Jennifer Howe, Author at Facets of Faith

I (Jennifer) labored over the topic of faith for this post. I’m not sure how to describe the seasons and my ever-growing understanding of faith. I define it like this—

Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen. Hebrews 11:1 CSB

Faith can be as easy as sitting in a chair, knowing it will hold the weight; but it can seem as complex as stepping out of the boat onto the waves driven by strong winds (Matthew 14:21-33). How are these two scenarios related? It’s the unknown factor in both. The chair may not hold me. I may not walk on the waves; I might even drown. I’ve yet to suffer a panic attack over a chair, but the waves…those could terrify me.

My faith has been like that. Simple chairs. Crashing waves.

Faith requires following through when we can’t see the path we’ll take or the destination.

My experience of faith is like that. When I first began to live with God, I was happy to trust Jesus with my laundry list of sins. It was long and ugly. I had obviously offended God with my decisions if I just looked at the “Big Ten” in Exodus 20. My Bible showed every kind of proof that Jesus could be trusted with my sin. Through trust in Jesus’ payment at the cross I could have peace with the holy, perfect God.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:1-2 CSB (emphasis mine)

But, could I trust the Father with my “somewhere out there eternity” and my life? Life decisions are tiny and moment-by-moment—and they are monumental every so often. Can He be trusted with everything? This is all about the waves!

At the crux of it are two straightforward, difficult decisions: trust Jesus with your sins at the cross for the saving of your life and trust Him with more and more life choices for the direction and course correction of your life.

Having only a vague idea where each decision may land but making the decision based in biblical truth anyway—that’s faith. For some, that’s embarking on an exciting adventure. For others, it’s a frightening look at the waves, wondering if they will bear the weight. Faith is like that.

Something you should know is that I can be happy in the land of obvious, easy black and white. In one season of life I thought my faith was like that: things should fit neatly in the right-wrong or good-bad extreme categories. That feels easy when the discussion is about lying, stealing, and murder. It’s troubling when a beer, a tattoo, or junk food becomes the topic of conversation. I held strong, self-assured opinions, and I forced my perspectives and stark contrasts on others. I’m not proud of it. That had little to do with biblical faith.

And then God did something new.

One of many beautiful, golden threads woven into the fabric of faith is grace. Someone pointed out graceless words flowing from my heart, and I was stunned. Admittedly, my black-white paradigm was often unloving and uncaring when I talked with others.

“As a Christian, you can’t do THAT! You’re sinning!”

I couldn’t argue with the evidence. I had once cherished the grace upon grace I read about in the Bible, but I began to overlook the lovely gracious words to focus on the hard, “no wiggle room” truth. In my eyes, the scales of truth and justice became much larger than the distant, old, wooden cross.

Faith decisions only came out of extremes, rather than asking important questions—What does God have to say about this for me? What true and loving thing does He say about this for the people of God?

That season was longer and sadder than I’d like to admit, but by God’s grace I was drawn back to the Word of God again. Out of that precious time came a little known place in the blogosphere: Fragrant Grace.

That’s when faith, truth, and grace intertwined. So precious!

Then a new season began to take hold—the season I’m waking to and discovering now.

Just one thing: live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Philippians 1:27a

When I remember Jesus’ incredible, loving sacrifice on the cross, it starts to get real. I accept the benefits of the blood of Jesus and His name as my identity confidently now and forever. As a daughter of God something in my heart, mind, words, and actions starts to look different (even if it’s far from perfect!). I’m not doing anything as if I earn points, but I do it because I love the One who assigned infinite value to my life by dying for me. I begin to want to live a life worthy of the God who saved me from myself and my sin. It’s a bit more bold and a little louder. Why? Because rightly placed and understood faith makes an eternal difference for me—and for every single soul on earth. And because I’m not sure the unseen, private faith turns out to be any faith at all.

Thanks for reading! Join the conversation about faith in the comments below. We’d love to hear about your journey toward a vibrant faith. Don’t forget to share FACETS on Facebook and Twitter!

Hello, welcome to FACETS of Faith! Before we begin to get to know each other through a variety of conversations, the team is taking the opportunity to share our stories. We hope you’ll find points of connection as we share; and if you do, will you take the time to let us know? Something special grows out of the little “Me, too!” moments when we share our stories.

Hello

I’m Jennifer. I’m affectionately known as “the middle child” on the team, and I have the opportunity to share between two beautiful friends. Tracy’s story last week was precious, and you’ll meet Kim next time.

As I consider my story I scramble to sift through a disorganized pile of snapshot memories and events, hoping to get to “the essence of Jen” somehow. It’s a challenge to choose the milestones on the road I’ve walked. I might be tempted to share my “highlight reel” of carefully selected mountaintop moments, or I could choose to line up my lowest moments to establish a completely different connection. The truth is, life is somewhere between the two all the time—there are highs, lows, and the overlooked, mundane middle. All the stories shape me, and I hold a box of mixed memories to share as honestly as I remember them.

A quiet neighborhood was most of my world until high school. My older sisters spent time with the same core group while I tried to tag along. Sometimes I was too little to keep up, but I felt too old to be paired with my younger sister. My mom tried to contain me, but there were pick-up games of whiffle ball, football, frisbee, and every kind of tag in the empty lot across the street. Homemade go-carts raced on the hills we all knew as “Death I” and “Death II,” and my dad, who could engineer nearly anything, may have given us a leg up on those races. When I think about the core group in the neighborhood, its’ no surprise I was a tomboy and participated in competitive sports.

The Middle Child

See? I’ve always been a middle child, and that’s how some of my basic life skills were learned (aside from waiting right where I was when I was left or forgotten). I’m convinced some “middles” may develop their fascinating combination of laidback and competitive natures because the effort-versus-reward decision comes lightning-fast. Heaven help the poor soul between this middle and her goal. At least, that was the case once upon a time.

Hard Things

Idyllic life in the neighborhood gave way to harsh reality. Children can be cruel. Adults can make wrong choices out of their own hurts or hang-ups (as a parent, I know this too well). The road became marked with hard things: teasing, shaming, anger, and abuses. I built thick, protective walls around me. The big milestones in life can be hurts that leave marks and make us fearful and angry. Not surprisingly, fear and anger drove my increasingly bad choices, and I hit the guardrail hard!

When I was 24, resentment toward anything “Christian” in name set in. By then, I’d become a toughened, feminist personality full of fire. I never saw it coming, and I’m sure no one else who knew me did either. God sent an intelligent, logical (oblivious) personality to talk about Jesus and trust. One day, I’ll share that sweet story in detail.

Self-protection to Something Else

I was living a life focused on protecting myself and my interests. I had perfected the art of hurting others before I got hurt. When I was introduced to the genuine, loving, and truthful heart and mind of God, something had to change. These verses were pivotal in June of 1994:

Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 CSB

For those who identify with their old nature set their minds on the things of the old nature, but those who identify with the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:5 CJB

For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father!” Romans 8:15 CSB

Healing

The truth? Healing began when I discovered what the pages of the big, old Book I’d been reading my whole life contained. Inside the Bible were stories of God’s men and women, the heroes of the faith, and they were as human and broken as me. Their stories connected to one another, and they connected to my life thousands of years later.

The ultimate hero appeared when I read the book of John. I met the God who was, is, and is to come. I met the genuine “God with us” Jesus on those pages in a surprising way. When I dumped my preconceived notions and read the Bible with an unguarded heart, everything changed. I was free to see the whole book in a fresh light.

That was the antidote. The hurts and emotional hang-ups wouldn’t last forever. My wounds could be healed—maybe not in five minutes or even five years for some—but healing and change were possible. My ugly offenses against God and everybody could be resolved and forgiven. Then I could begin healing from what others had inflicted. Progress, not perfection.

When I encountered the truth of the Bible and Jesus, as He really is, it was a fresh beginning on the road with a new milestone. This one was larger and differently shaped. In the middle of my road stood an imposing, rough-hewn, wooden cross stained with Jesus’ blood, and it was precious.

Thanks for reading! We hope you’ll join the conversation in the comments below or at our Facebook page.

Growing Faith: Seasons and Perspectives

The Road I’ve Walked

Hello

The Middle Child

Hard Things

Self-protection to Something Else

Healing