Facets of Faith

Desperate for Acceptance

03.27.2018 by Abby Johnsen //

We’re answering the question – what are you desperate for God to do? this month. Tracy, Jen, and Kim have shared their thoughts. You can catch up by clicking on their names. This week I’m (Kim) super excited to introduce a dear friend of mine –Abby Johnsen. She is married to Josh and they recently welcomed their sweet baby girl, Lucy, to their family. Abby is smart and kind and insightful far beyond her years –this is a must read for anyone longing to be loved just as they are.

That question isn’t an easy one for me. I’m not supposed to need something so desperately from God, right? He saved my life through the death and resurrection of Jesus, what more could I ask for? Why do we live our lives from supposed to’s and we should’s? Is that just a me problem?

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Growing up, that was my walk with the Lord —I thought I was supposed to do everything right and should never mess up. I picked up the rules like a diligent “Christian” girl and not only tried to follow them, but encouraged (read: told) everyone to do the same.

At age 8 or 9, I attempted to evangelize my Muslim neighbor friend. In middle school, I brought my bible to school and read it proudly. In high school, I decided not to date so I wasn’t distracted (Don’t be fooled, I still was. But I tried real hard). I had it together ya’ll. At least I thought I did.

I put tons of expectations on myself and I never lived up to them. My relationship with God was never personal —it was a to-do list. I always felt like I was missing something. I was longing for more but never knew how to get there. I was stuck in this cycle of not knowing but trying anyway. Of forcing any kind of answer or movement from God.

I would hear of other people who would “hear from Him” and “see Him move”, but I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working for me. What was I doing wrong? Maybe I’m messing up somewhere I didn’t know about? And so I tried harder. But nothing worked. My failure constantly weighed on me. I tried to persuade a God who, I thought, cared more about my doings to give me what I was desperate for . . . acceptance.

Unfortunately all my work was going to get me absolutely nowhere. I focused on doing all the “right” things while not turning my gaze towards Jesus. I thought I wasn’t worthy of Jesus’ sacrifice. It seemed too easy. What I didn’t realize that what I was desperate for was actually right in front of me.

It was a looooong time before it clicked in my head: the guilt I struggled with took over everything. There was always something I did wrong, something I didn’t do enough of, something that I should’ve done but didn’t. I carried the burden of my sin EV-ER-Y-WHERE.

I played right into the enemy’s lies. I was the lone person Jesus’ blood couldn’t cover. I was the exception. Over and over this would play in my head without me realizing.

Until . . .

It. Is. Finished.

By his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24b

And those lies got turned upside down.

You’re not worthy. I make you worthy.

Why would God want to be with you? I made you so that I could be with you.

You can’t even go a day without messing up. My strength covers your mistakes.

See, your prayer doesn’t matter to Him. You always matter to me.

You’ll never be enough and He’ll never accept you. You’re more than enough and I’ll always welcome you in.

It is finished. I don’t need to make up, catch up, or make myself worthy. It is finished. Jesus made me worthy.

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 5:21

Ya’ll Jesus is EVERYTHING! He gets in our mess. He doesn’t hold it an arms length away, He gets down in the dirt with us and cleans us off, picks us up, and presents us as new creations.

So now, instead of working for His acceptance, I’m desperate for Jesus. The Creator and Savior. Our Brother and King. For time spent with Him. And I’m learning He’s desperate for that too.

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” Psalm 145:18

If you’d like to continue the conversation, comment below or head over to our Facebook page and jump in!

A Desperate Heart

03.20.2018 by Kim Findlay //

Welcome to Facets of Faith! We’re so glad you’re taking a few moments from your day to join us. This month we’re sharing what we’re most desperate for God to do. Tracy and Jen have shared their hearts and words earlier this month –you can check them out by clicking on their names. Next week we have a special guest, my dear friend Abby, and you won’t want to miss it. But for today, it’s my (Kim’s) turn.

I sit staring at the screen. The cursor blinks at me. Mocking me. Taunting me.

You won’t get it done. You’re in over your head.

The whispered words poke the anxiety floating just below the surface, tightening my stomach as it squeezes my soul. The day’s to do list grows long as I think about yet another task to be done and another that might tumble to the side.

I can’t do this.

I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.” Psalm 143:4, NLT

The realization crushes my heart. I feel like every cartoon character that has ever run smack into the wall. S p l a t !

Lord, I need you. The words begin to bubble from the deepest parts of my soul. I can’t do this.

I think about all of the responsibilities I carry. Wife. Mom. Stepmom. Daughter. Friend. Ministry leader. Counselor. Encourager. Problem solver. Cook. Maid. While it might look impressive on a resume, the weight of responsibilities weigh me down like an anchor trying to steady a ship.

Breath in me, Holy Spirit. Breathe new life into these dry bones. (Ezekiel 37:4-6)

My heart aches. I need you, Lord. I think about the people who depend on me, the ones who look to me for direction, for encouragement, for love. The ones that live under my roof. The ones that carry a piece of my heart. They deserve my very best and yet . . . how often do I look at them as an interruption? A distraction? A frustration?

How often do I look to those around me as a means to an end, that if I can simply get them to do what I want them to do, life will settle. Life will be calm. (insert wide-eyes emoji here) What a lie.

I’m desperate, Lord. For grace. Forgive me for not loving well, for trying to control what is beyond my reach. For not being present for the very ones you’ve entrusted to me. I’m desperate for your forgiveness and grace.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16, NLT

I sit in the quiet as truth begins to shine through the lies. Truth that He hears me, that He forgives, that He knows all I am facing and not only has enough strength for me to endure, He himself is enough.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.” Psalm 23:1

Realization begins to dawn like a gentle and glorious sunrise. I am alway desperate for God, for Him to reveal Himself in my life. Some days I feel the desperation more than others but the desperation is there.

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain i me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5, NLT

I am desperate for God to move. To redeem the broken places and restore the wounded spaces. I am desperate for Him to speak to me —to reveal His will and His purpose, to replace my heart of stone with one that loves tenderly and completely, expecting nothing in return.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26, NLT

I am desperate for God to remind me that He is always with me and will never leave me; that He is victorious.

I am desperate for God to remind me that each task on my list has value, that each one brings Him glory when my heart and motive is set on Him and not myself. I am desperate for Him to remind me that each task leads to something bigger than I can see. That the laundry that piles up and the meals that need to be cooked can bring Him glory.

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31, NLT

I am desperate to hear God’s voice and the whispered words that encourage and nourish my soul. Words of love and affirmation. Words that challenge me to see beyond my current circumstances, past the entanglement of my emotions. Words that breathe life and hope and joy.

Long ago the Lord said to Israel, ‘I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” Jeremiah 31:3, NLT

I’m desperate to know truth. Truth that declares that I matter, that my wounds matter. That the pain I’ve suffered and the struggles I’ve endured have a place in the story of redemption He is writing through my life.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8, NLT

I am as desperate for His presence as I am for the air that courses through my lungs, as I sit in the quiet and allow His love to wash over me, for HIs hope to nourish me, for His peace to strengthen me.

Yes, I am desperate. And there is no place I’d rather be.

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.” Psalm 42:1, NLT

What are you desperate for God to do? Can you relate to any of the things I listed? Write a comment below or head over to our Facebook page and join the conversation. We’d love to hear from you!

God, I’m Desperate—I Want to See!

03.13.2018 by Jennifer Howe //

Hi friend, I’m thankful you popped in to see what’s happening at Facets. This month we’re talking about that thing we are desperate for God to do, our deepest need. I love writing with my beautiful friends, Tracy and Kim, and if you haven’t taken time to read their hearts on any topic, I hope you will. Tracy shared here last Tuesday, Kim will be with us next week, and I look forward to our guest wrapping it all up the following week. That’s how we roll.

I can imagine each of us on our knees, something carefully cupped in our hands held up for our Daddy-God to see—“Abba, please help…” I know I’ve been there, and somehow I think you have, too. To me, it feels like my deepest need wells up inside and finds a voice. I might try to squelch it or let it fly, but it will not be silenced. The heart cry simply must have its way. It must be heard. And it can be overwhelming.

When I tried to find a way to share with you this kind of need, I was at a loss. When have I wanted something so much that time and importance caused my whole self to nearly shake with the ask? I wasn’t sure if I was thankful or sad when nothing came to mind. If I were desperate, wouldn’t it be on my mind day and night? I would think so.

Then I was “gifted” a story.

Seeing is tougher than it looks…
My first pair of glasses were fitted in eighth grade. That’s when squinting in the front row of class finally failed me, and it was time to admit I couldn’t see. I won’t bore you, but the journey of glasses has been hard. I have “tricky” eyes, and each appointment often feels more of a disappointment. Two eyes that aren’t wired to work together is troubling and complicated, so I learned to work around it. The brain is amazing! In my whole four-eyed life, there were two pair of glasses that were great. Just two. The others were—“meh.”

I may have been relieved to find my last doctor left the area, a perfect excuse to go somewhere new. But my poor husband heard my messy, emotional wrestle for days: “I just want to SEE! I hate these appointments. The doc’ asks me to do stuff my eyes can’t do, and I fight the feeling of failure. The prescription is right for the individual eyes, but then it never works for both together. Arrrrrrgh!” (In that last bit, the heart cry leaked all over the place.)

I couldn’t imagine actually seeing, but I was desperate to see.

“The bar is set pretty low if I only have to beat these glasses!” My new optometrist cleared the bulky equipment out of the way.

This time the whole journey toward this set of glasses mirrored what was in my own soul.

God, I’m desperate to SEE!
It’s more than a pair of glasses I need, and I know it.

“Can the blind guide the blind? Won’t they both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.” Luke 6:39b-40 CSB

Sometimes God gives me a peek into my own heart if I’m willing to look. When I can’t see, would I try to lead others, or even tell them how to see the world? Sadly, I might. Especially when I don’t know how poor my vision is.

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but don’t notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself don’t see the log in your eye? Hypocrite! First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck in your brother’s eye. Luke 6:41-42 CSB

I don’t know about you, but I want to hear that word “Hypocrite!” cut to my soul with a whisper when I need it. I want to know when I’m scrutinizing others but overlooking my stuff. I have friends who act as a “soul doctor” and tell me when they observe it. I’m thankful when they do. I want to listen carefully and respond well whether it’s a friend, family, or casual observer. I want to listen when the voice is warm and soft or direct and scalpel-like.

It’s a process, isn’t it?
The eye exam was my living metaphor. I had to make choices. Listening for and understanding direction can be hard. Clear communication takes time and effort. No one likes to say, “Can we try that again?” five times. Perseverance can look clumsy. Repetition can infuse the soul with frustration and words with what I might call “wrong emphasis.” (I’m can’t be the only one to do that.) But the process is worth it!

When I was willing to admit my vision was poor and I needed help, someone could help me. I only needed to go for that help, hang in with the examination process, and be willing to let the doctor do her work. The result? Great glasses for the third time.

Flip that into the spiritual realm, and what does it look like?

Daddy-God, Jesus, Holy Spirit—I can’t see, but I want to! Will you please help me? I want to be the “fully trained disciple” who is like the Teacher. Teach me. Train me. Allow my spiritual eyes to see and love truth, to see and love YOU! Life is hard, and I feel exhausted and helpless sometimes. But I am not helpless. You are my help when I’m in trouble or when I try to lead in my blindness. Can I see YOU in my life?

Jesus said

But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. Matthew 13:16-17

When we come to Jesus humbly and let him teach, I think that’s better than any set of glasses. Just sayin’.

Thanks for reading along, friend. If you read this far, I love you! (I love you “skimmers,” too.) If this topic at Facets stirs the desperate need in your soul, let’s start a conversation in the comments below. What does your heart cry sound like? We might even pray for others’ needs. Wouldn’t that be something?

If these words were useful to you, who else might be blessed? Share away, my friend!