Facets of Faith

The Root Revealed in a Peacemaker’s Life

06.25.2019 by Kiersten Vavrina //

This month we’re excited to introduce someone new joining the conversation here at FACETS of Faith. I (Tracy) met Kiersten at a Christian business women’s group and was drawn to her right away. When we had the opportunity to pray with one another, well, that sealed the deal! Kiersten gave a brave yes when I asked her to consider writing for us (perhaps God is calling you to one as well). I love how God stretches and grows us through invitation. Without further ado, let’s see how Kiersten responded.

When I was asked to contribute to Facets of Faith, I was honored and excited to bring my thoughts to a writing. This will be fun! I responded with a quick, “ABSOLUTELY”.

Then I thought. Wait, I am not a writer. I have never taken any classes in writing or blogging. My mind then went to, well, if she asked me to share, there is some purpose in it. I proceeded still optimistic I could bang this out quickly given a few hours of quiet time. Oh man was I wrong! Writing this has been challenging. Challenging and yet eye opening. For me, the perspective God gave, ultimately, freeing. Praise the Lord!

Maybe what gets splashed on this page will only be for me, as God has woken me to some things I wasn’t seeing. But maybe something in the words will touch you too. That is my hope.

After weeks of trying to write and being blocked over and over, this is what I have to say on “What is the root that I continue to trip over”. Unforgiveness has affected my life.

Hmmmm, but I am the overly forgiving type. I am quick to forgive. Maybe even a push over at times. I am a peacemaker, fulfilled when all is well, and everyone is happy.

I will do almost anything to keep the peace. Quick to forgive, my goal is to get us back to a happy place. I strive for peace.

I began to think about the topic at hand, deeper, praying, seeking. I desired God’s wisdom for me personally, so I could write something profound.

Forgiveness, oh yes, I have this! God has forgiven me, so I am asked to forgive others. Yes, that is what I try to do all the time, so sure, I can write on this. No problem!

Hahahahahhaha!

That is the expression I feel right now. As I look back on this last month, I have attempted to type this at least 10 times. Writer’s block after writer’s block, and I am not a writer! What the heck. Finally….

Here is what God revealed to me regarding the root I keep tripping over.

For me, it has more to do with not becoming a slave to human beings, than it does unforgiveness.

I forgave someone who hurt me DEEPLY.

I will spare you the ugly details. Let’s just say this one relationship that went off the rails effected every crevice of my life at the time. When someone you trust, admire, look up to, and believe has your back, turns on you and hurts you with their words and actions, you find yourself crushed and questioning. When they throw you under the bus to others, lie about you, threaten you, manipulate the situation, and then verbally abuse you, it devastates.

But through the grace of God, I forgave her. I forgave her for hurting me, and I asked for resolution even though I was abused in the situation. Well, that didn’t end well. A narcissist can’t be reasoned with. But…

Jesus can speak to that person on my behalf even as He speaks and ministers to my heart. His words are soothing balm. Regardless of whether I ever see a changed heart in the other person, I know Jesus more because He walked me through the valley and brought me to the hopeful place called forgiveness.

That was years ago.

So why did this painful relationship re-emerge as I considered forgiveness? Why God is she coming to my mind again? I am over that! Oh God, no, do I have to forgive her again? Oh, Lord, please. I am over that already.

Then God lovingly showed me, no, you don’t need to forgive her again. You already did that. She was the most difficult person to forgive, because she hurt you the most. And you forgave her anyway. That is what I ask of you. Well done, My daughter.

What God showed me is, forgiveness isn’t just successful when both sides come to repentance and grace. Forgiveness is my job regardless of the other person’s response. It is letting go of the pain and accepting that person’s sin, and seeing them past their hurtful ways. Praying for their best good and then dusting my feet off and moving on, as Matthew 10:14 says, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

I have heard the saying about leaving a situation physically but not leaving it inside your mind and heart. It’s time I forgive myself for the time I wasted looking for human acceptance and approval.

The root I was tripping over is found in 1 Corinthians 7:23: “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings.”

Forgiveness. It’s a beautiful thing.

Other relationships where I have been hurt have been forgiven and easily resolved. Just today someone forgave me when I unintentionally hurt her. She is someone I care deeply about. I didn’t realize my lack of awareness caused a hurt in her. We talked and shared. Our conversation ended in laughter. I asked her to forgive me, and she gave me grace.

Some will. Some won’t. Forgive anyways and when needed dust your feet off and move on. You were bought at a HIGH price! Let no one come between your relationship with Jesus. No one.

Lord I pray You remove this root in me forever!

Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness to every one of us. Your sacrifice gave us the ability to receive it and, with Your grace, to give it. Help us all, Lord, not to trip over the roots of unforgiveness, people pleasing, and false idols. Help us to be still and know that You are God. In Jesus’ name, amen!

Join the conversation on our Facebook page. We’d love to hear how the cleansing love and grace of God has helped you walk the path of forgiveness.

Rooted and Established in…

06.11.2019 by Jennifer Howe //

Welcome to Facets, friend. I (Jennifer) am hanging with family at my sister’s farm. The days start earlier and last longer when I’m here. We’re making memories: snuggling chubby Lab puppies; enjoying a hysterical, little mini horse named Mr. Big; feeding chickens organic blueberries that tumbled out of a grocery bag; spending time with adorable grandnieces; and catching up on life through stories. While I’m doing all of that this week, peek at Tracy’s post from last week here and come back for more on our topic the next two weeks. For now…the root of bitterness?

Roots.

Vascular plants have them, and they keep the plant in place, absorb water and nutrients, and store food for the future. Ask me what I know about root systems. Once upon a time my front yard was ornamented with a twenty-foot plum tree; purple leaves and pink blossoms graced my spring, dark-green leaves shaded the flower bed beneath through the hot summer, and bright purple-red leaves lit up in the fall. Such a great tree—until the trunk was split by the wind in a summer storm. A short time later the tree had whole sections of dead branches. Finally, I removed the tree myself (with two pruners and a bow saw, but that’s another story). Five years later a stump mocks me.

Friend, I know about roots—live ones and dead ones. The plum tree died years ago, but a shadow of the root system remains. There are good ways of removing a tree stump; I have not used any of them. I imagined an axe would be therapeutic, and it was for a while. I figured a shovel could uncover roots, allow me to cut them, and free the stump, but that wasn’t true. Then I resorted to other techniques to deal with the wobbly stump. Nothing went according to plan. Roots can be troubling.

An illustration for life.

My tree stump is a reminder of root issues in life. Bigger, older trees have shallow roots you can see and trip over, but the majority of trees have an invisible system sometimes as large as the tree you see. As dead as the stump is, it’s not going anywhere. The whole thing is bigger and more complicated than I imagined.

Tree roots remind me of something in relationships: neuro pathways. God’s design means my brain creates little neuropaths in response to experiences. Repetition, anticipation, and emotion shape each path, determining just how deeply-established and inflexible the path is. This is the reason everyday life can be driven by our hurts, habits, and hang-ups connected to our poor choices and others’.

There is a way that seems right to a person,
but its end is the way to death. Proverbs 16:25 ESV

From day to day, we size up relational situations. Our own intellect, without God’s gift of supernatural wisdom, not only falls short but also leads away from God’s design for life and relationship. Plain and simple, whatever does not lead to life with God leads to death without Him. Test life according to His design and contrary to it to see what happens.

Considering neuropaths, when we operate from flawed logic, messy moral compasses, and human weakness, we reinforce patterns according to our preferences, purposes, and power. Compared to God’s righteousness, they’re no bueno!

The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works. Psalm 145:17

“The Rock, his work is perfect,
for all his ways are justice.
A God of faithfulness and without iniquity,
just and upright is he. Deuteronomy 32:4

If I am going to build pathways, better to keep in step with God’s heart and integrity.

Forgiveness.

A big question hangs in the air: does this even relate to forgiveness? In my experience I can’t control events that create pathways, but with God so much can be completely healed and transformed.

Unforgiveness is the burly, bitter root that turns soil nutrients into anger, which becomes bitterness stored up for the future, and infects the entire tree with what it has. Highly emotional, traumatic, or repeated experiences make well-worn paths that shape beliefs, emotional responses, and actions. Humanly, we expect the bitter root to thicken, lengthen, and deepen.

Getting to forgiveness.

Forgiveness extended to others is rooted in love that cannot be mustered up or faked. Genuine forgiveness is a loving response to someone who caused hurt. If I can’t “fake it till I make it,” what do I do? What nutrient in the soil transforms a root of bitterness or, better yet, keeps a root from taking hold in the first place?

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

It’s purely supernatural.

What on earth do we do? We have a high standard, a command:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

I’m increasingly clear about my choices that rage against God’s design for relationship with Him and with others. If I allow anger to nurture a big, fat, bitter root—a grudge—what does that say about my beliefs and, ultimately, my relationship with Him? In those moments, people around me wouldn’t identify me as one of God’s people. (I’m not proud of it; I wrestle with this thing often.) Again, the only reason for choosing forgiveness is the love Jesus showed. The only way it can happen is through the transforming power gifted from God through the Holy Spirit who lives in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Can we chat? The freedom from sin we are offered and receive through Jesus’ sacrifice originates in pure, supernatural love. Love is the nutrient we want to absorb, store up, and fuel ourselves with. Where there is anger and bitterness in our hearts, let’s deal with it. Let’s ask the Spirit to help us remove the root of bitterness so we can be rooted and established in love. I love that Paul prayed for us in Ephesians 3. Check it out.

Thanks for hanging in here with me. Did you know your thoughts in comments below are precious to me and the team? I hope you’ll share what you’re thinking about this topic this month here or at our Facebook Page.

What Root Are You Tripping Over?

06.04.2019 by Tracy Stella //

The FACETS of Faith team is excited to share what God placed on our hearts for this month’s topic. Why? Because we believe God’s kids are going to get some freedom! That’s our prayer: freedom and fullness of life for all who read and engage with what God inspired us to write. Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule. Snuggle up. Settle in. And let’s see what He has to say to us all. He’s given Kim, Jen, and our guest writer a voice in this as well. Can’t wait to see what God has to say through them too!

Life is full of moments, some of them defining. Choosing to forgive is one of them. I know forgiveness is complicated and getting to that place isn’t always easy. Forgiveness has its roots in love. Our lives are better for it. When we invest ourselves in the conscious choice to choose love, we win.

We can’t choose love if we don’t know who He is. Love is sacrificial like Jesus.

“If you have experienced the power of love and forgiveness in your life, you’ll probably give away a lot of both. …. We can reflect the angst we felt or the grace we’ve received.”1

At this point in my life, I’ve experienced God’s love in profound and deep ways. That wasn’t always the case. I didn’t always know His love for me. It was always there waiting. It just took me awhile to be ready to receive it. I pray you have encountered this love, a well so deep, a knowing so intimate and personal, and safe. Jesus, He’s safe. (I feel like someone needs to know that right here, right now.) If that’s you, you need to know Jesus is SAFE. I get that. And He is!

I’ve experienced deep violations in my life. Maybe you have too. The ones they write trauma recovery books about. If that’s you, I pray you open your heart to the safety who is Jesus. Let Him into your life. I promise, sweet one, He is safe, true, loving and kind. In fact, I just read this today. Perhaps, it’s for you.

The LORD is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.─Psalm 145:9

Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous─how well I know it.─Psalm 139:14

God made you. He thinks you’re marvelous! And He has compassion for you. He’s not looking at your situation through blind eyes. He knows you. He knows what hurts you. He knows what He has for you, and it’s so much greater than unforgiveness. He knows it will be hard, but He’s not asking you to do anything He wasn’t willing to do Himself.

Jesus forgave many who betrayed Him, belittled Him, and took advantage of Him when all He wanted to do was make this world and the people in it better, good.

Yes, He’s God. But He was also fully man. I’m grateful for that truth, because it helps me to know He understands. He understands, sweet one!

Forgiveness Frees Us from Tripping Over Pride’s Root

Unforgiveness has its roots in pride. How’s that, you ask?

If I choose not to forgive, it’s as if I’m saying my problem is bigger than my God. It’s as if I’m saying my thoughts are higher than His thoughts. It’s as if I’m saying I know more about what’s good for me than God does. The problem, the violation wasn’t good, but where God desires to bring us is good.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.─Psalm 18:19 NIV

Forgiveness is the spacious place God desires to bring us to. It’s a peaceful place, one where we can breathe freely. Fully.

Does God have great grace for us on our journey toward forgiveness? You bet He does! And when we need to travel that path again, He’ll walk with us. Sometimes, it’s not as simple as merely saying, “I forgive you.” But it’s a good place to start.

Forgiveness is like a decadent wedding cake. There are many layers to it. God gets that, because He gets us. All He’s asking for us to do is bite into it. His promise is that we’ll taste His goodness when we do.

The thing that happened to us isn’t good, but God is. His desire is to set captives free. Forgiveness is a giant key that opens the door to our freedom.

Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling.─Proverbs 16:18 NASB

Pride trips us up with a knotted root of unforgiveness.

On the other hand, forgiveness elevates us.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive any complaint you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.─Colossians 3:12-13 BSB

If you have accepted Christ into your heart, you ARE one of His elect, holy and beloved. Stop right there. You are holy. You are beloved.

From that position, clothe yourself with compassion and humility.

Forgive ANY complaint you have against one another.

Any.

(I know. I know. Sometimes, that’s hard. Don’t do it in your own strength. Do it in HIS.)

I’m forever taking the pressure off myself. There’s just too much in the world. A lot could weigh us down. We can’t get to where God is taking us if we let that happen. Choose to seek Him as you take a bite out of unforgiveness. Here’s a prayer to start:

Lord, You know my heart and You know every act committed against me. You also know the things I have done to hurt others. Thank You for Your gift of forgiveness to me, so that I don’t need to wear the weight of that burden. Help me, instead, Lord to put on your righteousness and holiness. Clothe me in Your love, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. I can forgive if you help me to get there, Lord. Please bring me to that spacious place. Help me to bask in Your love and peace as I do so, Lord. In Jesus’ precious name, amen!

Forgiveness Frees Us to Receive God’s Abundance

When God knows He can trust us to forgive, He can trust us with more.

To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.─Matthew 13:12 NLT

Joseph comes to mind. He was deeply betrayed by his brothers. He was put in a well and left for dead, all because they were jealous and annoyed with their baby brother who had a God-given dream and needed some growing up to do as to how he shared it. He suffered and was estranged from his family, even his brother Ben (because I like to imagine Joseph called him that versus Benjamin). I drop syllables on people’s names whom I’m close to. Jennifer becomes Jen. Samuel becomes Sam. So in my mind, Benjamin is Ben to Joseph.

Joseph also lost time with his father who deeply loved him. He didn’t get to make the memories with his father that his other siblings did.

We’d understand if Joseph let a bitter root of unforgiveness take over like vines that cling to a brick façade. The vines eventually tear down the structure by weakening it.

Have you ever seen a home unattended to? After awhile things deteriorate. Go back decades later and its almost unrecognizable. Overgrown and in disrepair, its former beauty and purpose hidden.

That’s what can happen to people once happy, who get wounded by other broken people when we choose not to live in the freedom of forgiveness.

Talk about clothing himself in kindness, Joseph did that!

He could have turned his brothers away when they needed food. Instead he used wisdom to test their heart. And he blessed them greatly.

Notice what I wrote above. Joseph tested their motives. Sometimes, people still aren’t safe for us. Forgive them and move on.

But sometimes it’s safe to let people stay (or to let them back in). Pray on this. Ask for God’s wisdom and discernment. And if you’ve never read the story of Joseph, I encourage you to do so. If you have, maybe God is calling you to read it again. This time through the lens of forgiveness.

Joseph rose above circumstances and was given a position of honor and authority. Nothing could thwart God’s plan for Joseph’s life. To fulfill His plan for Joseph, it did require his obedience.

Remember, when God knows He can trust us with a little, He’ll give us more. I’m not saying it will be easy, but start with small acts toward forgiveness.

Practically, what does that look like?

First, ask God to fill you with His love. It’s only out of His overflow that we can sacrificially love. Not out of a place of lack, but of much love.

Second, you could go back up and pray the prayer if you didn’t earlier.

Third, you could ask God for His wisdom and discernment as to whom is safe for you and who is not.

Fourth, pray for the person, especially if he or she is still living. No one is beyond God’s reach. No one.

Fifth, remember, just because we’re supposed to forgive those who trespass against us doesn’t mean we give them full access to tramp upon our hearts. God will show you who and how much access to give.

Lastly, ask God if there is a tangible way you can demonstrate forgiveness.

Maybe there is an act of “releasing” that you can do, ceremonially, that releases that person or circumstance to God. Like planting a flower (a bulb) that symbolizes forgiveness coming up from the darkness. In the future, whenever you see the flower come up each spring, you’ll be reminded of the fresh renewal forgiveness brings.

Maybe it’s placing lights along your sidewalk as a reminder that God’s path is well lit and He’s leading you on a journey toward forgiveness. Every time you see the light, be reminded of Christ’s light and love for you as He leads you on the narrow path. But the path of forgiveness leads to goodness, peace, and truth. The one that leads you to Him.

For me I have another bite of wedding cake God is calling me to take. It’s an easier bite than those I took earlier. The lump in my throat from the pain of the situation made the first bites of forgiveness hard to swallow. That’s how it often is, but if we choose to chew the pain and let Christ help us, we’ll live vibrantly again. Fully. Wholly. Completely.

I don’t want to live a half-eaten life. I don’t only want the leftovers. I want a full plate of God’s goodness. So I’ll chew, even when it’s hard.

The person I’m feeling called to bless didn’t directly hurt me, but a shared circumstance did (kind of – it’s complicated – it’s life, after all). I’ve felt led to pray for this person, so I have. And now I am feeling led to bless the person, which I will do. I’ve been praying about how God would want me to bless this person. He’s given me a few ideas, and we’re still working out the details.

He just kind of dropped the idea in my brain yesterday while I was out on a motorcycle ride. (Because that’s one of the spacious places He brings me to where I find peace. The open road, the more winding the better.)

I cried a little underneath my helmet, not because I’m mad or upset anymore. I cried at God’s goodness. I knew I would never have been able to easily accept His idea to bless a person involved with a circumstance that had wounded me deeply if it hadn’t been for Him. They were kind of celebratory tears of sorts. The deep pain had turned to a “small scar”.

What happened didn’t go away, but the excruciating pain had. In its place was God’s love and peace and the ability to bless.

If that’s not a spacious place, I don’t know what is.

Forgiveness Frees Us to Take Up Great Causes

There’s a song by Francesca Battistelli that keeps going through my brain. The lyric is this:

“It’s your life–what you gonna do? The world is watching you
Every day the choices you make
Say what you are and who your heart beats for
It’s an open door”2

I want to win. Don’t you?

One of the ways we win is when we take our deepest tragedies and turn them into triumphs.

I think of the mom who lost her son in a terrible tragedy. MADD was started because a mom chose to do something worthy and worthwhile with her pain. She chose to invest in forgiveness and used that horrific event as a platform to make the world a better place.

I want that for us. I want each of us to have the courage to take some of the darkest moments of our lives and turn them into something beautiful with Christ’s help. That is my prayer for all who are reading this.

How that looks for you will be dramatically different than how it looks for me. We don’t need any copycats. We are all originals, made in God’s image, but with a specific plan and purpose. I pray God shows you what that is and how to take the dark moments of your life and turn them into something beautiful. Only He has the power to do that, to transform our thinking (and our theology). Forgive. Love. Live. Go on vacation from the enemy’s tricks and choose God’s way.

If you’ve ever been to Hawaii, you know how breathtaking it is. I’ve visited the island of Kawaii a few times. It’s nothing short of paradise. (And it always reminds me of Fantasy Island since the opening scene was shot there.) You may already know this, but for those of you who don’t, the islands were formed from volcanic eruptions. From something cataclysmic, beauty emerged. When the lava cooled, it left something to build upon.

“Somewhere along the way, a lot of us misplaced our childlike imaginations and stopped believing we could either get around the lava or build something beautiful on top of it when it cooled. We began to question what was possible and what we’re actually capable of. We ran and fell, or tried and failed, or risked and lost. … Don’t let what’s happened in your past stop you from moving forward with your future. Give it some time. We can find our way around the lava where it flowed and build something beautiful on it when it cools. … We don’t need to run from the lava anymore, but instead imagine what it might become in time.”1

Isn’t that beautiful? I’ve been very touched by the book Love Lives Here. If you’re looking for your next book, this is a good one!

There was a dream I had. It got scorched. I could relate to the lava metaphor. It was like I had something – a dream God had given me – and it was burned to the ground. All that was left were ashes and a broken heart. The lava flowed and consumed it. It oozed and clung, ember red, everything up in flames. Then fear that hadn’t been there before set in. Fear interfered like an intruder. The scars limited my mobility. My imagination wasn’t able to stretch as far as it once had.

But rather than letting the lava scare me, I feel God calling me to rebuild upon the ashes. To let any little embers remaining spark something good and beautiful, something purposeful.

God is calling me to imagine again.

I wrote in my journal, “Lord, if I imagined, what? What then?”

As I did so, tears quickly slipped down my face. They poured. Not anything like lava. Like a rush.

“What then? I do not know. I don’t know how. I don’t know when. I don’t know even if I can. What, Lord? What then? What do You have to say about this? What does the still, small voice say?”

And do you know what? He “spoke”. He cast vision afresh. He knows I’m afraid. I don’t want to get hurt again. I wasn’t afraid the first time, but sometimes the second time around makes our knees knock a bit. (At least mine.)

It takes more courage to do something twice.

We know more. We know the cost. We’re definitely counting it.

Without forgiveness, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. God helped me to forgive. He helped me to heal. And He’s helping me to rise up out of the ashes. There’s still some ash, but I see hibiscus rising up out of the ground. The colors are bright and their smell is sweet.

We’re back to where we started.

Let’s pick up our feet and step over the tangled root of unforgiveness. God’s got places He wants to take us to.

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

1 Goff, Maria. Love Lives Here: Finding What You Need In A World Telling You What You Want. Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group, 2017.

2 Battistelli, Francesca. “It’s Your Life,” track #4 on My Paper Heart. Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, CAPITOL CHRISTIAN MUSIC GROUP, 2008.