Finding Jesus Next to Me

Welcome! I, Megan, am really excited to share with you on the topic this month – the Trinity, intimately knowing and growing.  Take a look back to see Tracy and Jen’s posts.

As we start to dig into the Persons of God this month, we wanted to preface with a bit about what we believe. We believe in one God who exists in three persons—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. They are three individual Persons of one magnificent God. There are numerous scriptures throughout the New Testament that reference the three Persons of God individually, and together, giving us glimpses of the personality and characteristics of God. If you wrestle with the thought of one God in three Persons, we encourage you to lean in, pray, and ask God to further reveal Himself. We pray you find comfort in the greatness and vastness of our God, knowing we will forever have more to learn about Him.

 

A couple months ago I was listening to a podcast (my friends may say this is how I start too many of my sentences), and heard a conversation that radically impacted how I have been seeking growth in my relationship with God over the last couple months.  Annie F. Downs was interviewing John Eldredge, and they were discussing how they relate to each member of the trinity, and how that plays out in their relationship with the one God. I won’t dig into the specifics of their conversation, you can go listen to her podcast if you are interested, but I will say that when Annie mentioned her relationship with Jesus, how He sits with her, and is so present with her, especially through her dating life, it struck me hard.  Considering my individual relationships with the individual members of the trinity was a new thought for me.  

Digging In

I took a little time to scan through my prayer journals, to consider how I pray, and the way I address God in my prayers, and I quickly saw who I run to was a bit unbalanced.  I don’t believe it has to be balanced, but it gave me something to consider. Almost all of my prayers were either addressed to “Father” or “Spirit”. I pray for wisdom and guidance from the Father.  I pour out my heart knowing He created me, and knows me so well. I pray for the Spirit to guide my heart, to convict me, prompt me, and give me peace. Both of these relationships feel so real. So whole, to me.  I know the Father, and I feel so confident in how I “hear” from the Spirit. They feel so three-dimensional and so present to me.  

Jesus, honestly, probably isn’t in my journal hardly anywhere.  He isn’t really in too terribly many of my prayers, aside from “in Jesus name”, thanking Him for his sacrifice, or praying “fix it Jesus”.  It is not that I value Him any less than the Father or the Spirit, it is just that sometimes, honestly I feel like I don’t know HIm that well.  I want more than just to know of His sacrifice.  

I listened to Annie described her relationship with Jesus on the podcast, and thought, how is he so life-like for her?  I spoke with a couple friends and asked them how they relate to God, the Spirit, and Jesus, and one spoke so strongly of Jesus it brought her to tears.  Not about His sacrifice, but His presence with her now. I have always felt that with God, and the Spirit, but for me, Jesus has really only existed on the page where I read of His amazing sacrifice, and His example of love, ministry, and social justice.  I believe He rose again after the crucifixion, but I don’t feel like I know Him this side of the crucifixion.

Turning Point

I have been a believer for around 16 years.  I know Jesus’s story. I know and believe it is true.  I am overwhelmed, and sometimes baffled by the incredible sacrifice He gave of himself for us.  I read through the stories of Him during His ministry, particularly with people society overlooked, and think “man I want to be more like Jesus”.  The thing is, I struggle a bit with the “fully God and fully man” concept. I know Jesus walked earth and was tempted with every temptation, but sometimes I think my brain feels like it is still unrelatable for me because He is also God…  “He was sent here to be a perfect sacrifice, so of course He was perfect.”  

As I started digging more into the thoughts coming from the podcast conversation, I started praying for God to reveal Himself to me in Jesus, that He would feel less far away and more relatable.

I heard a pastor speaking on Luke 22:42 (probably on another podcast):

Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (NIV)

Not MY will, but yours be done.  My will. Jesus had a will. He had a choice, and He said something like “okay Father, I do not want this, but I trust You are good.”  It might seem little, but for me it felt huge! It was like the biggest lightbulb went off. How had it never caught my attention like this that in that moment Jesus didn’t want what the Father wanted?  He knew how His story ended, and He wanted a different ending, but He submitted that desire to the Father. Whew. That I can relate to. How many times can I find in my journal, “God, I want ____ so badly, but ultimately I want your will.”  How many times have I had to pray and pray to get to a point where maybe someday I will be able to add the “but ultimately I want your will” to some of those desires? Somehow this time when I heard Luke 22:42, Jesus jumped out at me. He was sitting on the Mount of Olives, submitting His plea to the Father. When I am sitting here praying for things I desire so much, and submitting them to the Father, Jesus is right there with me.

I have spent some time searching out Jesus in my everyday, and I am really starting to see how Him having walked this earth impacts my relationship with God.  While I’m not sure I am 100% ready to share all of that journey, as it still feels like a sweet spot I’m exploring on my own, I can say with all confidence that God honors the promise He gave in Jeremiah 29:13:

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

I pray you will find lightbulb moments of your own as you dig into the living word, and seek to grow closer to the Father, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus.