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Love Is…Compassion

03.10.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Welcome, friend, this month the Facets are turning over a good question: Do they know they are loved? Deciding who “they” might be is up to each writer. We ponder whether we are loving others well because that’s what a follower of Jesus is called to do in light of Jesus’ compassion at the cross. Compassion is key. Take a peek at Tracy’s thoughts here, but don’t miss Megan’s and our guest’s posts when they appear!

03 2020 Do they know they are loved? J Howe

We’ve Got Stories

I (Jennifer) have a story. You do, too. We aren’t that different, you and I. My story may be rougher around the edges than yours, or not. Let’s avoid the comparison game and, instead, think about the experiences and imagine what compassion looks like in light of the good, bad, and ugly stories. How would we give compassion? How would we receive it?

A Hurting World and Harm

In this crazy-busy world, who of us is not hurting? Our culture is overwhelmed with strong, nagging feelings—anxiety over things yet to come that may never come; fear of the hard reality we face every day; frustration over the things others say, think, and do; and anger because, well, life shouldn’t be this way. Our hearts break just a little more each day in a hundred ways.

The harm is real. Adding two elements, helplessness and abandonment, to any deeply harmful incident creates a traumatizing incident, a perfect storm. Whether you’ve been traumatized or not, this may put words to how trauma affects a person—

Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.1

The wounds can be deep—and they can heal! God can use Scripture, relationships, and story work powerfully in the process. God’s biblical truth, compassionate love, and power are always the focus. The stories spark heart connection with God, self, and others. In the right human relationships, we may find the wounds aren’t so different or indelible. We might find a whole community experiencing pain we understand.

Time

It heals all wounds, they say. (I don’t believe that’s true.) It happened so long ago, they say. (Read The Body Keeps the Score.) Why would you go back and dig up dead things in the “bone yard,” they wonder? (We don’t want to do that!) It can’t be as bad as all that—ten minutes of your life in 50 years can’t be that big a deal, they say. (Really. Trauma is that big a deal.)

Trauma in the Church

When the Church welcomes a hurting world, the people inside her walls are wounded by real, terrible things. What will the people in the Church do about that? Will the whole community know the truth and freedom in Jesus? The number of people in the body of Christ knowing the biblical truth, compassionate love, and transforming power of God is related to the preaching, teaching, and relationships. I suggest we think about relationships in the context of God, self, and others.

You and Me

Compassion in our world and our churches begins with you and me. We answer questions for ourselves, and then we can sit with others as they answer the same questions.

Let’s start simply.

Do you know you are loved?

I’m a 5 on the Enneagram, and I desperately need to stretch beyond what I know cognitively to the reality of God’s love.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NLT

How do you measure God’s love knowing Jesus would die for every one of us? He did just that! Consider Jesus’ love in light of this: But God showed great love for us by sending Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8).

I won’t lie. It’s not easy to wrap my mind around John 3:16 because I know who I’ve been and the struggles I still have. Honestly, I find myself asking God to make the depth of His love real and settled in my mind and heart.

Do you bless your self with God’s love?

In my too-black-and-white, perfectionist mind, I sometimes fight to believe my God’s grace isn’t saved for perfect people—it saves imperfect people from their sin and into the Kingdom. Imperfect? That’s me! Jesus’ death on the cross wouldn’t be necessary if I could achieve perfection. And if grace could be earned, it wouldn’t be grace. Sin is the reality of this world and our condition at the DNA level. Because of sin, we need God’s solution.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 NLT

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

I think we ask our loving God to help us show appropriate love and care to ourselves—mind, body, and soul—in light of His grace.

Do you bless others with God’s love?

Culture wars, wars on all the things, wars on each other—we aren’t always good at loving, are we? We have a hard time liking people who look, think, or behave differently, let alone loving them! We’ve forgotten the real war:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

If we think “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us,” we would be terribly wrong.2 The one who claims to follow Jesus receives two commands: love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Even if someone qualifies as an “enemy,” we must love and pray for them (Luke 6:27).

What does love look like?

We are surrounded by people who have stories, just as we have our own. We do well to remember everyone fights a battle we can’t see. Time doesn’t heal wounds, caring relationship does. We all need a saving relationship with God through Jesus, and then we receive God’s power through the presence of His Holy Spirit. God loves us deeply and well—He is compassion. We need Him, and we need supportive relationships with safe people.

It’s not good for a woman to be alone. A wise woman opens her life to honest, compassionate people who can support her when she’s ready. That looks like finding someone who will hold her story with gentleness and kindness by listening carefully without interruption, instructive comments, or judgement. She takes care of herself with gentleness and humility, and then offers the same gentle, humble compassion to others when she can. As she heals and matures, she becomes a safe person for others.

Thanks for reading. You can find the Facets on Facebook. I would love to read your thoughts here or there.

Signature: Jennifer Howe

 

 

 

 

 

1 Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, p. 97.
2 Walt Kelly, 1970.
For more on “story work,” check out The Allender Center, Seattle, WA.

Categories // Do They Know They Are Loved?, Jennifer Howe's Perspective Tags // Bessel A. van der Kolk, Compassion, Ephesians 6:12, Facets of Faith, God's love, John 3:16, Life Stories, Luke 6:27, Matthew 22:37-40, Romans 12:1-2, Romans 6:23, The Body Keeps the Score, Trauma

You Are…Honored!

02.11.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Welcome to FACETS, friend. Take a look around in February, and you’ll see we’re at play and doing things a little differently. We are leaning into a “Did you know you are…” set, and we hope you’ll enjoy it. Each Facet is writing from her heart. Take a peek at Tracy’s post that reminds us that we are cherished. You are honored, beloved, and celebrated, too.

IMAGE: Do You Know You Are...Honored

Do you know you are…honored?

I (Jennifer) have a unique moment in front of me. The question floats through my mind, to my heart, and back. If we could sit together over a cuppa right now at my caffeinated hidey hole, I’d relish it! We might chat about Chicago’s unpredictable weather, move on to the extraordinary in the very ordinary of our lives—and then something deeper could happen. The question would hang in the air: Do you know you are honored?

I imagine the two of us exploring truth. Are we honored? What does He say? Are we comfortable even speaking the words out loud? I am honored? We do a funny dance around words like that.

Yes? No? Maybe so?

The Christian faith is, first, biblical! And yet, a Moody Founder’s Week speaker reminded me last week, “Some of the worst advice comes from within the church.” What is genuinely true? Do I have “fire insurance” from a prayer I once prayed? If I am saved from my sins, am I saved to something? Am I a sinner halfway dragged from the gutter until heaven? Am I a royal daughter of the King of the universe who has authority over all things and receives a big, ol’ YES! from the heavens in response to every prayer?

I’ve asked all of these questions at some point in over twenty-five years, and the majority of questions like them have been settled in my mind through time reading the Bible, praying to understand the words, and having deep conversations with trusted friends. If you’re still encountering these questions, I want to encourage you—you have the opportunity to silence the slippery tongue that’s trying to confuse you. None of us needs to stay in the place of confused identity when it comes to our relationship with Daddy-God. He will tell us who we are!

Honored? I’m not worthy!

Let’s face it, honored is a big, fat, heavy word for some of us. Can we honor anyone but Jesus? How can I possibly be honored if He is the one worthy of honor and praise:

They said with a loud voice,
Worthy is the Lamb who was slaughtered
to receive power and riches
and wisdom and strength
and honor and glory and blessing! Revelation 5:12 CSB

The truth is plain. He. Is. Worthy!

Honor shared…

But what about li’l, old you and me? What does the Bible say about our honor?

Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ. 2 Thessalonians 1:12 ESV [Emphasis mine.]

When I read that, I feel all the emotions. How about you? There is honor in living honorably. We honor Jesus with our lives; He is honored, and we share in His honor. The honor is not our own, and that’s as it should be!

Honor given…

You know I was searching for “real food” in the Bible, right? I looked at all the appearances of honor because I needed to know I was, for sure, reading what He had to say about our honor without the sauce of pride dripping all over it. This practically leapt off the page:

Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. James 1:9 ESV

I live in a time (in church history) and place (in the world) that is so rich, many of us have forgotten what it means to be genuinely poor. We have a cultural conversation about “the working poor,” American poverty levels, and the wars on all the things. We talk about the difficulty of being a believer in a culture that rejects truth and substitutes it with their own. It’s a shame we can’t talk about God in the workplace or the neighborhood. What would people say?

Let’s get perspective: generations all over the world, places where professing Christianity is a death sentence, hope for the next morsel, the next pittance-paying job, a wedding to reduce the number of mouths to feed, or an orphanage to give a child a better life.

I don’t know this kind of “poor.” It exists, though. What will I do about that? What will we do?

The poor are honored by God because He loves them, because of the frailty of their lives, and because no one else honors them. Our God is loving like that. And we should be the church. We should live a life that honors them and shares in the honor of Christ who loves and honors like that! We give the honor to them because He does.

Sometimes I must write to myself in these posts: Jen, it’s not all about you.

You are…

Our God is loving! That’s what I love so much about Him—He calls every one of us into deep relationship while we are still sinners (Romans 5:8), and He shares His honor with us when we hide our lives in His and live honorably by His power. By extension of our authentic, godly life with Him, we give honor to the weakest—the ones with no voice or wealth or noticeable honor in this world. We are the church when we do that. That’s our calling.

And then there’s this:

…you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. Isaiah 43:4 ESV

In His goodness and grace, there’s that. The context of that verse up there offers clarity about God’s preferential treatment toward His beloved (that’s us!). You and I are precious to Him. We are the “loved ones” who bring the light! He desires to draw us close; transform our hearts, minds, and lives; and work in and through us in this dark world.

Jesus’ sacrifice on a rough-hewn cross communicates something deep: He chose to come for us, each of us is loved and honored by His choice, and we share in His honor.

I feel this is how this post wraps up. I pray this for us!

So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. 2 Thessalonians 1:11 ESV

It’s an honor that you visit this space. Thank you! If you think this can be a blessing for someone else, share it. What I’d really, really love? Start a conversation here, at the Facebook Page, or on your own Facebook (if you’re bold).

Signature: Jennifer Howe

Categories // Do You Kow You Are..., Jennifer Howe's Perspective Tags // 2 Thessalonians 1:11, 2 Thessalonians 1:12, Facets of Faith, Isaiah 43:4, James 1:9, Jennifer J Howe, Revelation 5:12, You are Honored

See 2020: as an Opportunity

01.15.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Hey, friend, welcome to FACETS. It’s a new year, a new decade, and we want to know how you see 2020. Do you see 2020 as an opportunity? We had a ton of fun taking pictures together to celebrate the new year. Take a look at our team picture and signatures in January. Aren’t they great? We’re writing about seeing 2020 this month, and we hope your hearts are touched or encouraged. Tracy shared her heartfelt post here. Look for Megan’s post next week, and then our guest (Sharon Porter!) will be joining us the following week.

How Do You See 2020? (Jennifer)

I (Jennifer) sit at the hidey hole on writing days. I really love days in January when everything is set aside to reflect and plan. Suddenly, I’ve got perspective on 2020 like Anne of Green Gables—It’s a fresh year “with no mistakes in it yet.”¹

At the hidey hole coffee shop, I bounce between casual glances at the characters drifting in and a laser-focused stare at my screen waiting for something to happen. Background music drones (I’ve heard the track 3 times by now), and I’m wondering what this new year holds.

I send a text to a friend on January 2nd: “I’ve planned the whole year.” She replies with several emojis and exclamation marks. She asks if I’d plan her year, too. I dish: “You know I plan loosely, right?”

That’s not the whole story, not even the whole truth.

“The best-laid plans…”²

Welcome to my Enneagram-5-with-balanced-wings 2020 plan! It’s scheduled 30-minute increments, significant activities to grow me and to grow with my friends (read: a ton of cerebral focus and development), a-a-a-a-a-and overlooking some minor details in the creative process. When I say I sprawl over this part of the Enneagram diagram, I’m not kidding. It’s really entertaining when this 5 in flight wobbles left and right on the wings. Imagine an albatross taking off.

I planned in my journal and scheduled all the things in my calendar (knowing the alerts on my phone would be exactly as I like). I set my bedtime and waking alarm, and the morning ritual alerts would follow. Perfection!

“…often go awry.”²

Day One:
*Alarm* [Hit snooze. Bedtime was pushed to make iCal events.]
*Feed the dogs.* [Motivated—a Pavlovian response started 9 minutes ago. Bowls divvied. I’m under the covers again. I wonder how that happened—]
*Walk the dogs.* [More like: Get out of bed again! It’s still dark out. I’m bewildered.]
*Quiet time.* [It’s quiet when the dogs are outside…even without a walk. VISION is my word for the year. I’ll study that.]
*Head to the Food Triangle.* [Time’s up! Groceries don’t buy themselves.]
*Growth time.* [I love this! Great podcasts on the drive and as I buzz through grocery stores.]
*Chiropractor.* [Taking care of my body is important!]
*Workout.* [Now I maladjust the adjustment I just got.]

All before 10 AM. Eventually, I gained momentum and enjoyed the day, but do you see what I did there? I planned every second of my mornings pretty much like this, and there were problems.

“The devil fools with the best laid plans.” ³

I love to see my time used well. I’m also a creature of habit. I made the assumption I could plan this kind of morning for effective use of time, to build a perfect routine, and to create new habits that were lacking at the end of the last decade. (This is why my resolutions are resolved quickly most years.)

I planned, but I ignored the most important things in life.

God

I planned without considering the wisdom He offers. He knows what I need each day from one minute to the next—what my body, mind, and soul really need. I planned my own way. His way would be better.

Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:3

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts, there is no room for God. Proverbs 10:4 (NIV)

God is good. His plans and purposes are good. All. The. Time. What would have happened if I had leaned into God’s wisdom and whispers when I formed a plan? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been completely exhausted reading it! Don’t get me wrong, we are made to work and create with excellence. But work looks different governed by wisdom and led by the Spirit. I may have missed both in my process.

Laws of Nature

Sunrise happens at a certain time of day. I didn’t consider what time that might be, so I ended up at a fork in the road: follow the plan or realize it conflicted with sensibility. Walking my dog in the wee hours isn’t wise when I know the neighborhood skunks are still ambling around the drainage ditches before the sun comes up.

“The universe obeys certain rules—laws to which all things must adhere. These laws are precise, and many of them are mathematical in nature.” 4

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1

Sunrise is mathematical. My phone offers that information…if I search for it. Otherwise, a life lesson is given as I stand at the back door, baffled at the early morning darkness. There is also a “right time” for everything. That means, for example, it may be time to write or reflect, and it may not be time to publish the manuscript. (I’m always thinking about writing…)

Rhythms of Life

The body and mind are created for work and rest. I need both. Poor planning—scheduling my mornings without breathing room—resulted in a sense of failure, and a train wreck that morning and every morning I tried it. (I took a run at this schedule for a whole week of “fun”!)

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Exodus 20:8

Six days you shall labor and do all your work, Deuteronomy 5:13

So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, Hebrews 4:9

The Bible reminds me I need a day of rest, which I’m usually very good at. My mind and body remind me I need mini-breaks along the way. When I was a full-time sign language interpreter in the schools, a funny little “brain glitch” reminded me at busy times that my threshold was 20 minutes. A little “hiccup,” and I could continue, but it happened no matter how much experience I gained. The research says it’s perfectly normal. That’s what the majority of brains will do, for good reason.

I assumed that, because I picked most of my favorite things, I would move seamlessly through the alerts. Wrong-o! My mind desperately needs quiet and rest. In fact, the overbooked schedule made me crave silence before 10 AM.

“Uncle?”

I wrestled with a question my husband and I tossed around: How do I know if it’s a bad schedule, or if I’m just not leaning in and choosing to build the habits? If I pick up a thread of perfection in my fabric, I say, “I’m not doing it right. The plan was perfect, and I’m messing it up.” If I decide to be more realistic, I say, “The plan is rotten, not me. But why make any plans if I created this monstrosity?” The worst response could be, “This sucks. I suck. Everything sucks!” There has to be another option!

Opportunity knocks…

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” —Henry Ford

How can I see 2020 differently two weeks in? What could happen if I see the 2020 plan “flop” as an opportunity to start again? What if “more intelligently” means leaning into the wisdom I can access in the Bible, through prayer, and by attending to what my mind and body have to say? What do you think?

What I really want know is—

What’s your 2020 planning process like?
What do you hope for in 2020?
How do you see 20/20 (read: clearly!) in 2020?
How’s 2020 treating you so far?

Thanks for reading along. Pop a comment below or at the FACETS Facebook Page. We’d love to hear from you! And, as always, sharing is caring…

Signature: Jennifer 2020

 

 

 

 

 


1 L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables.
2 Robert Burns, “To a Mouse.”
3 Neil Young, “Alabama.”
4 Dr. Jason Lisle, “God & Natural Law,” Answers in Genesis.

Categories // How Do You See 2020?, Jennifer Howe's Perspective Tags // #2020, #forwardnotfailure, #NewYear, Facets of Faith, God's Plan, Jennifer J Howe, Laws of nature, Opportunity in 2020, Planning, Rhythms of life, Seeing 2020, Vision in 2020

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