore the wounded spaces. I am desperate for Him to speak to me —to reveal His will and His purpose, to replace my heart of stone with one that loves tenderly and completely, expecting nothing in return.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26, NLT

I am desperate for God to remind me that He is always with me and will never leave me; that He is victorious.

I am desperate for God to remind me that each task on my list has value, that each one brings Him glory when my heart and motive is set on Him and not myself. I am desperate for Him to remind me that each task leads to something bigger than I can see. That the laundry that piles up and the meals that need to be cooked can bring Him glory.

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31, NLT

I am desperate to hear God’s voice and the whispered words that encourage and nourish my soul. Words of love and affirmation. Words that challenge me to see beyond my current circumstances, past the entanglement of my emotions. Words that breathe life and hope and joy.

Long ago the Lord said to Israel, ‘I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” Jeremiah 31:3, NLT

I’m desperate to know truth. Truth that declares that I matter, that my wounds matter. That the pain I’ve suffered and the struggles I’ve endured have a place in the story of redemption He is writing through my life.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8, NLT

I am as desperate for His presence as I am for the air that courses through my lungs, as I sit in the quiet and allow His love to wash over me, for HIs hope to nourish me, for His peace to strengthen me.

Yes, I am desperate. And there is no place I’d rather be.

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.” Psalm 42:1, NLT

What are you desperate for God to do? Can you relate to any of the things I listed? Write a comment below or head over to our Facebook page and join the conversation. We’d love to hear from you!