Mama Guilt: the Compare Snare

This week, please welcome back our friend, Erin Nicole Thompson! It’s an honor when she visits FACETS of Faith with her experience and wisdom. She’s wrapping up our conversation on this month’s question, and we think you’ll be blessed by it. Thanks for sharing with us, Erin!

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I made it!! I had conquered Costco. With two kids in tow, I endured the miles of aisles, deals of the day, and made it to the check-out lanes on budget and with the same number of children I walked in with.

(Insert: fireworks.)

As I rejoiced over this small miracle, it seemed right to celebrate with the insanely huge but inexpensive pizza Costco serves. I proceeded to get a small taste of heaven and asked the cashier to slice it in half, rather than having to drag a plastic knife through it.

Life. Was. Good.

Actually, near glorious!

My kids were playing so sweetly by the water vending machine when I noticed a large puddle under my two-year-old daughter. (Note—though she strips down every day to her birthday suit and attempts to use the potty, she is still in diapers.)

So as the other cheap lunch dwellers studied my kiddos and my parenting choices, I went over and swooped my daughter up only to realize she was soaking! What?!? This has never happened, at least with just wetness.

As a mom of four, I pride myself in my extensive diaper experience and knew I had put one on her and properly. Period. This certainly wasn’t my fault.

So I had to check. What was going on? I pulled back her pants only to realize I had put on my 21,901st diaper inside out. Yes, inside out.

So the wetness puddled on the concrete floor, drenching her legs and top, and now saturating my clothes, was none other than urine. Or pee-pee we call it in my house.

(Insert: Big-time Mama guilt here.)

And of course, there were still the onlookers.

So I dragged my kids out of Costco and drove home in defeat.

Mama guilt. It’s an issue.

We get it from the should’ves, could’ves, and can’ts—the compare snare we willingly walk into as we look at the strengths of another mom and compare them to our weaknesses. Those combustible moments overcome us, and we become someone we don’t want to be. Mama guilt. It’s there.

My mama guilt always seems to highlight my insecurities, imperfections, or inadequacies. Though my mama guilt is real and I can feel it, I am learning how to face it.

I am facing it so that it doesn’t define me or drown me in its defeat.

Whether our kids are grown and out of the house or are yet to breath on their own, we can face Mama guilt by…

1. Receiving God’s grace and love.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

The book of Lamentations reminds us that God’s love and compassion never fail, that it is there for us each and every morning. Anew. Afresh. Filled to the brim. Let me highlight that is what God declares through the book of lamenting, I mean Lamentations. He always has enough, no matter how far gone or finished we may feel. Let’s receive it.

We forgo Mama guilt by…

2. Remembering who God says we are.

“I will be a Father to you,

    and you will be my sons and daughters,

says the Lord Almighty. (2 Corinthians 6:18)

We are not our actions or attitudes, we are an adopted child of God. Adorned and arrayed in his righteousness. Welcomed and wanted in his family. Who he says we are in his Word defines us, not our past or our performance. When we walk in that security, insecurity flees. Trust me, I know.

Mama guilt gets mini-sized or mini-me’ed by….

3. Realizing God chose us to be the mama for our child, guilt and all.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

God chose our time and place. He chose the same for our child. He entrusted us with his creation, made in his image. He knew we wouldn’t get it all right, and that’s why we still need our big Daddy. And our Heavenly Father loves to be needed.

I am just about to go over my word count for this post, so know this. You are not alone in your mama guilt. We all have it. But I pray we don’t let it define us or drown us in defeat. Rather, let us face our feelings, receive God’s love, remember we are his child, and realize we are their chosen mamas by the Maker.