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Love Is…Compassion

03.10.2020 by Jennifer Howe //

Welcome, friend, this month the Facets are turning over a good question: Do they know they are loved? Deciding who “they” might be is up to each writer. We ponder whether we are loving others well because that’s what a follower of Jesus is called to do in light of Jesus’ compassion at the cross. Compassion is key. Take a peek at Tracy’s thoughts here, but don’t miss Megan’s and our guest’s posts when they appear!

03 2020 Do they know they are loved? J Howe

We’ve Got Stories

I (Jennifer) have a story. You do, too. We aren’t that different, you and I. My story may be rougher around the edges than yours, or not. Let’s avoid the comparison game and, instead, think about the experiences and imagine what compassion looks like in light of the good, bad, and ugly stories. How would we give compassion? How would we receive it?

A Hurting World and Harm

In this crazy-busy world, who of us is not hurting? Our culture is overwhelmed with strong, nagging feelings—anxiety over things yet to come that may never come; fear of the hard reality we face every day; frustration over the things others say, think, and do; and anger because, well, life shouldn’t be this way. Our hearts break just a little more each day in a hundred ways.

The harm is real. Adding two elements, helplessness and abandonment, to any deeply harmful incident creates a traumatizing incident, a perfect storm. Whether you’ve been traumatized or not, this may put words to how trauma affects a person—

Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.1

The wounds can be deep—and they can heal! God can use Scripture, relationships, and story work powerfully in the process. God’s biblical truth, compassionate love, and power are always the focus. The stories spark heart connection with God, self, and others. In the right human relationships, we may find the wounds aren’t so different or indelible. We might find a whole community experiencing pain we understand.

Time

It heals all wounds, they say. (I don’t believe that’s true.) It happened so long ago, they say. (Read The Body Keeps the Score.) Why would you go back and dig up dead things in the “bone yard,” they wonder? (We don’t want to do that!) It can’t be as bad as all that—ten minutes of your life in 50 years can’t be that big a deal, they say. (Really. Trauma is that big a deal.)

Trauma in the Church

When the Church welcomes a hurting world, the people inside her walls are wounded by real, terrible things. What will the people in the Church do about that? Will the whole community know the truth and freedom in Jesus? The number of people in the body of Christ knowing the biblical truth, compassionate love, and transforming power of God is related to the preaching, teaching, and relationships. I suggest we think about relationships in the context of God, self, and others.

You and Me

Compassion in our world and our churches begins with you and me. We answer questions for ourselves, and then we can sit with others as they answer the same questions.

Let’s start simply.

Do you know you are loved?

I’m a 5 on the Enneagram, and I desperately need to stretch beyond what I know cognitively to the reality of God’s love.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NLT

How do you measure God’s love knowing Jesus would die for every one of us? He did just that! Consider Jesus’ love in light of this: But God showed great love for us by sending Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8).

I won’t lie. It’s not easy to wrap my mind around John 3:16 because I know who I’ve been and the struggles I still have. Honestly, I find myself asking God to make the depth of His love real and settled in my mind and heart.

Do you bless your self with God’s love?

In my too-black-and-white, perfectionist mind, I sometimes fight to believe my God’s grace isn’t saved for perfect people—it saves imperfect people from their sin and into the Kingdom. Imperfect? That’s me! Jesus’ death on the cross wouldn’t be necessary if I could achieve perfection. And if grace could be earned, it wouldn’t be grace. Sin is the reality of this world and our condition at the DNA level. Because of sin, we need God’s solution.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 NLT

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

I think we ask our loving God to help us show appropriate love and care to ourselves—mind, body, and soul—in light of His grace.

Do you bless others with God’s love?

Culture wars, wars on all the things, wars on each other—we aren’t always good at loving, are we? We have a hard time liking people who look, think, or behave differently, let alone loving them! We’ve forgotten the real war:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

If we think “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us,” we would be terribly wrong.2 The one who claims to follow Jesus receives two commands: love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Even if someone qualifies as an “enemy,” we must love and pray for them (Luke 6:27).

What does love look like?

We are surrounded by people who have stories, just as we have our own. We do well to remember everyone fights a battle we can’t see. Time doesn’t heal wounds, caring relationship does. We all need a saving relationship with God through Jesus, and then we receive God’s power through the presence of His Holy Spirit. God loves us deeply and well—He is compassion. We need Him, and we need supportive relationships with safe people.

It’s not good for a woman to be alone. A wise woman opens her life to honest, compassionate people who can support her when she’s ready. That looks like finding someone who will hold her story with gentleness and kindness by listening carefully without interruption, instructive comments, or judgement. She takes care of herself with gentleness and humility, and then offers the same gentle, humble compassion to others when she can. As she heals and matures, she becomes a safe person for others.

Thanks for reading. You can find the Facets on Facebook. I would love to read your thoughts here or there.

Signature: Jennifer Howe

 

 

 

 

 

1 Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, p. 97.
2 Walt Kelly, 1970.
For more on “story work,” check out The Allender Center, Seattle, WA.

Categories // Do They Know They Are Loved?, Jennifer Howe's Perspective Tags // Bessel A. van der Kolk, Compassion, Ephesians 6:12, Facets of Faith, God's love, John 3:16, Life Stories, Luke 6:27, Matthew 22:37-40, Romans 12:1-2, Romans 6:23, The Body Keeps the Score, Trauma

Truth, Lies, Amnesia, and a River in Egypt?

08.14.2018 by Jennifer Howe //

Friends, this month’s topic seems to pierce my (Jennifer) heart. Truth is a funny thing. Some of us speak it absolutely and unapologetically every time. The culture seems to believe it can be “flexible” or “situational.” Some desperately seek it, hoping to find a solid foundation for life. Many of us hope it never catches up to us after an ugly slice of life. (Been there and done that.) Truth can be terribly hard to embrace. It’s so—permanent and unchanging; and it’s often in conflict with one little word that is not a river in Egypt. So, in order to step into truth, we’ve got to step out of denial. Truth and reality are two tightly-twisted strands in the thread of a healthy life.

Truth is, what we don’t know or what we choose to ignore can hurt us. And that’s why I wanted to write a sort of open letter to your heart (and mine!).

What You Don't Know (pink), J. Howe

Dear One—

Once upon a time life was amazing. Daddy-God created our reality with a word. Light and dark were separated. Water was given boundaries. Solid ground waited to be explored. Green things grew. Critters began to breathe and live the critter life. Man. Woman. Beautiful identity. Perfect unity in a perfect world.

Then it got complicated. Brokenness.

For thousands of years your Daddy-God has been speaking into and to creation. He’s still speaking to you today. Do you believe that? Many of His children suffer from something like amnesia after a head-on collision with the brokenness in life. Because you are so dearly loved, this letter was written just for you.

Truth for Lies
Once the truth was widely known and accepted—truth told you who you are, why you are here, and where your life was going. But you (you and everybody) “exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator” (Romans 1:25 NIV). Sweet heart, what preoccupies your mind, interests, passions, or activity? Truth? Lies? A created thing? A caricature of who you were meant to be? Is it your Creator, Daddy-God?

Maybe you suffer from amnesia, or maybe the diagnosis is more serious. Get gut-level honest; find out what’s in that heart of yours. Lay your bare heart out for serious examination because it matters. Step out of denial because it’s deadly. Eternally so.

[F]or those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. Romans 2:8 NIV

Your Daddy-God hates self-seeking behavior, evil, and lies—meeting all of that with a strong response, period. Now you should meet lies and “flexible truth” with the strength of real truth. Truth can be known, and it obliterates denial, lies, and darkness. There is freedom in truth. Take it!

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

Fr-ee-ee-ee-dom!
You are offered amazing freedom in truth. You have also been offered everything you need to know and obey the truth. Take Jesus up on the offer!

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. John 16:13

You can receive the Spirit of truth. Leave the river of denial and stand on solid truth ground. You’ll have power to walk away from “shameful secret things…deceit…and distorting God’s message,” and many people will be receptive to “an open display of truth” (2 Corinthians 4:2 CSB).

It’s all about Love
Would you believe strychnine is superfood designed to improve quality of life? (Ask any rat about that!) Would you allow someone else to believe it? Of course not.

You know some truth right now. You’re responsible for that. And you’re responsible to yourself and others. Don’t look at this world on fire and play your tiny violin for the people in chaos. That would be cruel. Downright evil. That’s not love.

Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (emphasis added)

Sweet heart, receive truth eagerly and speak it lovingly. Receive it because your life depends on it. Speak truth because your life and others’ depends on it.

Truth may not feel warm and fuzzy, but receive it and speak it anyway.

You may quake in your cute, impractical, form-over-function shoes. Receive it and speak it anyway.

Denial demands you paddle harder on the river, but it never changes the truth. Receive it and speak it anyway.

Your Daddy-God is truth. Jesus is the truth that reunites the children of God with their Father. The Spirit of truth will fill, teach, and lead you. Receive and speak that truth.

You are loved. Truth!

~Your Daddy-God

Sweet friend, is truth in your life muddied and dead on denial’s riverbank? When do you want to step out of that denial?

Which truths have you “forgotten” in the middle of this hard life? Do you know who your Daddy-God says you are? (Maybe start with that truth.)

Which truths do you most need to embrace more than anything right now? Does it start with embracing Jesus, “the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (John 14:6)? That and repentance are the foundation for everything else.

Thanks for reading along, friend. I hope this letter speaks to you. It speaks more loudly to me than you know. Share your thoughts in the comments below or on our Facebook Page. As always, the Facets love when our readers share!

Love you, Dear One.

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Categories // Faith, Jennifer Howe's Perspective, Truth and Denial Tags // amnesia, denial, Facets of Faith, God's love, lies, reality, truth

Who Do You Love? Me, Myself, and Mine?

02.13.2018 by Jennifer Howe //

Hello, friends! Welcome back to FACETS this week. I (Jennifer) hope you enjoy following along with February’s topic: Who Do You Love? It’s been a bittersweet journey for me, as you’ll see, but don’t miss Tracy’s thoughts here or Kim’s next week. This promises to be a thought-provoking topic, but share your thoughts on that, and we’ll know for sure.

I have a confession. I asked myself, “Who do you love, Jen?” The answer wasn’t pretty. An honest response to that question required examination of my words, emotions, efforts, time, and talent. The soul-searching led me down a road I wasn’t sure I wanted to take, but it was worth every step. Take a peek. You might find your own brand of “brave” to take a few steps.

For people will be lovers of self… 2 Timothy 3:2a

Once upon a time I perceived my life and heart all wrong. I’m a wife, mom, teacher, friend, daughter, sister, and aunt. (Those are the roles I think of in a few seconds.) In a sense we’re defined by our relationships, aren’t we? Each relationship has its unique inner workings, expectations, and give and take. When I looked at my close relationships, I saw the “give and take” in each one, but zeroed in on the big, ol’ GIVE for some reason. I was ashamed when I realized why.

Sadly, I mistook something ugly for selflessness and sacrifice. Sacrificial love and giving in relationship has a grotesque caricature, and it looks like my own face, but green with envy, a pouty lip nearly hiding my chin, with a “martyr complex-ion.” Know what I mean? *Sigh* Who wants to own that truth? No one I know.

The first steps on this road were difficult. The truth can hurt.

How do I know I loved myself? Others weren’t excluded from my thoughts by any means. It was in those relationships that I saw the self-love playing out. My words could be focused on me, my life, and my needs. My emotions could be bigger than they should when I was on the wrong side of a conversation or situation. My efforts could be laser-focused on my interests, projects, or in my defense. My time could be used to serve my own needs, and self-care could be the thing I fought for daily. Sadly, my talents seemed to be working as a conduit for personal goals.

I notice that when I am hyper-focused on me and my life, I’m left to evaluate all of it by others’ lives. It’s ridiculously easy to fall in love with the best of what I see and hope to have. Beautiful inspiration starts as “Someday I’ll…” but translates to “I want it now-w-w-w-w-w!” Envy and selfishness distort everything, except motive and means.

I don’t think selfishness was in everything when I looked closely, but my face was at risk. I could take on the envy and selfishness, that ugly caricature, like Dorian Gray. My heart and mind could become more and more preoccupied with me. Or I could choose something else…

It didn’t take long to find what God says about the problem I might face everyday.

For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. James 3:16

I see two challenges for me there. The first is in placing myself at the top of my priorities list. The second is using others as a measuring stick for life. There’s a breeding ground for “every kind of evil.” If I love me first, I have to assume that I “hate” others in comparison. (That includes God and everybody, really.) Ouch! I can speak from experience. Envy and selfishness do nothing for relationships; they ruin everything faster than you can say, “Me, myself, and mine!”

Then I landed on something I couldn’t ignore. Galatians 5 contained a long list of “works of the flesh” which were “obvious” (vv. 19-21). You only get one guess. What do you think was included in that list? Yup, envy and selfishness.

Two things I want to remember about that passage:

• “Works of the flesh” are the things (efforts) dead set against God.
• People who indulge in the list “will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Does that mean if I know Jesus and His peace, I can be disqualified from the promise of love made at the cross? No, the covenant promise isn’t fragile or fickle. If I intend to continue to indulge life patterns described by that list, there is something insidious at work. Ultimately, I love me, my survival, and my preferences more than I love the One who died to free me from my life of sin.

And that’s when I heard my own voice in my head: Now, there’s you’re problem!

I dropped the next question on the doorstep of the One who could handle it: God, I can be so selfish! What am I gonna do?

If you read my post last month (on God’s promises), you know who we can count on: Jesus and Holy Spirit. The deepest part of my soul found comfort in the verses that followed the “list.”

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. We must not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. Galatians 5:22-26

Do you see what I see there? An antidote to envy and selfishness leaps off the page. I see love and various displays of love following. In my mind, there is love, and the rest follows. (Some translations punctuate that way.) Because Jesus sacrificed so much to be in relationship with me, I live lovingly toward others out of His love for me. And I do that because I can? No, I do it because the Holy Spirit is in me to make it possible. I say “Yes!” to Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and I say “No!” to envy and selfishness.

That’s the “intellectual ground” covered, but that is not how faith works. Faith knows God’s way, aware it’s impossible to do alone, and takes steps with Him. For me, that looks a like praying for new desires more like His and the strength to choose them. And it looks like seeing other people and loving them well. (I struggle in my busyness or obliviousness every day.) Sure, I’ll take care of my own self appropriately, but I hope to stop placing myself higher in the priority list than I ought.

It’s going to be a bit of a fight. As I said, I can be selfish.

Do you share this struggle? Where might you begin your journey toward selflessness? If you walk the road I’ve traveled—I won’t lie—it might be hard, but you may find beauty in the destination, too.

Signature, Jennifer Howe

 

 

 

 

 

Categories // Friendship, Jennifer Howe's Perspective, Who Do You Love? Tags // 2 Timothy 3:2, Facets of Faith, Friendship, Galatians 5:22, God's love, James 3:16, Love, Relationships, Selfishness, Selflessness

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