Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

“I Give Up. Who Am I?”

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Hello, friend! I’m glad you paused for this month’s topic at FACETS because it’s a good one! Tracy’s post last week was heart-felt and full of truth. Kim will bring her beautiful heart to the screen next week. Then we look forward to a guest we think you should know the fourth week. Take a peek on Tuesdays to find out what’s happening at Facets. We think amazing conversations can begin surrounding the topics and posts.


What’s your secret? I (Jennifer) suffer from bouts with amnesia. When I sat down to write I wondered if I’d find myself in good company. Maybe I will. The truth is, sometimes I have no idea who I am. More importantly, I forget whose I am. Let me explain.

For those who believe God, you know there was a point in time when everything changed. That was true for me the summer of ’94. I had survived so many challenging relationships, experiences, and choices by then. That summer, I made the only choice that will ever matter, I think. I decided to believe God. Sure, I could have tried to do all the right things to impress Almighty God, Holy God—but that couldn’t work. I would still be the court jester performing for the King in His presence, and it wouldn’t do a thing to address the real problem. Outside of believing God, I can do nothing to improve my condition: I’m imperfect in the presence of holiness, offending holy God by trying to be good enough to earn His love. What does that mean? When my imperfection meets Holy God, He has resolved everything in Jesus.

It’s new life and new beginnings in that moment, right? Yes!

A-n-n-n-nd then I forget who I am and whose I am. The past creeps into a moment and blackens it. Memories of whatever I thought changed my life forever in a bad way slither onto the stage of my mind and begin the ugly dance I’ve seen before. I think I even know the choreography by now. The amnesia tries to strip me of my whole identity. Oh, it’s never all at once. Usually, it’s bit by bit, little things I might not even notice at first—the slip of an unkind word or thought, replacing the truth with something slightly warped or “more interesting” than reality. You get the picture. Maybe you even have the dance in your own head choreographed. It tends to look something less of the people of God and more like people who have no regard for Him.

But we are called to something else!

2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT

In my best moments, this is what I want—to believe God and live in a way that honors Him. Then the amazing adventure follows: His good plan for my life. And so, I begin by believing that He has a good plan…and that He wants me to think clearly about who He is, who I am, and the good life He has planned.

But, the cause of the amnesia is often from a single root. When I forget, I’m missing who He is and my identity that is a gift from Him through Jesus. The great thing is, when I can’t remember, powerful words  will serve to correct my thought patterns and create the right kind of memory! (Thank you for the Bible, God!)

King David puts it beautifully in Psalm 139, CSB:

1 Lord, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. 3 You observe my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it, Lord. 5 You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me. 6 [This] extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to [reach] it.

Is there any moment in time when my God, my Abba, my Daddy, isn’t aware of me, my world, and even my internal life? No, my God knows everything about me, and He’s mindful of me!

7 Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I go up to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there. 9 If I live at the eastern horizon [or] settle at the western limits, 10 even there Your hand will lead me; Your right hand will hold on to me.

Can I mistakenly find myself out of His sight? Will I be misled? No, He is always with me, ready to lead me in the right direction. And the best part? He holds me close. He loves me; I’m never alone and He leads me if I’m willing (if I’ll surrender to His will).

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will become night”— 12 even the darkness is not dark to You. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to You.

But those dark times—is He aware, and does He care? I must remember: yes, He knows. More than that, He is with me in them, and there are times He will bring light to the darkness, the kind that overwhelms the dark entirely. I also know there are times I may not see brilliant light for a while, and then I’ll have enough light for the step I’m taking (Psalm 119:105). Some things I can’t change, but I know the light and the darkness are under His power.

13 For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know [this] very well. 15 My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all [my] days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began.

Verses 13-16 can be the first step in the amnesia dance in my head. (Is it similar in your head?) I quickly forget the amazing thing that happens when God creates life. Sometimes it’s hard to see the beauty or even to love the life I have. The struggle is real when I think about whatever seems “off” from others’ “normal.” Is it “wonderful” when _______ is part of everyday life? (Fill in the blank with thousands of options!) You and I were made with purpose and for a purpose. God had a plan from the beginning, and there is no Plan B. Plan A is redemption of all things (the good, the bad, the ugly in everything), and His plan is to use people (very often) to bring things to right in this world. (Here’s a random thought: think about how many people work for God and have no idea they do. Atheist doctors may resist that thought. *grin*)

17 God, how difficult Your thoughts are for me [to comprehend]; how vast their sum is! 18 If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with You.

With all that I know about my God, there is so much I can never grasp! What I really want to begin to understand is that li’l, old me is so precious to Him that He thinks of me all the time. Imagine that! And He thinks of all of us in this way and so frequently. I don’t steal a single thought moment from you, friend, and you don’t steal from me. We are equally precious!

23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.

Here’s the deep root of the surrender part! I have to ask myself questions, and the answers are telling. Do I believe God, that He is good, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, loving, and always thinking of me? Do I believe He has my best interest in mind with every single detail of my life—the things He allows and the things He doesn’t, the things He changes or stops…and the things He doesn’t? Because, if I believe God (in the true character and identity!), then I want Him to speak to me about my words, thoughts, actions, and plans for each day. And I really don’t want to offend Him.

That means I will learn the heart and mind of my God. I will study who He is, and ask Him to help me live in a way that reveals more obviously whose I am. That’s fighting the amnesia with truth and reality, and that makes me less drawn into the dance each time.

Am I perfect? Somehow more perfect than I was the summer of ’94?

Yes…and no.

I am a child of the King. I was redeemed (simultaneously bought with a price and made right in the sight of Holy God) on that day. So yes, I am so different now. I know exactly how the plan ends, but only because I believe God, honestly.

And I live a real life in this world. Ask anyone, and they will tell you I have some “skillz” (with a Z). I have beautiful friends and family who have seen me eat a lot of things: humble pie, crow, and my own feet (both of them!). My love of words can be the very thing that ruins me some days. I also have to learn to love well because that’s really hard for me for lots of reasons. And as I said, the past chases me and tries to figure out how to command center stage in my mind.

But this is about surrender and the pursuit of it. The truth is, we live in the already and not yet of all of this.

When any one of us dives deep into the truth of what God has to say—and when we believe God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do…

That’s when He brings life and liberty in the pursuit of surrender, baby! We are more alive than ever, and we live in freedom that comes with that belief and knowledge.

All that said, if you’re living in the “real world” with difficult struggles and challenges in the pursuit of surrender, I want to share the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr. I hope it speaks to you, too. We are all in the process of pursuit.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
 and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
 as it is, not as I would have it; 
Trusting that He will make all things right 
if I surrender to His Will;
 That I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
 Forever in the next. Amen. ~Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Neibuhr (1892-1971)

Thanks for reading, friend! Please comment below or at our Facebook Page. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic this month, Psalm 139, or the Serenity Prayer.

Signature, Jennifer Howe

How Has God Brought Life and Liberty to You?

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If you’re an American, you’ve probably heard the expression “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Surrender.”

What’s that? That’s NOT what the Declaration of Independence says?

“Oh,” she says sheepishly. “That’s right. Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Yeah, yeah, that’s it! Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Well, this month at Facets of Faith we explore “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Surrender”─no disrespect to our nation’s founding fathers. Settle into a cozy chair, put up your pedicured toes (after all it is summer), and sip on some iced tea as you read about life, liberty and the pursuit of surrender.

I (Tracy) kick us off. Jennifer and Kim follow in the weeks ahead, so don’t miss their contribution to the conversation. Feel free to chime in yourself.  We’d love to hear your life, liberty and pursuit of surrender stories too!

Have you ever lay dream-filled eyes on something and thought, “Now that’s what I want for myself”? Most of us want life. Most of us want liberty. And most of us want happiness. But surrender? Forget about it!

What might me miss if we decide not to embrace surrender with a welcoming hug? What if we bristle like a cactus and back away from God? “Don’t touch me! Quit poking! That hurts!”

Let’s face it. Sometimes surrender does hurt. Sometimes surrender keeps poking and prodding as we feel like an ember as the fire glows orange. Surrender’s heat sanctifies. Surrender’s heat says, I’ve got a better way. Surrender’s heat says, Follow me into the fiery furnace.

Who wants to join me?

Now don’t everyone raise their hands at once!

What’s the problem when we don’t surrender? (Every time God asks us to)

We’re not going to find liberty. We’re not going to live as God intended, and that’s no way to live at all. Christ died so we could have abundant life. In light of His sacrifice, why wouldn’t we want to live our lives to the fullest, even if it requires surrender that sometimes pokes and prods a bit more than we wish?

Our selfish, sinful nature says, I want what I want. Whatever makes me happy? I’ll grab at that!

We may or may not recognize our behavior, but we all have a sin nature. Awareness is what helps us surrender it to God bit by bit. Some things God shows me as sin now, I would never have recognized as such years ago.

Subtly, slowly (but then again not) He sets me a little freer. Each decision of surrender moves me closer to whom God intended me to be all along. Pure. Holy. Righteous.

I’m already Beloved. You too! Those other bits? They’re the work God is moving toward as He paints His masterpiece in each of us. We’re His workmanship and we’re made in His image. That’s why, if we love Him, we’ve got to cooperate with His plan.

Cooperation requires surrender to His authority.

I don’t always understand God’s plan. That’s good. It grows my faith. It grows me. Growing pains aren’t just for teenage boys.

Sometimes the growth, and the pain in that growth, helps me to have humility─not something that comes naturally to most. Certainly not to me.  I, Me, My … not so humble.

And this is from a woman who wants to be, who loves Jesus, loves herself, and loves others albeit very imperfectly! But my “want to” isn’t broken. I want to do what God wants me to do. I want to be who God wants me to be. But oh brother can I not be sometimes!

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

God walked me through a situation where I didn’t meet someone’s expectations. It was devastating to my spirit. I’ve spent a lifetime of trying to do my best, to be my best and always put my best foot forward — perfectly. Everything in order. Everything just so. Best, best, best — must always do the best. Root deep, God keeps ripping away at it. Like a weed, He’s going to pull it all the way out. Ouch!

Why?

None of that matters! None of it! It doesn’t mean the people aren’t important. It doesn’t mean the project wasn’t important. It means I matter to God more than what He asked me to do.

What’s one thing I learned in my surrender moment?

I matter more to God than what He asks me to do. And He wanted to know if His approval mattered to me enough to outweigh others who didn’t see what I accomplished, didn’t see sacrifices made. Would His approval be enough? Would it be okay to my identity, my self-esteem if no one beside Him recognized one thing I did in that season?

I didn’t like it at first. I got mad.  I’m used to relying on my performance. It’s been an AWESOME coping mechanism.

coping mechanism

noun, Psychology.

1. an adaptation to environmental stress that is based on conscious or unconscious choice and that enhances control over behavior or gives psychological comfort.

Compare defense mechanism (def 2).1

The problem with coping mechanisms is it’s all about cover up. Cover Girl doesn’t have anything on this girl’s coping mechanisms God’s chipping away at.

Do you see the key word in the definition? Control! And a close runner up? Psychological comfort!

I had poured my heart and soul into this project, and no one noticed (or so it seemed). It’s as if God blinded their eyes from seeing what I know and those in my inner circle know. Beyond that? Blind as a bat. Would I be okay with that?

I opened the gift God intended.

Yes! Yes, I would be okay with that!

Others’ blindness to my performance gave me freedom. It stung at first, like when sweat drips down into your eyes from hard work. But then, God gave me new vision, He removed the salty tears that blurred and gave me perspective.

I surrendered to Him, audience of One whose eyes see all that I do, all that you do too. He doesn’t miss a thing.

He says, Good job! I see you. I love you! You are Mine. I know this was a hard lesson for you to learn, but isn’t it liberating? You’re not measured by what you do. I want more than that for you. You don’t have to try so hard. Rest in Me. Listen for My voice. Please Me. Don’t worry about the others. Perhaps when the time is right I will reveal to them. For now, you’ve learned a valuable lesson. I love you no matter what! And you will not always meet other people’s expectations no matter what you do, so stop trying so hard to do so. Just do what I ask you to do. No more. No less. No matter what, you are enough. Remember what I told you. You are good enough and sometimes good enough is good enough.

For a woman who has had a tight grip on performance as her security blanket, that sentiment feels foreign, yet liberating to my ears.

God set me a little more free. I stopped striving to earn other’s approval. And in turn I got me back, only a better version, a bit more sanctified. I got a little scorched by the flame. It hurt. But God made it all better in a way only He can. I do care what He thinks. And I’m growing to know I do make Him happy. It’s hard to imagine in my sinful, fallen state.

Coping mechanisms have a way of holding us hostage. God sets His captives free! I don’t have to be an overachiever to be appreciated. Praise Jesus!

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Surrender. Perhaps that’s the key to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. The more I surrender, the happier I become.

What about you? How has God brought life and liberty as you pursue surrender?

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

 

1”Dictionary.com.” Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com n.d. Web. 29 June 2017. <http://www.dictionary.com/>

An Interview on Marriage

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It’s guest week here at Facets of Faith and I’m (Kim) excited to share with you two of my dear friends, Cathy and Kevin Woodside. I’ve known Cathy for several years now and when the topic of how God helps us bloom through our marriages, I knew you needed to hear their story. My husband and I recently had dinner with them so we could learn more and share it with you. And if you missed our previous stories, check out Tracy‘s, Jen’s, and my posts by clicking on our names. Enjoy!

I sat across from the couple eager for their story. There was an air about them, a comfortableness and camaraderie that could only be birthed through adversity and rooted in hope.

Married for almost 22 years, I knew Cathy and Kevin Woodside had a story to share, I just didn’t know all the details. Listening to them settle in, it’d be easy to assume their lives have always been this way: encouraging, uplifting, respectful, and just downright fun.

But apparently what I saw as my husband and I enjoyed dinner with them recently wasn’t always descriptive of their marriage. In fact, when they first met Cathy was already married and Kevin was a self-described punk.

“I couldn’t stand him,” Cathy laughed, now clearly adoring her husband. Kevin and her first husband met on the job and became fast friends. Years passed, Kevin married, and it wasn’t unusual for the two couples to hang out and socialize.

But over time, each marriage ended though their friendship continued. The need for playdates kept them in touch. Eventually, they started dating.

Cathy set the stage for that season of their relationship. “I wanted to be rescued. I was tired of taking care of problems. I looked at Kevin, not fully sure of how I felt about him. But I knew he was strong and could take care of things.”

Kevin saw that. He knew she longed to be rescued but he didn’t want to do the saving. He didn’t believe that was the right way to begin a second marriage. The two ended their relationship and a year passed before they spoke.

Reflecting on that year Cathy said, “God gave me that time to decide not that I needed Kevin, but that I wanted him.” They eventually started talking again.

I asked Kevin what changed. “What changed? I was crazy about her. And I recognized that she didn’t need to be rescued anymore.”

A search for a new home for Cathy and her kids led them to buying a bigger house, one suitable to blend their families. But after the wedding, something flipped in Cathy. Afraid to be vulnerable and with deep wounds still festering from her first marriage, she began to push Kevin away. She became controlling and argumentative until one day Kevin told her, “I just feel like you don’t love me.”

Even years later, the residual pain from Kevin’s observation was evident as she shared. “That’s when God really started to take over. He helped me realize if there was an obstacle, I would need to behave like a good godly wife even if the feelings weren’t there.”

About that same time, God was speaking to Kevin. “I just needed to give her the benefit of the doubt,” he said. “The Holy Spirit was at work, giving me discernment to see that her anger came from a place of pain and the crap of her first marriage. I knew it wasn’t her, but I didn’t have an answer.”

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19, NLT

This was the moment I waited for – that moment of . . . “but yet God”. That moment when the destruction and devastation turns something ugly into something beautiful because that is the work of God. Redemption. Healing. Restoration. I already saw the beauty in their marriage and in them individually, and this was the turning point. The surrender. The release. The trust.

See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.” Isaiah 12:2, NLT

Through the gift of their youngest son, the community they experienced through a christian youth theater, and the wooing of the Holy Spirit, Kevin and Cathy were stirred awake through the gift of transformational faith. As Cathy watched Kevin be a dad and experienced his unconditional love, her feelings began to change as her heart softened toward her husband. She fell in love with him. Not the Hollywood, stars-in-the-eyes kind of love, though I saw her eyes twinkle every time she looked at him. No, this was a love rooted in truth and hope, grounded in Jesus, the kind that stands firm in the face of adversity.

But while things had begun to change, there was still one crucial element needed for their marriage to bloom. While serving at their church, Kevin was approached by the leadership to see if they’d be interested in leading a marriage ministry. He chuckled. “Did they really know what our marriage was like?” After spending time in prayer and not wanting to disappoint his wife, they said yes. “This was the first time I felt that God really needed to show up, otherwise everything would fail. It was beyond me.” And God did show up, just as He always had. And it was good, Kevin said, from the very beginning.

Cathy believes that “God honored our commitment to be obedient without any expectations in return. He did his part and I did mine. It felt like we got in God’s boat and were resolved to see it through. God is such a redeemer that everything that has happened – all of the brokenness – has been used for good. Those thoughts were not us. Stick it out, behave like a godly wife. . . who does that?”

Only God.

Only God takes two broken people and creates not only a beautiful flower, but transforms brokenness into a beautiful garden as He uses their love story to encourage others.

“We get it. There’s hope for you. I love him more every single day. If you would’ve asked me during those first years of marriage if I’d ever feel this way, I’d say no. But God redeems everything.”

But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope.” Hosea 2:14-15a, NLT

Have you experienced God’s transformational power in your marriage? Join the conversation by sharing a comment below or over on our Facebook page.