Do They Know They Are Loved? Archives

Do They Know They Are Loved?

03.24.2020 by Judy Maldonado //

I (Tracy) can’t wait for you to read our guest contributor’s piece this month! I’ve been anticipating the day I would be able to share my dear friend’s piece. If you know Judy Maldonado, you love her. She is kind, compassionate, funny, diplomatic, & smart. She loves the Lord, and it shows in her every day actions. So snuggle up and see what the Lord put on her heart well in advance of this season of slow down and stay in. Perhaps the Lord knew we’d all need to immerse ourselves in His love to get through our current Covid-19 plight.

Sitting in a counselor’s office I was asked to answer a ridiculously easy question, “What are a few things you love about your daughter?”

When I finished listing my top 40 and looked over at my daughter’s face, her eyes were wide.

The counselor asked, “Did you know your mom thought these things about you?”

I immediately thought, “Of course she does. How could she not?”

But my jaw dropped as my daughter slowly shook her head, “No, I had no idea.”

Those few words shook me. How could this amazing girl, my firstborn child, my pride and joy, not know how incredible I thought she was? How could she not grasp I was head over heels in love with her?

As I spent time thinking over this later, it hit me. I do the same thing with my Father. When I make mistakes or when I feel I’m not doing the things I should- having time with Him in the morning, ending my days with reflection and prayer, spending time in the Word- my natural reaction is to think, He must be so disappointed in me. On some level He probably loves me a little less right now. Perhaps I’m not on His priority list, because He’s busy with people who are better at being Christian than I am.

But if I think about His love for me, that the Word tells me is even bigger than my love for my daughter, then I know this is how He really feels:

He loves me with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

He pursues me with goodness and unfailing love. (Psalm 23:6)

He delights in every detail of my life. (Psalm 37:23)

He is merciful and compassionate to me, and He is slow to get angry with me. (Psalm 145:8)

As I read about God’s love for me in His word, I am blown away. Over 120 times in the NLT translation, the word “unfailing” precedes a reference to God’s love for His people. His love is unfailing. We didn’t earn it. We do not deserve it. We can’t outrun it. We cannot lose it. We cannot hide from it. We can’t run out of it, and we cannot do anything to ever lessen it. We. Are. Loved.

I wish I could get my daughter to see that- to see how I love her with an unfailing love. I love her even when her actions disappoint me, when she does things I know are not living up to her true potential, when she makes bad choices, and even when she chooses to push me away. I love her. Period.

But I’ve never thought about how my Father loves me in that same way, but better. Romans 8:38 tells me there is absolutely nothing, on earth or in heaven, in life or in death, not my fears for today or worries about tomorrow, that can separate me from His love. That is a big love.

And on hard days, on good days, on every day, I want to take comfort in the fact I am loved so deeply and unconditionally. It is the only way I can demonstrate true love to anyone else around me.

1 John 4:19 says “We love because He first loved us.”

My pastor once said, “When your relationship with God is better, every relationship in your life is better.”

Those words have rung so true in my life. When I am consistently walking and talking with Jesus, I am a different person. I’m happier. I extend grace easily. I’m not even as upset with my youngest daughter when I have to ask her ten times to put her shoes on.

But there is a tangible difference in who I am when I’m not walking closely with Jesus. When I’m at those times in my life, when I’m just dialing in prayers for things that I need or not taking any time to spend in the Bible. That Judy gets angry quickly, yells more, and just feels overwhelmed and burdened. My family can tell the difference and so can I.

I remember a season years ago that felt very heavy and sad. I was working long hours, felt I barely saw my family, and had no time with Jesus. I came home late one night, and my husband said he had a surprise for me. He led me to our basement, to the closet under the stairs. He opened the door to the closet normally stuffed with chairs and random things the kids “put away” when they were cleaning. It now looked like a completely different space. It was freshly painted, had a lamp and a soft chair with my Bible, note pads, pens, and a small stereo for my worship music.

My husband had made me my own war room. He recognized I was not myself and knew the only way I could find myself was to have intentional alone time with my Jesus. I sat in that sacred space for a long time that night, crying and asking God where He had gone, asking why I felt like I couldn’t find Him.

He led me to this verse, “This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it.” Isaiah 30:15.

That verse and truth brought me to my knees. I had been trying to do life on my own- living out of my own strength, and I had just run out. I needed to come back to my source of strength and be saved. I needed to remember I was deeply loved, not because of who I am or what I do, but simply because I am His.

Matthew 12:34 says that “…out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

When I haven’t filled my heart daily with the Word of God and spent time in His presence, I have no overflow of His love in me to pour into others. But when I am spending time with Him and living in His peace, I am able to love people in a way that shows them they are truly loved.

So, how do we address the question we began with, Do they know they are loved?

We can’t make anyone know they are loved, but we can choose to consistently and relentlessly love them the way we are loved. Regardless of whether they accept it or how they react to it, regardless of whether they even deserve it, we are called to love. Love them so well they can’t help but draw closer to the Source of our love.

How do you feel God calling you to respond in this moment? Draw near to Him. Experience His love. Freely give love away. Create your own war room. Spend time in His presence.

We pray the Holy Spirit beckons you to respond in the most appropriate way for you, personally, intimately. You are loved!

Join the conversation over on our FACETS of Faith Facebook page.

Love Is…Compassion

03.10.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Welcome, friend, this month the Facets are turning over a good question: Do they know they are loved? Deciding who “they” might be is up to each writer. We ponder whether we are loving others well because that’s what a follower of Jesus is called to do in light of Jesus’ compassion at the cross. Compassion is key. Take a peek at Tracy’s thoughts here, but don’t miss Megan’s and our guest’s posts when they appear!

We’ve Got Stories

I (Jennifer) have a story. You do, too. We aren’t that different, you and I. My story may be rougher around the edges than yours, or not. Let’s avoid the comparison game and, instead, think about the experiences and imagine what compassion looks like in light of the good, bad, and ugly stories. How would we give compassion? How would we receive it?

A Hurting World and Harm

In this crazy-busy world, who of us is not hurting? Our culture is overwhelmed with strong, nagging feelings—anxiety over things yet to come that may never come; fear of the hard reality we face every day; frustration over the things others say, think, and do; and anger because, well, life shouldn’t be this way. Our hearts break just a little more each day in a hundred ways.

The harm is real. Adding two elements, helplessness and abandonment, to any deeply harmful incident creates a traumatizing incident, a perfect storm. Whether you’ve been traumatized or not, this may put words to how trauma affects a person—

Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.¹

The wounds can be deep—and they can heal! God can use Scripture, relationships, and story work powerfully in the process. God’s biblical truth, compassionate love, and power are always the focus. The stories spark heart connection with God, self, and others. In the right human relationships, we may find the wounds aren’t so different or indelible. We might find a whole community experiencing pain we understand.

Time

It heals all wounds, they say. (I don’t believe that’s true.) It happened so long ago, they say. (Read The Body Keeps the Score.) Why would you go back and dig up dead things in the “bone yard,” they wonder? (We don’t want to do that!) It can’t be as bad as all that—ten minutes of your life in 50 years can’t be that big a deal, they say. (Really. Trauma is that big a deal.)

Trauma in the Church

When the Church welcomes a hurting world, the people inside her walls are wounded by real, terrible things. What will the people in the Church do about that? Will the whole community know the truth and freedom in Jesus? The number of people in the body of Christ knowing the biblical truth, compassionate love, and transforming power of God is related to the preaching, teaching, and relationships. I suggest we think about relationships in the context of God, self, and others.

You and Me

Compassion in our world and our churches begins with you and me. We answer questions for ourselves, and then we can sit with others as they answer the same questions.

Let’s start simply.

Do you know you are loved?

I’m a 5 on the Enneagram, and I desperately need to stretch beyond what I know cognitively to the reality of God’s love.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NLT

How do you measure God’s love knowing Jesus would die for every one of us? He did just that! Consider Jesus’ love in light of this: But God showed great love for us by sending Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8).

I won’t lie. It’s not easy to wrap my mind around John 3:16 because I know who I’ve been and the struggles I still have. Honestly, I find myself asking God to make the depth of His love real and settled in my mind and heart.

Do you bless your self with God’s love?

In my too-black-and-white, perfectionist mind, I sometimes fight to believe my God’s grace isn’t saved for perfect people—it saves imperfect people from their sin and into the Kingdom. Imperfect? That’s me! Jesus’ death on the cross wouldn’t be necessary if I could achieve perfection. And if grace could be earned, it wouldn’t be grace. Sin is the reality of this world and our condition at the DNA level. Because of sin, we need God’s solution.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 NLT

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

I think we ask our loving God to help us show appropriate love and care to ourselves—mind, body, and soul—in light of His grace.

Do you bless others with God’s love?

Culture wars, wars on all the things, wars on each other—we aren’t always good at loving, are we? We have a hard time liking people who look, think, or behave differently, let alone loving them! We’ve forgotten the real war:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

If we think “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us,” we would be terribly wrong.² The one who claims to follow Jesus receives two commands: love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Even if someone qualifies as an “enemy,” we must love and pray for them (Luke 6:27).

What does love look like?

We are surrounded by people who have stories, just as we have our own. We do well to remember everyone fights a battle we can’t see. Time doesn’t heal wounds, caring relationship does. We all need a saving relationship with God through Jesus, and then we receive God’s power through the presence of His Holy Spirit. God loves us deeply and well—He is compassion. We need Him, and we need supportive relationships with safe people.

It’s not good for a woman to be alone. A wise woman opens her life to honest, compassionate people who can support her when she’s ready. That looks like finding someone who will hold her story with gentleness and kindness by listening carefully without interruption, instructive comments, or judgement. She takes care of herself with gentleness and humility, and then offers the same gentle, humble compassion to others when she can. As she heals and matures, she becomes a safe person for others.

Thanks for reading. You can find the Facets on Facebook. I would love to read your thoughts here or there.

¹ Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, p. 97.
² Walt Kelly, 1970.
For more on “story work,” check out The Allender Center, Seattle, WA.

Do They Know They Are Loved?

03.04.2020 by Tracy Stella //

I (Tracy) am looking forward to seeing how God uses each of the posts from the FACETS team to enlarge your understanding of how deeply you are loved. There is no greater truth that has the power to transform your life and the lives of others. You won’t want to miss what God puts on Jennifer’s, Megan’s, and our special guest Judy Maldonado’s hearts. We’d love to hear a report of what God does in your heart as you open His love letters to you each week this month. We invite you to let His love greet you across these pages. He pursues you.

We want to think our brothers and sisters in Christ know they are loved. We understand the world might not get the height and depth of God’s love for them. But our brothers and sisters in Christ? Surely. Surely, they know at the core of who they are that they are loved. They are forgiven. They are righteous. They are holy and redeemed. They have the deposit of the Holy Spirit ministering, filling, teaching, comforting, cleansing, purifying, sanctifying, and so much more. They know they are loved. Right?

Right?

Sometimes, we can say the words without really believing them, or believing them for ourselves. Jesus loves you. We may even say it over ourselves, but do we let it sink deep into our hearts? Do we let our Father’s hands etch it upon our minds, so we never doubt it?

Or do we only believe those things are true for the “good Christians”, the ones who seem to have all their spiritual ducks in a row?

Here’s the truth: if you accepted Christ, you are a good Christian. You are good enough to receive His love. He is not disappointed in you, precious one. He loves you. He wants nothing more than to help you, to heal you, to make you whole.

We are all being transformed into His image. None of us has arrived. That’s not what this faith walk is about.

Do we wear God’s love like armor to protect us from the enemy’s fiery darts? We need to. Love is a weapon. Jesus wants His warriors to wear His love. Perfect love casts out all fear. (See 1 John 4:18)

Afraid you are unlovable? Perfect love casts that thought over the boat and into the abyss. No one is beyond the reach of God’s love.

Maybe we didn’t do this life perfectly – even after getting saved and we think, “Well that’s it. God can’t use me now. I screwed up royally.”

Maybe we never even got to the mindset where we thought God could use us in the first place. Yes, we got saved. But maybe we think it was by the skin of our teeth, like if God really knew, if those people over there really knew me, they wouldn’t think I was worthy, worthy of God’s love, God’s grace, their fellowship, their friendship, or serving any kingdom purpose.

God knows what He’s getting in each of us. And He accepts us anyhow, whatever our condition. He’s not surprised by who we are. He’s far more interested in who we are becoming. You are not a disappointment to Him. He is your biggest Champion. He is your Companion. Let His love walk you through every season. Let His love greet you on the good days. Let His love minister to you on the dark days when you wished things looked different.

He is present in both.

And He won’t leave you, especially in your darkest hour.

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m writing this post, pondering whether the people all around me know they are loved. It’s the day of all things red – flowers, hearts, and celebration of love. Christ’s redemptive blood─Love’s greatest sacrifice.

And yet I ponder the fact someone left this world too soon, because in his darkest moments he didn’t fully understand the depths of God’s love for him. Depression doesn’t see beyond today’s struggle. It lies to us saying, “There’s no hope for the future.”

A funeral on Valentine’s Day is hard.

That causes me to pause, a long pause to reflect. Why? How? How can this be?

How can someone who loved the Lord so deeply not know how deeply the Lord loved him? It breaks my heart for him before he breathed his very last breath. It breaks my heart for his family. It breaks my heart for what the world will now miss, because this man left the world too soon.

It’s not any less heartbreaking when someone who doesn’t know Christ leaves this world too soon. But I could at least rationalize in my head that without Jesus this world just gets too hard sometimes. Without Him to carry the weight of our burdens when they become too much, they are too much.

I know that from my own story. It’s tragedies like this that churn my memory. Before I knew Christ, I hit rock bottom, a few times. Life was hard, as it sometimes can be. And without the Lord, hard things can hit us like a ton of bricks. Like a wrecking ball, they nearly take us out.

When I was in my early 20’s I was sexually violated at a party (I can’t bring myself to type the word for what it really was, but you can fill in the word, I’m sure.) If I can’t type the word 30+ years later, you might imagine how I handled it back then. I suppressed the memory. I shoved it into a dark corner of my brain, because I couldn’t deal with it.

The only problem with that logic is that it isn’t helpful. At all. A buried wound isn’t healed. If not dealt with, it festers. And that’s what it did.

My heart and brain couldn’t deal with the pain I tried to cover up with the equivalent of an emotional band-aid. Not dealt with, the pain dealt with me.

That young woman who I have such compassion for now, at the hardness of that trespass against me, couldn’t cover over the pain with her suck it up buttercup skills. Instead, I attempted to take my own life. Depression and grief tried to overtake me.

But God!

God’s mercy sent someone to break a door down and literally saved me. God’s love sent help. I didn’t know Him, but He knew me — even back then, even in the midst of my hot mess of a life.

Fast forward to my 40’s and I found myself ready to sink from the weight of severe depression. I’d lost my marriage, my home, my career, my sense of identity in almost every way. On the very darkest day, I was ready to leave. I was just too weary. I wasn’t a wimp, but I was tired of fighting to hang on. I’d given up hope.

God’s mercy sent a woman to my front door the day I had decided I was done. God disagreed. He wanted me to believe. Believe in Him. Believe in myself. Believe there was hope beyond the darkness of that day.

And there was.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”─Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

These aren’t just any words. If they are familiar to you, don’t let their familiarity steal the powerful, transforming, hopeful truth they possess. There is a bright future ahead for you, even if you don’t see it in this exact moment.

God’s mercy reaching for us tells me how much He genuinely loves us. His mercy reaches for us all; I believe it with all my heart. Cling to Him and the hope only He can give. His love changes lives. I know that full well, and He wants that for all of us.

Do you know you are loved that much too? You are you know!

In both of those scenarios I didn’t know Christ. I didn’t know the depth of His love for me. And when the world hits hard like a tsunami, we can nearly be washed away at sea.

But here’s the thing.

Once we are saved, the same thing can happen. We aren’t invincible. We need God’s love, especially when we want to do great things for God’s kingdom — and we are.

I think of this man who left us too soon. He wasn’t perfect any more than you or I. But He did love Jesus. He was Christ’s ambassador. He was a worshipper. He was a warrior. He prayed for healing for me, and I received it. He was a vessel for God’s power and love.

How does someone who embodies God’s love to others not know it for himself?

How does someone who has passion and zeal for Christ not find the strength to hang on? It’s the very hardest of questions, and I don’t have an answer. It’s utterly heart breaking.

I think of all this world will miss out on and my eyes well with tears.

I wonder, what is the point of this?

I wonder how God can work this to good. I know His word says He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. (See Romans 8:28)

But how God?

How do you take this tragedy and make it into something good?

I don’t doubt You in that; I just can’t see it. But I do pray You reveal Your goodness. I pray You wring every ounce of good You can from this tragedy. Save lives. Open eyes. Reveal Your heart. Heal wounds. Bring revival.

I already saw evidence of God’s goodness at the funeral when this man’s son spoke. I wept at his courage, at his sharing of story, and the beautiful legacy of the love of Christ this man left in his children. I pray this son is one of God’s greatest warriors and that God use him in a mighty way, even as He already did today. I pray God continues to help him rise into the fullness of his calling and that He be a powerful and profound voice that rises up against the darkness. That God’s light would shine brilliantly through him, even as we saw today. In Jesus’ name!

To do the hard thing, I hope this son knows he lived out Scripture poignantly today. Well done good and faithful servant. Well done! You honored your father, and you blessed everyone who got to hear how he shaped your life.

I wonder why I’m writing this post and I think it’s to remind us, none of us is immune.

We all need God.

We all need each other.

Jesus said…

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”─John 13:34-35 NIV

We can’t assume because someone knows Christ that he or she is okay.

We can’t assume because someone has a smile slathered across his or her face they are free from problems and don’t need our help.

We can’t assume because someone loves the Lord and even worships Him that he or she believes they are worthy of Christ’s love. (They are. You are. I am. But we can’t assume anyone believes it.)

If God puts someone on your heart, pray for them.

If God asks you to reach out to someone, do so. You never know if that call will save someone’s life.

We are not called to be codependent, but we are co-heirs with Christ called to love one another.

If God is Immanuel, and He is, He knows. He knows every heart. He holds it tenderly in His hands. And He may call upon us to help that person keep his or her head above water.

God has given all believers the manifestation of the Holy Spirit to be used for the common good.

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.─1 Corinthians 12:7 NIV

I’ve seen several tragedies in the Church recently, and I think God is saying, “Enough!”

Enough!

He wants us to see each other, really see each other. He wants us to be brave enough to sit with someone in his or her pain. He wants us to love. Sacrificially. No more doing church. He wants us to be the Church. We don’t do these things in our strength, but through the manifestation of the Spirit who deeply cares about the common good.

Mind you, I’m not blaming the Church for these things. I’m merely suggesting we remain attentive and observant to whom God places before us. There is purpose in where He has planted us. The people He has placed in our lives are there for a reason.

We never know what someone is really going through. We don’t know who among us doesn’t believe that they are loved.

What if you and I are the people God is sending to show them they are?

When I went to this man’s funeral, I felt strongly like I was supposed to collect his precious bride’s face in my hands and see her, to give her the most tender of Christ’s touch in a very fragile time. I prayed she would feel God’s love through my arms. I knew my hug wouldn’t be sufficient. I am not enough to comfort her in her grief.

But God is. His Spirit in me and you is the love His kids need.

I pray God’s Spirit manifests in each of us as we are an expression of His love.

There are days when I need it. And there are days when I can give it.

We should be very generous with each other as we give God’s love away. His love is better than any Valentine’s Day bouquet. His love won’t die in a few days. His love is never failing, never ending.

But from everlasting to everlasting

The LORD’s love is with those who fear him,

And his righteousness with their children’s children─

─Psalm 103:17 NIV

That gives me comfort. For all eternity, God will love us. And not only that, but His righteousness extends to our children’s children.

Lord, if there is someone in this moment who is full of despair and doesn’t believe he or she is worthy of Your love, of life itself, I pray You stop them in their tracks right now, that You send a missionary of mercy – even if that is me in this very moment – to say there is a brighter day than what today’s dark shadow suggests. Hang on. Let God minister to you. Let Him fill you to overflowing with His love, healing, and redemption. I pray, Lord, You help anyone struggling with depression. Guide them to professionals and friends You have set in place to serve them. Let the help be kingdom-minded and attentive to Your voice, giving wisdom and discernment to bring healing and hope. And, Lord, I do pray You would help us all to see the cries for help. I pray we don’t miss them. I pray You bring something good from this tragedy, Lord. I pray You strengthen the Church to be able to help minister to one another. We need Your guidance in every way, Lord. We can’t love well without Your leadership showing us how. So please show us. And help every eye reading this post receive Your love. Help us to receive Your love, Lord. Let us wear Your armor of love well. Let us be warriors for You, wielding love as a weapon against the fiery darts of the enemy. Let us be the belief when our brothers and sisters can’t and let them be that for us when we have weak moments ourselves. Keep us humble and submitted to You, Lord. Let none of us think just because we are Christian that we have to portray we have it all figured out, or we have it all together. Let us be receivers of your love, grace, and mercy, because we are desperate for it. In Jesus’ name, amen!

If you have thoughts of suicide, please seek help. Reach out to your pastor or a Christian counselor. If you are in northern Illinois, there are 3 counseling practices I know and trust to serve you with the love of Christ. God loves you so much! Don’t doubt it for a single moment. This is His mercy reaching for you.

YOU ARE LOVED!

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

RESOURCE LINKS to Christian counseling practices in northern Illinois.

Catherine Hunter and Associates

Cherry Hill Counseling

Ken Gates and Associates