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When to Say No to the Power of Fear

11.15.2016 by Kim Findlay //

This month at Facets of Faith we’re answering the question: when do we say no. Tracy and Jen have already shared their thoughts. Be sure to click on their names and check them out!

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When I (Kim) was a child, there was one thing I feared most: my parents’ death. One night I’d dream my mom died, another my dad. I’d often steal into their room just to make sure they were still there, still breathing, still alive.

I’m honestly not sure where this fear began to take root. Neither of my parents battled health issues. Neither had a brush with death, nor even an extended stay in the hospital, yet those feelings of fear were as real to me as the pillow that captured my tears as I slept.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.” 1 John 4:18, NLT

It’s easy to understand when a child expresses fear. We comfort. We listen. We might try to fix it. But we also quickly learn there’s no telling an 8-year old girl that the fear she feels about losing her parents isn’t real. A child is quick to show you that the truth-telling moment doesn’t bring her comfort.

So what happens when that 8 year-old girl grows up to become a 33 year-old woman and experiences those same feelings? What would you say to her? What if that woman is you? What do you say to yourself when fear dominates and controls?

Fear, itself, is a feeling, and depending on the situation, an expected one. I felt intense fear after my daughter died from a fire that destroyed our home. My worst nightmare became my vivid reality. Even so, I remember people telling me not feel fear, not to worry. She’s safe in heaven. The fire’s over. The problem? I did feel afraid. I did worry. Telling me not to feel a certain way added shame to the weight my heart carried and began to crowd out what I knew to be true about God.

The Lord says, ‘I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.’” Psalm 91:14, NLT

That’s when I knew it was time to say no. No to fear and shame dominating my life and heaping it on top of an already smothered heart. I said no to well-intentioned people controlling my healing. I said no to staying stuck in a place of bitterness and resentment. I said no to the divisive tactics of the evil one whose singular purpose is spelled out in John 10:10 – “The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy.” No to losing sight of God’s true character.

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1, NLT

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4, NLT

I don’t know how you’re not triggered all the time.

I sat in a staff meeting with three men of integrity, men who love Jesus with all their hearts. We discussed the election, its aftermath, and some situations that are weighing heavy on our hearts.

Through the course of the conversation, two of them shared something that touched a deep wound in my heart, a sorrow God has spent the past twelve years healing.

I could’ve allowed resentment to enter in because his daughter received healing when mine didn’t. I couldn’t turned bitter and spouted the other mom whose daughter is gravely ill shouldn’t get her hopes up because death takes who it wants. I could’ve allowed my feelings to barrel over the relationships I had with these three men because I felt the hurt and pain.

But I knew better. I knew it was time to say no again. No to fear of division. No to bitterness and resentment. No to damaging relationships because of the feelings that twisted and turned inside.

Instead, I cried. I hate when that happens, especially when I’m the only female in the room. But if I’m going to say no to fear and shame, I need to say yes to something that invites vulnerability and connection.

I cried and shared the fear that churned inside my heart. They had no idea, How could they? I shared how the struggle is constant, the fear and sorrow that sometimes lurks in the background, and sometimes smacks me square in the face. I shared that there are others like me, others who walk with deep unseen wounds and how we treat people really matters. I shared and we drew closer as together we said no to fear and shame.

I don’t know what lies ahead for you, for our nation, or our world, but I do know when I’m going to say no: when fear and shame dominate my thoughts. When the destruction and havoc from our enemy runs rampant through our world and in the lives of people we know and even those we don’t. When darkness looks like it may win or hatred might have the final say.

I’m grateful my little 8 year-old self faced her fear of loss, because this 45 year-old self has the courage to say no to fear’s power over my life. And when those feelings of fear and shame rise within, I will choose to say no to them again and again and again.

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.” Psalm 91:2, NLT

What are you saying no to these days? Share below or join the conversation on our Facebook page.

Kim Signature

Categories // Kim Findlay's Perspective, Say No Tags // connection, election, Faith, fear, Follow God, hope, Kim Findlay, Relationships

Finding Hope in Life’s Storms

02.16.2016 by Kim Findlay //

Hi! Welcome to FACETS of Faith! We’re in the final week of sharing a brief glimpse into our life stories. It’s our hope that as you read through ours, God will reveal a thread of truth through your own.

Life Story

I love stories. Moving a lot as a child, my books and stories were constant companions regardless of where I lived. I could plunge into a mystery with Nancy Drew or go on an adventure through the wardrobe with Lucy and her siblings. I even remember my very first favorite book. I was three and loved to read Hamilton Duck’s Springtime Story with my mom. It was a gripping tale of a duck who fell asleep under a magnolia tree only to wake and think he was stuck in a snowstorm right in the middle of spring. Hamilton eventually realized he wasn’t stuck in a storm, but (spoiler alert!) magnolia petals as they fluttered down from the tree.

I remember being pulled into the story, wondering alongside Hamilton how in the world it could snow in spring. My mom read the story to me so many times I eventually knew which words went with which pictures and could “read” it back to her. But even though I knew the story, I still felt joy with Hamilton when he figured out it wasn’t snowing after all.

I love when stories do that: when we’re pulled in by the details of the story and feel what the characters feel and see what the characters see. I’m surprised when they’re surprised and feel fearful when they’re afraid. It’s a thrill and yet dangerous all at the same time. I zero in on what’s happening, and often lose sight of the bigger picture.

Kind of like Hamilton.

Truth be told, that happens to me in life, too. I get so wrapped up in the details of my life that I almost miss the bigger story God is writing.

I look at my life and see very clear chapters . . . maybe volumes: my childhood, teen years, early mamahood, a blended family, until . . . tragedy struck through the death of my youngest daughter followed years later by a heart-wrenching divorce.

It would’ve been easy to stay stuck there, mired in those details. To gaze at that part of my story and only see the snow, just like Hamilton the duck. I could’ve remained in the sorrow and grief, allowing it to consume me, define me.

And yet . . .

Through those devastating years I learned there was an Author who had been writing my story all along, allowing the good and the bad as He worked to accomplish a greater plan.

“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.” Hebrews 11b-12a, NIV

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11, NIV

I learned that God is good, regardless of my circumstances. In fact the heartbreak, the sorrow, and the sadness all seemed to highlight His goodness, not as the world defines good, but as Scripture defines it.

“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13, NLT

And oh, how I have seen His goodness! No, my precious daughter no longer walks this earth, and my heart yearns to hold her once more. But until that day, the sweetness of God’s comfort through those moments of sorrow gives me the strength to wait.

He has provided deep friendships and loving relationships. He shifted my perspective from the details of my circumstances to see the bigger plan He is creating and how my story fits that plan.

He has gifted me with a heart of hope—not in circumstances but hope in believing God is who He says He is and will do all He says He will do. He allowed me to experience the darkest moments a human can: staring death through the eyes of my daughter, as He revealed His love to me even in that—the stuff of nightmares. His deep, abiding, lavish love that knows no bounds or limits.

“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17, NLT

And now? Now He is redeeming those years of broken hearts and shattered dreams. He’s revealing the work He’s done in me in order to pour out His grace through me so I can encourage others to find hope and healing through seasons of loss. I’m able to create safe space for people to hear that facing our worst nightmares may be our reality but He is bigger, He is stronger, He is with us, and He is victorious!

Then one day, when the time on earth has come to an end, God promises that everything we hoped for, everything we longed for, all of our brokenness will be fully healed.

“I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.’” Revelation 21:3-4 NLT

And then we’ll see that the snowstorm in our lives just might become fluttering magnolia petals, just like Hamilton.

Kim Signature

Categories // Kim Findlay's Perspective, Life Tags // grief, healing, hope, life story, loss, stories, truth

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