Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

What Do I Have to Offer: The Gift of Me

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We’re nearly halfway into December, and I (Jennifer) wonder if you’re looking forward to celebrating the birth of our Savior, too. I remember lots of precious moments in my decades of Christmases, but I have favorites: the gifts wrapped in multiple layers. A big box emerged from the tree’s low, ornament-laden branches, and the fun began. At the heart of several wrapped boxes was a small, precious gift. Something that might be overlooked for its small size was given significance and greater excitement in the context of beautiful presentation and heightened expectation over several minutes of opening and opening and opening again.

Creative presentation and the extended opening process can be fun. It takes time to get to the best part, and the heart of the gift is the gift. When I thought about that, my mind wandered to another instance of something precious hidden deep inside. Matryoshka dolls. Nested inside an intricately painted wooden doll “shell” are several more until the smallest one is found at the heart of the last opened doll. It’s similar to the gift within a gift within a gift, isn’t it? I imagine a little girl eagerly opening each one to see where the smallest one would appear.

The gift-opening process and nested dolls grabbed my attention when I thought about December’s topic. I think that, at the heart of who we are, is God-given purpose that includes our entire being woven into a beautiful, partially-hidden opportunity. We’re more complex than the dolls, but not different in our many layers of gifts and talents or interests and passions. Our physical, emotional, and spiritual makeup plus our experiences are all part of the package. And we become the gift, if we choose. We can do that by offering ourselves as a gift God can use in the lives of others. The choice is rooted in our God-given purpose: to glorify God and love Him forever.

When I think of myself as a gift, ideas swirl through my mind. Jack of all trades, master of none. The “utility player” on the softball team. The “quick study” who can figure out or learn most assignments or tasks. The mind with a little knowledge on a variety of subjects (but never algebra or some sciences). Some of us have no single thing we do well with laser precision. (Does this resonate with you?) It’s possible to feel confusion about how we can serve others.

Some talents reside closer to the surface. When my friend needs line editing or proofing done, that seems natural. If my son needs a ride somewhere, the driving is nearly automatic. My education and experience in some areas make gifting myself a matter of decision (willingness). My skill set isn’t challenged as much as my heart to serve graciously. I cherish the “easy” tasks—the low-hanging fruit—I simply have to choose to engage my heart, especially when I’m unaware of the far-reaching effects hidden from view.

When I offer the “gift of me,” I have to assess what God has placed in me (talents and experience), what excites me (passion), and where I can be effective (circle of influence, resources, and time I have). I have to be completely honest with God, myself, and others because I have a heart to have influence and impact in a number of areas. I want to be everywhere and try anything. Then Paul reminds me:

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.  Romans 12 CSB

We each need to identify who we are in service to others. For me, that can be as basic as knowing my math limitations. It’s embracing my heart for toddlers and the reality of their dependence. I may want to serve my neighbor, but language and cultural barriers should be acknowledged. My passion, education, and experience have real limits. I have to honestly ask—what has God put in me?

Then there are times we ask what God is ready to pour into us. We’ve talked about “big asks” and times we decide to serve others in ways that require sacrifice, God-given strength, and endurance. When we gift ourselves for someone’s blessing this way because we’ve been led to it by the Spirit of God, we get to the heart of the gift, the central part of our heart and our purpose. The gift is more significant because it requires unique sacrifice. The gift is bigger than we can muster (we can’t take credit), and the effect is often more than we can even hope (we couldn’t make it happen alone). When we make our whole self available to God for his power and purposes, crazy-awesome things can happen! I think that’s the essence of loving God with your whole heart, mind, and strength.

“The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever” (Westminster Shorter Catechism). That, friends, is our soul purpose in this life and the next. Any gift each one of us gives can line up with that, but do the intentional heart, mind, and strength checks regularly. My purpose is not to proofread, but proofreading can serve in a significant, impactful way. The relationship with the author may be influential. The content of the proofread text may have far-reaching effects. My purpose is not to drive, but the time I choose to chauffeur may impact the life of my son or someone he encounters. The prayer I pray in uncertainty with faith in the One who hears it may be the opportunity God uses in my life and the one I pray for. Each of these gifts I give reside at different depths of who I am, but they are opportunities to serve and bless someone.

We all have a range of opportunities and things to offer. Will you lean in? Will you give the gift of you? I wonder what had God placed in you…

The gift of you (your talent, education, experience, and passion) is a blessing to you in order to be a blessing. How can you line up all of who you are and everything you’ve been equipped to do with your God-given purpose? What do you think? Comment below or at our Facebook Page.

Happy holy days from my heart to yours!

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Saying No: a closer look at how and when we say, “No.”

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2We wrote about saying yes last month. This month we’re taking a look at when to say no. Take a look at Tracy’s post from last week here.

I (Jennifer) received a precious tutorial from a friend, and I’ll pass it on to you:

Place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth just behind your teeth. Take a deep breath and begin to “hum” the N consonant sound. Follow that with a sustained “long O” sound. Practice the lip shape in the transition from one letter to the other: relaxed and half open to a near-puckered kiss. Try it: “N-n-n-no!”

That’s my public service tutorial for the week. I hope it’s helpful. When my beautiful friend shared this with me, I laughed. The lesson was precious, and I review it often.

What’s the point of beginning with the speech therapy part of the “No” process? If you’re like me, you might forget the word is even an option. Those who love to make others happy may forget. Those seeking to discover who they are and where their specific talents, abilities, and giftedness lie can forget. And sometimes the significance of the ask can cause us to take leave of our senses long enough that Yes completely obscures No. Have you been there?

We know how to say no, but do we know when to say it?

Competing event invitations, multiple employment opportunities (or even just one), and other commitments require a response. An unfamiliar person in the crowd obviously needs encouragement. A desperate person in financial crisis begs for help. When do we say no? I’m not sure there’s a single, easy answer.

I know I’m tempted to give a quick no when three things come into play: my comfort, my courage, or my ego-centric leanings. You, too?

The reality is my comfort zone “footprint” can be a bit small. I’m rarely the early adopter of new ideas, places, or processes. (I’ve lagged in nearly everything from social media to Thai food.) If it’s not broken, I don’t feel the need to fix it, either. My courage quotient rarely lands in the “boldly go where no man has gone before” quadrant (StarTrek, 1966).

Simply put, my reasons for offering a quick no may be knee-jerk and ego-centric in nature. I notice one thing about all of the above—it’s all about me—and I’m not proud of that. It’s easy to refuse any ask (from my Father God or a friend) when I’m all wrapped up in me, my skill set, or my comfort. It might be a confidence-competency-fear thing for some of us, and it can be for me. That’s not new. The Bible highlights the hesitations some of God’s key men and women had when He made big asks.

But Moses replied to the Lord, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent—either in the past or recently or since You have been speaking to Your servant—because I am slow and hesitant in speech.” Exodus 4:10 CSB

Moses presented his case for dismissal from the God-given assignment to return to Egypt and lead the nation of Israel out of slavery into their own land. I think he believed he had good reason to be replaced. But God…

The Lord said to him, “Who made the human mouth? Who makes him mute or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will help you speak and I will teach you what to say.” Exodus 4:11-12

The Lord reminded Moses who he was and whose he was. When Moses nearly balked, He provided a companion for him: his Levite brother, Aaron, who had lived in Egyptian captivity for his whole life (vv. 14, 15). Moses accepted the assignment, but tentatively. God had a unique purpose set aside just for him.

In light of Moses’ story, I want to set new goals. I’d like to listen to requests more carefully first. An ask might come in the form of a beautiful invitation, employment opportunity, casual text, desperate cry, or a gentle nudge in my spirit. My schedule may be jam-packed or held open for any number of reasons. Still, the request deserves consideration, and I don’t want a knee-jerk no to be offered because I’m uncomfortable or afraid.

So, when can or should we say no? It seems like we should never refuse God, and then we have no idea when to say no. After all, He could want to use us in any scenario with anyone, right? Here are some thoughts as I’ve prayed about the “good no” response.

Could there be a lesson in listening? What if the leading in decisions should come from cultivated relationship? What if a bit of humility paired with lordship could infuse a no response with peace, trust, and courage?

Whatever my response, if I pause to listen, I’m making a conscious decision to hear what God has to say. Listening might look like stopping to pray, checking the boundaries expressed in Scripture, or asking a wise, trusted friend to speak into the decision. Do you know what happens when I want to know what the Lord has to say? He answers!

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

God loves to reveal Himself and tell us what He’s got in mind. We can rest in the truth of that. He will sort out His perfectly tailored asks from the ones that don’t fall in line with His good plans. That means listening often yields the right leading. Direction comes from pausing to listen, and intimate relationship is forged in that!

The third thing, humble response to His lordship, is powerful. When we are willing to follow through with the God-directed, “good no” we need to give, it’s infused with peace, trust, and courage. Over time, with practice in hearing and responding, we learn to trust the voice of God and become more confident in knowing His will. Sure, times of silence may still happen. Sometimes we may be given our own freedom to choose. But if we have taken time to listen and check for a leading, we’ve taken two great steps toward His guidance in any situation.

While there’s no guarantee we’ll never regret saying no, this process holds a lot of promise for the best chance to say no with peace. Then we learn to say no firmly in a loving tone. For me, that takes practice and a little finesse.

Thanks for reading along. I’d love to read your thoughts in the Comments below or at the Facebook page! Feel free to share your thoughts on your own blog, too, and let us know you’ve joined and continued the conversation.

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Yes? No? Maybe so…

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how-can-we-say-yesI (Jennifer) will let you in on a little secret. I’m afraid of commitment. Okay, I said it. It’s all out in the open now. Does that change our relationship? Maybe, but let me explain—

This month we’re talking about the “Y-word,” and that means commitment. If I say yes, I’m completely committed; I rarely back out. I take each one seriously, so I’m slow to respond to invitations, meetings, even coffee dates. I’m not talking about the calendar I haven’t memorized and my fear of over-booking like an airline. That happens. I’m talking about managing the number of yeses I offer. While I like to think I’m not the fool who rushes in, the truth is, my yes is so important to me, I reserve it (sometimes for too long).

When I think about saying yes to anything in my schedule, I’m reminded of the wisdom of James—

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15 CSB

Then there’s the wisdom of Jesus—

Just let your ‘Yes’ be a simple ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ a simple ‘No’; anything more than this has its origin in evil. Matthew 5:37 CJB

With those two things in mind, how can I give my best, solid yes to the next invitation that pops up? Am I arrogant in planning to go somewhere, see someone, or take on a project? If I say yes, what happens if something changes? (Have you heard of analysis paralysis?) I might get stuck in the “what ifs” surrounding commitment. I might be tempted to think any yes is prideful or chiseled in stone. I wonder if, under the right conditions, it’s none of those things.

I want my yes to be thoughtful and purposeful. When I consider “the Lord’s will,” I have a wonderful opportunity to think, pray, and respond. That’s really the process for me, on a good day.

When I’m asked to serve in some way (at someone’s request or God’s), it can be emotional. I love to be helpful and feel part of something larger than myself, which is a good thing. But I need to be wary of feeling puffed up if I contribute to any project or cause. That prideful attitude is not a good thing. So I try to examine my motives and personal agenda, if there is one. Whatever I do, I want to do with a clean hands and an honest heart.

I also have limited time, strength, and resources, if I’m honest. It makes sense to look at responsibilities and necessary boundaries before agreeing to anything. I might be tempted to give a quick yes with the best intensions, but the truth may be that I’m stretched too thin. When someone asks me to serve, I want my first thought to be Is this for me? Let me explain.

For we are His creation—created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 CSB

 Opportunities will always present themselves. From coffee dates to “big deal” decisions, I think the best, solid yes comes from knowing the request is, first, in keeping with God’s heart, plan, and his incredible hardwiring in us. My beautiful friend leaned into learning an instrument in a short time for a recording. I am not instrumentally-inclined, so I’m pretty sure that’s “not for me.” That doesn’t mean there won’t be asks that we know are specifically entrusted to us that are a stretch (God supernaturally fills canyon-wide gaps all the time). What’s most important in each yes we consider is if this ask or task is set aside for us for right now.

I ask myself, Is this something I am to walk in by the power of God? Is He working in this moment and inviting me to join Him? That’s what I want to know!

When others know our talents and giftedness, a good number of asks might be made, even frequently. If our God-given inclination is to lead, help, empower others, or show mercy, the requests may seem endless. That’s when we need to pause before responding. When we ask God what he has for us in the day, we will have the wisdom to know which yeses are ours.

Now, if I’m very transparent, just a drop of pride in the mix generates a longer list of opportunities to say yes. That’s where I come full-circle in this post. My fear of offering a yes is half-rooted in the fact that I know my pride might lead me to say yes too quickly or too often. The other half is rooted in the genuine, joyful follow-through on a commitment. Time, energy, resources, and failure swirl around all of that. I end up asking What if this is too much? What if I was never intended to join in this moment? Will I miss something else because of this yes?

There’s the tension in the yes for me. That’s why I want to pause, pray, and then jump in when I’ve got the go-ahead. Is this something you wrestle with, too?

Now you know the thoughts in my head that I hope keep me from going willy-nilly with the yeses in life. I haven’t been asked to fill a big role in full-time ministry in this season. I’m being asked to be present and look for the little yes (with bigger impact than I’ll probably know) in everyday life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on saying yes this week. Have you found a good way to identify the things “prepared in advance” for you? How has God shown you your beautiful asks and tasks that lay in front of you each day? Have you thought about it? If not, what will you do next?

Thanks for reading! Join the conversation this week and share your thoughts on how you come to your best, solid yes to God and others. I’d love to read what you have to say.

Jennifer Signature