Welcome to Facets, friend. I (Jennifer) am hanging with family at my sister’s farm. The days start earlier and last longer when I’m here. We’re making memories: snuggling chubby Lab puppies; enjoying a hysterical, little mini horse named Mr. Big; feeding chickens organic blueberries that tumbled out of a grocery bag; spending time with adorable grandnieces; and catching up on life through stories. While I’m doing all of that this week, peek at Tracy’s post from last week here and come back for more on our topic the next two weeks. For now…the root of bitterness?

Roots.

Vascular plants have them, and they keep the plant in place, absorb water and nutrients, and store food for the future. Ask me what I know about root systems. Once upon a time my front yard was ornamented with a twenty-foot plum tree; purple leaves and pink blossoms graced my spring, dark-green leaves shaded the flower bed beneath through the hot summer, and bright purple-red leaves lit up in the fall. Such a great tree—until the trunk was split by the wind in a summer storm. A short time later the tree had whole sections of dead branches. Finally, I removed the tree myself (with two pruners and a bow saw, but that’s another story). Five years later a stump mocks me.

Friend, I know about roots—live ones and dead ones. The plum tree died years ago, but a shadow of the root system remains. There are good ways of removing a tree stump; I have not used any of them. I imagined an axe would be therapeutic, and it was for a while. I figured a shovel could uncover roots, allow me to cut them, and free the stump, but that wasn’t true. Then I resorted to other techniques to deal with the wobbly stump. Nothing went according to plan. Roots can be troubling.

An illustration for life.

My tree stump is a reminder of root issues in life. Bigger, older trees have shallow roots you can see and trip over, but the majority of trees have an invisible system sometimes as large as the tree you see. As dead as the stump is, it’s not going anywhere. The whole thing is bigger and more complicated than I imagined.

Tree roots remind me of something in relationships: neuro pathways. God’s design means my brain creates little neuropaths in response to experiences. Repetition, anticipation, and emotion shape each path, determining just how deeply-established and inflexible the path is. This is the reason everyday life can be driven by our hurts, habits, and hang-ups connected to our poor choices and others’.

There is a way that seems right to a person,
but its end is the way to death. Proverbs 16:25 ESV

From day to day, we size up relational situations. Our own intellect, without God’s gift of supernatural wisdom, not only falls short but also leads away from God’s design for life and relationship. Plain and simple, whatever does not lead to life with God leads to death without Him. Test life according to His design and contrary to it to see what happens.

Considering neuropaths, when we operate from flawed logic, messy moral compasses, and human weakness, we reinforce patterns according to our preferences, purposes, and power. Compared to God’s righteousness, they’re no bueno!

The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works. Psalm 145:17

“The Rock, his work is perfect,
for all his ways are justice.
A God of faithfulness and without iniquity,
just and upright is he. Deuteronomy 32:4

If I am going to build pathways, better to keep in step with God’s heart and integrity.

Forgiveness.

A big question hangs in the air: does this even relate to forgiveness? In my experience I can’t control events that create pathways, but with God so much can be completely healed and transformed.

Unforgiveness is the burly, bitter root that turns soil nutrients into anger, which becomes bitterness stored up for the future, and infects the entire tree with what it has. Highly emotional, traumatic, or repeated experiences make well-worn paths that shape beliefs, emotional responses, and actions. Humanly, we expect the bitter root to thicken, lengthen, and deepen.

Getting to forgiveness.

Forgiveness extended to others is rooted in love that cannot be mustered up or faked. Genuine forgiveness is a loving response to someone who caused hurt. If I can’t “fake it till I make it,” what do I do? What nutrient in the soil transforms a root of bitterness or, better yet, keeps a root from taking hold in the first place?

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

It’s purely supernatural.

What on earth do we do? We have a high standard, a command:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34

I’m increasingly clear about my choices that rage against God’s design for relationship with Him and with others. If I allow anger to nurture a big, fat, bitter root—a grudge—what does that say about my beliefs and, ultimately, my relationship with Him? In those moments, people around me wouldn’t identify me as one of God’s people. (I’m not proud of it; I wrestle with this thing often.) Again, the only reason for choosing forgiveness is the love Jesus showed. The only way it can happen is through the transforming power gifted from God through the Holy Spirit who lives in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Can we chat? The freedom from sin we are offered and receive through Jesus’ sacrifice originates in pure, supernatural love. Love is the nutrient we want to absorb, store up, and fuel ourselves with. Where there is anger and bitterness in our hearts, let’s deal with it. Let’s ask the Spirit to help us remove the root of bitterness so we can be rooted and established in love. I love that Paul prayed for us in Ephesians 3. Check it out.

Thanks for hanging in here with me. Did you know your thoughts in comments below are precious to me and the team? I hope you’ll share what you’re thinking about this topic this month here or at our Facebook Page.