Hey friends! I hope you are having a wonderful Tuesday! This month, we have each been digging into freedom and calling, and how those two have played out together in our lives. I pray that you will join in along with us and see where God might be bringing you towards freedom. Check out Tracy and Jen‘s posts from the last couple weeks, and next week, please come back to welcome our guest Charlotte! I am trusting that God will speak to you through the words we have each shared over the past month, and that ultimately we will be able to freely live out our calling.
The last couple months have been so heavy. Part of me wants to explain, but part of me believes a lot of us feel it. There is this pandemic, the stress of changed life rhythms, sickness, racism, and so much injustice, everything just feels so, so heavy. Our world is more connected than any other period in history. Take one minute to watch the news or to scroll social media, and you will find at least one more thing to add to the list of things needing care. Right now, the list of things needing care or concern far exceed my emotional capacity.
Squishy-hearted Spiritual Gifts
I really started digging into my faith in college. I remember at some point taking a spiritual gifts assessment, where I am sure it ranked my gifts, but I really only remember that mercy was at the top. It wasn’t surprising. I always felt kind of squishy-hearted; it was something I could see in my life, and thought I understood how to use. A few years into my walk with God, there was a period of time where I remember sitting on the front porch of the house just crying. I cried for hours. I came back inside and got a tissue, some water, and went back out and cried more. There was just so much suffering, and so much to care about. So many people needing love, and care. It was heavy. It was paralyzing. I remember praying and asking God to take it all away. In that moment, I wanted any other gift; mercy was just too much.
For a while, I felt like God had essentially just taken away the gift. I was still me. I still was keenly aware of suffering and injustice, but my heart was not overwhelmed with mercy. I wasn’t numb, but I wasn’t an emotional mess. Over the next few years, God slowly brought it back, little by little. I was working in a really difficult placement during those years. Among all of the good and beautiful, my friends and community were experiencing poverty, abuse, loneliness, human trafficking, sickness, and so much confusion. So much more than I was processing that day sitting on my front porch at college, but somehow, much less paralyzing. God had given me space to grow into my gifting.
Finding the Freedom
I recently retook the spiritual gifts assessment. Wisdom, mercy, and discernment. I look at that combination today, and I praise God for giving me something to balance out all the emotions. I’m not sure if that was His plan, but I see His grace in it. Even years down this road, mercy is an easy one for me to let get out of balance. There is so much “heavy”, so why would an abundance mercy ever be a problem? Looking back at my 20-year old self sitting on the porch utterly paralyzed by mercy, I can see the freedom provided in boundaries. I needed space to be free to grow into my gifting. Instead of trying to run the marathon, I needed to crawl, then walk, then jog, and then train for the marathon.
In this season of “heavy”, I have to work to keep myself in a place of freedom. There is so much to take in, so much to act on, and so little time of restoration. How can I care enough simultaneously about my health, the pandemic, racial injustice, my friend’s heartbreak, my friend who is incredibly sick, the human trafficking I heard about on the news, the massive amounts of unemployment…? I know God cares for them all, and I know my heart was created to care like His, but I just don’t have the capacity. Regardless of the guilt I feel, the Spirit reminds me I was not made to carry every burden.
Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good… All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.” -1 Corinthians 12:4-7, 11
Our gifts are only good to the point God asks us to use them. They are empowered by God. This has been an important reminder for me. I am one of millions with the gift of mercy. If I acted on everything in the world requiring mercy, or even just the things I am aware of, I would be of no use to the Lord. Rather, I am empowered by the Spirit for the service and activities He has for me, just as you are empowered for the service and activities He has for you. I am thankful for a God who loves me enough to help me find the boundaries that provide me with freedom from guilt, exhaustion, and overwork. I am thankful that God is working with me to help me find the balance between information and engagement overload, and ignoring everything.
While your gifts may be something entirely different, I believe there is freedom to be found as we grow into our gifting. Over a lifetime, the way you use your gifts may change once or twice, or hundreds of times, but the same Spirit is there to help you find freedom in using them.
Where do you need to find freedom as you live out your calling? Join us in the comments, or on Facebook and let us know!
