Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

Precious Gems for a Mama: Facts and Faith

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It’s May! And that’s Mother’s Day month, so we thought we’d take a peek at “mama guilt.” If you haven’t read Tracy’s post, please do. She did a beautiful job. Kim’s up next week. Then we’re bringing back our sweet friend, Erin Thompson, the following week. It’s going to be a great month at FACETS!

I (Jennifer) have two arrows in the quiver, and (at 16 and 18) it seems like my sons will be flying out into the world to find their mark any second now. Time is a funny thing. Diaper changes and homemade baby foods were yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I’m in that season the mamas told me about. I didn’t believe them, but they were right. Time flies. And the arrows will fly, too.

I’m sifting through memories, and my heart is tender. My guys don’t know watery eyes and sniffs go with that. A picture from years ago appears in my social feed. I stumble on a video of my sons being silly and love every second of it. I want to relive some of the memories on the highlight reel over and over. You have some of those, don’t you? And they’re not always the “perfect” ones.

One arrow was affectionately known as “Poo-ccasso” for a few days. One boy may have dug through the drywall above his crib the day before our house closing. Jack the wonder sheltie, hated the 90-minute bath following the spray starch spiked hair incident. There was the pearl pink nail color incident. “Three drawers in a row makes a ladder” logic gave me fits for three weeks when I couldn’t figure out who was getting on top of the fridge and into the freezer. Time keeps marching on. Those days are faded images (and some are finally funny). *Grin* (If you’ve got great stories like these, please share them!)

Mamas have piles of memories. Some are precious. Sometimes we don’t realize how precious they were. Then something happens over time—we cherish different moments and learn to look at things with a little more perspective. In the moment, though…

I know I’m not the only one to be a hot mess as a mama. My sons’ allergic reactions made me feel terrible. I wondered if my child would ever eat something besides Goldfish, mac n’ cheese, and hot dogs. I was the first teacher my kids would know, and my work was cut out—eating, drinking, toilet training, hygiene, first words, counting, colors, the alphabet. Asking, telling, and listening were important skills. The virtues of sharing, honesty, and obedience were high priorities. Mamas are precious to child development, and a hefty emotional load can accompany the responsibility.

Not only was I the first teacher my sons knew, but as homeschoolers, I was one of the few they knew. Somewhere in junior high the academics pushed a “guilt button” I never knew I had. My mama guilt was rooted in a fear of the “what ifs” in life. Because decisions have consequences, I wondered if our choices (my husband’s, mine, and my sons’) would be devastating in the long run. Honestly, I was laser-focused on me, the mama, and the decisions I made. I can still hear my own voice—“Will this turn out okay? Have I messed up the rest of his life? I’m the worst mom ever!”

In 19 years I’ve learned a few things that may help a mama fighting the battle rooted in fear, the one I still fight. Sometimes a mix of facts and faith can ease it.

“Just the Facts, Ma’am…”

Whatever we learn from the first child does not apply to the second.
I have only two sons, but I know most moms would agree: no two are alike. So, parent the child in the moment according to the immediate need. Some rules apply to every child; some don’t. Stop comparing siblings, friends, or imaginary children. Don’t assume one child’s success, skill set, or mistake is another’s. Whatever is happening is this child in this moment, not any other at any other time. Age, personality, and persistence in the child matters, but I try hard to be in the moment with the child in front of me.

Nobody’s perfect!
You are not. Your child is not. I like to think my sons will find their way through the natural dysfunction that’s part of every family (including ours). I have made mistakes; I’m sure I do that daily. I want to be quick to see the problem and respond with the appropriate apology. A little perspective helps. If I could do two things over, it would be to have a better grip on age-appropriate expectations for my kids and the necessary diligence in inspecting whatever is expected. Realistic expectations and diligent oversight would have saved a lot of trouble. Still, apologies smoothed a lot of rifts.

Shape the heart; don’t try to control it.
Children have their own preferences and personal decision-making process. A mama can help shape the process, but she cannot control it. We all know independent hearts will do whatever they like given freedom. As a child grows, the balance of control and responsibility shifts. It’s a messy transfer, but it’s necessary while children are in the home establishing themselves, before they take flight. Mistakes at home are far easier to navigate than somewhere out in the big, wide world.

It’s not all about you!
Mama, you know you’re not the only influence on your child, right? Of course, you do. You know they have their own will and make their own choices, too. Guard your heart against guilt over their decisions.

What’s done isn’t exactly done.
Think you’ve made too many mistakes? While you have opportunity, take it. Apologize. Encourage. Talk about and show the love you have for your child. Talk about how the relationship could be better…or fixed.

“It’s a Matter of Faith!”

Mamas, can I be real? It’s hard being a mom—it’s also beautiful and precious and raw and joyful and tearful and a million other things. If all the responsibility fell squarely on our shoulders, we’d shatter into a gazillion pieces. (Maybe you have memories of moments that felt just like that. I do.) Can I suggest the antidote to mama guilt is faith perspective.

God is Bigger!

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Our God is not surprised by our struggles, choices (both good and bad), or fears. He knows and cares about us. You and your child are precious in His sight. Don’t forget that. He will help you, Mama (and your child). He is strong enough and loves you that much!

God’s Plan and Purposes are Good!

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.  2 Corinthians 9:8

For it is God who is working in you, [enabling you] both to will and to act for His good purpose. Philippians 2:13

When the twists and turns, difficult hills, and dark valleys in the lives of our kids become too much for us mamas, remember that God’s plan is also bigger than we can see. He loves our children, and he wants the very best for their lives.

Your Prayers Matter!

Pray constantly.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

And if I could encourage one thing—pray, pray, and pray more! The times I was clueless about what to do, prayer made all the difference. The two-year-old temper tantrum in the store ended when I prayed and listened. God whispered, “Tell him to say he’s sorry.” As true now as it was then—the more I ask God for help, the smoother my parenting moments seem to go. And when mamas get together to pray, mountains can move, so don’t forget to keep your friends close.

I’ve enjoyed sharing this week, and I sure hope we’ll have some great conversation this month. If you’ve got a funny story, please share in the comments below or at our Facebook page. If you’ve got some precious gems you’ve learned, we could sure use some of that collective wisdom, too. Please add your thoughts.

Thanks for reading and sharing!

Signature, Jennifer Howe

The Lion and the Lamb: God as Lion

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I (Jennifer) am so very excited for you to meet our guest this week at FACETS of Faith. The team has known Kelli Worrall and her family for some time, and we’ve been eager to introduce her to all of you. We are very sure she is someone you should know. We love her as a dear friend, and we hope you’ll add her to your list of favorite authors.

Kelli Worrall is a Communications professor, writer, and speaker. She is the co-author of 20 Things We’d Tell Our Twentysomething Selves. She also writes at www.thisoddhouse.org. Her second book, Pierced & Embraced: Seven Life-Changing Encounters with the Love of Jesus, will be released in August.

The only lions I have ever met have lived at the zoo. I’ve only respected and admired these creatures from a safe distance, through iron fences and thick glass.

Encountering one up-close-and-personal would be an entirely different matter. Can you imagine?

For one thing, lions are the second largest cats in the world, passed only by tigers. Male lions weigh up to 575 pounds, and females up to 395. They often measure eight feet long—head and body—and stand up to four feet tall.

The lion’s eyes are set laterally on its head to provide a good angle of vision. In other words, it can see you.

Its inner ear has a long mobile pinna able to localize a sound source. Translation: It can hear you.

Its nostrils are large, and it has complex nasal passages. It can smell you.

It can run at 50 mph and leap 35 ft. It can catch you.

Its massive limbs are built for attack. It can easily kill you, if it so wishes.

In Isaiah 31, the prophet likens our God to a lion. He warns God’s people not to turn to the Egyptians for help because something much stronger is available to them. Their terror of the Assyrians is put into perspective when the Israelites realize that their God is a lion.

Isaiah 31 reads:

1 Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help
and rely on horses,
who trust in chariots because they are many
and in horsemen because they are very strong,
but do not look to the Holy One of Israel
or consult the Lord!
2 And yet he is wise and brings disaster;
he does not call back his words,
but will arise against the house of the evildoers
and against the helpers of those who work iniquity.
3 The Egyptians are man, and not God,
and their horses are flesh, and not spirit.
When the Lord stretches out his hand,
the helper will stumble, and he who is helped will fall,
and they will all perish together.
4 For thus the Lord said to me,
“As a lion or a young lion growls over his prey,
and when a band of shepherds is called out against him
he is not terrified by their shouting
or daunted at their noise,
so the Lord of hosts will come down
to fight on Mount Zion and on its hill.
5 Like birds hovering, so the Lord of hosts
will protect Jerusalem;
he will protect and deliver it;
he will spare and rescue it.”

In Isaiah 31, there is no competition between the horses of Egypt and the all-powerful God-Lion. There is no contest between the material solutions of the latest military technology and the spiritual reality of God. No ally—Egyptian or otherwise—can compare with Him.

Because our God is fierce. He strikes fear into the heart of the enemy and causes them to shrink away. To be on the wrong side of our God the Lion is not only foolish, it is fatal.

Because our God is destructive. He is devastating. He destroys the enemies of Judah, but ultimately He destroys Judah itself as well. “They will all perish together.” How can God do such a thing?  Because holiness and righteousness are a serious business. Isaiah, of all people, knows this well. In chapter 6 he sees a vision of God and cries out, “Woe to me because I am a man of unclean lips.” A holy God is fearsome to behold. A lion, who executes righteous judgment, is entirely appropriate.

Our God is also active. He is a young lion, growling over His prey, and He will come down. He did not wind up the world and then walk away. Rather, He is ever-present. It is in Him that we “live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). “He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17).

And He is courageous. He is not terrified or daunted by the shepherds and their noise. Nothing can drive Him away. He moves relentlessly towards His goal.

Because our God is also protective. He is a jealous God, who lays claim to what is rightfully His. His people belong to Him, and He will rescue them. To try to get between a lion and its food would be foolish indeed. To try to thwart a loving God who is protecting His people would be similarly silly.

But this Old Testament image of God as lion does not give us the complete picture. In Revelation 5:5-6 the Son is portrayed as both the Lion of Judah and the Lamb who was slain. This contrast of majesty and meekness is reflected in Jesus’ life on earth. But also, these seemingly contradictory images describe what took place on the cross—the glory, the triumph—and the sacrifice. Jesus the lion devouring His prey, which is sin. Jesus the lamb made ransom on our behalf.

Certainly—as the other women have so aptly expressed this month—our response ought to be to emulate both the fierceness and the gentleness of our God. Too, we can take comfort, knowing that He is fighting on our behalf.

But finally, our response is to fall on our face in worship, as is so beautifully expressed in the following lyrics by Big Daddy Weave:

Our God is the Lion, the Lion of Judah
He’s roaring with power and fighting our battles
And every knee will bow before You

Our God is the Lamb, the Lamb that was slain
For the sin of the world, His blood breaks the chains
And every knee will bow before the Lion and the Lamb
Oh every knee will bow before the Lion and the Lamb

“I Need a Do Over! Please!”

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Last week Tracy kicked off January’s topic with her post on the do over. I have the honor of carrying the baton this week. Look for Kim’s thoughts next week and our “secret guest” wrapping it up the fourth week. I hope this series is an encouragement to you.

Do You Need a Do Over?

Kids in the neighborhood gathered in the empty lot across the street on hot summer evenings after dinner. An idea for a game slowly formed with eight or ten of us milling around. Teams were picked, and we played until the indigo evening sky chased away the red-gold sunset—or until moms started calling kids in for the night. Football, softball, frisbee, tag—any game we played—all had one thing in common. At some point someone made a mistake, and no one could agree on what to do about it, so the always-awesome “do over” was given. Another play, one more swing, another throw—alive just a little longer.

The do over. You’ve got to love it!

My whole life now is based on my desperate need for a do over at one point. (Can you relate?) If you know my story, you know difficult relationships, pain, and heartache wore on me. Irreversible choices were made. Long term consequences from snap decisions were agonizing for awhile. Eventually something like a heavy judgment gavel landed hard in delicate, emotional circumstances. The reality of my mistakes became overwhelming. And the more I talked to people, it seemed no one agreed on what to do about it. In the end I had no idea what to do, and I hoped for a reprieve. But what I desperately wanted was a do over.

I knew one thing even then: there are things that are just wrong. The average, sane person guides their behavior by the Rule of Law in the region they live. The law of the United States where I live maintains a few threads of an immutable law. Some of us know the Ten Commandments from the book of Exodus in the Bible, but in any case, portions of that text are still recognized as reasonable laws for all people at all times in all places. Murder, adultery, stealing, and lying are still acknowledged and enforced in our legal system, for example. The God lover and Jesus follower should be aware of the whole passage (Exodus 20:1-17).

This is the very thing that overwhelmed me in a fresh way more than 20 years ago. Suddenly, I saw where I had broken that law because my infraction was so glaringly obvious. A simple little sentence kick started the whole thing: “For whoever keeps the entire law, yet fails in one point, is guilty of [breaking it] all” (James 2:10 CSB).

Ouch! I’d never read the whole of the Old Testament, but I knew “The Big Ten.”

The “five finger discount” at the store? The not-so-little-or-white lie? I couldn’t write these off anymore. Suddenly, it didn’t fit so comfortably in the “everybody does it” category. Guilty? Just one time was enough? Yes.

If only it had been nothing more than the little infractions! (Honestly, I think that’s why I never worried about it.) Compared to the worst in history…or my friends…or the mugshots in the Post Offices…. No one else’s choices mattered in that nanosecond. Just mine. My heart broke when I realized I was in way over my head. My choices broke the law I hadn’t understood and thought about.

Have you had moments like that? Suddenly you realize you’ve wronged someone, and you feel terrible. The consequences of our actions are sometimes only seen when we understand the impact it has on others. For me, it was the cost another paid for my preference for convenience and comfort. One of the few times the ugly cry left a nearly indelible mark on my heart. Actually, I hope I will always remember that one for the bittersweet tears.

But God. (Two of my favorite words in the Bible anywhere it shows up!)

God, the Holy One who gave that law for our good (to reveal our sin against Him and our need for forgiveness), speaks sweet words to us when we are desperate.

“Come, let us discuss this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are as red as crimson, they will be like wool. Isaiah 1:18 CSB

I’m not sure there are sweeter words that can be whispered to our souls. How precious that we can see a light at the end of our dark tunnel! The Lord never ignores reality: we’ve really offended Him with our sin. When I’m in that hamster wheel of regret, or when I am reminded of a past I wish I’d never walked, this verse is a reminder of the truth, love, and power of my God. It’s easy to see painful choices as something like a scarlet letter sewn to our clothing, but there is a love that transcends those decisions and actually replaces that red stain with a brilliant-white righteousness from Jesus.

Ah, that’s the beautiful offer of a do over, friend. The difference is that the neighborhood kids don’t judge the situation and agree to grant it. You don’t get to award it to yourself either. It is, however, free for the asking. If you need a do over, it’s as simple as going to the One who wants to lavish one on anyone who wants it.

Do you need a do over? Do you want one?

Sometimes we ask for the first time ever. Sometimes we need to ask for the hundredth time in a day. I’ve been in both places, and I’d love to tell you I’ve reached the point of asking less often for the do over, but I find my sensibilities and sensitivities mature. I know I will hurt others and Jesus with my decisions. There are times I’m not aware even still, but I hope God will continue to sharpen my perception and strengthen my resolve to choose differently.

Do you have questions about the first-time-ever do over? Let any one of the Facets know. We would love to talk about that!

Signature, Jennifer Howe

 

 

 

 

 

 

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