Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

How Has Mama Guilt Affected Your Parenting?

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In the month set aside for well-deserved celebration of mothers, we want to talk about a topic most moms wrestle with at some point ─guilt. We experience guilt over situations, decisions made, actions taken (or not), and words said (or not).  This month Facets of Faith considers How has mama guilt affected your parenting?

Let’s face it. Being a mom is hard work! To borrow a tagline from the Peace Corp:

It’s the toughest job you’ll ever love!

If you’re a mom, I (Tracy) know you’ll need no convincing. It is a tough job. There are certain seasons where you wring your hands and think, How will I ever get through this? I don’t have enough energy, wisdom, or wherewithal to do this well.

Dirty diapers. Spilled juice on a freshly scrubbed floor. Toddler season. Temper tantrums without reason. The tough stuff God uses to mold and shape us as mothers.

My son is now an adult, but that doesn’t necessarily make parenting easier. In some ways, it’s perhaps harder. Influence not completely gone, but different. Less day-to-day and more dependence on the Lord as we lose control over our children’s decision-making.

Parenting isn’t for sissies.

Lucky for us, God gives us blessings through our children and the sweet moments of days gone by we treasure up in our hearts even as we make new memories along the way. Like Jesus’ mom, Mary, we store them up as keepsakes in our memory banks. The sweet smiles, the mom I love you’s, days at the park, pushing of swing, first day of anything, saved macaroni art moments.

So many things about being a mom I wouldn’t change one single bit.

But there are others.

The I wish I would have…. (fill in the blank).

My mama guilt started at conception. I wasn’t married to my son’s father. My single in the suburbs belly bump set off a barrage of shame. There were enough shame bombs detonated by my decision to partake in pre-marital sex to destroy my mama self-esteem along the way and muddy up my decision-making ability.

Shame overwhelmed me as I sat, legs dangling over the edge of the doctor’s table waiting for him to confirm what I was terrified was true. I cried when I found out I was pregnant.  How does an honor roll girl find herself in these places of dishonor? Shame that root too.

After the breaking news of my emerging belly bump leaked to the general public, shame set in deeper. I remember wishing I could get a fake wedding band, so people wouldn’t think I was single in the suburbs with baby bump.

There wasn’t celebration. No parties. No excitement from the wings. Shame. Shame. Shame on you. Couldn’t shrug it off.

I wish I would have…

waited until I was married.

thought about the consequences for my son.

thought about the consequences for myself.

realized I could have made much better choices in the men I allowed in my life  back then.

And on, and on, and on.

These were the things I used to beat myself up about …. especially when his dad was missing in action and I’d have to come up with some excuse.  I’d be furious inside at his absence and still secretly ashamed, blaming myself for all that his dad wasn’t back then. I “knew” it was “all my fault” that his father wasn’t around to hold his little boy’s hand, to raise him on his shoulders, and for the little boy to look up in admiration to and want to grow up to be just like his daddy.

Shame. Shame. Shame on me became, I’ll show them!

Most single mamas I know try to make up for what their little ones don’t have. We put pressure on ourselves to perform mama and papa roles (and isn’t it hard enough being “just” the mama?).

I was recently out of high school at the time. No child support and not a lot of money coming in from my secretarial job. Even so, I spent too much money ─ money I didn’t have ─ because my son had to have “the best”. Overspending and splurging on activities was my way of overcompensating for what my son didn’t have, his dad.

It’s interesting. God places young, single moms in my life today. I’ve seen this same trait in most of them. Not enough money coming in, but loving their little ones so much that they didn’t want them to do without any more than they already are─the dads they so desperately need.

I wish I would have realized when I was younger that things and activities aren’t the answer to what kids of single moms need most.

Had I known by Bible and known my Jesus then like I do now, I would have flipped to Genesis 16 and 21 and read about Hagar and Ishmael and wept and wept at God’s goodness, love, and mercy extended to us single mamas. He has extra measure of love and mercy stored up for our kids too.

I would have known not to wear shame, because my God sees me. He saw me back then, and He saw every single thing that led up to my single mama-making moment. He wasn’t going to condemn me for my bad decision. He understands. He sees. His desire is always to restore us to Him, to a position of honor and dignity seated at His right hand. He would NEVER desire us mamas (single or otherwise) to sit in a puddle of shame.

Hagar and her son were rejected and set aside, but never by their Heavenly Father!  Just as He sent angels of the LORD to minister to “single” mama Hagar, He has angels overseeing us.

To which of the angels did God ever say,

“Sit at my right hand

until I make your enemies

a footstool for your feet”?

Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?─Hebrews 1:13-14 NIV

When we need a mama moment no matter what season we find ourselves in, I hope we can remember this picture in our head.

Pull up a chair and place your feet on the footstool God has for your mama weary legs. As you do, reflect upon your rightful position as a daughter of the King. You are royal. Your kiddos are too. Call on those ministering angels. Remember, God has them assigned to serve those who inherit salvation. That’s you if you’ve said yes to Jesus.

Not only did God see a wearied and worried “single” mama in Hagar, He saw her son. God will see your son or daughter too. He is the God who sees and hears those He loves. (Genesis 16:13, Genesis 21:17)

And God heard the voice of the lad. Then the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said to her, “What ails you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is. Arise, lift up the lad and hold him with your hand, for I will make him a great nation.”─Genesis 21:17-18 NKJV

I have no idea what greatness God has in store for your child, but I do know He has great plans for him or her just like God has for my son. We fear and fret, worry and wallow, when what God wants is for our mama hearts to cry out to Him and share what ails us. He doesn’t want us weighed down by shame. His desire is for us to arise. The only way that’s possible is if we release those feelings of shame and doubt.

Perhaps that’s the best gift we can get this Mother’s Day. Let’s give ourselves a mama break. Give your shame over to God and let Him set you (and your children) free to arise into your fullest potential.

One other beautiful closing revelation God reminded me of… He knew our children in our wombs. He knit them together and formed them before we even knew them. To all you single mamas out there: Your child is NOT fatherless. They have the BEST Father in the whole wide world─One who loves unconditionally, without ceasing. How much that would have reassured me had I known that when my son was small. But I know it now and it is the greatest reassurance, that when I don’t know what to do, the One who loves us MOST always does.

Be blessed all you mamas! God loves you!

Be blessed all you mamas! God loves those you deeply love!  

Happy Mother’s Day dear ones!

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How Does God’s Resurrection Power Change The Way You Live?

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Welcome to Facets of Faith and this month’s question: How does God’s resurrection power change the way you live? If you are unfamiliar with the term resurrection or would like to gain more understanding, read yesterday’s post entitled What’s so good about Good Friday?

The greatest difficulty in answering this month’s question is to limit my (Tracy’s) response to just one. When God’s resurrection power grabs hold of our hearts, we are transformed from the inside out, top-to-bottom, as He brings every good work in us to completion. Our minds are renewed, we are changed, and because we are changed others are too.

God, in His sweetness, helped me to narrow my focus. If I tossed a net to capture all the ways God’s resurrection power has changed my life, it would break from the weight of all God’s good work. Like Peter who tossed his net over the boat a second time, God’s provision in my life has been great.

But that’s not where we started. Even though God was always providing for me, I didn’t see Him or His hand in my life.

One of the spiritual mile markers Jesus gave me started here….

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”─Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Like a child dragging her baby doll and blanket, I drug that verse with me everywhere. I didn’t know what else to do. I had no hope at the time. I couldn’t see past my circumstances. I was lost in a sea of sin─mine and others.

That verse was my lifeline. God used it to literally save my life. I was overwhelmed by my circumstances. Me. Little Ms. Independent who could figure her way out of just about anything and had always prided herself in that. Resilient almost became Rest In Peace.

And then Jesus stepped in. He spoke hope into my heart. So many sweet-nothings from my now-Savior. But back then? We were just getting to know one another.

Where do I sit today? Grateful! That’s where.  Pulsating in God’s power. Resurrection power. Always connected. He is the Source. All that is good in me is because of Him. Anything good I get to do is because of Him. He touched my heart and transformed it, because He loves me. He loves you that way too. His resurrection power has the ability to take those once lost and help them to find their way back up to their feet. Jesus helps us stand when without His power, we would puddle and flop like a fish.

One of the things I love about Jesus is He speaks to us. Not in an audible voice (at least not with me), but like His Word promises when it says His sheep know His voice, I now do. I remember being thirsty to hear Him. I was curious how.

How do you hear God? And how do you know it’s God and not just a voice in your head thinking these things? Over time, He showed me. He trained my ear to recognize His “voice”.

If you are thirsty to hear His voice, He will teach you too. The best advice I can give is to ask for His help. Jesus, I want to hear You. Please teach me how to hear and recognize Your voice. I know He’ll answer a plea like that. Like any relationship, it takes time but He’ll honor that request.

This morning God spoke to me and showed me a connection I’d not caught before. He wasn’t going to let it get away. God helped me to reel it in. Slowly. Gradually. His truth and its meaning grasped me in a deeper, more profound way than it had before.

My eyes had read the Scriptures. Plenty of times.  These verses answer our question: How does God’s resurrection power change the way you live?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity”─Jeremiah 29:11-14a NIV

Do you see it? Do you see how God’s resurrection power changes the way we live?

Yes, God delivered me in many ways from captivity. It could be an answer, but that’s not the answer God brought to the surface this morning.

God wants us to know HOW we access His resurrection power, not necessarily the byproduct of His resurrection power. (Although I suppose that’s fine too. We need to know what we’re working toward. Freedom from captivity is definitely worth accessing Christ’s power for.)

I think most of us would want freedom as a goal.

I think more people don’t know HOW to attain it.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

That’s how!

People─even those who call themselves Christian and would say they love Jesus─often find it hard to pray. But THAT is where our real power exists. We tap into God’s resurrection power through prayer.

I love that God connected prayer to my original life verse. I didn’t know it all those years ago, but I’d grow to love prayer to the point where I can’t not do it. (And I’m letting the double negative go friends because it’s exactly how I feel.)  Little did I know, God had planted it in my heart all along as a spiritual gift He desired to grow. And He placed instruction for it right next to my life verse.  He knew He’d grow my love to hear His voice through prayer. He knew He’d ask me to stretch myself and then stretch my life verse to become verses, no longer stopping at 11. We’d be working from an expanded version.

Why do I say that’s how we access God’s resurrection power?

I’ve felt it. I’ve felt Him. Literally, power surges from God pulsing through me when I get out of His way and let Him pray the prayers through me that He desires to be prayed. It’s awesome! A bit unexplainable. Might sound hokey, only I know it’s the Holy Spirit putting His power behind God’s inspired prayers.

The more I experience God’s resurrection power through prayer, the more I want to experience it because I’m experiencing Him. I trust it most when I don’t know the person and couldn’t possibly know what they need… but God does.

I’m reading an excellent book on prayer, The Daniel Prayer, Prayer That Moves Heaven And Changes Nations by Anne Graham Lotz.

Consider a question she asks, “When was the last time you heard someone pray to the point that you became more aware of the One to whom the person was speaking, than you were of the person doing the speaking?”₁

That’s the power I’m talking about and what I think God wanted emphasized.

Even simple things you know you have no business knowing exhilarate. In prayer you’re told, “Wear the shirt that says, ‘Write Your Story’ on it.” Mind you … no T-Shirts are allowed. But you follow the voice, the One telling you what to wear.

You share with others sitting in your circle, “I don’t know who is supposed to see this shirt. God told me to wear it today. I assume He wants someone to see it, but I have no idea who.”

Incredulous, the person sitting across from me exclaimed, “Are you kidding me! God’s been telling me I need to work on my story.”

And there you have it. One small way to give a little spiritual shove to someone who needed to get going on something God had given her to do.

God’s resurrection power will do that.

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₁Graham Lotz, Anne. The Daniel Prayer, Prayer That Moves Heaven And Changes Nations. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2016.

What’s So Good About Good Friday?

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Before getting into the question we are all answering at FACETS of Faith this month, I (Tracy) felt it would be remiss of us not to provide a brief explanation of what God’s resurrection power means for those who may be unfamiliar with the term. We celebrate Easter, because Christ died on the cross (Good Friday) for the forgiveness of all our sin. He rose again on the third day (Easter) overcoming death.

Imagine the supernatural power required to rise above death. Jesus was sealed in a tomb guarded by Roman soldiers. When the women (Jesus’ followers) ran to His gravesite and saw the tomb empty, they were curious as to where Jesus’ body went. They knew He couldn’t have opened the tomb by Himself. The rock which sealed it was immovable by man. They also knew Jesus couldn’t have slipped past the Roman soldiers. The empty tomb pointed to only one thing: Jesus rose from the dead! (Just as He said He would) That’s God’s resurrection power!

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. Since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, in the same way God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep through Jesus.─1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 HCSB

God’s resurrection power gives us Hope. Hope points us all to heaven for ourselves and those we love. The only requirement to access the hope of heaven is to have a relationship with Jesus.

If you don’t know Jesus personally, you haven’t accepted Him as your Lord and Savior, you can do that today. It’s never too late as long as you are alive to say “yes” to Jesus and all the hope He has for you─here on earth and eventually forevermore in heaven.

You may be wondering what’s so good about “Good Friday” if God had to die in order for it to happen. The only reason Good Friday is good is because God rose from the dead. He didn’t stay buried.

Figuratively speaking, we don’t have to stay buried in our sin, our lack of hope, our worry and wondering what will be for our future.

When you know Jesus, you know your future is good. THAT’S what’s good about Good Friday! And your good future can start as soon as this next moment.

Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for the forgiveness of my sin. I ask You to come into my heart as my Lord and Savior. Teach me who You are more-and-more each day. Lavish Your love upon me and lead and guide my steps. Help me to stand firm in your love and truth as you strengthen and encourage me as I walk with You. Give me a love for You, Your Word, and conversations with You through prayer. Thank You, Jesus, for Your ultimate sacrifice for the forgiveness of my sin. Thank You, too, that I am never alone, that You keep Your promises and You promise I will never be alone again. You will never leave me nor forsake me. I will never have another lonely day in my life. Thank You Jesus for loving me with an everlasting love. In Jesus’ name, amen!

Share with someone the commitment you just made. If you don’t have a church home, it’s really important to find a church that loves Jesus and teaches from His Word (the Bible). If you’d like some help with that, please leave us a comment.

CONGRATULATIONS! From personal experience, I know you are in for the sweetest, most intimate relationship you’ve ever had in your life!

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.─John 3:16 NIV

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