Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

What Do You Do When You Have a Giant Turkey in Your Life?

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Welcome to FACETS of Faith. Whether it’s your first visit to our pages or you are a regular reader, thank you for engaging! We pray God meets you across the pages of what He inspires us to write and share. Months in advance we ask for His direction. This month we felt led to explore difficult relationships. We all have them. How we handle them is what will define the amount of peace and joy we have in our lives. Since peace and joy is our prayer for you, our readers, we also pray God speaks to your heart and helps you have the best holiday season with friends and family!

Can you believe it? The holiday season is upon us. ALREADY. Someone told me the other day how many Fridays remain before Christmas. I won’t do that to you here. Who needs that kind of pressure?

As blessed as the holidays can be, aren’t they full of enough pressure all on their own?

Frankly, not everyone considers the holidays a blessing. Some wish it away like wind that brushes through the trees, stirring things up, desiring nothing more than for the leaves to safely settle back into place. When will this wind storm be over?

A number of years ago in a Bible study, I remember a person expressing sentiments like, I just wish the holidays were over already. I don’t like spending time with my family. They are full of drama, and the whole thing drains me dry.

Obviously, there is hurt and offense when that’s the place a person finds him or herself sitting.  The Thanksgiving table (or conference room table) isn’t long enough to separate you from the person you perceive too difficult.

Your best hope seems to be to pray this thing will all be over. Quickly. Please God. Let it be over, so we can get back to normal life where we don’t have to deal with difficult people. Grin and bear it.

Can I challenge you a little on that?

Dealing with difficult people is a daily experience, because there are a lot of broken people in the world who often don’t even realize how they are impacting others.

If they do realize how they hurt others and continue to engage in that behavior, imagine how much they must be hurting inside to keep sabotaging relationships. The well of pain must run deep.

What does God ask us as believers?

If you call yourself a believer, we need to deal with people’s pain (including our own) in a different manner than that of the world.

Our flesh might want to fight back, to defend ourselves, to resist relationship because sometimes it feels too hard. But that’s not what God asks of us.

Actually, He’s not asking.

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.─John 13:34 NLT

God commands us to love. Loving like Jesus calls us to isn’t easy. It’s not simple like buying a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Nope. More like being grateful that God has given us the capacity to love, because He LOVED US FIRST. Because He did and when we really grasp that, love gets a bit easier even through its difficulty.

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.─John 15:12 NLT

How has God loved you?

It’s an interesting question to consider: How has God loved you?

I encourage you to journal, asking God to help you explore all the ways He has loved you. Let’s each of us get His perspective on LOVE. Even those of us with the best of intentions on loving well, really can’t fully grasp how to love like God.  Remember, His love is high and vast and wide and deep like it says in Ephesians.

But we can ask Him to help us understand and act in alignment with His love. He’ll hear it as a prayer and help us all learn to love one another better.

God wants that from and for us.

Why did He give Eve to Adam? God knew Adam needed a helper, someone to be in relationship with. But remember how they blamed each other when Satan and sin came into the equation? “It’s Satan’s fault.” “It’s Eve’s fault.” And where was Adam when he was supposed to be leading his family? Oh yeah, he wasn’t, and he didn’t take responsibility for his actions.  Let’s not be like them. Finger pointing never helped anyone.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.  Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we can ask or think.─Ephesians 3:18-20 NLT

If there is one thing I’ve learned from my time here on planet earth, it is that most people do not grasp the love of Christ deep down in their hearts. If they did, people would act much kinder to one another. Kind even when we see life from opposite sides of the coin. Kind when we want to cry out. Kind when we wish our own heart wasn’t so broken. Loving each other doesn’t mean we will always agree. It means we’ll love each other anyhow. We’ll love each other with God’s power when ours is insufficient.

That means every day. Because no matter how huge your heart is and how motivated you are to love well, you just won’t be able to without God’s help. But rest assured, He’ll help you.

What is the relational game changer?

I believe the relational game changer is when we experience the love of Christ as Ephesians states. The EXPERIENCE of Christ is what allows me to love others. I don’t always execute on that perfectly, but my heart now is in the right place on that. And that’s a good start. I want to love well, because I have experienced the deep well of God’s love toward me.

Even as I understand His deep love for me, I want and need to understand it more. That understanding is important for me.  It’s also imperative for everyone whose lives mine intersects.

God’s love is too great for any of us to fully understand. Too great! But I challenge you to try to grasp it anyhow. It’s a worthy pursuit.

Whose side are we on?

There’s power in loving well. When we love others well we take power away from the dominion of darkness. The enemy wants hearts to be full of hatred, anger, bitterness, enmity, offense, and unforgiveness. When we choose not to love well, we’re choosing to side with the enemy.

I know that statement sounds harsh. Sorry. Our behavior doesn’t change our position as a child of God. Our behavior doesn’t steal our salvation. But our lack of loving others well (or less than we are called to), does diminish our effectiveness for Christ. It also reduces the likelihood God can use us to the fullest of the potential He has placed within us.

What might be accomplished if we really grasped God’s love?

If every child of God more fully grasped how deeply God loves him or her, we wouldn’t have buildings large enough to house all the people flocking to get near our Shepherd. We’d be like Paul radically transformed by the love of Christ making impact beyond our imagination.

Isn’t that what the last part of our Ephesians scripture says?

through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we can ask or think.

Infinitely more.

What would happen in your church, your family, your community if you experienced God’s love more and then shared it with others? What are you imagining?

Now imagine infinitely more than that. Claim the promise. Infinitely more!

What does our experience of God require?

Once we grasp God’s love for us, our experience of His love requires a response. Our love for Him. Isn’t that how love works? A give and a receive needed from both parties invested in relationship. At its best, yes.

In Jesus’ words: “If you love me, obey my commandments.”─John 14:15 NLT

Perhaps when we love well (and when we don’t) God is showing us something about ourselves. Where are those places within each of us He still needs to touch? Is God showing you a past wound in need of healing? Is He showing you a place in need of restoration? Is He helping to equip you for a new assignment? Does He need you to look at something within, so He can use you and your gifting for more than you can think or imagine?

to accomplish infinitely more than we can ask or think.

What blessing does God have for you this holiday season?

Are you willing to love well to find out?

“Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them .”─John 14:21 NLT

Do you desire to know God more? More personally? Do you desire God to reveal Himself to you? When we are busy loving others, rest assured He will reveal Himself to us.

When I seek Him with intention to love others well, He whispers loud. He leads the way. He says, “This will bless.” “This one will feel loved when you write this.” “This one needs a hug. Go give her one.”

If you want to see God more in your life, love others. He’ll be sure to reveal Himself. Remember, He’s always there, right next to you, within you, all around. But we can see Him best when we are looking in love toward Him and others. When we do, we are blessed in the process. His plan is beautiful.

My prayer for you is that you will live a blessed, beautiful life full of God’s love for yourself and that you share it with others. Sweet, pure, and powerful love.  Love illuminates God’s glory. When we love God and love others well, perhaps there is no higher form of praise we can give Him.

I’ll leave you with Paul’s words to the church of Corinth.

Paul said, “I am not commanding you to do this. But I am testing how genuine your love is by comparing it with the eagerness of the other churches.”─2 Corinthians 8:8 NLT

Are you eager to accept Paul’s challenge?

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Loving a Friend Enough to Stand in the Gap

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How do you love a friend when it’s hard? That’s the question we’re answering here at Facets of Faith this month. Tracy and Jen started the conversation — be sure to check out their posts by clicking on their names.

For me (Kim)? Well, now it’s my turn.

I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my friends, especially those who loved me enough to stand in the gap when life got hard.

Sounds dramatic, but it’s true.

When my five-year-old daughter died from smoke inhalation in a fire that destroyed our home, and her dad lie in an ICU bed with injuries suffered from that fire, my world became the definition of a life turned hard.

Literally.

But my friends didn’t turn away from the destruction, they drew near and stood in the gap for me.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17, NIV

They loved me in practical ways like bringing diet pepsi and pretzels to a hospital 30 miles from home, simply because they knew I needed to eat and those were my favorite. They loved me as they spent the night in the waiting room of the hospital so I wouldn’t be alone if word came that my sweet Emma had died. They loved me as they told me it was okay to buy my favorite perfume to replace the one I lost in the fire, and then stood up for me after I chewed out a lady for not selling a particular perfume set that I wanted.

They loved me as they shopped with me for clothes my girls and I would wear to Emma’s funeral. Then, they loved me as they stood next to me as I stood next to her little casket.

My friends did more than those practical things . . . so much more. They comforted me with hugs and smiles and offered tender words of encouragement. They reminded me that I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t forgotten.

My friends shared their strength as they sat and listened while I processed all that happened. They didn’t try to fix anything; life was simply too broken to fix. But they helped make it bearable, endurable, even if for a moment. They validated my tears and sorrow as they wept with me. When my life turned upside, they reminded me of all that was right-side up.

My friends prayed for me. They interceded and pleaded on my behalf, asking the Holy Spirit to minister to me in those deepest, darkest spaces where no one else could go, places no one else could see. Their prayers changed everything. They impacted my life in ways I won’t understand this side of heaven. I borrowed their faith when I had none.

I know this journey wasn’t easy on them. My friends were tired, downright exhausted. My life was messy, and that mess clung to them. There were days I wondered if they would give up on me, on the entire situation, days when they needed a break from the heaviness. I wondered because there were days when I wanted the exact. same. thing. A moment to breathe with the fullness of my lungs, without the weight of sorrow pressing me down.

There were days I longed for my weariness to end so my friends didn’t have to experience it with me. When I could pretend that life is okay and laugh away the minutes, all to give them a reprieve, to lighten their load.

But honestly, those days were few and far in between. Many days I didn’t feel like a very good friend. I felt, more often than not, I was that friend, the one who was difficult to love. Not because I was particularly difficult, but my circumstances sure were. And because they were, I didn’t have much to give back to my friends. I received so much more than I gave.

But these friends, these war buddies of mine, they didn’t give up even when it was hard. They stood in the gap and showered me with love — the life-giving, grace-filled love typically found in the pages of Scripture, but rarely in every day life quite like this. My friends? Oh, they loved me well. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV

How do you love a friend when it’s hard? Have you ever been on the receiving end? Jump in and join the conversation below or over on our Facebook page.

Loving When Life is Hard—and Loving Well

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This month at FACETS we’ve got a great question. Tracy’s post last week was a gem. Take a peek if you haven’t! And remember to come back next week to read Kim’s post.

How do I love a friend when it’s hard? When life is hard?

As I (Jennifer) think about this question, I recognize that I’ve been that friend. In one really hard season I sat smack-dab in the middle of terribly difficult circumstances. Not one but several areas of my reasonably calm, settled life were hit hard. My apple cart wasn’t just upset, it was blown to smithereens. That was an emotional time. As I looked at the “apple sauce mess” that was my life, I wondered if somebody had been given permission to put a bullseye on me, my family and friends, and my apple cart. I was a mess. Over a fairly long period of time I navigated others’ pain and my own. Circumstances seemed out of control.

Those who know me best know that injustice upsets me deeply. Family and friends are precious to me, and I can’t bear to see unfair accusations or unkind treatment doled out. That was happening to several people close to me at the time. Then my husband went through a work transition that proceeded more slowly than I’d hoped. I began to crumble under the pressure. Then the emotions took over. (Have you or someone close to you experienced this?)

There I sat, for months, in a rancid puddle of emotions. I wanted my friends to be treated better. I wanted my circumstances to be better. I wanted my family to return to a better normal. I tried to manage everything on my own—tried to put on a pleasant face each day—but I was failing miserably. The sadness and anger was piling up.

Thankfully, friends were willing to come to my little puddle and sit with me in it.

That’s how you love a friend when it’s hard! Be with them.

Life is hard, and all of us will sit through a course or two at the School of Hard Knocks. The best way to love someone through that is to be with them when you can, but that’s not always possible. I felt loved when someone gently pressed in. One intentionally walked across a room to talk. My phone rang regularly. Encouraging voicemails were left if I didn’t pick up. E-mails made me smile. Text messages reminded me that friends and family were thinking of me. Many days my friends took a minute out of their busy schedule to check in—and I was so grateful!

There are lots of ways to love a friend when it’s hard.

If you have a friend struggling like me in my season, you know the angry, resentful, or super-sad emotional place anyone can land in during tough times. You might also know how hard it is to keep your own equilibrium when someone close to you is having a hard time. Can I tell you something? Your listening ear or the ear of a skilled professional can make all the difference. It takes time to listen well. It can be difficult to maintain quiet attentiveness and stifle the urge to find solutions, so I recommend praying silently for wisdom while your friend shares. Ask about their personal thoughts and feelings. You’ll know the conversation is on the right track when “I” and “me” statements are steady.

Remember—when someone is emotional the words may not be filtered and may not line up with truth. I can look back on my difficult season and more accurately assess the vulnerable moments (everything from ugly cry sessions to angry rants). The weakness I felt led to my meltdown, and the response was natural. From the other side of it I can see how most things were either a necessary part of a larger plan or something that was eventually used for good. Still, it wasn’t “good” at the time—and it was ridiculously hard! Now I can honestly say I wish I’d made some different decisions. There are specific moments I wish I’d chosen trust over fear, love over anger, and repentance over defensiveness. In the best moments, with a gentle reminder and beautiful encouragement, I chose well. I’m thankful that happened.

Friend, if you’re in the position to sit with someone in their hard season, do this: pray for their strength and resolve to choose well. In the right time and tone, the gentle reminder that every story has a beginning, middle, and end can be precious. We don’t know exactly where we are in our own storyline, but we can be sure that none of it is unknown or unimportant to the Lover of our souls. Jesus is there in every moment, whether we are aware or not, and He will always be with us every step. He will help the one going through hard times and grant wisdom and grace to the one wanting to help.

I thought I’d place some thoughts here for you. I hope they are helpful.

He hemmed me in, ganged up on me, poured on the trouble and hard times. Lamentations 3:5 MSG
The book of Lamentations is an example of an emotional outcry.

Then they sat on the ground with him seven days and nights, but no one spoke a word to him because they saw that his suffering was very intense. Job 2:13 CSB
The book of Job is an example of extreme hardship but maybe not the best example of counsel in the end.

Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or anguish or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Romans 8:35 CSB

I love that our Father has been careful to speak to the hard stuff in life. There are hundreds of verses the Bible, too many to include, because it’s the story of life in a broken world. And life in a broken world can be excruciating. I’m thankful Jesus came. I’m thankful I have friends who know how to be like Jesus when they sit with me in hard times. Then I’m thankful to have the opportunity to sit with someone else in their hard season the way someone sat with me.

Thanks for reading along! I hope these thoughts inspire you. Maybe you need to let someone in to help you in your difficult season. Maybe you need to be with someone in theirs. Love well!

 

Signature, Jennifer Howe