Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

When to Say No to the Power of Fear

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This month at Facets of Faith we’re answering the question: when do we say no. Tracy and Jen have already shared their thoughts. Be sure to click on their names and check them out!

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When I (Kim) was a child, there was one thing I feared most: my parents’ death. One night I’d dream my mom died, another my dad. I’d often steal into their room just to make sure they were still there, still breathing, still alive.

I’m honestly not sure where this fear began to take root. Neither of my parents battled health issues. Neither had a brush with death, nor even an extended stay in the hospital, yet those feelings of fear were as real to me as the pillow that captured my tears as I slept.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.” 1 John 4:18, NLT

It’s easy to understand when a child expresses fear. We comfort. We listen. We might try to fix it. But we also quickly learn there’s no telling an 8-year old girl that the fear she feels about losing her parents isn’t real. A child is quick to show you that the truth-telling moment doesn’t bring her comfort.

So what happens when that 8 year-old girl grows up to become a 33 year-old woman and experiences those same feelings? What would you say to her? What if that woman is you? What do you say to yourself when fear dominates and controls?

Fear, itself, is a feeling, and depending on the situation, an expected one. I felt intense fear after my daughter died from a fire that destroyed our home. My worst nightmare became my vivid reality. Even so, I remember people telling me not feel fear, not to worry. She’s safe in heaven. The fire’s over. The problem? I did feel afraid. I did worry. Telling me not to feel a certain way added shame to the weight my heart carried and began to crowd out what I knew to be true about God.

The Lord says, ‘I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.’” Psalm 91:14, NLT

That’s when I knew it was time to say no. No to fear and shame dominating my life and heaping it on top of an already smothered heart. I said no to well-intentioned people controlling my healing. I said no to staying stuck in a place of bitterness and resentment. I said no to the divisive tactics of the evil one whose singular purpose is spelled out in John 10:10 – “The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy.” No to losing sight of God’s true character.

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1, NLT

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4, NLT

I don’t know how you’re not triggered all the time.

I sat in a staff meeting with three men of integrity, men who love Jesus with all their hearts. We discussed the election, its aftermath, and some situations that are weighing heavy on our hearts.

Through the course of the conversation, two of them shared something that touched a deep wound in my heart, a sorrow God has spent the past twelve years healing.

I could’ve allowed resentment to enter in because his daughter received healing when mine didn’t. I couldn’t turned bitter and spouted the other mom whose daughter is gravely ill shouldn’t get her hopes up because death takes who it wants. I could’ve allowed my feelings to barrel over the relationships I had with these three men because I felt the hurt and pain.

But I knew better. I knew it was time to say no again. No to fear of division. No to bitterness and resentment. No to damaging relationships because of the feelings that twisted and turned inside.

Instead, I cried. I hate when that happens, especially when I’m the only female in the room. But if I’m going to say no to fear and shame, I need to say yes to something that invites vulnerability and connection.

I cried and shared the fear that churned inside my heart. They had no idea, How could they? I shared how the struggle is constant, the fear and sorrow that sometimes lurks in the background, and sometimes smacks me square in the face. I shared that there are others like me, others who walk with deep unseen wounds and how we treat people really matters. I shared and we drew closer as together we said no to fear and shame.

I don’t know what lies ahead for you, for our nation, or our world, but I do know when I’m going to say no: when fear and shame dominate my thoughts. When the destruction and havoc from our enemy runs rampant through our world and in the lives of people we know and even those we don’t. When darkness looks like it may win or hatred might have the final say.

I’m grateful my little 8 year-old self faced her fear of loss, because this 45 year-old self has the courage to say no to fear’s power over my life. And when those feelings of fear and shame rise within, I will choose to say no to them again and again and again.

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.” Psalm 91:2, NLT

What are you saying no to these days? Share below or join the conversation on our Facebook page.

Kim Signature

The Most Difficult Yes

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It’s my (Kim’s) turn to talk about saying yes to God here at Facets of Faith. Tracy and Jen have shared earlier this month so be sure to check out their answers!

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I choose to trust you. No matter what, if she lives or dies, I trust you.

The words tumbled out before their impact registered. The doctor had just delivered devastating news: my youngest daughter was going to die from a fire that destroyed our home.

My worst nightmare came alive as I stared fear and death square in the face. I had no idea what to expect after that moment. Life shifted, tilted, and threw me completely off-balance. But even so, I made a life-changing decision that day. I said yes to God while I plunged head-first into the dark shadow death cast on my life.

Over the next eleven years my life plummeted deeper into darkness and sorrow. The broken pieces of my heart cut deep. The broken pieces of her daddy’s heart sliced deeper until our rocky marriage finally broke. The fallout from those years altered every aspect of my life —nothing escaped unscathed.

So why did I say yes to Him? If you had asked me that moment in the hospital, I might have said He was going to miraculously change everything. People were praying. Others declared a full healing. The path before me would turn straight and smooth. I wanted my happily-ever-after “God-moment” where He rescued Emma and saved us from utter destruction.

That happily-ever-after never came, at least not Hollywood’s version.

Here’s what did happen when I said yes to God.

I experienced His Presence.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18, NLT

As I traveled through the darkness, I sensed God’s presence near. Conflicting feelings swirled inside —pain and joy, sorrow and hope. Gentle reminders that heaven was near but not in its fullness. Suffering and brokenness mark this world, but when Jesus came to earth, heaven broke through and marked those who love Him through the gift of the Holy Spirit.

I experienced His peace.

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33, NLT

Peace is not something that can be fabricated, not the true abiding peace that gives strength and perseverance to the weary. Peace is a gift God gives when we say yes to Him, and I felt it. I experienced it. His peace calmed and sustained me through the bleakest moments. His peace strengthened me as He developed resilience within me.

I experienced hope.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13, NLT

Emma died. My sweet girl experienced life on earth for five years, and now experiences the glory of heaven for eternity. I still long for her, but I have hope that this life and this world is not the end. One day I will see her again.

But I also have hope that my heartbreak isn’t wasted. That God didn’t forget about me, make a mistake, or leave me to navigate the dark valley of death and sorrow alone.

Nor does He forget you.

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, NLT

I experienced His comfort and offer it to others.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT

Comfort came through the gift of friends and family. It came through the whispers of the Holy Spirit, reminding me that I was seen and heard and loved. Comfort came through tears that were shed by me and with those who love me. Comfort comes every time someone remembers my sweet girl and speaks her name out loud.

I experienced His goodness.

Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.”  Psalm 27:13, NLT

Nothing about my daughter’s death was good. I’ve missed out on eleven years of birthdays and hugs, kisses and conversations. By now she’d have her driver’s license and maybe even a crush or two.

And yet God. When I said yes to Him and willingly embraced the crushing and pressing, He opened my eyes to see His goodness. I looked for it, and He revealed it. By saying yes, He opened my heart to receive His healing and blessing, even through horrific circumstances. By saying yes, He opened my soul to receive heavenly wonders and mercies that defy this temporary world.

I’m nothing special to have endured this suffering. All I did was say yes to God, allowed Him to sift and shape my soul; He did (and still does) the heavy hauling. But by saying yes, even this most difficult yes to God, my voice joins the chorus that sings His praise, giving Him glory so that others may see all He has done and be amazed.

And so can yours.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed.  They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3, NLT

Are you willing to say yes to God, even to the most difficult things? He will meet you there if you do.

Join the conversation this week on our Facebook page and share how you’re saying the most difficult yes. I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Kim Signature

Freedom and a Picture of God’s Grace

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It’s guest week here at Facets of Faith and I’m excited to introduce my dear friend, Cheryl Fiorelli to you. Today she’s sharing a tender and personal experience she had as she pursues a life following Jesus.

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Pondering the question—what would you give up to maintain your freedom, took me back to a time when the Lord gave me a vision, a dream. Four years ago this vision was a gift from Him as I was worked through the “Surrendering the Secret” ministry at my church. The Lord had delivered me from the greatest sorrow and sin of my life: an abortion I had at 17. His grace led me back into the light I had left behind long before. How like God it is that as I complete this writing, it was 41 years ago today that the abortion occurred!

God knows me, and that I’m a visual learner. Pictures help me understand things more thoroughly so I can refer back to it when I get lost again. So He gave me a picture of His grace.

Because sometimes I forget, like the Israelites did.

They had witnessed the parting of the Red Sea and were beginning to feel the first pangs of hunger. I remember harshly judging the Israelites as they grumbled and complained to Moses in the wilderness of sin. They forgot the miracles they had just witnessed, even as the Song of Moses still rang in their ears.

If only the Lord had killed us back in Egypt,” they moaned. “There we sat around pots filled with meat and ate all the bread we wanted. But now you have brought us into this wilderness to starve us all to death.” Exodus 16:3, NLT

Talk about selective memory! What about being slaves, the beatings, the agonizing days of forced labor? Yet today, when I live in the freedom that the grace of Jesus has bought for me, at times I find myself longing for and returning to the “comfort zone” He has taken me out of, as painful and awful as it was!

I no longer judge the Israelites, because sometimes my fear and lack of trust in the Lord, or not staying close to Him, lead me back down that road to my very own Wilderness of Sin. Yet like that wandering sheep in the parable in Luke 15:3-7, the Good Shepherd comes to find me, picks me up and puts me on His shoulders, and carries me and my wounded spirit back to the sheepfold where I belong.

And gives me visions such as this:

I saw a wide wall or trellis, a grotto of sorts. It wasn’t stone or wood but had a slight overarching roof with soft morning sunlight dappling from behind. Huge bunches of grapes hung from this trellis, gorgeous and abundant. There was an outflow of leaves and lovely pale flowers in yellow, pink and blue with deep green leaves and another huge overflowing of grapes beyond that. They hung all the way to the ground in deepest purple and soft green leaves. I saw more flowers and overflowing bunches of grapes, champagne grapes with smoky gray leaves. Then came daisies and graceful bunches of roses in vibrant reds and oranges, yellows…the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in a dream or in waking life.

The “trellis” was a natural sort of formation that blossomed out of nowhere, yet totally belonged in all its glory and beauty. It wasn’t outlandish nor overtly beautiful, yet soft and alive with light and wonder, like the very symbol of abundance and grace-life renewing and growing.

I heard soft sounds. a birdsong, flowing water nearby yet out of sight. Soft sounds that seemed to belong there yet were new at the same time, glowing with a heavenly radiance absolutely real.

I sensed this was the embodiment of the grace of God. Grapes to quench the thirst. Gentleness and beauty to surround and bathe your heart with relief so profound you can’t begin to understand it and yet you grasp it, the reality, the truth of it, deep within your heart and your mind.

There was profound peace. The answer to burning desires. The answer to unspoken questions that needed answers and needed them so desperately.

Oh God! Here, here it is at last, at last! Oh, I didn’t know but now I see it: the exact shape of the emptiness inside me. Oh it was so clear, so soothing to my lonely seeking spirit and it was all there: the abundance, the absolute rightness of God’s grace. It’s been here all along, right where it’s always been. I just couldn’t see it because I wasn’t ready for it, or perhaps I just didn’t know to ask.

I sensed God tell me this was the answer to everything, the Wellspring, the rightness, the certainty of it flowed toward me from the soft dappled sunlight. There can be no beauty akin to it because it’s the heart of God from which came the celebration of the birth, the life, the death, and the resurrection of Jesus.

It’s here, I sensed God tell me, every answer you’ve ever looked for.

Drink it in, breathe it in, let it sink into your soul, into your pores. Eat of it, let it quench that burning thirst, that deep abiding hunger, that there was no way to satisfy.

But Lord, there is a way! It’s you! It’s you! It’s always been you! It’s your grace! It can allay your fears, put them to rest. God’s grace in all its beauty and abundance, forgiveness flows out of it. Forgiveness that was for me! It pierced my heart, and drove out all the old bitterness and fear.

Then I see them, the hearts of all of those people toward whom I was holding resentment and anger. I saw them as Jesus sees them, as He sees the broken and beaten down, the discouraged and afraid, wrecked by the pain, rejection and abandonment that they too have known.

And in my heart, I know, with absolute clarity that I can take this grace of God, of which I have partaken, and pass it on to all those whom I need to forgive…so that they too can find what I have found…God’s grace!

His grace is what I give up every time I willingly stray off the path that actually leads to more and more freedom! So what am I willing to give up to keep my freedom? My own will so I can live for His will in my life. I am willing to move forward, to take up my cross daily and follow Him. Every step I take in that journey leads me further into the joy and purpose of being in relationship with Jesus.

When I give up my will for his, I also leave behind living in the shadow and all that goes with it: pain, isolation, purposelessness, loneliness, feeling trapped, deep depression, great anxiety and fear, and the unrelenting grief of feeling far from my Savior.

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” Psalm 84:11,NLT

Lord Jesus, please help me keep my feet on the path you have set before me, the path that leads to deeper and deeper love and relationship with you. Forgive me for sometimes being afraid, not trusting you, and longing to return to my wilderness of sin. Thank you for always coming to get me when I stray, my Lord and Shepherd. And thank you for your Grace that quenches my thirst and fills my emptiness. How lovely, how very beautiful it is. In your Strong and Powerful Name I pray. Amen.

by Cheryl Fiorelli