Kim Findlay's Perspective Archives – Page 2 of 8

A Purifying Perspective on Fire, God, and Life

11.30.2018 by Kim Findlay //

This month at Facets of Faith we’ve been taking a look at what we believe to be God’s most precious attribute. You will want to check out Tracy and Jen’s posts as well as our guest this month, Erin.

I have to be honest, this topic gave me a run for my money. I’m a week late and wrestling with each word I’m about to share. Not just because I struggle to narrow it down to one aspect of his vast character, but because of this season of life I find myself in right now.

Hard. Lonely. Intense.

It ranks up there with the death of my daughter and the slow decay of my first marriage. I feel like I’m in the furnace of struggle and God is burning off the excess, separating the impurities of my life with what is precious and most valuable.

Perspective

As I sat with the idea of identifying His most precious attribute, I was surprised when the words refiner’s fire came to mind.

I don’t like fire. I’ve seen its destructive power firsthand when fire destroyed my home in 2005. I know the suffocating effects it leaves in its path as my daughter, Emma, died in its wake.

But you don’t have to have firsthand experience with your own fire these days to glimpse fire’s power. Just turn on the news and you’ll see the destruction in places like Paradise, California and through the path of the Camp fire.

So it’s curious to me that as I pondered this month’s question that I didn’t choose his peace, his hope, or his faithfulness —all of which are true. I circled this other answer, words I’m almost fearful to whisper but have been buried in my soul for years.

Refiner’s fire

My heart’s one desire

is to be holy

Set apart for you, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for your my Master

Ready to do your will

I first heard this song by Brian Doerkson back in the early 2000s. Before fire destroyed our home. Before my daughter took her final breath. Before life as I knew it smoldered with suffering. I remember singing the words and longing for them to be true in my life, I just didn’t realize the cost.

Remembering

I remember the moment my heart, my soul, and my mind converged in longing to see God move in a mighty way through my life. I witnessed the devastation of a former co-worker’s life. His story impacted me greatly as he stood before our staff and shared not only the destruction, but the hope and the intimacy he experienced as God restored his life.

I want that. I remember thinking. I want to know Jesus the way I see he knows Jesus now. Then I prayed, Lord, do whatever it takes so I might know you better, so I might live and long for you as my one desire.

to him who led his people through the wilderness; His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:16

The Furnace

The very next day, fire broke out in my home and everything changed as I plunged into the furnace of suffering. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or how I would survive. My worst nightmare had become my reality as the heat of sorrow and grief suffocated me. I felt alone and afraid and so very lost.

I see now that I wasn’t lost. Not really. Nor was I alone. God sent reinforcements from the moment smoke began to billow in the sky through the gift of a neighbor. He reminded me through my daughter’s funeral director of a very different yet slightly similar story I’ve know since I was a child.

There were these three guys, maybe you’ve heard of them? Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego, three guys who made a decision to not worship King Nebuchadnezzar despite his declaration that all must bow down before the image of gold he had set up. You can read more of their story here (Daniel 3:1-30). But their decision to stand firm and worship the one true God had dire consequences: “Whoever does not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.” Daniel 3:6

Into the furnace they went, bound and tied.

This kind funeral director didn’t leave me standing in the flames alone, he led me straight to the truth. “Didn’t we tie up three men and throw them into the furnace?’ ‘Yes, your Majesty, we certainly did,’ they replied. ‘Look!’ Nebuchadnezzar shouted. ‘I see four men, unbound, walking around in the fire unharmed! And the fourth looks like a god!’” Daniel 3:24-25

Jesus was with these three men, and this gentle man reminded me that Jesus was with me as well.

So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stepped out of the fire. Then the high officers, officials, governors, and advisors crowded around them ands that the fire had not touched them. Not a hair on their head was singed, and their clothing was not scorched. They didn’t even smell of smoke!” Daniel 3:26b-27

The Ashes

I wish I didn’t carry the scars of the fire, but I do. Deep scars of loss and grief and suffering beyond what I ever imagined possible. But just like these three men, I’ve stepped out of the fire and survived. But I’ve not only survived, I’m being refined to resemble Jesus. I still have a ways to go, but it’s happening. And others see it, too, as I shared thoughts and experiences that could only be offered through the gift of Jesus’ presence.

I’m learning to be grateful for all of the hardship that’s happened. I’m not a fan of it, let’s just set that record straight. But I see what He’s doing in me, and through me. I see how He’s been transforming me and how I’ve learned more about Him over the past 13 years than I ever thought possible.

He remembered us in our low estate His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:23

Purifying Perspective

A refiner’s fire purifies. It separates the precious from the impure. Because of the fire, I’ve learned that God’s mercy has no limits and His grace never runs out. Because of the fire I’ve experienced the depth of His love, true and everlasting love from which I can never be separated no matter what happens or what I do.

Because of the fire I faced my biggest fears and, by His strength, I survived. And I’ve not only survived, I’m living and breathing and enjoying this life He’s entrusted to me.

Because of the fire I can say with certainty that God is good no matter what. His goodness has absolutely nothing to do with me or the circumstances that happen to me. They have everything to do with Him —His character, His essence, simply put —His is good.

Because of the fire my desire for God’s kingdom to come has grown exponentially. I long to see Him now, not just the hope or wish of heaven in the future. I experience the gift of His Spirit now. But I also have the promise of heaven, knowing that all of this pain and suffering and sorrow and tears will end. I will see my sweet girl and I will see Jesus!

Because of the fire I learned to see the battle —the very real battle that is happening between the kingdom of heaven and kingdom of darkness and I know, without a doubt, that Jesus is victorious. I tasted that victory in the darkness of grief. I tasted hope that defies my circumstances.

Because of the fire I learned to see beyond myself, my selfish desires, and my eyes have grown accustomed to see God throughout my every day. I learned to recognize His voice, His promptings, His gifts —so much of what I could not see before.

No, while fire is certainly not the most precious thing, it has led me to all that is precious. It led me to Him. And while I still long to see my girls grow up together, to celebrate the 13 birthdays I’ve missed, to not feel the stabbing pain as my precious girl danced into heaven, I can’t help but see the tenderness as God heal my heart and restores my soul.

And just like Shadrach, Mischeck, and Abednigo, I walked with Jesus through the fire and there is nothing more precious than that.

Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:26

What attribute of God is most precious to you? Join the conversation by posting below or jump over to our Facebook page to share.

Yesterday, Today, and a Thousand Miles Away

09.21.2018 by Kim Findlay //

This month at Facets of Faith we’re taking a look at where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going. You know, lessons life has taught us. Tracy and Jen have already shared. Be sure to check theirs out by clicking on their names! Now it’s my (Kim) turn.

Where’s Here?

Have you ever asked yourself, how did I get here? Maybe not so much the physical location as much as the season of life. The details.

Maybe you were one of the kids who dreamed someday you’d grow up to ______ (fill in the blank). As you look at your life today, you wonder what happened before. Now that life isn’t good, perhaps it isn’t what you expected or what you planned.

I’m writing these words at home seated at my desk, a treasured gift from a lifetime ago. My mom bought this beautiful piece for me after fire destroyed my home over thirteen years ago.

I dreamed about writing words of hope and encouragement sitting at this desk, of obeying the call of Scripture to be one of the redeemed telling her story (Psalm 107:2). Of penning stories to let the world know what He had done.

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done.” Psalm 105:1

What I never expected was for my desk to reside anywhere other than in Illinois. Yet here we sit, my desk and I, nestled together in a town just outside of Boston, Massachusetts, a thousand miles from familiar.

Looking Back

Two years ago I visited my daughter and her husband in Connecticut. On a whim we decided to drive up to Concord, Massachusetts and visit Orchard House, the home of Louisa May Alcott. We strolled the grounds and absorbed its history. We meandered down a bit and stumbled upon The Old Manse where the first shots of the Revolutionary War were fired and less than a century later Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathanial Hawthorne, and Henry David Thoreau spawned a revolution in American philosophy.

A thought snuck in as we walked . . .how neat it would be to live near such history. Inwardly, I gasped. What was I thinking? I had just remarried and we lived in a great house at a great location. Life was settling after years of sorrow and struggles. Not only that, but my youngest daughter’s grave was in Illinois. Surely God wouldn’t ask me to move away, not after all that happened when fire not only destroyed my home, but ended my girl’s sweet life on earth. Surely there was a limit to what He would ask of me.

We think that sometimes though, don’t we? Holding the broken pieces of our hearts and dreams up to God we ask, isn’t this enough? Is there a limit to our pain or some kind of suffering cap we’ll finally reach. Looking around, we wonder why we seemed to have drawn the short straw and they reap such goodness.

The Good News

He knows that —how we feel, what we think. He knows us better than we know ourselves.

The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.” Psalm 103:13-14

I forget that sometimes. Too often. I forget that He made me (Psalm 139:13) and formed me. I forget that He has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and work for me to do .

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10

A Fellow Sojourner

Usually as I try to remind myself of God’s sovereignty, I turn to the pages of Scripture and seek out one of my heroes —Joseph. Joseph, the favored son of Jacob, despised by his brothers yet chosen by God. After being tossed in a well for sharing a dream that he might one day rule over his brothers, Joseph was sold into slavery, accused of rape, thrown in prison, and forgotten. You can read the rest of his story in Genesis 37, 39-46. It’s a pretty amazing to read.

As I read about Joseph’s life, I relate to the unceasing pressure of suffering and trials, feeling forgotten and overlooked.

It would be easy to drown in self-pity. Some might say I have every reason . . .and perhaps you might as well. We look at the details of our lives and see pain after pain with little time to catch our breath.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned through my forty*cough*cough years of walking the earth, it’s that God doesn’t waste a single tear nor does He toss out our broken hearts and dreams. He uses them to accomplish His purpose and redeems every moment.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

He takes our experiences, our hearts, the work He created for us and somehow fashions them together to create something beautiful . . . a masterpiece.

Hope Ahead

He did that with Joseph. God needed someone to care for His people —Joseph was that answer. The way was rocky, but God was with Joseph every step of the way.

He called for a famine on the land of Canaan, cutting off its food supply. Then he sent someone to Egypt ahead of them— Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They bruised his feet with fetters and placed his neck in an iron collar. Until the time came to fulfill his dreams, the Lord tested Joseph’s character. Then Pharaoh sent for him and set him free; the ruler of the nation opened his prison door. Joseph was put in charge of all the king’s household; he became ruler over all the king’s possessions. He could instruct the king’s aides as he pleased and teach the king’s advisers.” Psalm 105:16-22

And He does that with us. He did that with me. He breathed life and hope and healing into a life-in-middle woman with a broken heart and birthed a love for people that compelled her to move a thousand miles from familiar. It hasn’t been an easy journey. I’ve lost more than I ever imagined and felt the depth of pain I didn’t think I could survive. As I sit here at my desk, penning words of hope and encouragement, I realize it’s worth it, this life of faith and sorrow and hope. And I will continue to declare His goodness and sovereignty until my final breath.

Where do you think God is leading you? Join the conversation by commenting below or jump over to our Facebook page to share.

Why We Need the Truth of God’s Goodness in Times of Suffering

08.21.2018 by Kim Findlay //

Welcome to Facets of Faith —a space where three friends take a topic on life or faith or friendship and offer three unique perspectives. This month we’re responding to the idea that what we don’t know, can hurt us. It’s a glimpse into our thoughts on truth and denial. Jen shared last week —you can read that here. I’m (Kim) up this week.

Truth these days has shifted from the crips black and white into the murkiness of gray. Toss in truth about God and oy! —the potential for a collision of opinion increases a thousandfold. Hang out on social media and it won’t take long to see the naysayers and trolls that come out to play; those whose only desire is to stir up trouble and angst, distracting us from what is real, what is good, what is true.

Here is the truest thing I know: God is good.

I know, as soon as you read those three words, a million reasons started to whisper why He is not. The poverty. The lost. The hungry. The forgotten. The discarded. The broken.

Suffering.

If God is good, why is there so suffering? Why do I suffer?

Before I dive in, I need to add a disclaimer here. I am not a theologian. I did not go to seminary. I’m just a life-in-the-middle gal who believes in Jesus and has a few ideas to share. But lest you think I’m sitting in my ivory tower of wishful thinking, these words you’re about to read were born from suffering.

I’ve endured what many would say is every parent’s nightmare. In 2005, my five-year-old daughter, Emma, died in a fire that destroyed not only our home, but wrecked our lives. The destruction didn’t stop there. Eight years later, my marriage crumbled under the weight of grief.

As I sifted through the rubble, I searched for something —anything that would stabilize me. That would steady my faith and ground me so I could stand. So I could survive.

In those early days after Emma died, I sat with my journal and tried to read my Bible. Sorrow wrapped its fingers around my heart and squeezed until I could barely breath. Why did this happen? How could this happen? Where was God in the middle of all of this?

I searched the Scriptures for something to cling to, for truth to help make sense of the destruction death left in its wake. I stumbled across this truth:“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13, NLT)

Nothing about my life felt good at that time. Truthfully, nothing about it was good. And yet I couldn’t ignore the words I just read. Was it possible that God could be good even in this?

Searching for Goodness

I began to search for His goodness —His definition, not my own. I learned He is not a permissive parent, allowing us to gorge on every whim and desire like Pinocchio experienced on Pleasure Island. That place where boys did what they wanted and were as naughty as naught could be.

Was that the kind of life that was good? Not even according to Disney. Fast forward as we watch the magic of the island gradually turn boys who acted like jackasses into donkeys, sold into a lifetime of humiliation and slavery in circuses and mines. What looked like enjoyment and a life of freedom and fun, became a trap into a lifetime of bondage.

And yet our minds still struggle to reconcile the suffering we see with the God who loves us. We begin to assume that because there is suffering, He is not good. Pastor and author Tim Keller explains that for those confident of their own insight, suffering actually disproves the existence of God. They reason that if He really was good, He would want to end suffering. He could do that because He is all-powerful, but since there is evil and brokenness, they determine that God can’t be both, so they believe He is not good.

Jesus’ disciples were confident of their own insight when they saw a man blind from birth. They thought they knew the answer to why he suffered when they asked Jesus. Was it his sin? The sin of his parents? Jesus replied, “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sin. This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” (John 9:3)

Searching for Truth

Because God is all-powerful, nothing is out of His control. While your world may feel chaotic, there is purpose. And because He is perfectly righteous, everything will work together for good in the end (Genesis 50:20).

Please hear me —death is never good. Jesus wept when he saw the grief from the death of His friend, Lazarus. He wept even though He was about to raise him from the dead.

My daughter’s death will never be good. There are days when I long to hold her, to hear her giggles, to see her play with her sister. There are days when living with this distance between us is suffocating and I long for it to end, to be reunited with her.

It is in those moments when my grief feels heaviest that I’m able to turn to the One who loves me, who loves my sweet girl, and allow Him to wipe my tears and whisper truth to my soul.

You are loved, dear one.

I see your sorrow and I weep with you.

Just wait, dear one. Wait here with me, and I will wait with you. I will dry each tear and comfort each cry. I will remind you, for as long as it takes, that you are loved. That you are seen. That you are known. And that I am good.

I will show you things about this world, about yourself, about Me that you could never imagine on your own. I will reveal hidden mysteries and open your eyes to what I see. The beauty will overwhelm your sense and it will be a taste of what is to come.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared . . . I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:1,3-4, NLT

Do you believe God is good even in the face of suffering? I’d love to chat with you. Please comment below or join the conversation on our Facebook page.