Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

5 Questions to Ask About Life’s Hard Places

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Hello, friend! Thanks for visiting Facets of Faith. It’s always a pleasure to meet you here. This month’s topic is infused with the “back to school” mindset, but with a twist. Tracy shared her thoughts on “What are you going back to?” here, and Kim will share next week. I’m really excited that Tracy’s hubby, Sam, will be our guest the fourth week! (You read that right. A different voice and perspective will be shared, and we’re really excited he responded to our ask!) Be sure to visit Facets each Tuesday for new posts.

What am I (Jennifer) going back to?

For you to understand what I’m going back to, you’d need to know how I spent my last weekend. I had the privilege of attending training focused on becoming a competent caregiver for children who have come from hard places. While we’ve all had experience with hard things in life, not all of us know the difficulty of intense trauma. I want to be better equipped to do slices of life with those who know what “hard place” really means. That could be a few minutes, weeks, months, or years.

What I’m going back to is some of the hard places in my own life. Admittedly, some of the events written into my story are blips on the radar, some are stones I’ve taken out of my load and left at the side of the road, a very few are landmines I need to be confident are defused. The trauma training encouraged me to go back and take a second look a few events, and I’m sure it’s related to deeper healing, more confidence in my story, and understanding how it can be powerful in the lives of others. (Have you ever considered that your personal story has power to help others overcome some of the challenges in their own?)

But why go back?

…the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,” and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.” 2 Peter 2:22

Is returning to the past like parking in front of a train wreck and gaping at the damage? I suppose it could be—but if we did it with a healthier process and purpose—then no, it’s returning to those hard places to gain perspective and loosen the grip the event may have on our heart, mind, and behavior. Peter isn’t referring to a healthy look at our past here. He’s adamant about not returning to our hurtful behaviors over and over. To some extent the behavior comes out of our hard places, so returning to those hard places with a healthy mindset and healing in mind is really important. That’s the goal we should have in mind.

When I go back to the events of the past, I sit with little vignettes, try to capture them, and the purpose emerges from the shadows. When I sift through details, I take extra time to find three things:

  • the power in the memory (What control does this memory have?)
  • the plans of the Enemy (How does this memory serve the enemy of my soul and wreck me?)
  • and the presence of Jesus. (Can I see Jesus in this memory?)

These three pieces are important to the transformation that follows. They are also common elements in every story. Mine. Yours. Everyone’s. If we examine these three things, I think we defuse that landmine. I encourage you to try answering these three questions in any of your “hard place” memories.

My next step is to think about two questions that have the ability to shift perspective on nearly any life story.

  • What do I believe about God based on what has happened to me?
  • What is true about God based on what is written in Scripture?

Something settles in my soul in those two questions. I almost felt and heard “Kachunk!” in my spirit when I was introduced to them. These questions begged to be answered, and I understood why. My perspective about God is crucial. It’s only in relationship to Him that I can understand some of the story details, events, and characters. I may never understand the hows and whys in my story in this life, but I have no hope of a healthy viewpoint or healing without God.

Some of you know I’ve been working on writing my story, White Wave Crashing. When my eyes took in the scenes of my life at a glance, I overlooked the presence of Jesus. I was angry that he overlooked the indelible ink falling to the pages of my life. Was he invisible? Unconcerned? (The answer is, “No!” but it took time to discover that.) I hope you find that to be true, too. He loves us. Deeply. And he wants to sit with us in the exuberant joy, the deep sorrow, and the painful grief.

Now at some point, you might join me in going back to your own “hard places,” and when you do, I hope you’ve got something you can use along the way. When you begin to remember, I hope you’ll find healing for your soul, too. Try some introspective work with the questions above. Invite Holy Spirit to do the work with you. There is victory over the enemy of our souls when we step forward, meet the challenges in our stories, and tell of the things God has done.

Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me. Psalm 66:16

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17

Thanks for reading along! You have no idea how exciting it is to walk the road with friends who drop in and share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences on the monthly topic. Will you share yours?

Add a comment below or visit us at our Facebook Page. Please share us with friends you think would be encouraged by Facets of Faith, too. We’d love that. Subscribe to our feed in the sidebar so you’ll never miss a post.

It’s so nice to know you, friend!Signature, Jennifer Howe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**If you’re interested in orphan care or curious about the training I did this weekend, connect to http://back2back.org/ or https://cafo.org/summit/intensives/trauma/. The CAFO material was presented by a speaker in a smaller, home environment, and it was wonderful!
(Shameless plug for this amazing ministry…)

The Gifts of Joy and Humor in Life

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Hi, friend! You came to visit, and I’m so glad you did! This month the FACETS are sharing about God’s sense of humor and joy, so August is peppered with chuckles. Tracy shared last week, and you’ll want to get your eyeballs on that one! You won’t want to miss Kim’s contribution next week. Then one of my dearest friends will share a guest post. You definitely need to read Jenna’s post the fourth week. Please hop into the flow and share your funnies, too!

The platypus. If someone wants to know how I (Jennifer) am absolutely sure God has a sense of humor, I could point to the most distinct critter on the planet. An egg-laying mammal is unusual. This toothless creature has no stomach; he has a gullet like a bird and relies on gravel to eat and digest food. He has a duck bill that can detect electrical fields—that’s a superpower. Retractable webbing allows him to change from web-footed water critter to sharp-clawed land rambler like a Transformer®️. And the best part? Mr. Platypus (and only the mister) is—wait for it!—venomous! God’s creativity incorporating unique characteristics from every part of His mind definitely reveals something of His sense of humor. There’s so much joy for me in platypi.

But God doesn’t stop His fantastic originality with critters. Do you know someone who shows off God’s seed of humor in their lives? I have been big-time blessed with two sons, and that (as some boy moms will agree) is fodder for all kinds of laughs. Though, I admit my laughs often had some delay—minutes, days, or decades. *Grin* Take this example: a few weeks ago my brother-in-law shared snippets of the video from his wedding about ten years ago. One clip was PRICELESS!

Imagine: A roaming videographer is capturing best wishes for the newlyweds. This is so perfect and sweet. The video will be the best reminder of all the friends and family on a very special day. What a precious way to walk Memory Lane together after decades of life together.

Fast forward to the part we saw…

My husband’s happy face stared right into the lens and shared nearly two minutes of encouraging words. I was interested in hearing what he had to say, since I hadn’t heard it the first time around. And then…

The “Hambone.” My preschool-aged son’s face appeared in the lower right corner of the screen behind his daddy. First one side, then the other, and back to the first side, making faces the whole time. (We all laughed at the boy playing for the camera while the very happy, encouraging daddy had no idea.) It was one of those adorable moments captured for all time, and it was hilarious!

Eventually, the adorable boy with neatly spiked hair in a tux lost interest in the camera and moved on. Tony kept encouraging the newlywed couple, but I drifted from the words. I noticed, behind him several feet away, I was having a conversation with a cousin. The conversation paused—

The boy had found an open area on the carpet in the lobby and shifted to his favorite activity: breakdancing. In the middle of the lobby. (Have I mentioned he was wearing a rented tux?) Honestly, he had some impressive moves for a preschooler, including spins. Conversations continued around him—except his mom’s.

I had trouble focusing on his dance moves in the video because the next thing I saw was my ASL non-verbal communication kick in. (I had to laugh.) To my husband’s left on the screen is a spinning dance move. Over my husband’s right shoulder is me, signaling what most people know as “SAFE!” in baseball. Back then, I just hoped my son could remember it meant “Don’t!” I probably I hoped the accompanying look filled in any gaps.

Now all of us were laughing at the video, and I was laughing so hard the tears were flowing!

Friend, I can’t tell you how perfectly-timed my brother-in-law’s video was. Sometimes life can be tiring and just too serious, can’t it? Sometimes we desperately need to laugh, and it’s hard to know where it will come from. Maybe it’s the joy in the platypus. It could be in watching someone enjoy life to the full (breakdancing in a tux and all!). Maybe you begin to laugh at yourself. I know this: we really need to laugh! I’m glad sometimes we have the gift of laughter when we need it.

If you’re a mom of littles, you might enjoy laughs several times a day (little people are funny, after all). But maybe that’s not your life—the littles, the laughs, or the frequency of them. If I could do one thing differently, I think I would search harder for the humor in the everyday. The spray-starched sheltie’s 90-minute bath would have been fun. The two-year-old on the refrigerator would have been funny. The ridiculous tendency to get lost would be hilarious. Stress’ kryptonite is laughter, I think.

When life is challenging and you’re feeling pressed by the stuff of life, it’s time to laugh. Who do you know that can bring you back to your giggles, chuckles, and all-out belly laughs? That’s a good place to start.

God’s gift of humor and joy is precious during the hard times. Where we ultimately want to get to is the place of joy—the upbeat, peacefulness blanketing us when we stand in the messy kitchen or the eye of the hurricane. Can you find humor in some of it? Can you find your joy even if the humor hasn’t arrived yet?

Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. Proverbs 31:25 CSB

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice, let them forever shout for joy! Shelter them; and they will be glad, those who love your name. Psalm 5:11 CJB

How have you seen God’s gift of humor or joy in your life? Take time to thank the friend who gifted it to you when you needed it. Be sure to gift it to others when you can.

Thanks for reading, friend! Would you gift me and the readers with your humor or joy today? Share below or at the Facebook Page.

Signature, Jennifer Howe

“I Give Up. Who Am I?”

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Hello, friend! I’m glad you paused for this month’s topic at FACETS because it’s a good one! Tracy’s post last week was heart-felt and full of truth. Kim will bring her beautiful heart to the screen next week. Then we look forward to a guest we think you should know the fourth week. Take a peek on Tuesdays to find out what’s happening at Facets. We think amazing conversations can begin surrounding the topics and posts.


What’s your secret? I (Jennifer) suffer from bouts with amnesia. When I sat down to write I wondered if I’d find myself in good company. Maybe I will. The truth is, sometimes I have no idea who I am. More importantly, I forget whose I am. Let me explain.

For those who believe God, you know there was a point in time when everything changed. That was true for me the summer of ’94. I had survived so many challenging relationships, experiences, and choices by then. That summer, I made the only choice that will ever matter, I think. I decided to believe God. Sure, I could have tried to do all the right things to impress Almighty God, Holy God—but that couldn’t work. I would still be the court jester performing for the King in His presence, and it wouldn’t do a thing to address the real problem. Outside of believing God, I can do nothing to improve my condition: I’m imperfect in the presence of holiness, offending holy God by trying to be good enough to earn His love. What does that mean? When my imperfection meets Holy God, He has resolved everything in Jesus.

It’s new life and new beginnings in that moment, right? Yes!

A-n-n-n-nd then I forget who I am and whose I am. The past creeps into a moment and blackens it. Memories of whatever I thought changed my life forever in a bad way slither onto the stage of my mind and begin the ugly dance I’ve seen before. I think I even know the choreography by now. The amnesia tries to strip me of my whole identity. Oh, it’s never all at once. Usually, it’s bit by bit, little things I might not even notice at first—the slip of an unkind word or thought, replacing the truth with something slightly warped or “more interesting” than reality. You get the picture. Maybe you even have the dance in your own head choreographed. It tends to look something less of the people of God and more like people who have no regard for Him.

But we are called to something else!

2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT

In my best moments, this is what I want—to believe God and live in a way that honors Him. Then the amazing adventure follows: His good plan for my life. And so, I begin by believing that He has a good plan…and that He wants me to think clearly about who He is, who I am, and the good life He has planned.

But, the cause of the amnesia is often from a single root. When I forget, I’m missing who He is and my identity that is a gift from Him through Jesus. The great thing is, when I can’t remember, powerful words  will serve to correct my thought patterns and create the right kind of memory! (Thank you for the Bible, God!)

King David puts it beautifully in Psalm 139, CSB:

1 Lord, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. 3 You observe my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it, Lord. 5 You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me. 6 [This] extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to [reach] it.

Is there any moment in time when my God, my Abba, my Daddy, isn’t aware of me, my world, and even my internal life? No, my God knows everything about me, and He’s mindful of me!

7 Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I go up to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there. 9 If I live at the eastern horizon [or] settle at the western limits, 10 even there Your hand will lead me; Your right hand will hold on to me.

Can I mistakenly find myself out of His sight? Will I be misled? No, He is always with me, ready to lead me in the right direction. And the best part? He holds me close. He loves me; I’m never alone and He leads me if I’m willing (if I’ll surrender to His will).

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will become night”— 12 even the darkness is not dark to You. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to You.

But those dark times—is He aware, and does He care? I must remember: yes, He knows. More than that, He is with me in them, and there are times He will bring light to the darkness, the kind that overwhelms the dark entirely. I also know there are times I may not see brilliant light for a while, and then I’ll have enough light for the step I’m taking (Psalm 119:105). Some things I can’t change, but I know the light and the darkness are under His power.

13 For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know [this] very well. 15 My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all [my] days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began.

Verses 13-16 can be the first step in the amnesia dance in my head. (Is it similar in your head?) I quickly forget the amazing thing that happens when God creates life. Sometimes it’s hard to see the beauty or even to love the life I have. The struggle is real when I think about whatever seems “off” from others’ “normal.” Is it “wonderful” when _______ is part of everyday life? (Fill in the blank with thousands of options!) You and I were made with purpose and for a purpose. God had a plan from the beginning, and there is no Plan B. Plan A is redemption of all things (the good, the bad, the ugly in everything), and His plan is to use people (very often) to bring things to right in this world. (Here’s a random thought: think about how many people work for God and have no idea they do. Atheist doctors may resist that thought. *grin*)

17 God, how difficult Your thoughts are for me [to comprehend]; how vast their sum is! 18 If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with You.

With all that I know about my God, there is so much I can never grasp! What I really want to begin to understand is that li’l, old me is so precious to Him that He thinks of me all the time. Imagine that! And He thinks of all of us in this way and so frequently. I don’t steal a single thought moment from you, friend, and you don’t steal from me. We are equally precious!

23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.

Here’s the deep root of the surrender part! I have to ask myself questions, and the answers are telling. Do I believe God, that He is good, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, loving, and always thinking of me? Do I believe He has my best interest in mind with every single detail of my life—the things He allows and the things He doesn’t, the things He changes or stops…and the things He doesn’t? Because, if I believe God (in the true character and identity!), then I want Him to speak to me about my words, thoughts, actions, and plans for each day. And I really don’t want to offend Him.

That means I will learn the heart and mind of my God. I will study who He is, and ask Him to help me live in a way that reveals more obviously whose I am. That’s fighting the amnesia with truth and reality, and that makes me less drawn into the dance each time.

Am I perfect? Somehow more perfect than I was the summer of ’94?

Yes…and no.

I am a child of the King. I was redeemed (simultaneously bought with a price and made right in the sight of Holy God) on that day. So yes, I am so different now. I know exactly how the plan ends, but only because I believe God, honestly.

And I live a real life in this world. Ask anyone, and they will tell you I have some “skillz” (with a Z). I have beautiful friends and family who have seen me eat a lot of things: humble pie, crow, and my own feet (both of them!). My love of words can be the very thing that ruins me some days. I also have to learn to love well because that’s really hard for me for lots of reasons. And as I said, the past chases me and tries to figure out how to command center stage in my mind.

But this is about surrender and the pursuit of it. The truth is, we live in the already and not yet of all of this.

When any one of us dives deep into the truth of what God has to say—and when we believe God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do…

That’s when He brings life and liberty in the pursuit of surrender, baby! We are more alive than ever, and we live in freedom that comes with that belief and knowledge.

All that said, if you’re living in the “real world” with difficult struggles and challenges in the pursuit of surrender, I want to share the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr. I hope it speaks to you, too. We are all in the process of pursuit.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
 and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
 as it is, not as I would have it; 
Trusting that He will make all things right 
if I surrender to His Will;
 That I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
 Forever in the next. Amen. ~Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Neibuhr (1892-1971)

Thanks for reading, friend! Please comment below or at our Facebook Page. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic this month, Psalm 139, or the Serenity Prayer.

Signature, Jennifer Howe