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Love, Hope, and a Sprinkle of Laughter

06.20.2017 by Kim Findlay //

We’re talking marriage this month at Facets of Faith, answering the question: how is God helping me bloom through my marriage. Tracy and Jen shared already, be sure to check out their posts. Today it’s my (Kim’s) turn, so here we go!

He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me . . . he loves me not.

Last week was the 20th anniversary of my first wedding for a marriage that lasted fourteen years. Fourteen years of holding my breath, slowly plucking at each flower petal as I wondered and waited. He loves me. Chaos and crisis defined most of our years together, until like the failing rose in Beauty and the Beast, the remaining petal shriveled and died. He loves me not.

Marriage scared me. Or more accurately, intimacy did. Could I trust someone with my whole heart again? Was I willing to take the risk of allowing someone near? There was so much pain and sorrow, I wasn’t sure.

A little more than four years ago, in a burst of courage, I signed up for one of those dating websites. Yep, that was me. My divorce was final and I wanted to meet new people. Nervously, I filled out my profile, trying to determine how much to share and what to keep close.

Simple questions like listing the number of kids sent waves of anxiety over me. Who will want to deal with that, I wondered. I decided to stay vague. Vagueness protected. Vagueness kept others at bay.

Emails started filling my inbox. One by one, I hit delete. Until I saw his picture. Peering close, I noticed a child’s hand on his shoulder. Intrigued, I clicked on his profile. There wasn’t much but something in his picture stirred something in me. What the heck, I thought. I hit reply and a tiny shoot broke through the earth.

God had been doing a tender work in me throughout this dark season. He compassionately pulled up weeds of pride and bitterness. He whispered words of love and hope nurturing my soul and restoring the nutrients I so desperately needed to heal my broken heart.

Forgiveness. Compassion. Grace. But I didn’t see the rest of what He was preparing for me, not right away.

Through a series of emails we began to learn about each other, this man and I. We found out we graduated the same year from rival high schools and liked the same cars. We both loved kids and each had a few of our own. Then came the surprise, the one thing I couldn’t ignore.

We both lost a child.

In that moment as I read his words, it looks like we have something else in common, I tasted the grace of God’s goodness. It was as if I were infused with oxygen and could freely breathe again. Not because of this man, but because of how God chose to use this man. That tiny bud began to reach toward the sun. It had been so long . . .

His son, Timmy, died when he was four. He drowned in their swimming pool. My daughter, Emma, died when she was five in a fire that destroyed our home. I remember writing to him that if nothing else, we were going to be good friends. We shared a bond that most, thankfully, do not. We tasted the bitterness of sorrow so deep that changes our very soul.

I often think about that moment, that first bit of connection we felt before we ever met. I tasted hope that day and it was refreshing and good.

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19, NLT

One email led to another until we finally talked on the phone. Eventually, we decided to meet and last month we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. A day, quite honestly, I never thought I’d celebrate again, but only for God’s mercy and grace.

This may sound a little cheesy, but let’s face it, this entire post has that flavor . . . but I feel myself coming alive each day I wake as Russ’s wife. I experienced so much sorrow and death that I became accustomed to its weight around my shoulders. It was like the comfortable sweatshirt I know is ripped and torn, yet feels so safe and warm. Being Russ’s wife helps me learn a new way of life as we embrace the dance of living with grief because he knows it, too.

I never knew being married was like this. I understood the hard part – the in sickness and in bad times. But this good part? The laughter, the fun, the encouragement, the genuine enjoyment? It’s new and like a refreshing rain nourishing the soil God tilled and prepared.

He hugs me at night and whispers I have the best wife ever. It doesn’t matter if I was grumpy or frustrated, if I disciplined his kids or forgot to make dinner. His whispered words of love saturate my mending heart with hope. Hope that marriage is what I thought it could be, hope that two people could not only love each other, but like each other, as well.

My husband stands up for me and protects me. He remains firm when I feel rocked by the waves of fear and anxiety. He longs to provide not only for my needs, but even some of my wants. And he tries to make me smile and laugh every. single. day. Almost to a fault, but it makes me love him even more.

He offers me a glimpse of the love and protection God has for me. I feel safe and secure as I learn more about him, about Jesus, and about myself. I’m beginning to take risks where fear would have won and I’m stepping toward dreams because my husband loves to encourage me on.

Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s ours and it’s good. We brought some carts of baggage to our marriage, but somehow we ended up with a beautiful matching set.

Somehow.

No, God did that . . . that’s how.

I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.” Joel 2:25, ESV

How does God speak to you through your spouse? In your marriage? Join the conversation by sharing a comment below or on our Facebook page.

Categories // Blooming in Marriage, Kim Findlay's Perspective, Life Tags // blended families, child loss, dating with kids, Death, divorce, encouragement, grief, healing, hope, Kim Findlay, marriage, remarriage

Loving a Friend Enough to Stand in the Gap

02.21.2017 by Kim Findlay //

How do you love a friend when it’s hard? That’s the question we’re answering here at Facets of Faith this month. Tracy and Jen started the conversation — be sure to check out their posts by clicking on their names.

For me (Kim)? Well, now it’s my turn.

I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my friends, especially those who loved me enough to stand in the gap when life got hard.

Sounds dramatic, but it’s true.

When my five-year-old daughter died from smoke inhalation in a fire that destroyed our home, and her dad lie in an ICU bed with injuries suffered from that fire, my world became the definition of a life turned hard.

Literally.

But my friends didn’t turn away from the destruction, they drew near and stood in the gap for me.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17, NIV

They loved me in practical ways like bringing diet pepsi and pretzels to a hospital 30 miles from home, simply because they knew I needed to eat and those were my favorite. They loved me as they spent the night in the waiting room of the hospital so I wouldn’t be alone if word came that my sweet Emma had died. They loved me as they told me it was okay to buy my favorite perfume to replace the one I lost in the fire, and then stood up for me after I chewed out a lady for not selling a particular perfume set that I wanted.

They loved me as they shopped with me for clothes my girls and I would wear to Emma’s funeral. Then, they loved me as they stood next to me as I stood next to her little casket.

My friends did more than those practical things . . . so much more. They comforted me with hugs and smiles and offered tender words of encouragement. They reminded me that I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t forgotten.

My friends shared their strength as they sat and listened while I processed all that happened. They didn’t try to fix anything; life was simply too broken to fix. But they helped make it bearable, endurable, even if for a moment. They validated my tears and sorrow as they wept with me. When my life turned upside, they reminded me of all that was right-side up.

My friends prayed for me. They interceded and pleaded on my behalf, asking the Holy Spirit to minister to me in those deepest, darkest spaces where no one else could go, places no one else could see. Their prayers changed everything. They impacted my life in ways I won’t understand this side of heaven. I borrowed their faith when I had none.

I know this journey wasn’t easy on them. My friends were tired, downright exhausted. My life was messy, and that mess clung to them. There were days I wondered if they would give up on me, on the entire situation, days when they needed a break from the heaviness. I wondered because there were days when I wanted the exact. same. thing. A moment to breathe with the fullness of my lungs, without the weight of sorrow pressing me down.

There were days I longed for my weariness to end so my friends didn’t have to experience it with me. When I could pretend that life is okay and laugh away the minutes, all to give them a reprieve, to lighten their load.

But honestly, those days were few and far in between. Many days I didn’t feel like a very good friend. I felt, more often than not, I was that friend, the one who was difficult to love. Not because I was particularly difficult, but my circumstances sure were. And because they were, I didn’t have much to give back to my friends. I received so much more than I gave.

But these friends, these war buddies of mine, they didn’t give up even when it was hard. They stood in the gap and showered me with love — the life-giving, grace-filled love typically found in the pages of Scripture, but rarely in every day life quite like this. My friends? Oh, they loved me well. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV

How do you love a friend when it’s hard? Have you ever been on the receiving end? Jump in and join the conversation below or over on our Facebook page.

Categories // How to Love When It's Hard, Kim Findlay's Perspective, Life Tags // being present, child loss, Friendship, grief, hope, Kim Findlay, loss, prayer

The Most Difficult Yes

10.18.2016 by Kim Findlay //

It’s my (Kim’s) turn to talk about saying yes to God here at Facets of Faith. Tracy and Jen have shared earlier this month so be sure to check out their answers!

1

I choose to trust you. No matter what, if she lives or dies, I trust you.

The words tumbled out before their impact registered. The doctor had just delivered devastating news: my youngest daughter was going to die from a fire that destroyed our home.

My worst nightmare came alive as I stared fear and death square in the face. I had no idea what to expect after that moment. Life shifted, tilted, and threw me completely off-balance. But even so, I made a life-changing decision that day. I said yes to God while I plunged head-first into the dark shadow death cast on my life.

Over the next eleven years my life plummeted deeper into darkness and sorrow. The broken pieces of my heart cut deep. The broken pieces of her daddy’s heart sliced deeper until our rocky marriage finally broke. The fallout from those years altered every aspect of my life —nothing escaped unscathed.

So why did I say yes to Him? If you had asked me that moment in the hospital, I might have said He was going to miraculously change everything. People were praying. Others declared a full healing. The path before me would turn straight and smooth. I wanted my happily-ever-after “God-moment” where He rescued Emma and saved us from utter destruction.

That happily-ever-after never came, at least not Hollywood’s version.

Here’s what did happen when I said yes to God.


I experienced His Presence.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18, NLT

As I traveled through the darkness, I sensed God’s presence near. Conflicting feelings swirled inside —pain and joy, sorrow and hope. Gentle reminders that heaven was near but not in its fullness. Suffering and brokenness mark this world, but when Jesus came to earth, heaven broke through and marked those who love Him through the gift of the Holy Spirit.


I experienced His peace.

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33, NLT

Peace is not something that can be fabricated, not the true abiding peace that gives strength and perseverance to the weary. Peace is a gift God gives when we say yes to Him, and I felt it. I experienced it. His peace calmed and sustained me through the bleakest moments. His peace strengthened me as He developed resilience within me.


I experienced hope.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13, NLT

Emma died. My sweet girl experienced life on earth for five years, and now experiences the glory of heaven for eternity. I still long for her, but I have hope that this life and this world is not the end. One day I will see her again.

But I also have hope that my heartbreak isn’t wasted. That God didn’t forget about me, make a mistake, or leave me to navigate the dark valley of death and sorrow alone.

Nor does He forget you.

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, NLT


I experienced His comfort and offer it to others.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT

Comfort came through the gift of friends and family. It came through the whispers of the Holy Spirit, reminding me that I was seen and heard and loved. Comfort came through tears that were shed by me and with those who love me. Comfort comes every time someone remembers my sweet girl and speaks her name out loud.


I experienced His goodness.

Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.”  Psalm 27:13, NLT

Nothing about my daughter’s death was good. I’ve missed out on eleven years of birthdays and hugs, kisses and conversations. By now she’d have her driver’s license and maybe even a crush or two.

And yet God. When I said yes to Him and willingly embraced the crushing and pressing, He opened my eyes to see His goodness. I looked for it, and He revealed it. By saying yes, He opened my heart to receive His healing and blessing, even through horrific circumstances. By saying yes, He opened my soul to receive heavenly wonders and mercies that defy this temporary world.

I’m nothing special to have endured this suffering. All I did was say yes to God, allowed Him to sift and shape my soul; He did (and still does) the heavy hauling. But by saying yes, even this most difficult yes to God, my voice joins the chorus that sings His praise, giving Him glory so that others may see all He has done and be amazed.

And so can yours.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed.  They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3, NLT

Are you willing to say yes to God, even to the most difficult things? He will meet you there if you do.

Join the conversation this week on our Facebook page and share how you’re saying the most difficult yes. I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Kim Signature

Categories // Life, Say Yes Tags // child loss, Faith, God's goodness, grief, hope, resilience, sorrow, trusting God

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