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How Do We Grow in Intimacy?

07.02.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith, sweet friends!  Whether you are a new friend, or someone who has been with us on this journey for quite some time, I (Tracy) pray God meets you right where you are. It’s not by mistake God has brought you to these pages. I pray you feel God’s loving, warm embrace upon you as your eyes and heart absorb what He has for you.

Depending on your perspective, this topic might stir a host of emotion. You could be enthusiastic about the idea of intimacy.

If you’ve had tragedy in this area, you could be terrified at the mere mention of the word.  Please don’t check out if that’s you.  Hang in there. Let’s see what healing and restoration God desires to bring to your life. You are BRAVE, sweet one!

Perhaps you’re somewhere in the middle, a little indifferent to the thought of intimacy.  Maybe you’re unaware there’s a snag in beliefs you have long held as truth.  Maybe what you’ve believed for a lifetime isn’t what you once thought when you turn beliefs over and see what lies beneath.

How do we grow in intimacy? (Tracy Stella)Intimacy can be beautiful. Pure, sweet, love extended to our marital partner. The counterfeit, worldly version can leave us wanting more. Because there is more when we’re rooted and grounded in Christ’s love.

Truth be told, as we tossed out the idea of writing on this topic, some of the FACETS team was more than a little apprehensive. So, if that’s how you are feeling, know that you are not alone.  There’s comfort in that thought, right?

For me personally, I embrace the idea of intimacy when it means intellectual connection, when it means experience of fun things together, but sexual intimacy stirs up a whole pot of feelings that, in some regard, my initial internal response is to run.

Life experience used to tell me men wanted one thing and my job was to give it to them.  I deeply desired someone to love me, but struggled with the idea I was even worthy of love.  The more years under my belt, the more deeply engrained those lies became. I grew to believe I was only as valuable as how I made the other person feel.   And because I allowed my misguided attempts at love to guide my decisions, sadly, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy.  Very often I attracted the wrong type of man, the one who only wanted to use me for what I could give him and then move on.

Not everyone in my life fell into that category, but many did.

This internal belief only served to create a deeper root of insecurity. I put a lot of pressure on myself to look a certain way, to do certain things – performance more than genuine, intimate connection.

If someone could have looked inside my heart, they would have seen a grieving young girl that grew into a grieving, love-starved woman.  As years progressed, I became more and more broken.  I became what I thought I was worth.

If we don’t value ourselves. No one else will either.

I also possessed a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors.  It all came down to me feeling not good enough, so I’d engage in behaviors that were sure to prove my theory true.

At some point anger set in as well.  I was mad about how I’d been treated, about the things certain people said or did. There were deep scars that served to scream at me. Unworthy! Unlovable! Not enough!

I was raped at a party and disassociated from the memory for a long time, even though I had attempted suicide because of that incident.  There’s a cumulative effect of life’s trials. All the layers of mine had added up to despair.  I was in a relationship with a “good guy”, but after the rape incident, my body and my mind couldn’t carry the weight of it all.

I sabotaged the relationship, because of the depths of depression I was sinking in.  It was suffocating, and I wouldn’t have been able to even tell you why.  Only my journals revealed the truth. Years later, when I read the words I’d written long before my eyes could handle reading them, I sighed a sigh of relief. Somehow, things began to make sense.  Not crazy. Deeply wounded and in need of God’s loving, healing hands that never hurt. His embrace always sweet. Pure. Innocent. Love.  Good intentions from the day He created you and me in our mother’s wombs.

Another journal from 3rd grade revealed inappropriate adult attention from a neighbor.  I wasn’t sure if my mind was making it up and reading too much into the words I saw in my “little girl” journal. I was able to verify through someone else who also spent a lot of time with this individual that he had done inappropriate things to us both.  As sad as that made me feel for the little girl who used to be me, I was grateful for the puzzle piece to my story.

When we’re ready for the details, they can bring clarity and relief.  These insights can’t be rushed or provoked. I believe it’s all in God’s good timing. He shows up as truth mixed with love when we have the capacity to see it, to process it without being undone because of it.

As part of my story, I had an abortion. The unknown trauma that decision caused me came to light a number of years ago (and decades after my decision) when God brought me through a healing journey. I received His forgiveness and was given the opportunity to grieve the loss of my child. I’m glad eternity is long. Time will give us the chance to get to know one another while worshipping Jesus together.

God is merciful to forgive repentant hearts from things we may think are beyond His reach.  Even more beautiful? His grace takes our worst sin and works it together for our good.  Sharing about my bad decision has helped others to make a good one. Each child’s life saved because sharing of story is a picture of God’s grace. It’s LAVISH, my friends!

Sex used to be my misguided attempt to give and receive love. I really had no concept of what genuine, sacrificial, Christ-shaped love looked like. I thought if I used my body to appeal to men they would love me.  Instead, I was so often left feeling unloved and rejected (even if the relationship were longer). I came to believe my worth and value to a man was calculated by how I made him feel.

This and probably a scroll’s worth of sin I brought into my marriage.

My life has shaped me, but it doesn’t define me.  Christ does!  For you too. Nothing you have done, nothing that has been done to you, is beyond His redemption.

His blood covers my sin and shame. In fact, He blows those things to smithereens. It’s one of the reasons I’m genuinely grateful to God for what He has done in my life.  His grace is the only reason I can write about my past without feeling condemned by it.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.─Ephesians 4:32

I have been forgiven much. I had to forgive much. God’s grace helped (and helps) me to not only extend forgiveness but receive it as well.  When you have spent a large chunk of your life feeling unworthy, Christ’s grace makes sure you believe you are.  Worthy of forgiveness. Worthy of love. Worthy of His time and undivided attention. Worthy of so much more than what we think or imagine.

He wants us to run to Him with our wounds, to rest secure in His arms.  He is Counselor. He is Physician. He is Friend.  He is our Husband. As children of God, we are His bride.

When you have a past as bumpy as the road I’ve travelled, the only way to feel worthy of the beauty and grace that is God and all He has for us is by losing ourselves in His immense love.  If you’ve never experienced the love of God, I pray you are open enough to the idea of Him to receive it. He is Beautiful. Pure. True. Untainted.

He gives us power and strength to peer into our past for the purpose of a bright, beautiful, and hopeful future.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”─Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Even if you don’t believe you are worthy, even if you don’t believe those words could be true for you, if you have only a morsel of hope and belief they are true for you, that is enough. I pray God grows your belief into the fullness of reality that you are worthy. Valuable. Priceless and treasured.

I know this is possible, because He took this once broken woman and gave me a hope for my future. My life is good, pure, sweet and true, because I’m following the One who is Good, Pure, Sweet and True.  He brings peace, and love, healing, and redemption.

He makes all things beautiful in their time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.─Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

Friends, we can’t fathom the goodness God desires to give us here on earth and for all eternity.

He does give us glimpses.

God gave me a new vision of love and marriage when He brought Sam into my life.  From my past and the way I used to create favor with men, God didn’t allow me to use those tactics.  He wanted Sam and I to do things differently. I’m so grateful for that!

Because Sam and I weren’t relying on physical intimacy, we created genuine intimacy. I do believe other than God, he knows me best. He knows me better than anyone else ever has.  And sometimes he even knows me better than I know myself.

Because we didn’t rely on physical intimacy, I had no choice but to use new tools (mostly a dependency on God to help me walk out a Christian relationship). I prayed God would help me. And He did. And He does.

When there have been challenges Sam and I have had to navigate, as are inevitable in life, we have a strong foundation. Our relationship is built on Christ, the solid rock on which we stand. From that vantage point, His loving hand strengthens and encourages us to continue forward in this loving one another well thing. Really. Truly. Deeply. Flawed and imperfect, but genuine and real. My mask is off. I’m me and I hope he always feels he can be Sam.  In the world we might not always be able to wear our heart on our sleeve, but I hope with one another we always will.

Merriam Webster’s definition of intimacy says intimacy is:

  1. marked by a warm friendship developing through long association
  2. suggesting informal warmth or privacy
  3. engaged in, involving, or marked by sex or sexual relations

In aggregate, these make for a brilliant, wonderful marriage. We need friendship first through long association. Friendship isn’t confused by physicality and endorphins.  Friendship says, “I see you for who you really are. I like you. I like spending time with you. It could be anything, really, as long as we are together.”

Genuine intimacy also requires warmth and privacy. In a marital bond with Christ leading and guiding, there is a genuine caring and concern. Because Christ lives in us, we possess His nature. He is love. He is trustworthy. He is safe. As husbands and wives, we need to be that for one another.  If there has been a breach in trust for any reason, seek to make restoration. Seek forgiveness or seek God to give it to your spouse. It’s not easy. But it’s possible.  Trust is built over time, through long association. Little by little, brick by brick, the house Love builds can withstand life’s storms.

While God calls me to share openly and vulnerably sometimes (to help others and to bring deeper healing to me), Sam is most often made aware of my heart long, long before I write or speak about a topic. Sam is kind. He is tender. He holds my hurts and heart gently. Over the course of our long association I have learned I can trust him. At first it felt monumental to share pieces of me and my story, like cliff diving into an unknown sea. Now it feels safe to share with Sam.  I can be in my jammies armed with a box of Kleenex, looking a hot mess and know that his heart is for me.

Honestly, the physical nature of our relationship is hardest for me. There’s much hurt and brokenness there on my part, distortion of what is pure, lovely, and true.

God created sex. Satan tainted it.  God has grown me to look at sex more through His eyes. At first it was a lot of the “thou shalt nots” being given─not from a distant, dictating God. Guidance given from a loving Father who only wants what’s best for me.

If you don’t know Him or just need reminding,

God wants what’s best for you!

For awhile, I had a hard time distancing myself from memories I didn’t want to linger.  I didn’t want reminders of those experiences determined to try to define me.  The enemy loved to torment me with those thoughts and doubts. But God brought deliverance and freedom. Years in God’s Word.  Years in the school of the Holy Spirit, being comforted by Him and reassured there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Receiving His love and healing. Helping others. These all served to set me free.

Christ gave me freedom. And when I need reminding, He gives me freedom. Sometimes he brings me to new depths of freedom, each time less to hinder me.  Growth in the soil of God’s goodness.

God helps me to experience sex as intimacy, not as an act.  Acting I was good at. Intimacy I’m growing to become good at. It doesn’t happen over night, it happens in increments.  Imagine a bucket on the beach. Little by little you fill it with sand. Eventually it is full. Eventually it overflows. Intimacy is like that.

If you have a story like mine, intimacy isn’t easy.   But it if you have a story like mine and God is in the equation, intimacy is possible.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”─Matthew 19:26 NIV

Jesus looks at you.

Jesus looks at you and says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Lord, help each person whose eyes read this to fear not, to know that You are with them. Help them to be not dismayed. Help them to know You. Strengthen each one. Help them and uphold them with Your righteous right hand.  In Jesus’ name, amen!

“Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

─Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Image: Tracy Stella

 

Categories // Blooming in Marriage, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, How to Love When It's Hard, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // abortion, beauty, Depression, Ecclesiastes 3:11, Ephesians 4:32, forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Grace, healing, hope, Intimacy, Isaiah 41:10, Jeremiah 29:11, Love, marriage, Matthew 19:26, Mercy, Purity, Rape, Redemption, Revelation, Safe, Safety, Sexual Trauma, sin, Suicide, Trust, Worth, Worthy

The Root Revealed in a Peacemaker’s Life

06.25.2019 by Kiersten Vavrina //

This month we’re excited to introduce someone new joining the conversation here at FACETS of Faith.  I (Tracy) met Kiersten at a Christian business women’s group and was drawn to her right away. When we had the opportunity to pray with one another, well, that sealed the deal! Kiersten gave a brave yes when I asked her to consider writing for us (perhaps God is calling you to one as well). I love how God stretches and grows us through invitation. Without further ado, let’s see how Kiersten responded.

When I was asked to contribute to Facets of Faith, I was honored and excited to bring my thoughts to a writing. This will be fun!  I responded with a quick, “ABSOLUTELY”.

Then I thought.  Wait, I am not a writer.  I have never taken any classes in writing or blogging.  My mind then went to, well, if she asked me to share, there is some purpose in it.  I proceeded still optimistic I could bang this out quickly given a few hours of quiet time.  Oh man was I wrong!  Writing this has been challenging.  Challenging and yet eye opening. For me, the perspective God gave, ultimately, freeing.  Praise the Lord!

Maybe what gets splashed on this page will only be for me, as God has woken me to some things I wasn’t seeing. But maybe something in the words will touch you too.  That is my hope.

What root are you tripping over? (Guest)After weeks of trying to write and being blocked over and over, this is what I have to say on “What is the root that I continue to trip over”.   Unforgiveness has affected my life.

Hmmmm, but I am the overly forgiving type.  I am quick to forgive. Maybe even a push over at times.  I am a peacemaker, fulfilled when all is well, and everyone is happy.

I will do almost anything to keep the peace.   Quick to forgive, my goal is to get us back to a happy place.   I strive for peace.

I began to think about the topic at hand, deeper, praying, seeking. I desired God’s wisdom for me personally, so I could write something profound.

Forgiveness, oh yes, I have this!  God has forgiven me,  so I am asked to forgive others.   Yes, that is what I try to do all the time, so sure, I can write on this.  No problem!

Hahahahahhaha!

That is the expression I feel right now. As I look back on this last month, I have attempted to type this at least 10 times.   Writer’s block after writer’s block, and I am not a writer!  What the heck.  Finally….

Here is what God revealed to me regarding the root I keep tripping over.

For me, it has more to do with not becoming a slave to human beings, than it does unforgiveness.

I forgave someone who hurt me DEEPLY.

I will spare you the ugly details.   Let’s just say this one relationship that went off the rails effected every crevice of my life at the time.  When someone you trust, admire, look up to, and believe has your back, turns on you and hurts you with their words and actions, you find yourself crushed and questioning. When they throw you under the bus to others, lie about you, threaten you, manipulate the situation, and then verbally abuse you, it devastates.

But through the grace of God, I forgave her.  I forgave her for hurting me, and I asked for resolution even though I was abused in the situation.   Well, that didn’t end well. A narcissist can’t be reasoned with.  But…

Jesus can speak to that person on my behalf even as He speaks and ministers to my heart. His words are soothing balm. Regardless of whether I ever see a changed heart in the other person, I know Jesus more because He walked me through the valley and brought me to the hopeful place called forgiveness.

That was years ago.

So why did this painful relationship re-emerge as I considered forgiveness?  Why God is she coming to my mind again? I am over that!  Oh God, no, do I have to forgive her again?  Oh, Lord, please. I am over that already.

Then God lovingly showed me, no, you don’t need to forgive her again. You already did that.  She was the most difficult person to forgive, because she hurt you the most. And you forgave her anyway. That is what I ask of you.  Well done, My daughter.

What God showed me is, forgiveness isn’t just successful when both sides come to repentance and grace.  Forgiveness is my job regardless of the other person’s response.  It  is letting go of the pain and accepting that person’s sin, and seeing them past their hurtful ways.  Praying for their best good and then dusting my feet off and moving on, as Matthew 10:14 says, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

I have heard the saying about leaving a situation physically but not leaving it inside your mind and heart.  It’s time I forgive myself for the time I wasted looking for human acceptance and approval.

The root I was tripping over is found in 1 Corinthians 7:23:  “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings.”

Forgiveness.  It’s a beautiful thing.

Other relationships where I have been hurt have been forgiven and easily resolved.  Just today someone forgave me when I unintentionally hurt her. She is someone I care deeply about.  I didn’t realize my lack of awareness caused a hurt in her.  We talked and shared. Our conversation ended in laughter.   I asked her to forgive me, and she gave me grace.

Some will.  Some won’t.  Forgive anyways and when needed dust your feet off and move on.  You were bought at a HIGH price!  Let no one come between your relationship with Jesus.  No one.

Lord I pray You remove this root in me forever!

Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness to every one of us. Your sacrifice gave us the ability to receive it and, with Your grace, to give it. Help us all, Lord, not to trip over the roots of unforgiveness, people pleasing, and false idols. Help us to be still and know that You are God. In Jesus’ name, amen!

Join the conversation on our Facebook page. We’d love to hear how the cleansing love and grace of God has helped you walk the path of forgiveness.

 

Categories // Faith, Forgiveness, Guest Perspectives Tags // 1 Corinthians 7:23, forgiveness, Matthew 10:14, Peacemaker

Rooted and Established in…

06.11.2019 by Jennifer Howe //

Welcome to Facets, friend. I (Jennifer) am hanging with family at my sister’s farm. The days start earlier and last longer when I’m here. We’re making memories: snuggling chubby Lab puppies; enjoying a hysterical, little mini horse named Mr. Big; feeding chickens organic blueberries that tumbled out of a grocery bag; spending time with adorable grandnieces; and catching up on life through stories. While I’m doing all of that this week, peek at Tracy’s post from last week here and come back for more on our topic the next two weeks. For now…the root of bitterness?

What root are you tripping over? (Jennifer J Howe)

Roots.

Vascular plants have them, and they keep the plant in place, absorb water and nutrients, and store food for the future. Ask me what I know about root systems. Once upon a time my front yard was ornamented with a twenty-foot plum tree; purple leaves and pink blossoms graced my spring, dark-green leaves shaded the flower bed beneath through the hot summer, and bright purple-red leaves lit up in the fall. Such a great tree—until the trunk was split by the wind in a summer storm. A short time later the tree had whole sections of dead branches. Finally, I removed the tree myself (with two pruners and a bow saw, but that’s another story). Five years later a stump mocks me.

Friend, I know about roots—live ones and dead ones. The plum tree died years ago, but a shadow of the root system remains. There are good ways of removing a tree stump; I have not used any of them. I imagined an axe would be therapeutic, and it was for a while. I figured a shovel could uncover roots, allow me to cut them, and free the stump, but that wasn’t true. Then I resorted to other techniques to deal with the wobbly stump. Nothing went according to plan. Roots can be troubling.

An illustration for life.

My tree stump is a reminder of root issues in life. Bigger, older trees have shallow roots you can see and trip over, but the majority of trees have an invisible system sometimes as large as the tree you see. As dead as the stump is, it’s not going anywhere. The whole thing is bigger and more complicated than I imagined.

Tree roots remind me of something in relationships: neuro pathways. God’s design means my brain creates little neuropaths in response to experiences. Repetition, anticipation, and emotion shape each path, determining just how deeply-established and inflexible the path is. This is the reason everyday life can be driven by our hurts, habits, and hang-ups connected to our poor choices and others’.

There is a way that seems right to a person,
but its end is the way to death. Proverbs 16:25 ESV

From day to day, we size up relational situations. Our own intellect, without God’s gift of supernatural wisdom, not only falls short but also leads away from God’s design for life and relationship. Plain and simple, whatever does not lead to life with God leads to death without Him. Test life according to His design and contrary to it to see what happens.

Considering neuropaths, when we operate from flawed logic, messy moral compasses, and human weakness, we reinforce patterns according to our preferences, purposes, and power. Compared to God’s righteousness, they’re no bueno!

The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works. Psalm 145:17

“The Rock, his work is perfect,
for all his ways are justice.
A God of faithfulness and without iniquity,
just and upright is he. Deuteronomy 32:4

If I am going to build pathways, better to keep in step with God’s heart and integrity.

Forgiveness.

A big question hangs in the air: does this even relate to forgiveness? In my experience I can’t control events that create pathways, but with God so much can be completely healed and transformed.

Unforgiveness is the burly, bitter root that turns soil nutrients into anger, which becomes bitterness stored up for the future, and infects the entire tree with what it has. Highly emotional, traumatic, or repeated experiences make well-worn paths that shape beliefs, emotional responses, and actions. Humanly, we expect the bitter root to thicken, lengthen, and deepen.

Getting to forgiveness.

Forgiveness extended to others is rooted in love that cannot be mustered up or faked. Genuine forgiveness is a loving response to someone who caused hurt. If I can’t “fake it till I make it,” what do I do? What nutrient in the soil transforms a root of bitterness or, better yet, keeps a root from taking hold in the first place?

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

It’s purely supernatural.

What on earth do we do? We have a high standard, a command:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

I’m increasingly clear about my choices that rage against God’s design for relationship with Him and with others. If I allow anger to nurture a big, fat, bitter root—a grudge—what does that say about my beliefs and, ultimately, my relationship with Him? In those moments, people around me wouldn’t identify me as one of God’s people. (I’m not proud of it; I wrestle with this thing often.) Again, the only reason for choosing forgiveness is the love Jesus showed. The only way it can happen is through the transforming power gifted from God through the Holy Spirit who lives in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Can we chat? The freedom from sin we are offered and receive through Jesus’ sacrifice originates in pure, supernatural love. Love is the nutrient we want to absorb, store up, and fuel ourselves with. Where there is anger and bitterness in our hearts, let’s deal with it. Let’s ask the Spirit to help us remove the root of bitterness so we can be rooted and established in love. I love that Paul prayed for us in Ephesians 3. Check it out.

Thanks for hanging in here with me. Did you know your thoughts in comments below are precious to me and the team? I hope you’ll share what you’re thinking about this topic this month here or at our Facebook Page.

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Categories // Forgiveness, Jennifer Howe's Perspective Tags // 1 John 4, 1 Peter 4:10, bitterness, Deuteronomy 32:4, Facets of Faith, forgiveness, Jennifer J Howe, John 13:34, neuropathways, Proverbs 16:25, Psalm 145:17, Unforgiveness

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