Facets of Faith Archives – Page 4 of 20

What We All Need: Got a Good Friend?

08.11.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Hey, friend, welcome to FACETS. This month we’re exploring a good question: Hey, Thelma! Who’s your Louise? If you’re struggling with “connection” to this flick because you’ve seen it, know that the Facets want to lean into some themes without getting trapped in the cultural swirl down some drain. Love it or hate it, the movie includes intriguing cultural commentary. Maybe. Anyway—if you’re looking for Tracy’s post, it’s HERE. Pop in for Megan’s thoughts next week!

I hadn’t seen Thelma and Louise. I watched it and found it jarring. If your story has threads common to mine and you haven’t watched it yet, I’d offer words of caution. It could be triggering. Still, I’m still thinking about something that struck me:

We all need a good friend to do life with!

I wrote this in 2018 (though I edited it here):

I’m in the season of…“Uncle!” Anyone else in that?
Most of us are stronger than we let on. We put our best foot forward and let the rest fade to the shadows. In a “fake it till you make it” sense, it’s better than sharing the “stuff” of life. I’ve got news for you: this culture isn’t what we were made for. We were made for something else—something much more!
Each of us fights a hundred battles. Sometimes daily. Privately. Secretly. Because it’s “easier” than being vulnerable.
None of us was made to peek out from the arrow slits in our thick, stone castle walls we carefully constructed. Doing life quietly and alone is a choice, but it means limiting the beautiful aspects of relationship: facing struggles together, tackling a challenge with a buddy, loving in the hard stuff, companionship in the sadness or failures, and the shared, ecstatic joy that goes with the high points.
Together we are amazing. People can share and care and laugh and cry together; and, no matter what, the whole thing is sweeter for the presence of other souls.
Who do you do life with? Are you looking for more people to include, or do you think you have enough friends? Maybe—just maybe—it isn’t about you.
“And that’s all I have to say about that.” ~Forrest Gump

When this popped up in Facebook memories, I sat with it. I wrote that? It’s still true. It feels perfect for life right now, too.

We all need…

Friend, this slice of life feels like “culture Sirens” calling and encouraging me to settle into isolation, intentional division, and internal chaos. In a world where a virus seems to govern who we connect or hang with and when, where faces are obscured whenever we get close, where a slew of “differences” that divide us are highlighted more than ever—isolation is an option, a respected choice, even a new normal.

We divide over so many things, more than I remember in my sheltered life. I feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, unsure how to proceed in connection and conversation. Can I enter into the civil discourse I was trained to engage in? I’m not sure. Can I just be “me” in a culture that might not value the intricate beauty of individual thought, skill, and appearance?

This funny thing happens when I spend too much time alone: I get myopic and then deaf. I can’t see clearly to address my faults, and I only hear the story I’m telling myself. In isolation I live in the echo chamber of my story, my preferences and peeves, and the projects and problems in front of me. On a bad day, “projects and problems” are people, and I’m sad about that.

I cannot thrive in isolation, and neither can you. You might argue “love is all we need.”¹ Our hearts are wired to love and be loved. Or is it that God simply has to be enough? The all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present God who loves us will never come up short. Period.

And yet—God saw fit to create humanity for relationship with Him and others.

In the book of Genesis, the “not good” thing was Adam’s lack of companionship with another human. Yes, God purposefully created and established family, but somehow I don’t think it was all about sex. I mean, it was about sex, but… [Putting down the shovel so I stop digging a hole with a flushed face.]

In Acts 2 regular connection in Christian community was important. It was for their survival and to meet practical needs, but it was also for their hearts, minds, and souls! It was good and right to meet and eat together, discuss deep things, and welcome others into their lives. They rejected the idea of a “private faith” or isolation in order to preserve their lives in an oppressive culture.

Really, I have no concept how dangerous it is to publicly live a faith in Jesus in parts of the world. Seriously. I do know persecution stokes vibrancy in a follower’s faith, or it reveals a casual fan. Fans burn bright when the sun is shining. Vibrant followers are live coals—get a few together and a bonfire happens in the rain! We need each other.

God uses His Spirit and relationships to ignite or re-ignite our hearts for Him and His passions.

A good friend…

I used to pick friends like I chose music: a heap of encouragement, pleasant-sounding key, and a hint of adventure. It’s selfish and maybe self-destructive to choose my inner circle that way.

It feels easy when relationships have less resistance or none. I like me and my preferences, but I don’t need another me in my life. My friends need to be who they are, not some carbon copy of my favorite things, and there’s good reason.

When I want to know the best way to do life, I find solid wisdom in the book of Proverbs:

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity. 17:17 ESV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy. 27:6

And then there’s the book of James:

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 4:4

A real friend speaks words rooted in the truth and love of God regardless of personal preferences. Preferences out of step with God’s mind and heart are in step with the world; I don’t see any wiggle room.

I’m reminded how much I need God and His people in my life. His people know and share His truth, love, wisdom, and counsel, and that’s critical—especially if I take a few steps on the wild side that dishonors the One who lived, died, and resurrected for me.

Good friends, you know who you are—you have permission: speak truth to me when I’m cycling lies in my head or spreading them. Please!

To do life with!

When I met one friend, she was completely wide-eyed when my last name was Asian but my face wasn’t. We were in a small group that eventually ended. If we were going to be good friends, we’d have to go beyond the weekly two-hour time slot. We chose to do that. Our hearts and everyday lives are knit together.

I connected with another friend through writing. Our get-to-know-you conversations deepened. We “wrote together separately” for months. Then we collaborated. We even took our families on a vacation together! That’s one of the sweetest times I can remember. Distance is happening, but I think we’re “knit.”

A new friend and I are taking the “polar plunge” into relationship, and I love it! We talk about the stuff of life; it’s the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. Knit one, purl two…

This “doing life with” thing is important. You instinctively know it, but here are thoughts:

Good friends speak truth when it’s unpopular.
Ask: Is God’s truth, love, and passion strengthened by this friendship?
Good friends lean in whenever possible, sometimes when it’s inconvenient.
Ask: Can this friendship bear and share difficult times and some needs?
Good friends do mundane things together.
Ask: Can this friendship go beyond the “special” into “everyday reality”?

B-b-b-b-but distancing…

Proximity is wonderful, but it isn’t everything. Closeness in relationship has more to do with heart connection (even two-dimensionally, if necessary). I keep telling myself that because I’m not a fan of Zoom-everything. *grin* Lean in. Don’t quit. Don’t let someone or something tell you isolation is good or right. It’s not.

And one more thing, if I want this beautiful, genuine relational connection, I become both a giver and receiver of these things. A good friend to do life with might be found in surprising places, and she’s probably not every acquaintance you have. The friendship is selected and forged intentionally—maybe in the fires of disagreement.

What will you do? Maybe the friends you let in, the relationships you continually lean into, are the friends you keep. Maybe you’d choose different friends if you thought about it. What do you think? Pop a comment below or share at our Facebook page.

¹Lyrics.com, STANDS4 LLC, 2020. “All You Need Is Love Lyrics.” Accessed August 11, 2020. https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/9878509/The+Beatles.

Freedom in Your Calling: Start with a YES!

07.28.2020 by Charlotte G //

Hi, friend! I (Jennifer) am excited for you to meet our guest this month. Give Charlotte a warm welcome. She is a dear friend of mine, and I think what she shares about starting with a YES will speak to some hearts. Will it be yours? Take a peek. As always pop a comment below or at our Facebook Page!

Greetings my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I am joyful that you are hungry for more of who God called you to be. Grace and peace to you as you jump in the adventure with the Lord.

In this time and place where it feels the same and different at the same time, to write about freedom to calling is not only for informational purposes, it is a charge!

It truly does start with your “Yes.”

A loud yes. A quiet yes. And He honors your yes.

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9a NLT.

It was a Wednesday night; I walked into the church auditorium for a worship night. I was ready to sing and pray, but I did not hear anything. Perhaps, I already missed it. A worship pastor asked me, “So, what song are you singing for the audition?” I realized the gathering was for an informational meeting for worship volunteers.

I quickly replied, “I don’t sing, but I would love to serve in other capacities.”

She immediately grabbed someone and said, “Great, I’d like you to meet this guy, our technical director.” I met him and his wife, that night, and I was introduced to the world of the Production Team.

My first full weekend to serve came, and I was scheduled to serve as a backstage hand. Naturally, the technical director’s responsibility was to show me around. He said, “Follow me.” I was thinking we would go to a back door, but he proceeded to walk up the front of the stage with the band already rehearsing. At that moment, I realized I was terrified of the stage. The director was already up there, waiting for me to follow. So I put one foot in front of the other, trying to cover up every ounce of fear I had.

It is fascinating to look back, that before this incident, I only had a vision of speaking in front of thousands of people about God’s goodness. I did not know I had to conquer my fear of going up a stage. God honored my yes, and He continues to lead me, even though I did not know.

There are things that are set in motion, when you say yes. Every time I serve taking out backstage props to the front of the stage, I am quickly reminded that I am conquering my fear and closer to my purpose.

It is not without opposition, my friends, so be aware. When I was on stage one of the times I was serving, I heard the words of shame and accusation: “She is so fat,” or “Look at her reeling the monitor out or taking the podium on stage when she has a college degree. How shameful.”

I could easily be discouraged by these lies, but there is also a powerful truth in the Word.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 NLT

When I serve and love on people, I realize I am becoming more of whom I am following: I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I quickly hold on to that thought to guard the purity of my heart.

Be Comfortable in the Uncomfortable

Secondly, start being comfortable with being uncomfortable. We say it all the time, but have you experienced it? There is freedom on the other side of fear. It’s like fear has become the gauge to do the very thing you feared to do, given that it is rooted in love and in the Word. It is part of learning and growing.

What I did not tell you was I also did not like talking into the “comms,” which is a headset with a microphone that “communicates” with the rest of the team. I asked myself why I did not like talking into the “comms,” and I learned that I had a fear of man.

Communication is key in this team. The things I need to communicate sometimes would be something important. To love and serve sometimes looks different, and sometimes this looks like learning to get out of my head and speak. So, I speak, even if it is imperfect or with an accent. Speak, Charlotte, and start being comfortable with being uncomfortable.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18 NIV

Abide in the Lord

In a “microwavable” culture, where “instant” is craved, sometimes we could miss the beauty in the “process.” Where I think I was failing, I am realizing that I probably did not stay long enough to see the victory. In the process, there is the importance of abiding in the Lord.

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” John 15:4 NIV

Several weeks in, the production team began training new video directors. To give you a bit of a background, I don’t play video games, and the VD console, looks like something someone uses to play video games, and that they are highly coordinated. You’ve heard it before, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”

I prayed about it, and I volunteered. God has a funny sense of humor. As “quiet” and “non-leader-type” as I am, He quickly changed that narrative and led me to a space where I needed to lead and call the shots. There were countless hours of learning and mistakes and uncoordinated mishaps. Yet, week after week, I was called to come back and serve as a video director. I chose to stay and remain in Him during these times.

It is amazing how this parallels the simple gospel. He calls you back and covers your mistakes and calls you up to a greater purpose. Wow, right? This is totally a game changer and I continue to improve in love and in confidence.

My one-year anniversary rolled around, and the technical director congratulated me in front of the team for starting out serving as a backstage hand and becoming a video director. I thanked him and mentioned I am honored and privileged to serve with the team, and said, “You had always set me up for success.” I know that it is not all in my own doing but it was also in my “Yes” and partnering with the Holy Spirit. I have a feeling this is where our Father God wants to take you, too!

So, I leave you with these questions: What have you said yes to in Christ Jesus? What is He nudging you to take action today (it could be very well small steps and probably even scary to tackle)? Are you aware of the process that you are currently in?

And guess what? I am still in the process. I would love hear from you, so let me know if this resonates with you or encourages you in any way.

Blessings to you as you embark on your own journey to your calling!

Charlotte wants to share a graphic with you that will encourage you. Be sure to catch it at the Facebook Page!

A Significant Life Calling: the Road to Adventure

07.17.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Hey, friend, this month’s topic is quite a thing. We want to know exactly how we fit into all our relationships, the future, and both this world and the next. Isn’t that what the significant life calling is about? We want to make a difference in our sphere of influence; we want to know our lives mattered! That’s what we’re kicking around, so check out Tracy’s, Megan’s, and Charlotte’s posts this month!

Once upon a time I (Jen) waited for a book or survey to tell me how I was wired and how I could be used significantly in this world. I caught myself repeating over and over in my inside voice: There has to be more to life!

It’s been 487 days…

I turned the big 5-0 four hundred eighty-seven days ago. Yesterday it hit me as I struggled through a 6-mile walk with my Chocolate Lab. My legs are short and don’t move as quickly as they did. My right ankle complains, and my knees join the chorus. One shoulder wants to move more freely. My low back is recovering from a strain, a parting gift from poorly done squats. Oh. My. Goodness! When did my house-body become a crumbling cabin in the woods?

A long walk. The rhythm of Theo’s panting. Shoes scuffing the path. The occasional runner or biker hustling past. Thoughts pierce my serenity, an unexpected cymbal-crash in the evening’s golden hour. Did I waste half a century? What do I have to show for the years? I don’t know how many days I have left. B-b-but the last fifty years…the last year and a quarter…

A girl could cry. Fresh desperation welled up. The half-life of Uranium…half its initial value…the half-life of a human…Woman, the chemistry term doesn’t apply!

The golden-hour world went wavy through tears. This doesn’t feel like freedom on the road to calling.

“Self” is a Four-letter Word

I ask hard questions in this life stage. I take a long look in the rear-view mirror and wonder: Why am I here? Is there still opportunity? Did I accept the right challenges and take advantage of the growth along the way? I spent two decades wanting to be older, but am I “too old” now? If I knew then what I know now, would I have lived the same way? Was youth wasted on me? Is the hair glitter I’ve earned anything special?

Do you see what I see? The thought process up there—it’s all about me. I’m speeding down the road, checking the side mirror of self where “objects may be closer than they appear.” The object that’s too close is me, and I can’t see beyond me to the beautiful opportunities I took or the ones I might take.

Self-examination isn’t the same thing as self-preoccupation. There’s a thin line between the two, and it’s got to be a no passing zone or a head-on collision is around the bend.

Eyes on the Road!

I’m not sure why we need laws to reinforce the need for focused attention behind the wheel, but they emphasize an important point. If I’m moving at high speed in a one-ton missile, it’s super-important I’m aware of my surroundings. How much more important when I’m moving through life where opportunity is around every turn!

I won’t see the moment; it’ll sneak up on me, and I’ll be in it. I’ll have to choose between two roads or stopping to help someone on the roadside. Eyes on the road! And ears tuned to the small whisper that guides my heart, mind, and feet in the moment.

What if…

Once upon a time I read books and listened to 45-minute talks focused on helping me know more about my purpose in life. Gifts assessments became a thing. I took them multiple times to see if anything changed. I mean, I want to be certain I’m doing what God has called me to, and I can only do that if I know where my gifts, passions, and season of life intersect. (Yeah, that looks like a GPS to me, too.)

But what if there’s another perspective? What if an author, preacher-man, or questionnaire couldn’t or shouldn’t define me and the opportunities I might accept or reject. I want to know the biblical take on calling, giftedness, and serving.

Plans and Purposes

Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in your book and planned
before a single one of them began. Psalm 139:16 CSB

The Creator of the universe has always known my identity—every physical, emotional, and spiritual detail. My five-foot-two-on-a-good-hair-day height, the grey hair hidden with RB-6 in college, my love of words and Oxford commas, and the best and worst life experiences—He knew all of me. He knew I would enter the world just before breakfast on one day, and He knows the time I will see Him face to face.

Every day has been attended to and accounted for, and it has all been perfectly tailored to me in partnership with Him. The people I meet. The opportunities in front of me. No surprises and no mistakes. In this life stage, I see it better.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 CSB

Something deep nudges me toward truth. I was made on purpose, with purpose, for a purpose! It’s no wonder some kind of “why cry” comes from down deep. The most important part is that He offers opportunities to partner with Him in good works. I was made for more. And so were you!

S-S-Slow down!

I imagine myself with Mario Andretti skills. Life is crazy-fast, and some days are jam-packed with only minutes between iCal events. It looks good on paper, but there’s no time for resting, recuperating, or relaxing. I burn rubber until I burn out.

How in the world can I hear the “still, small voice” (1 Kings 19:12)? My engine’s RPMs are too high, I’m flying through a flat desert, and the people and opportunities are a blur.

Truth is, I desperately need quiet and time to hear His small voice. When I’m listening, I have a unique chance to follow His lead. If I’m attentive, I live a life with three unique traits.

My life is Spirit-led because I hear and respond to His voice.
My life is Spirit-infused and fueled because I am moving with Him.
My life is surrendered because I want His good, perfect, and pleasing will (Romans 12:2).

These three things mostly exist when I slow down and spend time walking and talking with God.

Humble Willingness

Those three, unique traits in my life equal humble willingness. I’m willing to carry the weight of awareness each day. I’ll see people—really see them—and remain open to the possibility of a divine iCal request on my calendar.

Here’s the funny thing: I’m reminded it has nothing to do with the list of gifts, passions, or skills at this point. Those things are the springboard for how I might partner with Him, but it’s way-cool to experience serving someone with the love of God by the power of God. There’s no way I cover that kind of distance by my own heart, mind, or abilities.

The freedom on the road? My calling? It’s an adventure if I’m humble and willing…

Share your thoughts in the comments or the Facebook Page. I’d really love to read them!