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The Gift of Friendship

08.25.2020 by Kelli Worrall //

The Facets of Faith team is excited to share two of our lovely friends with you. That’s right, two writers this guest post rather than one.  We thought, “What fun would it be for two dear friends to collaborate on a piece about friendship?”  We knew just who to ask, Gloria Cooley and Kelli Worrall are fabulous friends who share a common bond – first Jesus, then life experiences, and time invested in each other.  We can learn a lot from others’ friendships. Keep reading for their fun real-life story of friendship on mission and orchestrated by God. We love them, and we know you will too!

Hey, Thelma! Who's Your Louise? (Guest)

I met Gloria in the fall of 2012 when our kids were in preschool together—and we initially bonded over the subject of adoption. My husband Peter and I had recently returned from China with our daughter Amelia, and Gloria and her husband Daniel were completing the paperwork for their own Chinese adoption.

Since then our friendship has expanded and deepened. We’ve been friends for eight years, but it seems much longer. In a good way! Maybe it’s because we’ve been through some big things together in those eight years. Maybe it’s because Gloria is one of those people with whom I was very quickly able to talk about anything—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe it’s because Gloria is one of the most faithful friends you could ever want to have.

We’ve been in small groups and writing groups together, enjoyed many meals together—she’s been there when my cooking has turned out well and when it’s been a flop. We have celebrated birthdays and holidays and milestones.

But one of my favorite Gloria memories so far has to be Spring Break 2014.

You may remember the winter of 2013-14. Or perhaps you’ve blocked it from your memory. It was one of the top four worst winters in the Chicago area. Sixty-seven inches of snow. The third-coldest winter on record. 26 days of below 0 temps. The Polar Vortex brought bitter cold temps way into March.

Near the end of March—at the beginning of Spring Break week—Gloria and I met with our kids at the Jump Zone, and the Jump Zone was crazy! Our kids were climbing the walls—literally—while she and I stood in the midst of the chaos, just staring at each other—still cold to the bone. While the kids were burning off steam, the Jump Zone wasn’t doing anything for our stir-craziness.

Eventually, Gloria looked at me wistfully and said, “I’ve been dreaming about sticking Eleanor in the car and driving to my in-law’s lake house in Texas.”

I looked wistfully back at her and replied, “That’s funny because I’ve been dreaming of sticking my kids in the car and driving down to see my family in Tennessee.”

We both chuckled for a moment.

Then we looked back at each other through squinty, quizzical, “are you thinking what I’m thinking” eyes. I don’t remember which one of us first voiced the question: “Why don’t we do it?”

We rolled the idea over in our minds for only a minute or two before we called our husbands, expecting them to talk us out of it. However, they didn’t. I think they were secretly thrilled to see us go.

As soon as we hung up our phones, we started making plans. We would take our kids home, feed them lunch, pack our bags, and leave early the next morning.

So I took my kids home. I fed them lunch, and I started making a packing list—all the time thinking, “This is crazy.”

Suddenly, my phone rang, and it was Gloria. I answered the phone and didn’t even say, “Hello.” I just asked the obvious, “Are you having second thoughts?”

“Yes,” she said. But then she continued: “But not about going. I’m just not sure we should wait until tomorrow. I think we should leave now! That way we can drive through the night. The kids will sleep in the car, and we’ll be there by morning.”

I didn’t miss a beat. “Ok!” I said.

Then I ran around the house, shoving clothing and kid paraphernalia in bags. Within an hour and a half, Gloria pulled into my icy driveway. We shifted all of her luggage into my vehicle, and in no time at all we were on the road.

My husband jokingly called us “Thelma and Louise”—those famous friends. Thankfully, our trip bore little resemblance to theirs—other than it was a wonderful opportunity to bond and deepen our friendship.

A couple of years after our crazy trip, Gloria and I shared this story at a women’s Christmas tea. It served as the introduction to a message we gave about another friendship—of some far more famous women, who bonded over the most extreme adventure one could imagine. These two women were Mary, mother of Jesus, and her cousin/friend Elizabeth.

Elizabeth only appears in one chapter of the Bible, yet despite her brief mention in Scripture, she plays quite an influential role. We don’t know a lot about her—only that she was quite a bit older than Mary, and she had married well. Her husband was a priest. Yet despite these desirable qualities, Elizabeth bore a scarlet letter. She was barren.

Then one day something miraculous happened.

An angel appeared to her husband Zacharias while he was in the temple. “Do not be afraid,” the angel said. “Your petition has been heard and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will give him the name John.” This child would make ready the way for the Lord

            Zacharias questioned the angel’s message, and the angel told him that because of his disbelief he would be unable to speak until the child was born. And immediately, Zacharias became mute. He returned home to Elizabeth, and soon she became pregnant.

But Elizabeth was not to walk alone in her pregnancy.

God would soon provide another gift for her.

The gift of a friend.

Mary was different from Elizabeth in many ways. She was young, unmarried, but engaged. She was a virgin from Nazareth—a modest, agrarian society.

Just months after the angel appeared to Zacharias, God sent Gabriel to Mary in Nazareth. As far as we know, she was alone when the angel appears. Certainly, she was startled and afraid. But Gabriel began with a blessing and a declaration of God’s grace.

Then he delivered his astonishing news. “Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus.”

But this wouldn’t be just any baby. The angel continued, “He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end.”

This proposition didn’t make logical sense, so Mary asked, “How can this be since I have never known a man?”

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you,” the angel said. “And this baby will be the Son of God.”

Then Gabriel offered Mary a bit of evidence, some more miraculous news. Mary’s relative Elizabeth—old and barren—was pregnant as well. Six months along.

“For nothing,” the angel concluded, “Nothing is impossible with God.”

How did Mary respond? With complete conviction and commitment, she said, “I am a bondslave of the Lord. May it be to me as you have said.”

Mary’s first order of business after the angel leaves was to plan a trip to the hill country of Judea, outside of Jerusalem. It was a three-day journey of some 80 or more miles—not an easy journey for a young girl.

But Mary had to find Elizabeth. She wanted to see with her own eyes the sign of which the angel spoke.

As soon as Elizabeth saw Mary’s face, the baby in her own womb leapt for joy! Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and in a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!….Why am I so favored that the mother of my Lord should come to me? Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has said.”

This meeting of two mothers was one of utmost joy. Both women wondered at their privilege and the favor they had found with God. Both women were ready and willing to be used by Him.

Obviously, the narrative in Luke chapter 1 is one of the most important passages in all of Scripture as the imminent virgin birth of our Lord was announced.

But as we look at these two women—whose lives converged around this most important point in history—we also see some beautiful things happening between them. We see an example of what a friendship centered around Jesus can do.

  • First, God used their friendship to confirm what He was doing in each of their lives.
  • Second, Elizabeth accepted Mary when others probably shunned her and could not understand.
  • Third, Mary and Elizabeth rejoiced together in what God was doing and pointed each other to Him.

The level of joy in Luke 1:39-46 is beyond compare. There is no competition between Mary and Elizabeth. No “my son is going to be greater than your son.” No “why didn’t God give me your life?” There is just joy and awe and gratitude.

They each expressed humility at having been chosen by God for such a role.

And they praised God together for who He is, for what He has done, and what He will do.

Our prayer for each of you is you find and foster such friendships in your own life, that God’s sovereign hand would lead you to godly friendships full of laughter, love and blessing. In Jesus’ name, amen!

We’d love it if you joined the conversation.  What are your thoughts on friendship? Post your thoughts on the Facets of Faith Facebook page.

 

Categories // Friendship, Guest Perspectives, Thelma! Who's Your Louise? Tags // Adoption, Adventure, Friendship, Luke 1, Luke 1:39-46, Mary and Elizabeth, Road trip

What We All Need: Got a Good Friend?

08.11.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Hey, friend, welcome to FACETS. This month we’re exploring a good question: Hey, Thelma! Who’s your Louise? If you’re struggling with “connection” to this flick because you’ve seen it, know that the Facets want to lean into some themes without getting trapped in the cultural swirl down some drain. Love it or hate it, the movie includes intriguing cultural commentary. Maybe. Anyway—if you’re looking for Tracy’s post, it’s HERE. Pop in for Megan’s thoughts next week!

Hey, Thelma! Who's Your Louise? (J Howe)

I hadn’t seen Thelma and Louise. I watched it and found it jarring. If your story has threads common to mine and you haven’t watched it yet, I’d offer words of caution. It could be triggering. Still, I’m still thinking about something that struck me:

We all need a good friend to do life with!

I wrote this in 2018 (though I edited it here):

I’m in the season of…“Uncle!” Anyone else in that?
Most of us are stronger than we let on. We put our best foot forward and let the rest fade to the shadows. In a “fake it till you make it” sense, it’s better than sharing the “stuff” of life. I’ve got news for you: this culture isn’t what we were made for. We were made for something else—something much more!
Each of us fights a hundred battles. Sometimes daily. Privately. Secretly. Because it’s “easier” than being vulnerable.
None of us was made to peek out from the arrow slits in our thick, stone castle walls we carefully constructed. Doing life quietly and alone is a choice, but it means limiting the beautiful aspects of relationship: facing struggles together, tackling a challenge with a buddy, loving in the hard stuff, companionship in the sadness or failures, and the shared, ecstatic joy that goes with the high points.
Together we are amazing. People can share and care and laugh and cry together; and, no matter what, the whole thing is sweeter for the presence of other souls.
Who do you do life with? Are you looking for more people to include, or do you think you have enough friends? Maybe—just maybe—it isn’t about you.
“And that’s all I have to say about that.” ~Forrest Gump

When this popped up in Facebook memories, I sat with it. I wrote that? It’s still true. It feels perfect for life right now, too.

We all need…

Friend, this slice of life feels like “culture Sirens” calling and encouraging me to settle into isolation, intentional division, and internal chaos. In a world where a virus seems to govern who we connect or hang with and when, where faces are obscured whenever we get close, where a slew of “differences” that divide us are highlighted more than ever—isolation is an option, a respected choice, even a new normal.

We divide over so many things, more than I remember in my sheltered life. I feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, unsure how to proceed in connection and conversation. Can I enter into the civil discourse I was trained to engage in? I’m not sure. Can I just be “me” in a culture that might not value the intricate beauty of individual thought, skill, and appearance?

This funny thing happens when I spend too much time alone: I get myopic and then deaf. I can’t see clearly to address my faults, and I only hear the story I’m telling myself. In isolation I live in the echo chamber of my story, my preferences and peeves, and the projects and problems in front of me. On a bad day, “projects and problems” are people, and I’m sad about that.

I cannot thrive in isolation, and neither can you. You might argue “love is all we need.”1 Our hearts are wired to love and be loved. Or is it that God simply has to be enough? The all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present God who loves us will never come up short. Period.

And yet—God saw fit to create humanity for relationship with Him and others.

In the book of Genesis, the “not good” thing was Adam’s lack of companionship with another human. Yes, God purposefully created and established family, but somehow I don’t think it was all about sex. I mean, it was about sex, but… [Putting down the shovel so I stop digging a hole with a flushed face.]

In Acts 2 regular connection in Christian community was important. It was for their survival and to meet practical needs, but it was also for their hearts, minds, and souls! It was good and right to meet and eat together, discuss deep things, and welcome others into their lives. They rejected the idea of a “private faith” or isolation in order to preserve their lives in an oppressive culture.

Really, I have no concept how dangerous it is to publicly live a faith in Jesus in parts of the world. Seriously. I do know persecution stokes vibrancy in a follower’s faith, or it reveals a casual fan. Fans burn bright when the sun is shining. Vibrant followers are live coals—get a few together and a bonfire happens in the rain! We need each other.

God uses His Spirit and relationships to ignite or re-ignite our hearts for Him and His passions.

A good friend…

I used to pick friends like I chose music: a heap of encouragement, pleasant-sounding key, and a hint of adventure. It’s selfish and maybe self-destructive to choose my inner circle that way.

It feels easy when relationships have less resistance or none. I like me and my preferences, but I don’t need another me in my life. My friends need to be who they are, not some carbon copy of my favorite things, and there’s good reason.

When I want to know the best way to do life, I find solid wisdom in the book of Proverbs:

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity. 17:17 ESV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy. 27:6

And then there’s the book of James:

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 4:4

A real friend speaks words rooted in the truth and love of God regardless of personal preferences. Preferences out of step with God’s mind and heart are in step with the world; I don’t see any wiggle room.

I’m reminded how much I need God and His people in my life. His people know and share His truth, love, wisdom, and counsel, and that’s critical—especially if I take a few steps on the wild side that dishonors the One who lived, died, and resurrected for me.

Good friends, you know who you are—you have permission: speak truth to me when I’m cycling lies in my head or spreading them. Please!

To do life with!

When I met one friend, she was completely wide-eyed when my last name was Asian but my face wasn’t. We were in a small group that eventually ended. If we were going to be good friends, we’d have to go beyond the weekly two-hour time slot. We chose to do that. Our hearts and everyday lives are knit together.

I connected with another friend through writing. Our get-to-know-you conversations deepened. We “wrote together separately” for months. Then we collaborated. We even took our families on a vacation together! That’s one of the sweetest times I can remember. Distance is happening, but I think we’re “knit.”

A new friend and I are taking the “polar plunge” into relationship, and I love it! We talk about the stuff of life; it’s the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. Knit one, purl two…

This “doing life with” thing is important. You instinctively know it, but here are thoughts:

  • Good friends speak truth when it’s unpopular.
    Ask: Is God’s truth, love, and passion strengthened by this friendship?
  • Good friends lean in whenever possible, sometimes when it’s inconvenient.
    Ask: Can this friendship bear and share difficult times and some needs?
  • Good friends do mundane things together.
    Ask: Can this friendship go beyond the “special” into “everyday reality”?

B-b-b-b-but distancing…

Proximity is wonderful, but it isn’t everything. Closeness in relationship has more to do with heart connection (even two-dimensionally, if necessary). I keep telling myself that because I’m not a fan of Zoom-everything. *grin* Lean in. Don’t quit. Don’t let someone or something tell you isolation is good or right. It’s not.

And one more thing, if I want this beautiful, genuine relational connection, I become both a giver and receiver of these things. A good friend to do life with might be found in surprising places, and she’s probably not every acquaintance you have. The friendship is selected and forged intentionally—maybe in the fires of disagreement.

What will you do? Maybe the friends you let in, the relationships you continually lean into, are the friends you keep. Maybe you’d choose different friends if you thought about it. What do you think? Pop a comment below or share at our Facebook page.

Signature: Jennifer Howe

 

 

 

 

 


¹Lyrics.com, STANDS4 LLC, 2020. “All You Need Is Love Lyrics.” Accessed August 11, 2020. https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/9878509/The+Beatles.

Categories // Friendship, Jennifer Howe's Perspective, Thelma! Who's Your Louise? Tags // Doing life together, Facets of Faith, Friendship, Good friend, James 4:4, Proverbs 17:17, Proverbs 27:6, Relational closeness, Relationship, social distancing, Thelma and Louise

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