Hey Thelma, Who’s Your Louise?

08.04.2020 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith and our discussion on friendship. While our summer looks a bit different than many of us planned, I pray you are finding ways to connect with the friends you love.

When we first discussed this topic, I envisioned a piece about the fun adventures I’d take with one of my girlfriends. I thought it might be an amazing assignment involving a road trip, laughter and a spirit of adventure. Then Covid created this odd, social standard where we stay physically distant from each other.

So I’m going on a celebratory adventure of some of the Louise’s God has brought into my life and how they’ve impacted it. I’ll take a rain check on the road trip, because that has to happen!

One of the Louise’s in my life loves Jesus, worship, motorcycles, and coffee chats full of authentic conversation. We share that. She also loves chickens, alpacas and goats. Those we don’t share, but that’s okay. Real friendship doesn’t mean we have to be identical; it means we see and appreciate our differences too. Friendship rooted in the gift of vulnerability says, “You are safe. I can share with you.” She’s that kind of friend.

She is a treasure to me, and truly a gift God sent when I needed friendship. God hand-selected her for me, and if you knew her, you’d know how truly blessed I am. Like Thelma and Louise, our friendship involved a road trip.

Great friendships take courage

Maybe you needed to read this piece just to take away this nugget:

Be brave enough to extend an invitation to someone you don’t know. You never know if she may become one of your best friends.

You see, I had radically shifted my lifestyle: from sinner to saint (who still sometimes sins). My old friends were confused by my new behaviors. I remember feeling lonely. God knew my heart, even if I didn’t express it to Him at the time.

He prompted me to invite someone I didn’t know to spend an entire weekend together at a women’s conference. I had an extra ticket and I wasn’t sure who was supposed to attend with me. After prayer, God placed her name on my heart. And I’m glad He did. Because, you see, He knew we had a lot in common and we needed to be friends.

It felt incredibly brave to me at the time, especially since I’m a bit of an introvert.

“Hey, I don’t know you very well, but how about if we drive 5 hours to St. Louis, spend the whole weekend together in the same hotel room, attend this women’s conference, and see how it goes?”

God will have you do some crazy stuff, my friends. Crazy! And terrifying! But sometimes those adventures might turn out to be incredibly terrific. This one did!

God is faithful. And He sets the lonely in friendships that feel like family.

Find your friendships that feel like family

God sets the lonely in families,

he leads out the prisoners with singing

Psalm 68:6a NIV

Friends that feel like family are the perfect Louise to your Thelma. If you don’t have them, I pray God brings them into the fold of your life. If you do, I pray He grows them to be even more blessed.

While I thought I’d be writing a free-spirited piece about adventure (something my adrenaline seeking spirit loves), my heart is also lamenting right now. I wished one of my Louise’s well as she moved 1,024 miles away.

When we are following God, sometimes He takes us down different paths which spread us out (but not apart). We’re still friends, spiritually linked forever because this Louise happens to be someone I am spiritually connected to in a special way.

Know this: you are worthy of friendship

I remember the first time I thought about being friends with a pastor’s wife. I thought to myself, “Um. Not worthy.” You see, I was a baby Christian still breaking free from my sin and shame, but this Louise saw something different in me. She saw who God was making me into, and she spoke precious words over me that I still treasure.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. ─Proverbs 31:25 NIV

I haven’t always felt strong in life, but I postured as though I was. That was my former defense mechanism. She prophesied words over me that now feel true (or at least a whole lot truer than they did about a decade ago).

I also had felt a lot of shame, but that’s not what she spoke over me. She spoke the word dignity over me and my life. And, amazingly, that is the spacious place God has brought me to. He used my precious friend to give those words to me as a gift.

It’s a good place to pause and remind us all to speak words of encouragement over one another. Let’s challenge ourselves to listen to the Holy Spirit’s prompting and be the words of love and encouragement our friends need to hear. Those words have the power to transform a person’s life.

I have done ministry with this woman. I have shared deeply and laughed SO HARD, because she is hilarious. Her hands dunked me in the baptismal and joyously celebrated new life in me as a child of God.

She too is a treasure. She’s on assignment by God and she and her family are following hard after Him, thus the reason she is now a resident of Colorado (effective last weekend). The one consolation I have in this is I now have the perfect excuse to visit one of my favorite places to see some of my favorite people!

Find friends who follow God & bless our faith

Having friendships that follow hard after the things of God for their lives is truly a great blessing. Their faith grows ours. I have realized the friendships I have treasured most are ones in which they commit to learn and grow more each day about who they are and what their contribution to the world will be. I so appreciate friends on the path to always learning and growing.

Maybe it’s because I don’t ever want to stop learning and growing myself. The woman I am at 50+ years is a much different version of the woman I was in my 20s, 30s and even 40s.

I’m still learning more and more about who I am, and much of that comes through fabulous friends who see and say things to help us realize our giftedness and calling.

And who we feel safe to share with when we fall flat, because we know they’ll dust us off and help us stand again.

When ones’ life has shifted so dramatically, so too has her friendships.

There are a few friendships I miss (I imagine that’s probably true for you too). Not every relationship is for a lifetime, but we can hope some are. I feel like we need to consult with God about that.

What friendships is God calling you to in this season?

God redeems and restores friendships

I’ve seen Him restore a friendship I thought was permanently severed. I remember being afraid to bump into this person at the store, because we’d had quite a traumatic end. But we serve a resurrection God, and He brought that person back into my life. He knew it was safe to do so – for her and for me. I felt peace about it and time demonstrated that feeling to be true. We were different women and we both realized where we’d went wrong. God had grown us, and then He resurrected what I would have once told you was permanently dead.

That person had played a pivotal role in my attending church. I wouldn’t have went had she not invited me. (That whole not worthy thing.) We had shared familial history and we understood one another’s story. We were brought together during tragic life circumstances that God used to grow us closer to Him and each other.

Be on guard of the enemy’s plans to unravel relationships

I’m sure the enemy didn’t want us helping each other learn how to stand, so he tore us apart. I really didn’t understand spiritual matters all that much back then. I was just learning about the things of God. I didn’t know how much I also needed to be on guard for the plans of the enemy. He loves to tear relationships apart, especially when they are trying to help one another seek after the things of God.

Maybe you need to read this piece for that nugget of truth. The enemy has plans to unravel godly friendships, but God tells us to be relationally on guard for that. God doesn’t want our friendships stolen from us; he wants those relationships to be part of the abundant life He died to give us.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.─John 10:10 NIV

There are a few friendships I grieve the loss over.

Grieve & pray about lost friendships

Sometimes, God has to rip you (or them) out of one environment for reasons seen and unseen. I miss my friend I called sister for nearly two decades. She knew things about me I didn’t tell ANYONE. She saw a lot of my sin. Don’t get me wrong, I still sin … but she saw the big stuff.

I don’t want to celebrate my former sin; it led to some pretty painful destinations. But I do celebrate her, and I hope one day God will bring us back together. We didn’t fight; we faded.

Celebrate your sister w/o celebrating your past sin

I think because she knew me and all of my sin, God had to separate us so He could work on separating me from my former sin. It’s my running theory. I’m not sure what He’s been doing in her life, but I’m sure He’s up to something amazing there too. I pray He is and I hold out hope for our friendship.

She is brilliant and funny.

We used to spend the whole week of the 4^th of July out on my boat with magazines splayed across the seats where all sorts of girl talk would ensue. She was my roommate at our national sales meetings, and I knew I could count on our bathroom vanity to be a hot mess with her things strewn all over.

She packed a separate suitcase just for her shoes. How can you not love a woman like that? If one of your favorite places is DSW, you know this friendship was a match made in heaven! Like Cinderella’s glass slipper, it just fit.

She could come over to my place no matter what it looked like, because real friends let their friends see their homes even when they’re a mess.

She knew my love of boots. When I stood up for her at her wedding, that was her gift to me — an amazing pair of grey suede boots that I still adore. Hey, you know you’re a good friend when you can pick out a pair of boots for the other one. It’s kind of like picking out another woman’s purse. You better know her taste!

This is a funny Thelma & Louise type story. It still makes me laugh. Boy, were we some crazy “kids”.

It was April and the thermostat read over 80 degrees. My Louise went to the city with me where we happened upon a cute boutique. I found the most amazing pair of sunglasses I had to have. It was the weather’s fault as I was feeling a bit more free- spirited, as so often happens when the temperature heats up prematurely after a winter thaw.

After my shiny new sunglass purchase, I proposed to my friend we test drive convertibles.

She said, “No way!” (Because she knew her Thelma friend wouldn’t just take the car for a test drive.) She didn’t want to get in trouble with my then-husband for playing a role in this adventure that would involve a major purchase.

Finally, I talked her into it. I saw an adorable silver 2-seater stick shift and I was in love. The car salesperson asked me if I knew how to drive stick shift, but it felt more like a statement than a question.

I wanted to say, “Child, please!” Instead I spoke with my driving skills. He may have had to hold on a little tight that day as I took the curves snug and sharp. (Still makes me laugh thinking about it.)

When I got back from my test drive, “Louise” saw that look on my face.

“I have to buy it. It matches my sunglasses perfectly.”

She shook her head and laughed, because she knew she’d be unable to talk me out of it.

We all need those friends with mutual history that can tell of our stupid stories, but love us too much to share them. This “Louise” holds many pages from my days of youth where you think you are invincible, until you realize you’re not.

I honestly think, in part, it was too hard for her to see my life unravel. And at the time, that’s exactly what was happening.

But I have learned sometimes God unravels a person’s life to weave it together in a far more beautiful fashion. He wants the tapestry to look like a masterpiece from all angles – forward and behind. I pray He does weave this sweet friend back into my life. I remember her saying something to the effect of she didn’t know what to talk about around me anymore.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.─Ephesians 2:10 NLT

This verse gives me hope, because God sets us where we are with whom we are for a reason. He planned our relationships long ago, and even as He creates us anew He is weaving together a beautiful masterpiece — our life.

Trust God is making a masterpiece of your life as He weaves beautiful friendships into it

If my Louise reads this (and I hope she does), I’d tell her to just be yourself. Real friends let you do that. I’d also say, “Yes, there are parts of me that are much different from whom I used to be. But there are parts of me that haven’t changed.”

I still love boots and you never know, maybe I’ll get another convertible one of these days. If I get the inclination, I know just who to call!

She’ll always be my Louise.

There are many friendships I celebrate and treasure, but for whatever reason, these are the ones I felt led to highlight. I trust someone needed to read these vignettes about friendship to help them find (or find again) their own.

I pray every person reading this is blessed with the Louise to your Thelma, those treasured friendships that help us feel seen and loved. I pray God highlights the area He wants you to focus on regarding your friendships.

Which of these stands out to you? What is God speaking to you through the headline?

Great friendships take courage
Find your friendships that feel like family
Know this: you are worthy of friendship
Find friends who follow God & bless our faith
God redeems and restores friendships
Be on guard of the enemy’s plans to unravel relationships
Grieve & pray about lost friendships
Celebrate your sister w/o celebrating your past sin
Trust God is making a masterpiece of your life as He weaves beautiful friendships into it

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

How Is God Helping You to Bloom in Your Marriage?

06.06.2017 by Tracy Stella //

This month at Facets of Faith we touch upon an area near and dear to my heart─marriage. I (Tracy) know that word hits us all a bit differently. Some may wince from pain etched deep, too many hurts and not enough fingers to keep track of the sorrow from two broken people who don’t quite know how to love one another well.

Sadly, that’s the story of my first marriage. It halted. Like a sun-scorched river, love dried up. I dried up. Eyes of grace (now) see he did too.

No one sets sail for divorce. Sometimes a shipwreck occurs, and divorce’s devastation takes place. Crashed and battered against rock hard as granite, hearts closed off to hope, sinking in despair faster than an anchor tossed overboard. I’ve been there. Without Christ, there’s little hope for a marriage in jeopardy. I didn’t know that then. I appreciate it now. I hold tight to my Anchor, the One that is the Anchor for my soul. (Hebrews 6:19)

My God didn’t leave me shipwrecked, cast upon the shore like a fractured shell worth little value because of her imperfections. The rough edges, He’d soften. Over time. Like grains of sand, sometimes it felt abrasive, because smoothing out the rough edges often is painful. But with God there is purpose in the pain. God’s healing hands hold us close and restore us, making us new.

The fractured places where His hand fuses us back together become stronger, even as they have the potential to make us more beautiful.

Scars healed help us see our Savior as Healer, Lover of our soul (for He is).

Scars healed help us see others through eyes softer. Less judgment, more compassion.

Scars healed help us see ourselves differently, flawed yet somehow more real and relatable, because we’re not the only ones tired of pretending. Many crave authenticity.

My life is good, but it is not perfect. There is not always a cherry on top. I’m grateful it doesn’t always have to be cherry on top perfection to feel real and good.

I used to think that cherry had to be placed just so and, if not, my world might crumble. The problem with that “theology” is it often does.

I got divorced, and I almost nearly died. I thought I’d shrivel and not ever see past the hurt and pain of that loss, even as I pretended I didn’t need to grieve. Grieve? Why? I’m okay, my common refrain back then. Only I wasn’t. I melted faster than ice cream on a warm July day. I contemplated taking my life, because I didn’t see hope for a new one. I’m so grateful God reached in and gave me a reason to live. Him!

Christ Jesus sets a heart held captive free, and brings more and more freedom each day as we walk with Him. Little by little, or sometimes big by big, He makes us new.

As God does that in my life through the heart and hands of my second husband, Sam, He shows me I don’t have to be perfect to be loved. I’m grateful for that gift. God uses Sam to help me be vulnerable and most myself (other than the times spent with Christ).

There’s something very powerful being loved for who you really are, kind and loving sometimes, but not always. Brave and courageous or weak and trembling, either way whichever wife he has that day, Sam has loved me well. He’s not perfect, nor am I. But somehow God uses two broken people to strengthen one another, to hear each other’s hearts holding them gently. Hearts are tender and can easily be broken. I appreciate Sam’s soft touch to the softer parts of me that feel emotionally naked as I seek his council when I need a wise second opinion.

I think of where we started. Me, too afraid to even utter the word marriage. The “M” word all I could muster. Now, I think of marriage and I smile, grateful to God for the gift He gave me in Sam. If you know him, you know how sweet and kind he is. Had I been stubborn or too afraid to step out, I would have missed a gift from God.

He seeks to understand me, Sam does. He said he studies me. I’m glad for that, because he sometimes helps me gently see things in me or about me that I don’t have enough perspective on. I know me too well. I’m too familiar with me. I need a trusted outside perspective. How do you see this situation, Sam? What insight do you have? Trust. Something I didn’t think I’d ever do again.

If that’s where you are sitting, I want you to know it IS possible to trust again. I started by learning to trust Jesus. He showed me how to begin to trust others. He showed me how to trust myself again. Slowly.

“Our bravest moments come from trusting, from falling into the plans of God. When we do, bravery becomes less about courage and more about faith.”₁

If you are in a marriage that’s being tossed against the rocks, don’t give up. Divorce is NOT the easy option. As grateful as I am for God’s second chances, it would be very remiss of me to not give this council. I wish someone would have said it to me. Seek God and let Him be the Savior of your marriage. Nothing and no one is beyond His healing hand. Pray for yourself. Pray for your husband. And pray for unity in your marriage. Saving your marriage won’t be easy, but it is possible.

It all starts with the Love of Jesus, for without that, life is futile and full of the illusion of love. Only the Author of Love can properly lead us down love’s river without leading us astray. Jesus helps us avoid unnecessary white waters that would like to pull us under.

Fortunately, God rescued me. And He rescues me time and time again. Often, through the hands of a husband who learned how to love me well, because He allowed God to show him how. Sam would admit to you he didn’t know how to love. At 40 years of age, he’d never been married. What I love about my husband’s heart is he asked God to show him how to love me well. Lucky for me, God answers a prayer like that!

I often have referred to Sam as my Boaz, I his Ruth. I met him when I was incredibly vulnerable. Many men would have taken advantage of that. Some did. Not so Sam. He showed me something different. A man of character who treated me like a woman should be treated, with dignity and respect. I remember being nervous, not knowing how to act in this foreign field of Christian relationship. How does this work anyhow?

God showed us how.

Through my marriage God has brought me from being a wildflower to a lillie, growing more and more pure each passing year. Mind you, there’s much more purity to be had by yours truly. But God has brought Sam and I quite a distance from where we first started.

My Boaz who didn’t take advantage when so many others had, helped me to regain my self-esteem. Through Sam’s love, I saw the Father’s Love. Still do. The idea of intimacy restored, restored back to God’s intention. Holy. Beautiful. Possible even when it doesn’t make sense based on a person’s track record.

Sam and I recently celebrated our six year wedding anniversary. I can’t quite believe it. Feels just like yesterday. No, it’s not 25 or 30, but it’s something significant from a gal who wasn’t willing to consider walking down the aisle again.

Perhaps even more astounding is what God has done in a relatively short amount of time. He has helped me to bloom because of Sam. I would not be the woman I am (and the woman I am becoming) without him.

A man, in fact, should not cover his head because he is God’s image and glory, but woman is man’s glory.─1 Corinthians 11:7 HCSB

As my husband, Sam partakes in any good God brings forth. I am a reflection of him and his love for me. I’ve experienced God’s love through Sam, and because of that expression of love, God’s glory is revealed. Love is always a reflection of Christ. Not the stuff of Hollywood, but the stuff of life, real life, the hard stuff as well as the good stuff. The stuff of tears when I need comfort and I find a safe shoulder to rest my head upon. The safe harbor helps me to bloom.

I hold my head higher, because I’ve experienced honorable love. Dignity restored, because that was the Father’s design all along.

The best anniversary gift I’ve received so far was fruit of Sam’s love standing right by my side at church: three young women rescued from sex trafficking whom I now get to help. Had my husband not loved me well, I wouldn’t have bloomed. Unimaginably, God wouldn’t be able to use me to help three other tender hearts learn how to receive love, and sometime in each of their futures, to love others well. To trust again. Someday. That is my prayer for each precious one.

I can talk with them about how hard it is to trust. I get it. It’s hard; it can feel impossible. I can also talk with these precious women about hope of love, intimacy, and restoration beyond their wildest dreams. Three beautiful buds waiting to bloom, but starting to open up, stood to my left, my husband to my right. Me sandwiched between trying hard to hold back tears on Mother’s Day as I thought, Lord, how on earth did I get here? Thank you! Not in a million years would I have guessed this one!

Later, in the car, I got to tell my husband how much I appreciate him. God put it on my heart to give him an anniversary present of honor. You see, Sam is not only my Boaz, he is also a man of mighty valor. He’s brave. After all, he took on me (and oh did that take courage back in the day!).

None of the ministry God has given me would have been possible without you, Sam. None of it. Because you loved me so well, I am now able to love others well. Thank you! Because of our story, I can give them hope that they will have genuine intimacy, the love we’re all after. Every woman helped, you have helped. This is your ministry too!

And it is.

Epilogue: Thank you for helping me to bloom, Sam! One day you will receive many rewards for the things you’ve done in secret to honor and love me well. Until then, I pray you receive rich rewards here on earth as well. I know when you get to heaven one day (hopefully far, far into our future) Jesus is going to hold you in His arms and tell you “Well done, my good and faithful servant. You did good. Very, very good, My son. I am proud of you. You were a good steward of your wife and an excellent model for other men to follow. Well done, My son. Well done.”

If you are married, how can you allow your husband to help you bloom? How can you honor him?

If you’ve never read the book of Ruth in the Bible, I encourage you to do so. It’s a beautiful love story that points to Christ’s love for us, His bride.

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

₁Lyons, Rebekah. You are Free. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017.