Jennifer Howe, Author at Facets of Faith

Precious Gems for a Mama: Facts and Faith

05.09.2017 by Jennifer Howe //

It’s May! And that’s Mother’s Day month, so we thought we’d take a peek at “mama guilt.” If you haven’t read Tracy’s post, please do. She did a beautiful job. Kim’s up next week. Then we’re bringing back our sweet friend, Erin Thompson, the following week. It’s going to be a great month at FACETS!

I (Jennifer) have two arrows in the quiver, and (at 16 and 18) it seems like my sons will be flying out into the world to find their mark any second now. Time is a funny thing. Diaper changes and homemade baby foods were yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I’m in that season the mamas told me about. I didn’t believe them, but they were right. Time flies. And the arrows will fly, too.

I’m sifting through memories, and my heart is tender. My guys don’t know watery eyes and sniffs go with that. A picture from years ago appears in my social feed. I stumble on a video of my sons being silly and love every second of it. I want to relive some of the memories on the highlight reel over and over. You have some of those, don’t you? And they’re not always the “perfect” ones.

One arrow was affectionately known as “Poo-ccasso” for a few days. One boy may have dug through the drywall above his crib the day before our house closing. Jack the wonder sheltie, hated the 90-minute bath following the spray starch spiked hair incident. There was the pearl pink nail color incident. “Three drawers in a row makes a ladder” logic gave me fits for three weeks when I couldn’t figure out who was getting on top of the fridge and into the freezer. Time keeps marching on. Those days are faded images (and some are finally funny). *Grin* (If you’ve got great stories like these, please share them!)

Mamas have piles of memories. Some are precious. Sometimes we don’t realize how precious they were. Then something happens over time—we cherish different moments and learn to look at things with a little more perspective. In the moment, though…

I know I’m not the only one to be a hot mess as a mama. My sons’ allergic reactions made me feel terrible. I wondered if my child would ever eat something besides Goldfish, mac n’ cheese, and hot dogs. I was the first teacher my kids would know, and my work was cut out—eating, drinking, toilet training, hygiene, first words, counting, colors, the alphabet. Asking, telling, and listening were important skills. The virtues of sharing, honesty, and obedience were high priorities. Mamas are precious to child development, and a hefty emotional load can accompany the responsibility.

Not only was I the first teacher my sons knew, but as homeschoolers, I was one of the few they knew. Somewhere in junior high the academics pushed a “guilt button” I never knew I had. My mama guilt was rooted in a fear of the “what ifs” in life. Because decisions have consequences, I wondered if our choices (my husband’s, mine, and my sons’) would be devastating in the long run. Honestly, I was laser-focused on me, the mama, and the decisions I made. I can still hear my own voice—“Will this turn out okay? Have I messed up the rest of his life? I’m the worst mom ever!”

In 19 years I’ve learned a few things that may help a mama fighting the battle rooted in fear, the one I still fight. Sometimes a mix of facts and faith can ease it.

“Just the Facts, Ma’am…”

Whatever we learn from the first child does not apply to the second.
I have only two sons, but I know most moms would agree: no two are alike. So, parent the child in the moment according to the immediate need. Some rules apply to every child; some don’t. Stop comparing siblings, friends, or imaginary children. Don’t assume one child’s success, skill set, or mistake is another’s. Whatever is happening is this child in this moment, not any other at any other time. Age, personality, and persistence in the child matters, but I try hard to be in the moment with the child in front of me.

Nobody’s perfect!
You are not. Your child is not. I like to think my sons will find their way through the natural dysfunction that’s part of every family (including ours). I have made mistakes; I’m sure I do that daily. I want to be quick to see the problem and respond with the appropriate apology. A little perspective helps. If I could do two things over, it would be to have a better grip on age-appropriate expectations for my kids and the necessary diligence in inspecting whatever is expected. Realistic expectations and diligent oversight would have saved a lot of trouble. Still, apologies smoothed a lot of rifts.

Shape the heart; don’t try to control it.
Children have their own preferences and personal decision-making process. A mama can help shape the process, but she cannot control it. We all know independent hearts will do whatever they like given freedom. As a child grows, the balance of control and responsibility shifts. It’s a messy transfer, but it’s necessary while children are in the home establishing themselves, before they take flight. Mistakes at home are far easier to navigate than somewhere out in the big, wide world.

It’s not all about you!
Mama, you know you’re not the only influence on your child, right? Of course, you do. You know they have their own will and make their own choices, too. Guard your heart against guilt over their decisions.

What’s done isn’t exactly done.
Think you’ve made too many mistakes? While you have opportunity, take it. Apologize. Encourage. Talk about and show the love you have for your child. Talk about how the relationship could be better…or fixed.

“It’s a Matter of Faith!”

Mamas, can I be real? It’s hard being a mom—it’s also beautiful and precious and raw and joyful and tearful and a million other things. If all the responsibility fell squarely on our shoulders, we’d shatter into a gazillion pieces. (Maybe you have memories of moments that felt just like that. I do.) Can I suggest the antidote to mama guilt is faith perspective.

God is Bigger!

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Our God is not surprised by our struggles, choices (both good and bad), or fears. He knows and cares about us. You and your child are precious in His sight. Don’t forget that. He will help you, Mama (and your child). He is strong enough and loves you that much!

God’s Plan and Purposes are Good!

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

For it is God who is working in you, [enabling you] both to will and to act for His good purpose. Philippians 2:13

When the twists and turns, difficult hills, and dark valleys in the lives of our kids become too much for us mamas, remember that God’s plan is also bigger than we can see. He loves our children, and he wants the very best for their lives.

Your Prayers Matter!

Pray constantly. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

And if I could encourage one thing—pray, pray, and pray more! The times I was clueless about what to do, prayer made all the difference. The two-year-old temper tantrum in the store ended when I prayed and listened. God whispered, “Tell him to say he’s sorry.” As true now as it was then—the more I ask God for help, the smoother my parenting moments seem to go. And when mamas get together to pray, mountains can move, so don’t forget to keep your friends close.

I’ve enjoyed sharing this week, and I sure hope we’ll have some great conversation this month. If you’ve got a funny story, please share in the comments below or at our Facebook page. If you’ve got some precious gems you’ve learned, we could sure use some of that collective wisdom, too. Please add your thoughts.

Thanks for reading and sharing!

Resurrection Power: Jesus, Life, and All of Us

04.11.2017 by Jennifer Howe //

Have you read our first posts this month yet? You simply must! Tracy shared two beautiful posts, an introduction and her own response, to help our readers think about the question: how does God’s resurrection power change the way you live? Don’t forget to look for Kim’s post next week!

Of all the questions we’ve explored, this one has been the most challenging and exciting for me. You see, I (Jennifer) had a neatly-ordered worldview and a simple paradigm—or so I thought. Then what I knew shifted slightly and kind of went “Kerplunk!” into a new place. I’m making what feels like a feeble attempt at sharing what I’ve been learning. And in “Jen fashion,” I’ll ask you to walk this curvy road with me and check out the scenery along the way.

The shift began when I heard a song on the radio. You may know Jeremy Camp’s Same Power. I struggled with the chorus for a while, and I wasn’t exactly sure why:

The same power that rose Jesus from the grave
The same power that commands the dead to wake
Lives in us, lives in us
The same power that moves mountains when He speaks
The same power that can calm a raging sea
Lives in us, lives in us
He lives in us, lives in us ¹

My first question was “Where did that lyric come from anyway?” Then I suppose I thought a life filled with that kind of power was reserved for the Disciples, Apostles, and super-Christians. After all, I had never moved a mountain, calmed a sea, or been part of any other radical, miraculous thing with a word. Maybe I assumed my life story disqualified me from witnessing God doing those things or being used by him in that way. If I get honest, I probably thought the Creator of the universe was far removed from creation or just didn’t do those kinds of things anymore. At a certain level I wondered about the strength of my faith, the way I lived it, and the real identity and character of God. Have you been there? (Some call this mindset “practical atheism.”)

I was a little “off base” in my thinking. I’ll tell you about that, but it’s a bit of a long story. Can you bear with me?

What I Knew
A day came when I realized a righteous, holy God’s mere presence would overwhelm and annihilate imperfection. Who is full of imperfection? Me! I, like many, made a decision to pray to Jesus and ask for his sacrifice on the cross to be applied to my life. Jesus, of course, would certainly say yes to that!

Then a group study of the book of Romans wrecked me—in a good way!

What I Learned
There’s something emotional in realizing there are only two kinds of people on the planet. It’s hard to accept that there are black-and-white things when we prefer choice, flexibility, and comfortable shades of gray. But if the Bible is true, there are people who do not yet identify with God and Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection and those who do. That’s it. For Christians, this probably doesn’t sound revolutionary, but let’s be clear about one thing: identifying with is not just knowing about.

The Shift
It happened when a Bible study group asked a simple question: What is it that separates these two groups of people in the world? I thought I knew what placed someone in the family of God: if you could point to a date on the calendar when you prayed “the prayer,” you were “in.”

My paradigm rattled when we studied the life of Abraham in Romans, Hebrews, and Genesis. Wonderful books, teaching, and discussion filled in some gaps. Did you know Abraham never prayed the prayer of salvation? Intuitively I knew that, but I never paused to think more about the fact that he “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness” (Romans 4:3). That’s the source of the resurrection power! Do you see it?

Let me translate this for our day—God said, “I will make a way for you to come to Me.” Jesus was that way on the cross. His perfectly sinless life as a man and the Son of God paid for every sin. But he is more powerful than death. Sin and death has no claim to a perfect, sinless God-man. And so the Son of God can and does rise in unstoppable power, leaving an empty tomb!

So what do you say to that? It’s simple. God says, “I will.” The response is, “I believe.” Nothing more can be added to that. Our best behavior doesn’t change this moment, and our worst doesn’t either. We don’t clean up our act in order to look more attractive to a Holy God. We can’t do it. Remember: we are sin until we believe. We believe, and we identify with Jesus’ resurrection. Friend, there’s a reason the Early Church was full of “believers” and called “The Way.” And here we are—at the only way.

This is where my “Kerplunk!” happened. The gospel was flexible, in my mind. There were people on a spectrum (even me). I was on my way to a “closer relationship” with God, and so was everyone around me. There’s nothing dangerous about a spectrum, right? But, there are those who have Jesus advocating for them and those who do not yet have that. (Now I’ll begin to cry.)

8 “Those whose lives are in the flesh are unable to please God. 9 You, however, are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, since the Spirit of God lives in you.” (Romans 8:8-9).

I don’t know which group you’re in. Maybe you don’t either. I don’t know about you, but I had to wrestle with this at one point. Have you? How will our lives be different when we are one of God’s people? Where is that resurrection power, you ask?

10 Now if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, then He who raised Christ from the dead will also bring your mortal bodies to life through His Spirit who lives in you. Romans 8:10-11

What does that mean for me (and you) for the rest of our lives here and in eternity (where all of us will be one day)? Our choice to believe provides a resurrection-powered life here and forever!

Blessed and holy is the one who shares in the first resurrection! The second death has no power over these Revelation 20:6 CSB

Blessed and holy—one of God’s people. And for that reason—

I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection Philippians 3:10a NIV

I want everyone else to know it. So many people will remain outside the church, not part of God’s people—and that’s a whole other life now and eternity waiting. I don’t want that for anyone!

And how will that be done? Noticing people, hearing their stories, and then speaking truthfully and lovingly (something I’m asking God to help me with!).

Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

Friend, I can’t thank you enough for hanging with me. You’re precious if you’re still reading! I just wrote down all the words—and there were still more. Thank you for being gracious. I think you’ve just read an indication of the change in my life just now. The display of the power will have to wait for another post. *grin*

Consider starting a conversation here or at our Facebook Page. This is a conversation worth having. What are you thinking right now?

**¹ Same Power. Jason Ingram and Jeremy Camp.**

The Lion and the Lamb: the Beauty in Truth and Grace

03.14.2017 by Jennifer Howe //

We’ve got quite the line up at FACETS! We have precious thoughts from Tracy, Kim (next week), and you’ll have a chance to read our friend, Kelli Worrall. If you don’t know her yet, you need to! Check back the fourth week for her guest post. I know you’ll love it!

“March—in like a lion and out like a lamb.” Do you remember that from elementary school, too? That was the springboard thought for this month’s topic. Then we thought about the character of Jesus. Have you noticed He is called “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world” and “the Lion of Judah” in the Bible? These are two of my (Jennifer) favorite names. I notice something about the natures embedded in them. One reveals to me the deeply compassionate and huge nature of Jesus. The other makes me think of a confident, powerful nature. Ah, the multi-faceted nature of God! As the team settled into the topic, we wondered how each of us is multi-faceted, too.

Which of God’s character qualities can I see in my own life?

Grace and truth. That’s a tricky balance, isn’t it? I can get flustered when I think about these two character traits doing their intricate dance in my life. I’m uneasy about “grace” that I think might squeak and scamper into a corner. I’m personally more familiar with “truth” that dons a black robe and wields an over-sized gavel with a BANG!

But Jesus—

The Word became flesh and took up residence among us. We observed His glory, the glory as the One and Only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14 CSB

Jesus is grace and truth!

When I get muddled in the grace-truth balance, friends remind me of something super-important—our God doesn’t have a wimpy approach to offenses. He doesn’t wink at sin because it damages our hearts and our relationship to Him and others. I’ll limit this post to the category of sin including offenses. (My understanding of sin is richer than that.)

The truth of sin has to be acknowledged. That might make me happy if I had success in perfect living or I felt offended and hoped someone would receive their “just desserts.” But when I’m gut-level honest, I might be overwhelmed by the truth of every known and unknown offense I’ve dished to family, friends, and ultimately my Abba. Then I should be forever grateful for the goodness of truth and grace!

That said, this slice of my life includes a study of the book of Romans. Chapter one is an eye-opener when it comes to truth. I’m reminded that God’s truth will not be mocked.

For God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all godlessness and unrighteousness of people who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth…They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served something created instead of the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. Romans 1:18, 25

There are consequences for knowing God, not acknowledging Him, and not being thankful: a darkened mind (1:21) and ugly heart. That’s something I don’t want for myself or anyone, but that’s where the path leads. I want to be sensitive to truth and respond well. And I sure don’t want to hide it from anyone who hasn’t been introduced to it yet or might ignore it. But how? I’m going to let that question sit for now—

I’ve received boundless grace from God, and it is the very thing He hopes I’ll extend to others. Actually, it’s more than hope; He commands it.

Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4

I’m tempted to breathe a sigh of relief when I see “rebuke him” because it feels like some kind of control after a tough exchange. But letting someone know they’ve done wrong is loving and gracious. After all, offenses should be acknowledged. Then I focus on “if he repents, forgive him.” When someone responds well, there’s a command: forgive. I must! The “seven times in a day” leaps off the page. Grace after an offense—forgiveness—is the gift I’ve been given, and it’s the gift I lavish time and again.

My story, like yours, is chock-full of difficult interactions. Some events may be more extreme or shocking than many women have experienced, but that’s not my point. Our offenses are not fewer or less significant than others’. What’s helpful but challenging to remember in ugly situations is this:

Indeed, we have all received grace after grace from His fullness, for although the law was given through Moses, grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. John 1:16-17

Moses’ law revealed the problem of sin. Through Jesus, the problem was solved completely and permanently. All the offenses—mine and yours, forgotten and remembered—were addressed truthfully (acknowledged) and graciously (the debt to Holy God was settled). Each of us is invited into confession, repentance, and belief (1 John 1:9).

I know this truth. In love, I share it. By grace I want to live out of it with others. Why? Because—

…whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing. Mark 11:25

My God is no vending machine. And prayer is more than the laundry list of requests, let’s be clear. But a clean heart makes all the difference in connecting heart-to-heart with Him. That’s the prayer conversation I want with my Father in heaven—hearing Him and thankful I’m heard.

And relationships with others? Nothing is better than knowing you are loved at your worst. Sure, we are liked and even loved at our best, but that’s easy. The rough moments mirror the Lion and the Lamb in everyday life, right?

Thanks for reading, friends. What you think about this month’s topic? Pop a comment in below or at the Facebook page. Are you choosing to know truth, reveal it, and be gracious in the process, too?