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What Would I Give Up To Maintain My Freedom?

09.06.2016 by Tracy Stella //

For me (Tracy), I think it’s something I have to give up daily. Daily, I need to relinquish control, to surrender to God and all He has for me.

1On the surface that sounds simple. God is good. He’s carried me through many a storm. Yet, still I sometimes take control back into my own hands. Fortunately, I don’t carry it as long as I used to. I can more readily recognize the tale-tale signs of carrying too much.

Crankiness, holding my breath, feeling overwhelmed, resentment, and a whole host of behaviors I don’t like seeing manifest are all symptoms of the sickness of taking on more than I am supposed to.

When you’ve crashed and burned like a plane making an emergency landing, you know what it feels like to go down in flames. When I try to take control of the steering instead of allowing God to guide me safely to my destination, it’s never good. Oh, He’ll work it for my good, but I’m bound to hit some turbulence.

Bumpy rides are part of the package when we do things our way rather than God’s. Thankfully, these days it’s not a ten year detour that takes me far off course. When we follow God and seek Him daily, He reroutes us. It’s like when we miss a turn and our GPS says, in 500 feet make a U-Turn. We get a chance to try again before we’re half way around the world flying in the wrong direction.

Giving up control, surrendering to God has to be a daily discipline. I must be intentional in my letting go, so I can let God. Otherwise, all I’m doing is interfering with His plan.

Recently, I heard a radio interview discussing cars without steering wheels becoming commonplace. We’ve all heard of the technology, but are we ready for that reality? Would you give up control of your car to let a computer drive you from point A to point B? What if there’s a virus? Giving up full control of my car to a computer without any override option doesn’t feel safe or wise. Have you ever had to push ctrl, alt, delete to restart your computer?

But God is not a computer with a potential virus that could corrupt the whole plan. God is God and he has a great plan for you and for me. In order for that to be fulfilled we need to follow Him.

In order to maintain my freedom I need to give control to the One who created me in the first place. He created me to be free, to live life to the full. He created me to walk as an expression of Him and His love. I can’t do that if I take back control.

I wish I could say I never did that anymore, that my faith was so rock-solid that I handed over control to God fully and completed for everything each and every day. Not so. I’m better than I was, but I still have a long way to go. These days when I see it I think, Oops that’s not mine to carry. Give it back to God … AGAIN.

I’ve given up control on some big things–very big things. I can be walking in freedom for a long time, and then that not-so-little control freak inside of me waiting to jump out and take charge pops up out of nowhere. Jack get back in your box! I thought I was rid of you. Grrrrr! Who wound you up anyway?

I think now where God has me is this place of giving Him control when I feel very responsible for others. Releasing control doesn’t mean acting on impulse or in irresponsible ways. He’s teaching me it is okay to let go of control; it doesn’t mean mass chaos will ensue. I’m giving control to God who is far more effective than I will ever be, but that He wants me to walk in His image. Lead by His example and definitely give control where it belongs—to God.

He’ll show me the way. He did yesterday, the day before, and the day before that. He’ll do it again.

When I don’t give God control, quite frankly it’s not good. I’m locking myself in a prison of performance, perfectionism, worry, fear, and a host of ill side effects. Clinging to control is tainted, ugly, and an illusion I like to call a lie. We don’t have control. None! Not even an ounce of it. So why do we kid ourselves into thinking we have any? Ridiculous! Can I get an amen?

What happens when we give up control to God in order to maintain our freedom? We get a gift from Him, one He gives every captive set free from the illusion of control that wants to squeeze the very life out of us.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.—Isaiah 26:3 ESV

Perfect peace is part of our walking in freedom. Not partial peace. Perfect peace. When we trust in God, we keep focused on Him. As long as our minds are focused on God, we won’t focus on self and all the things we could, should, would do. Instead, we lean back against Jesus in the boat while the storms are raging outside. We won’t worry about sinking, unless it’s into the arms of our Savior.

That’s an image the Lord gave me ahead of an assignment He called me to. He’s asked me to help women who have been sexually exploited or human trafficked. That can feel daunting and overwhelming, and did for a blip on the radar screen. Until I kept hearing the Lord say, Be still and know that I am the Lord (Psalm 46:10).

I want to do well by these women. They’ve been through terrors unimaginable. I want to execute well. I want to do my best and be an excellent ambassador for Christ. I want all those things and more. I feel God is reassuring me I will, if I surrender my will to His. DAILY. Isn’t that true for us all? With everything?

In order to do the big things of God, we need to say good-bye to the illusion of control. It’s not real. It’s not even reliable. Give God control. He knows where He wants to take you, what you should pack, and who will join you on the journey. Hope you’re ready for an exciting trip!

What is God asking you to do to maintain (or move toward) freedom?

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Block - Tracy

Categories // Faith, Freedom, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // Control, Freedom, Isaiah 26:3, Peace, Psalm 46:10, Surrender

What Role Does Forgiveness Play in Transforming Relationships?

08.16.2016 by Tracy Stella //

Forgiveness. That’s the topic this month. If you haven’t had a chance to read what Kim and Jennifer have to say about it, take a look at their perspectives. My guess is most of us can use several different angles to embrace the significant role it plays in our relationships.

1There’s a reason we hear so many sermons on forgiveness: because it’s hard to forgive. We can want to because we know we should. Even then, our flesh may argue and say “I don’t want to” or “I can’t”. Certainly, I’ve participated in those internal wrestling matches.

What do you do when the person you need to forgive most (or first) is yourself? What do you do when you were the one in the wrong?

Forgiving ourselves may be the very place many of us need to start the grace-filled process. How we treat ourselves reflects how we will treat others. Every relationship we have is first sourced in the relationship we have with me, myself, and I.

If we judge ourselves harshly, we will judge others in that fashion as well.

We’re all more fragile than perhaps we’re willing to admit. We need to be gentle and tender with ourselves, because God calls us to be kind and gentle—to ourselves too. Repent, yes. Absolutely. Beat ones’ self up? No.  Absolutely not.

Some people feel they don’t deserve forgiveness. I’ve felt that way before. I’ve been my very best punisher, at least some of the time. Maybe you have done that to yourself too.

Early in my walk with the Lord, I disassociated from my sinful self. I was ashamed of “her” – who I was before the Lord set this former captive free. My finger pointed disapprovingly at me. I was harsh with who I once was, running fast and far from my former actions. Perhaps this is where the saying “shame on you” comes from. When we don’t forgive ourselves, we’re participating in the enemy’s plan to place shame on us and inhibit our effectiveness for Christ.

When we don’t feel worthy, who else will think we are? That’s exactly where the enemy wants to keep us. Inhibited. Ineffective. In shame. And shame leads to sin. Think about it. It stands to reason if we think we’re not worthy of forgiveness, we could think “might as well just go ahead and sin anyhow”. I’ve seen this in my own life. I’ve seen it in ministry. It’s an awful sight.

It’s an avoidable sight.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things there is no law.—Galatians 5:22-23 ESV

Against such things there is no law. There is no law against being kind and gentle with ones’ self. We need to be. Our destiny depends on it. As we grow in our ability to be kind and gentle toward ourselves, the Spirit will produce even more good fruit in and through us. We’ll be gentle with others as well.

So if you are in a place where you find it difficult to forgive yourself, consider the impact on God’s kingdom. Do it for the sake of all the good fruit you will produce for God. Don’t let shame and unforgiveness interfere with your destiny. What God has planned for you is far too important for that!

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.—Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Forgiveness is one of those good works God desires us to walk in. He prepared forgiveness before we were born. He packaged it, expecting one day we’d open the box in anticipation of all it offered. He shed His blood on the cross so we could walk, head held high knowing we are forgiven and free and blessed beyond measure. We know we don’t deserve forgiveness, yet we accept it. Fully. God wants us to.

Don’t return the gift He has given.

It’s yours. He wants you to have it. Receive it even if it’s extravagant. It is and that’s by God’s design. Forgiveness packs the power to transform your relationship with God, yourself, and everyone else you encounter.

What is God asking you to forgive yourself for today? How will forgiveness affect the relationship with yourself? How will forgiving yourself affect the relationships you have with others?

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Block - Tracy

Categories // Forgiveness, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // Ephesians 2:10, forgiveness, Galatians 5:22-23, Gentleness, Kindness, Relationships, Shame

How Has God Changed Your Perspective About An Issue?

07.05.2016 by Tracy Stella //

As glorious as the sun is, its rays burn if we don’t find shade’s safe solace. We need protection from what could cause harm. As long as we take precaution, the sun is beautiful, inviting even. When we choose to go unprotected into summer’s sun without calculating the cost, the rays scorch as they move from warm to sizzle.

Something beautiful in design turns out to be quite painful to the touch. Our skin in need of healing, because we exposed ourselves to too much of summer’s tantalizing allure. We didn’t count the cost, and the decision to play in the sun made us uncomfortable in our own skin.

I (Tracy) have gotten too much exposure to sun. I’ve also gotten too much exposure to sin. Sinful decisions have scorched my skin making it painful to touch. Only when God’s soothing balm of love and forgiveness covered my former shame-scorched surfaces, did I see my need for God or His healing hand. Once I felt His soothing touch, my pain began to subside. As pain receded like an ocean tide, I began to walk in my purpose.

I didn’t always seek the safety of God’s shade. Now, I know the shadow of His wing is the safest place to hide as He covers me in His love, forgiveness, protection, and healing while leading and guiding my life.

In some ways I think, “Oh what I wouldn’t give to go back and do things differently.” How would my life have looked if I had known Jesus and my need for Him all along? What if I always had known how much He loved me?

But then I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have learned the hard lessons I must have needed to know. Maybe my sin was the only way I could see how good and merciful God is to us—to me. I don’t know. I do know He’s helped me climb many mountains.

Perspective_Issue TracyHealing can feel arduous, but the outcome is worth all the effort we must put in to fight for it. I’m sitting on the other side of some mountain climbs thanking God and thinking, “I am so grateful You had me start in the valley as You helped me to rise higher. Higher into my healing. Ultimately, higher into my calling.”

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. You, LORD, preserve both people and animals. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.—Psalm 36:6-8 NIV

As I have grown to understand my need for God’s love and forgiveness, He has helped shift my perspective on many things. He has helped me (and He keeps helping me) not to become scorched by my own sin.

One place He has shown me a different perspective is in the area of intimacy.

Before I knew the truth of God’s abundant love for me, I was needy in the area of love. I’d search for it however I could get it. Sex too soon and outside of God’s design was only one way I tried to fill the void. There was also striving, performance at all costs, people pleasing, and a whole host of other ways I tried to get people to love me.

Looking for love, operating out of need, is a very dangerous endeavor. We fall victim to Satan’s lies that the allure of sin will somehow help us feel better. We are also easy targets for people who are broken and in their own sin.

God first showed me what an intimate relationship with Him looks like. He met me where I was and held me close. He rooted me in His love, taught me through His Word, and helped me see who I am and how He created me to be.

Prayer became a sweet time to pour my heart out to God as I grew to know He leans in to hear what I have to say. He also taught me how to hear His voice, my listening crucial to fulfill His divine purpose for my life.

Awareness of how deeply known and loved I am by God changed me forever.

Using God’s model of intimacy, He has shown me how to bring genuine intimacy into my marriage. The more I learn and understand of God’s design for intimacy in general, including sexual intimacy, the more I see how duped I was over my lifetime—especially in this area.

God has shown me, and continues to show me, what it looks like to let someone in—really in—to a place and space where I am truly known. It’s vulnerable and real, and that’s what makes intimacy so valuable. I’m loved for who I am, not for what my sexuality has to offer. That’s powerful!

Sex is beautiful. It’s absolutely breathtaking when it’s in the context of a safe marital relationship.

Outside of that context I had no business engaging in those activities. It’s not because God is some sort of prude He asks us to wait. It’s because God desires to protect us. He wants husband and wife to become one. God doesn’t want us letting just anyone into that sacred space. He knows the scars that will be prevented if we take precaution and calculate the cost of giving the most precious parts of ourselves to the wrong person, or even too early to the right person.

I think about all the risk I exposed myself to. I think about the fear and anxiety I had to endure, because I ventured into “off limits” territory. I think about the cost of my sin. It had great expense for me, and for others.

One very costly area I encountered as a result of my sin also became one of the biggest perspective shifts God brought.

I paid the high price of getting pregnant outside of marriage—twice. I remember being very embarrassed that I got pregnant a second time. My pride could not handle having another child without being married.

While I didn’t necessarily believe in abortion, I believed in a woman’s choice. My pride screamed it was my decision. While I chose to keep my first child, I did not choose to keep my second. My sin was multiplied, because I fell to my own fleshly desires and I believed the lies of the enemy. It wasn’t just pride. I was also afraid. I already felt “not good enough” as a mom. There was a laundry list of reasons why I thought this decision was good.

That was only on the surface. I believe deep down I knew it wasn’t right. I even tried to “punish” myself afterward by not taking any of the medications to stop the bleeding or alleviate the pain.

Decades later God showed me a different perspective about abortion. It’s not a choice. It is sin.

I was reading the Ten Commandments. As I read the “thou shalt not’s”, I remember saying in jest, “Well, at least I didn’t commit murder.”

God asked a question in one of His most effective ways, since of course He already knew the answer. “Really?”

He asked the question, and then He waited.

I was very confused at first. God brought clarity. As I dialogued with Him quietly in my head, it was then He told me my choice to have an abortion was murder.

God was gentle and merciful with me, but I will never forget that day. He comforted me, sitting down in the dust of my sin as He soothed my pain from that choice.

When the reality of my decision sunk in, I sobbed. In God’s perfect timing He revealed the truth to me in love, and it was like a flood of remorse broke free. I went from joking around with God to a place of absolute repentance. God communicated in a way that convicted me without making me feel condemned; the beautiful balance only He can pull off. He needed me to walk in truth, because that’s where freedom waits.

God couldn’t heal what was left in hiding. Oh, and did I need healing! I just had never realized it.

It’s another of those big perspective shifts God brought. I needed healing from my decision to have an abortion. In God’s mercy, He brought it. I had been hiding for years from my decision, but that didn’t mean its effects hadn’t hindered me most of my adult life. It had.

Healing was hard, but the soothing aloe of Abba Father helped me through it. He allowed me to see how that decision shaped so many others. How I had bought into lie upon lie about myself. I had been buried in shame. That’s why I kept the decision so well hidden. I remember feeling unworthy of God’s goodness or His forgiveness, but I also grew to know how imperative they both were (and are) to walk in freedom from the sin that once hindered.

God in His infinite mercy gave me my child’s name, Asher. God told me Asher is happy with Him, seated at Christ’s banquet table. What more can a mama want than to know her child is safely seated with God, happy? I don’t know how all that happens, but my faith says it can. It’s one of the hopes I cling to: I will one day meet Asher and get to spend all of eternity with him. I have no right to that privilege, but that is what makes God’s mercy so powerful. We don’t deserve it, but He blesses us with mercy in spite of who we once were.

There’s a lot God can do with a repentant heart.

My decision is now part of my calling. God has placed women in my path faced with making a similar choice. I can’t make her decision for her, but I can share how that decision shaped my life. I can share how much it hurt me, and others. I can share what God shared with me in a way others wouldn’t be able to. God doesn’t let me stray too far from the emotion when I share my story. I don’t walk around “feeling it” all the time, but when I’m engaged in an important, life-saving conversation, God keeps me connected to it all. It’s important for authenticity. I have to go back and visit those feelings. It’s important, because a child’s life might be saved. That possibility is worth remaining connected to things that are hard.

The outcome is solely up to God; He only asks me to be obedient when opportunities to talk present themselves.

Besides my gratitude to God, there’s a powerful reason I want to keep myself emotionally open to engage with others about my biggest mistake. It motivates me to know my son Asher’s life mattered and still does. God brings me conversations with expectant mothers. Any child’s life saved because of a sharing of my story is part of Asher’s legacy. It’s his story too. It’s Asher’s legacy of love as I silently say, “This is for you sweet son.”

It’s also God’s way of bringing beauty from ashes. God redeems what we feel is far beyond His reach and He shows us how He works all things together for our good, even the choices we wish we would have never made. Nothing is beyond His reach. Nothing.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lords holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.—Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

Has God ever radically transformed your opinion about an issue? What or who did He use to shape your perspective? Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Block - TracyNeed help with post-abortion healing?

If you think you need help healing from a decision to abort your child, consider participation in Surrendering the Secret Bible study.  God used the teaching to heal my heart, and I highly recommend it.

Also know that you are forgiven. Scripture even goes as far as to say that if we claim to be without sin, the truth isn’t in us. He forgives us when we turn from sin to follow Him. (See 1 John 1:8-9) The truth is what sets us free. (See John 8:32)

If I could reach through this screen, I’d surely be giving you a hug right now. I’d tell you it will be okay. Trust God. Lean into Him and let Him heal your heart. Let Him love every part of you back to life. Healing, wholeness, and freedom from shame are all possible. I pray you feel God’s hand leading and guiding you every step of the way. In Jesus’ name, amen!

Categories // Life, Perspective, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // abortion, Asher, Calling, Ephesians 3:14-21, forgiveness, Freedom, healing, Intimacy, Legacy, Love, Mercy, murder, Perspective, Purity, Repentance, sin, Surrendering the Secret, truth

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