Megan Abbott, Author at Facets of Faith

The Blessing of Knowing God

01.28.2021 by Megan Abbott //

FACET family, I am so thankful for this space. I am thankful for every word God has given me to share, and to hear such wisdom from Tracy, Jen, and our guests. This is a holy space. A space where blessings have been received, and blessings have been given. Thank you for joining us here again this month. Please take a look at the wonderful post Jen wrote earlier this month, and check back in a couple days as she rounds out “the Blessing”.

Sometimes we want to have all the right words, and know all the right things to do and say. Sometimes, though, our minds and hearts just aren’t equipped. That is where I exist lately. After a long season of mourning, finding joy, mourning, searching for joy, mourning, clinging to any glimmer of joy, I am here coexisting with both. I find myself turning again and again to the promises of God as my source of hope for the future, peace for now, and for joy. There is blessing in knowing His character.

His love is unconditional and inescapable:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39

He is the giver of peace:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

He promises His presence is with us always:

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.” -Zephaniah 3:17

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” -Isaiah 43:2

He promises joy:

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” – Psalm 16:11

For me, the blessing is being able to hold on to the promises of God when I no longer see where the path is leading. That I can know fully that He is trustworthy, He loves me, He sees me, He is good, and He is sovereign.

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” – Psalm 39:7

Finding Jesus Next to Me

10.21.2020 by Megan Abbott //

Welcome! I, Megan, am really excited to share with you on the topic this month – the Trinity, intimately knowing and growing. Take a look back to see Tracy and Jen’s posts.

As we start to dig into the Persons of God this month, we wanted to preface with a bit about what we believe. We believe in one God who exists in three persons—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. They are three individual Persons of one magnificent God. There are numerous scriptures throughout the New Testament that reference the three Persons of God individually, and together, giving us glimpses of the personality and characteristics of God. If you wrestle with the thought of one God in three Persons, we encourage you to lean in, pray, and ask God to further reveal Himself. We pray you find comfort in the greatness and vastness of our God, knowing we will forever have more to learn about Him.

A couple months ago I was listening to a podcast (my friends may say this is how I start too many of my sentences), and heard a conversation that radically impacted how I have been seeking growth in my relationship with God over the last couple months. Annie F. Downs was interviewing John Eldredge, and they were discussing how they relate to each member of the trinity, and how that plays out in their relationship with the one God. I won’t dig into the specifics of their conversation, you can go listen to her podcast if you are interested, but I will say that when Annie mentioned her relationship with Jesus, how He sits with her, and is so present with her, especially through her dating life, it struck me hard. Considering my individual relationships with the individual members of the trinity was a new thought for me.

Digging In

I took a little time to scan through my prayer journals, to consider how I pray, and the way I address God in my prayers, and I quickly saw who I run to was a bit unbalanced. I don’t believe it has to be balanced, but it gave me something to consider. Almost all of my prayers were either addressed to “Father” or “Spirit”. I pray for wisdom and guidance from the Father. I pour out my heart knowing He created me, and knows me so well. I pray for the Spirit to guide my heart, to convict me, prompt me, and give me peace. Both of these relationships feel so real. So whole, to me. I know the Father, and I feel so confident in how I “hear” from the Spirit. They feel so three-dimensional and so present to me.

Jesus, honestly, probably isn’t in my journal hardly anywhere. He isn’t really in too terribly many of my prayers, aside from “in Jesus name”, thanking Him for his sacrifice, or praying “fix it Jesus”. It is not that I value Him any less than the Father or the Spirit, it is just that sometimes, honestly I feel like I don’t know HIm that well. I want more than just to know of His sacrifice.

I listened to Annie described her relationship with Jesus on the podcast, and thought, how is he so life-like for her? I spoke with a couple friends and asked them how they relate to God, the Spirit, and Jesus, and one spoke so strongly of Jesus it brought her to tears. Not about His sacrifice, but His presence with her now. I have always felt that with God, and the Spirit, but for me, Jesus has really only existed on the page where I read of His amazing sacrifice, and His example of love, ministry, and social justice. I believe He rose again after the crucifixion, but I don’t feel like I know Him this side of the crucifixion.

Turning Point

I have been a believer for around 16 years. I know Jesus’s story. I know and believe it is true. I am overwhelmed, and sometimes baffled by the incredible sacrifice He gave of himself for us. I read through the stories of Him during His ministry, particularly with people society overlooked, and think “man I want to be more like Jesus”. The thing is, I struggle a bit with the “fully God and fully man” concept. I know Jesus walked earth and was tempted with every temptation, but sometimes I think my brain feels like it is still unrelatable for me because He is also God… “He was sent here to be a perfect sacrifice, so of course He was perfect.”

As I started digging more into the thoughts coming from the podcast conversation, I started praying for God to reveal Himself to me in Jesus, that He would feel less far away and more relatable.

I heard a pastor speaking on Luke 22:42 (probably on another podcast):

Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (NIV)

Not MY will, but yours be done. My will. Jesus had a will. He had a choice, and He said something like “okay Father, I do not want this, but I trust You are good.” It might seem little, but for me it felt huge! It was like the biggest lightbulb went off. How had it never caught my attention like this that in that moment Jesus didn’t want what the Father wanted? He knew how His story ended, and He wanted a different ending, but He submitted that desire to the Father. Whew. That I can relate to. How many times can I find in my journal, “God, I want ____ so badly, but ultimately I want your will.” How many times have I had to pray and pray to get to a point where maybe someday I will be able to add the “but ultimately I want your will” to some of those desires? Somehow this time when I heard Luke 22:42, Jesus jumped out at me. He was sitting on the Mount of Olives, submitting His plea to the Father. When I am sitting here praying for things I desire so much, and submitting them to the Father, Jesus is right there with me.

I have spent some time searching out Jesus in my everyday, and I am really starting to see how Him having walked this earth impacts my relationship with God. While I’m not sure I am 100% ready to share all of that journey, as it still feels like a sweet spot I’m exploring on my own, I can say with all confidence that God honors the promise He gave in Jeremiah 29:13:

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

I pray you will find lightbulb moments of your own as you dig into the living word, and seek to grow closer to the Father, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus.

Who Am I, if I Am Not Me?

09.15.2020 by Megan Abbott //

Happy Tuesday! Oh friends it has felt like a whirlwind lately, but I am so happy to have landed here today. This month we are each taking a look into whether or not it is “safe to be really me.” If you are anything like me, it has taken most of my lifetime to feel comfortable really being myself around people, including friends. I pray that as you read through the posts this month from each Facet, and our guest, that God will speak to you about the freedom that can be found in vulnerability and authenticity, even when it is scary. Take a look back at Jen’s post last week, and keep looking out for Tracy’s post and the guest post later this month.

I pray that as you read through this there will never be felt a sense of judgement either for the choices younger me made, or choices you (and I) may be making now. I pray that you see God’s grace in how He revealed the importance of vulnerability to me, and that He is somehow able to encourage you through this story as well.

It is Too Scary

I have spent a lot of my life fearing how I would be received by others. If I spoke how I truly felt about a topic, or dressed how I wanted, or liked what I liked, how would I be received? What if I was truly, wholly myself, all the good and the bad, and my friends just walked away? Would I ever recover from the rejection? I always want to believe I can get along with anyone, so part of me feels like rejection is one of the worst things that could ever happen.

Through my teens and twenties this fear of rejection led me to metering my vulnerability. I would open up to whatever level I thought would be safely received by the person on the other side. With some friends, I would get into deep conversations about likes, dislikes, spiritual struggles, but not the really deep and messy things. I matched other people’s levels of vulnerability, but only to a “safe” level. Never the truly hard things to manage on my own – the struggles, the addictions, the hurts. If I really opened up about everything going on in my mind, and heart, I just knew that I couldn’t be seen the same again. There was no way I would be loved the same. I would be too exposed. The risk of being hurt was just too much.

Reinforcing the False

My friends loved me. Well they loved what they knew of me, and my brain kept reinforcing the boundaries to my vulnerability: “that mess is too messy, stay where you are safe.” I assumed I would be loved less if anyone really knew all of me. Assumed… My heart mourns not trusting some of my closest friends to be who I knew them to be. What if one of my friends could have loved me like God loves me? What if they were able to show me the grace and compassion that He shows me? A wall may have crumbled. It may have been transformational.

I think, kind of like everything else in life, vulnerability takes growing into. The further I got into my 20s, the more people I met who were really comfortable in their skin. They were more open with “flaws”, “successes”, and “failures”. At some point in time, the Spirit in me realized I had to trust the Spirit in my friends. Maybe not all of them to the same degree, but I had to start somewhere. If I ever really wanted to be loved, I would have to stop labeling myself as unlovable. I would like to say that I immediately ran to a friend and developed a lifelong, perfect, deeply honest friendship where we never struggled, that everyone loved everything about me, I never experienced rejection, and all was rainbows, but the reality is I chose a path closer to “okay, maybe someday.”

Who Am I?

I have this journal that I started sometime around 2013. I had started opening up to a dear friend about some of my struggles to really feel like I could love myself, and believe I was lovable. Not really because I wanted to be vulnerable, but she had modeled it well to me, and I was desperate to feel different. I had spent so long allowing friends to love only the shell of me, that I believe only the shell of me was lovable. All I wrote in this journal were scriptures that described me from God’s perspective. Things like Isaiah 64:8:

But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.”

Psalm 139:13:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.”

Or Genesis 2:7:

Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.”

There were so many. Pages upon pages of intentionality, and truth. I knew most of them already, but the neat thing about the living word is that each time you read it, the Spirit highlights something else for you. There was something that happened when I read that scripture from Genesis this time. God breathed life into me. I could picture the breath going into my lungs, filling every crevice, flowing through my bloodstream. Nothing was untouched. Nothing was outside of His touch.

So what does this have to do with being really me? Learning to love myself, was integrally tied to allowing myself to be loved by others, and allowing myself to be loved by others was impossible without being willing to risk vulnerability. Every time I assumed someone would respond poorly, I was reinforcing in myself the lie that part of me was broken. It was like I believed there was a part of me that was untouchable by God’s grace.

Who Am I if I’m not Me?

This is the question I feel like the Spirit presses into me anytime I am struggling with vulnerability. “Who am I if I am not me?” God created me. He saw fit for there to be a “me”. If I am being anyone but me, then I am really trying to fit a mold God never intended for me to fit inside. I am assuming I know what those around me need more than He does. I am not Tracy, or Jen. I am Megan. The more I am willing to accept who God created me to be, the more satisfied I am with who I am. There has been so much freedom for me in this.

I don’t want to downplay the fear I had as I learned to open up to my dearest friends, the pain I have felt when I have been misunderstood or rejected, or the fear I still feel having just moved to a new city knowing I have a lot of “getting to know you” days ahead of me. That fear is real. The pain of rejection is real. But so is the loneliness and pain of never really being known or loved for who you are.

If this is something you are still struggling with, I pray that the Spirit will reveal itself to you in those around you, and that the Spirit in you will find the Spirit in them, and realize there is safety in that moment to try out being really you. If you are on the other side, and you are feeling somewhat comfortable in your skin, or maybe just a little brave, I pray that you will be the one to create safe space, dismantle the fear, and model vulnerability for your friends.