Jennifer Howe's Perspective Archives – Page 2 of 20

Knowing and Growing with God: God in Us

10.13.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Hello! This month a FACET shares what’s happening here as we talk about knowing and growing with God:

As we start to dig into the Persons of God this month, we wanted to preface with a bit about what we believe. We believe in one God who exists in three persons—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. They are three individual Persons of one magnificent God. There are numerous scriptures throughout the New Testament that reference the three Persons of God individually, and together, giving us glimpses of the personality and characteristics of God. If you wrestle with the thought of one God in three Persons, we encourage you to lean in, pray, and ask God to further reveal Himself. We pray you find comfort in the greatness and vastness of our God, knowing we will forever have more to learn about Him.

Once upon a time…

I (Jennifer) put God in a box. He seemed, like the wind, invisible. In my ignorance, I assumed the situation was like Shrödinger’s cat: He was there, but I could never be sure if He was alive or dead. (Forgive me, Father!) I couldn’t be sure of what He might or might not do…or what He definitely wouldn’t do. My rebel heart was on a rampage.

Every so often it’s still tempting to throw a little tantrum when I can’t see what He’s doing, when I don’t know which way to go in the silence, when I can’t be sure He’s working in the way I’d like. (Key words: the way I’d like!)

The real truth is: this was nothing my Abba Father couldn’t handle or lead me through, and He graciously and mercifully did!

There was Someone I didn’t know…

I wasn’t reading enough of the Bible or looking very closely at the evidence surrounding me. It was the perfect setup for a setback in what should have been an intimate relationship with my God. How I calibrated “truth” in my life and heart mattered. A person’s version of truth and reality comes from somewhere; mine was a lot “loosey-goosey.”

Who is He?

When the conversation revolves around God, only ultimate truth will do. And His identity—Father, Son, and Spirit—that’s where His holiness, bigness, and otherness leaves me (and you?) speechless. Since it’s impossible to use my limited language and experience to express His identity with specific clarity, I know better than to try, I suppose. For simplicity, I want to think about the Person of God who has been my heart’s longing to know more and more intimately: His Holy Spirit.

Spirit of God…

The Spirit! I grew up reading ‘Holy Ghost’ in my Bible. Not a wrong translation necessarily, of course, but I’ve always had a certain mindset in connection with “ghost” because I lived through the extremes of the cultural conversation about spiritual things: Casper the Friendly Ghost and Poltergeist. It’s not surprising the culture holds mistaken ideas about His identity. What a challenging way to think about spiritual things and, ultimately, the Person of God!

God in us…

We have been given an incredible gift! Father God has always been for us; Jesus, Immanuel, is God with us; and Holy Spirit is God filling us. Please know there is little I can say here that is pinpoint accurate. I’m humbled with every word I try to put on the page.

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. Romans 8:9 ESV

For me, silence falls on those words.

The gift of Him and assurance…

Not only does every believer receive the presence of the Person of God, Holy Spirit, as a definite seal of belonging to God.

1 …I do not want you to be uninformed. 2 You know that when you were pagans you were led astray to mute idols, however you were led. 3 Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says “Jesus is accursed!” and no one can say “Jesus is Lord” except in the Holy Spirit. 1 Corinthians 12 ESV

A sure sign of life in Christ! We cannot speak truth, or perhaps even desire godly things, without the beautiful activity of His Spirit. Thank you, God, that You never wanted any of us to die apart from You (Matthew 18:14) and gifted us Your Spirit! Thank you, Spirit of mercy!

As if He were not enough…

In humility I come to these words and sit with them. Really—as if HE were not enough, He generously fills us with truth, wisdom, strength, and integrity we couldn’t even attempt to muster up!

For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out His good purpose.
Philippians 2:13 HCSB

And that’s why it has to be His truth, love, and power. Ours is flawed and weak in comparison. By His strength…

4 Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit… 11 All these [gifts] are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills. 1 Corinthians 12

Galatians 5:22-26 (fruit) and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 (gifts) reveal how a believer is equipped. A range of gifts are given in order to glorify God and bless others. How generous is our God!

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 2 Peter 1:3 ESV

“All we need for life and godliness”…that’s what some translations say. Thank goodness! It’s the indwelling of the Holy Spirit that makes that happen.

A prayer…

I would love to pray for both of us, friend, if you’ll have it:

I’m asking You, Spirit, to do this very thing: work in us! Grant us fresh mercy.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin… Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. — Psalm 51:1-2, Psalm 51:10-12

Enable us to desire and do the will of God, which is “good and perfect and pleasing” (Romans 12:1-2). We know Your goodness, love, and holiness; and we are getting to know the things You will do! Holy Spirit, we want to be intimately knowing and growing with YOU! Help us lean into the Word of God instead of others’ takes on what the Bible says.

Neither by our human strength nor our measly power, ‘but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts’ (Zechariah 4:6).

“By my Spirit,” says the Lord. It’s a good word!

Thanks for reading, friend. Be blessed as you go today! Should you choose to share this with a friend, I’d be humbled.

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Let’s Be Real: I Gotta Be Me!

09.10.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Hello friend, welcome to FACETS of Faith! We’re so glad you popped in to see what’s happening this month. As usual, the team kicks around the deeper, more personal thoughts from several perspectives. Have you ever wondered if it’s safe to be really you in your relationships or the people in your world? Yeah, we sometimes wonder the same thing! This week, I gotta be me. Come back for thoughts from Tracy, Megan, and our special guest.

It’s time I (Jennifer) let you in on a little secret: I’ve got skillz, with a Z. In 2015 I knew it, and the other Facets knew it, too. My top writerly skill just might be—writing myself out of a piece. I tried leaning in years ago, and I’m still trying. So, this is me being honest and vulnerable; you are free to embrace it, engage, or make a quick exit stage left. FACETS was intended to be a safe space for each of us to be unique and genuine! If I’m going to be really me, I hope you’ll be authentically you.

The most excruciating thing to happen to me was that a best friend moved away. Black, mascara-tainted tears ran down my face. I “ugly-cried” for hours. I couldn’t imagine life without her. I was pretty sure I’d die. (It was junior high, after all.)

Relationship is Connection

Once upon a time I was fine with chit-chat involving the weather; a few happy, sound-bite quips; and a slow, casual swim in the relational shallow end. I wasn’t the only one. Everybody was doing it! Until they weren’t.

If you and I chatted over coffee long enough, the casual conversation would eventually turn and take a dive below the surface, but that’s new. I don’t think I “settle” in relationships anymore.

Each woman I know is unique, and our point of connection is, too. One friend was willing to be my first Christian friend, and she shared her time, wisdom, and her home. Another friend shared her story, and it changed my life. One woman was so generous with her time, we talked almost daily for years. One relationship taught me about relationship, and I’m so grateful!

These women set a high bar for relational connection, vulnerability, and personal integrity. I want to be like them when I grow up. Each one was a safe place for me to land; I hope to be a safe place for others.

Connection Without a Safety Net

Vulnerability is risky. A safety net just seems smart and feels good. The highlight reel is the net because it matches the social media story. Life is easy when the story and the persona remain consistent and shallow.

It gets complicated when Mount Laundrymore erupts in relationships. I believed no one needed my dirty laundry lava—the trauma I lived through, the horrible choices in my twenties, the fights with family members, the swear words I dropped as word weapons when I lost control, my personal and professional failures, the words I bled all over the keyboard that were never read, the meltdown I had in the church lobby over the weekend…

Am I the Real Deal?

It’s all true up there, but those stories aren’t for everyone. And my whole life isn’t just “dirty laundry” either. Who I genuinely am shouldn’t be locked away in a secret place, but isn’t for every human I meet. I think of relationships as dots plotted on a target with a bullseye in the center. Acquaintances are placed in the outer rings, friends and family land in the smaller rings, and then there’s the inner circle.

Truth is, authenticity and integrity beg for the same Jen to connect with everyone at all the levels, but I think long and hard about who I’ll share deeply, genuinely, and generously with. Not everyone should know all of me, but a select few should know the good, bad, and ugly of me.

BFFs?

Is “best friends forever” a thing? My junior high and high school yearbooks say so. Only a handful of friendships have continued to this stage of life, and I’m not sure we’d say we’re BFFs.

I look at friendship differently than I did. Deep, genuine connection is the most important thing now, and that’s becoming rare these days. My closest friends share something special. A forever friend shares a relationship built on something that really does last forever. Frankly, that’s a relationship rooted in Jesus. (I told you I was going to be authentically me.)

Rhyme, Reason, or for a Season?

I can and do have a variety of relationships. Goodness, my friends share common activities, interests, professional skills, hobbies, and even friends! I have very few lifetime friends; those are probably called sisters. I have many friends I realized I needed in my life for a reason. And there are just too many heading off into the distance these days. I think I’ve decided I hate the idea of connection “for a season.”

Disconnection

My friends are sometimes only two-thirds of three dimensions. Little screen faces are hard for me to connect with, to feel safe with. I don’t know why, really. There’s a disconnect.

Harder still, close friends are leaving me! Ladies I’ve laughed, cried, and done sweet ministry with are moving away. A coffee date, an awkward text, or a social media share drops the bomb. It really doesn’t matter how I find out, it’s painful. If the connection feels close, but the reveal is impersonal, it’s excruciating.

People move. It’s what we do. Few people stay in the same place their whole lives. Fewer remain at the same church. What are the chances we’ll stay deeply-connected friends?

Connection is a Choice

Technology is in our favor, they say. It can be like a move never happened, they say. I’m not totally convinced. BUT you and I can choose to leverage all the ways to connect, and we can do it well. Everyone needs love, encouragement, and support, and we can use technology in ten different ways to offer those things. We can also schedule a lunch date, go for a walk, or meet for coffee. The common thread? One person talks to another person, and the conversation leads to relational connection that works for those two people.

It’s a choice to ask, and a choice to accept. It’s a choice to be authentic, genuine, and generous. Am I willing to be vulnerable, pick up the phone, open my laptop, or walk over to my good friend’s (masked) face and say, “Hey! I’ve got time. We need to connect—deeply and for real!”

Thanks for dropping by and hanging with me. Are you wrestling with connection in a social-distanced, fractured world? How are you managing? I’d love to read your thoughts below.

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What We All Need: Got a Good Friend?

08.11.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Hey, friend, welcome to FACETS. This month we’re exploring a good question: Hey, Thelma! Who’s your Louise? If you’re struggling with “connection” to this flick because you’ve seen it, know that the Facets want to lean into some themes without getting trapped in the cultural swirl down some drain. Love it or hate it, the movie includes intriguing cultural commentary. Maybe. Anyway—if you’re looking for Tracy’s post, it’s HERE. Pop in for Megan’s thoughts next week!

I hadn’t seen Thelma and Louise. I watched it and found it jarring. If your story has threads common to mine and you haven’t watched it yet, I’d offer words of caution. It could be triggering. Still, I’m still thinking about something that struck me:

We all need a good friend to do life with!

I wrote this in 2018 (though I edited it here):

I’m in the season of…“Uncle!” Anyone else in that?
Most of us are stronger than we let on. We put our best foot forward and let the rest fade to the shadows. In a “fake it till you make it” sense, it’s better than sharing the “stuff” of life. I’ve got news for you: this culture isn’t what we were made for. We were made for something else—something much more!
Each of us fights a hundred battles. Sometimes daily. Privately. Secretly. Because it’s “easier” than being vulnerable.
None of us was made to peek out from the arrow slits in our thick, stone castle walls we carefully constructed. Doing life quietly and alone is a choice, but it means limiting the beautiful aspects of relationship: facing struggles together, tackling a challenge with a buddy, loving in the hard stuff, companionship in the sadness or failures, and the shared, ecstatic joy that goes with the high points.
Together we are amazing. People can share and care and laugh and cry together; and, no matter what, the whole thing is sweeter for the presence of other souls.
Who do you do life with? Are you looking for more people to include, or do you think you have enough friends? Maybe—just maybe—it isn’t about you.
“And that’s all I have to say about that.” ~Forrest Gump

When this popped up in Facebook memories, I sat with it. I wrote that? It’s still true. It feels perfect for life right now, too.

We all need…

Friend, this slice of life feels like “culture Sirens” calling and encouraging me to settle into isolation, intentional division, and internal chaos. In a world where a virus seems to govern who we connect or hang with and when, where faces are obscured whenever we get close, where a slew of “differences” that divide us are highlighted more than ever—isolation is an option, a respected choice, even a new normal.

We divide over so many things, more than I remember in my sheltered life. I feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, unsure how to proceed in connection and conversation. Can I enter into the civil discourse I was trained to engage in? I’m not sure. Can I just be “me” in a culture that might not value the intricate beauty of individual thought, skill, and appearance?

This funny thing happens when I spend too much time alone: I get myopic and then deaf. I can’t see clearly to address my faults, and I only hear the story I’m telling myself. In isolation I live in the echo chamber of my story, my preferences and peeves, and the projects and problems in front of me. On a bad day, “projects and problems” are people, and I’m sad about that.

I cannot thrive in isolation, and neither can you. You might argue “love is all we need.”¹ Our hearts are wired to love and be loved. Or is it that God simply has to be enough? The all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present God who loves us will never come up short. Period.

And yet—God saw fit to create humanity for relationship with Him and others.

In the book of Genesis, the “not good” thing was Adam’s lack of companionship with another human. Yes, God purposefully created and established family, but somehow I don’t think it was all about sex. I mean, it was about sex, but… [Putting down the shovel so I stop digging a hole with a flushed face.]

In Acts 2 regular connection in Christian community was important. It was for their survival and to meet practical needs, but it was also for their hearts, minds, and souls! It was good and right to meet and eat together, discuss deep things, and welcome others into their lives. They rejected the idea of a “private faith” or isolation in order to preserve their lives in an oppressive culture.

Really, I have no concept how dangerous it is to publicly live a faith in Jesus in parts of the world. Seriously. I do know persecution stokes vibrancy in a follower’s faith, or it reveals a casual fan. Fans burn bright when the sun is shining. Vibrant followers are live coals—get a few together and a bonfire happens in the rain! We need each other.

God uses His Spirit and relationships to ignite or re-ignite our hearts for Him and His passions.

A good friend…

I used to pick friends like I chose music: a heap of encouragement, pleasant-sounding key, and a hint of adventure. It’s selfish and maybe self-destructive to choose my inner circle that way.

It feels easy when relationships have less resistance or none. I like me and my preferences, but I don’t need another me in my life. My friends need to be who they are, not some carbon copy of my favorite things, and there’s good reason.

When I want to know the best way to do life, I find solid wisdom in the book of Proverbs:

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity. 17:17 ESV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy. 27:6

And then there’s the book of James:

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 4:4

A real friend speaks words rooted in the truth and love of God regardless of personal preferences. Preferences out of step with God’s mind and heart are in step with the world; I don’t see any wiggle room.

I’m reminded how much I need God and His people in my life. His people know and share His truth, love, wisdom, and counsel, and that’s critical—especially if I take a few steps on the wild side that dishonors the One who lived, died, and resurrected for me.

Good friends, you know who you are—you have permission: speak truth to me when I’m cycling lies in my head or spreading them. Please!

To do life with!

When I met one friend, she was completely wide-eyed when my last name was Asian but my face wasn’t. We were in a small group that eventually ended. If we were going to be good friends, we’d have to go beyond the weekly two-hour time slot. We chose to do that. Our hearts and everyday lives are knit together.

I connected with another friend through writing. Our get-to-know-you conversations deepened. We “wrote together separately” for months. Then we collaborated. We even took our families on a vacation together! That’s one of the sweetest times I can remember. Distance is happening, but I think we’re “knit.”

A new friend and I are taking the “polar plunge” into relationship, and I love it! We talk about the stuff of life; it’s the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. Knit one, purl two…

This “doing life with” thing is important. You instinctively know it, but here are thoughts:

Good friends speak truth when it’s unpopular.
Ask: Is God’s truth, love, and passion strengthened by this friendship?
Good friends lean in whenever possible, sometimes when it’s inconvenient.
Ask: Can this friendship bear and share difficult times and some needs?
Good friends do mundane things together.
Ask: Can this friendship go beyond the “special” into “everyday reality”?

B-b-b-b-but distancing…

Proximity is wonderful, but it isn’t everything. Closeness in relationship has more to do with heart connection (even two-dimensionally, if necessary). I keep telling myself that because I’m not a fan of Zoom-everything. *grin* Lean in. Don’t quit. Don’t let someone or something tell you isolation is good or right. It’s not.

And one more thing, if I want this beautiful, genuine relational connection, I become both a giver and receiver of these things. A good friend to do life with might be found in surprising places, and she’s probably not every acquaintance you have. The friendship is selected and forged intentionally—maybe in the fires of disagreement.

What will you do? Maybe the friends you let in, the relationships you continually lean into, are the friends you keep. Maybe you’d choose different friends if you thought about it. What do you think? Pop a comment below or share at our Facebook page.

¹Lyrics.com, STANDS4 LLC, 2020. “All You Need Is Love Lyrics.” Accessed August 11, 2020. https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/9878509/The+Beatles.