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Difficult People: Turkeys in Disguise

11.28.2017 by Hyacynth Worth //

Hi, friends! I (Jennifer) have the privilege of introducing you to my good friend, Hyacynth Worth. You should know that her heart is precious to me. She blesses me with wisdom and her friendship. If you want to know more about her and her beautiful family, please visit her blog HERE. She is a wealth of relational and parenting wisdom (especially for adoptive families)! I hope you enjoy her thoughts this week.

What do you do when you have a giant turkey in your life?

If it gobbles like a turkey, struts like a turkey, and acts like a turkey—chances are it’s a turkey.

I asked my ten year old son, who hunts turkeys, if that’s true. He looked at me like I was having a moment and said, “Well, yeah. Pretty much, Mom.”

I think we have a tendency to feel this way about our relationships, too; we understand the obvious turkeys in our lives, as they tend to be the birds who cause us to inwardly cringe at their outward displays of foolishness.

Note: if you feel like you need some extra turkey identification work in the area of relationships {not the field}, the book of Proverbs details the actions of the obvious turkeys in our lives. They are the people who don’t know what they don’t know, and you can tell by the way they gobble— errrr—talk and walk in ways of obvious foolishness.

“Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.” Proverbs 12:15 NLT

“The wise don’t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness.” Proverbs 12:23

But what about when it doesn’t talk or walk like a turkey because it has all the right words and so many of the right moves of a bird of another feather … and yet we’re still left with the keen sense that what we’re staring at what has got to be a turkey disguised as a well-adjusted bird because dude’s acting like a fool in some specific area or areas of life and doesn’t even seem to know it?

That’s where relationships get even trickier — when we’re trying to love well and interact well with the not-so-easily identifiable turkeys in our lives and wondering why the interactions don’t seem to be going so well.

The turkeys disguised as a well-adjusted bird with all the right moves and all the right words but mismatching lives are the ones who say the right things and seem to have a pretty stately walk, yet act in ways that would point to the contrary. I’ve heard them referred to as biblical fools. Mostly, though, when I think of these kinds of turkeys, I think of the Pharisees with whom Jesus had so many words about their hard hearts.

The Pharisees.

The most learned men of their time with a deep understanding of the scriptures and the most knowledge of God.

Men who opposed the healing of suffering people because no work was to be done on the rest day.

Men ready to cast stones on a woman caught in adultery as though they had no sin of their own.

Men who valued the rules over the restoration of relationships.

Men whose hearts are often a lot like my own.

It’s tempting to look at the pharisees and under our breaths think, “Idiots. Of course, relationship and restoration of relationship is more important than the rules.”

But these men likely knew full well the stories of their ancestors who did things like step out to brace the falling ark of the covenant and then were immediately killed for violating the law of God concerning the transportation of the ark.

These are the men who play by the book because the Book was what they knew.

They didn’t understand the depth of relationship God seeks with us; neither did their previous generations, which is why the nation of Israel needed prophet after prophet to speak God’s truth and then eventually Jesus to come and show them God’s heart.

They are a bunch of turkeys in disguise. And as believers in Jesus, haven’t each of us been, too?

If we’re each committing to honesty, I think we can all say we’ve all been turkeys in disguise.

Have you ever caught yourself reacting to a circumstance in a way that completely confuses you? For me, it’s when I’m counseling one of my kids in a direction of life and then I find myself struggling to take my own advice.

At one point during his ministry Jesus says that we ought to be more aware of the planks in our own eyes than the specks in our brothers’ and sisters’ eyes. In my house, we call this, “you do you.” Meaning, if you see a speck in your brother’s eye, first check your own to make sure you don’t have a huge log blocking your vision.

Why? Because none of us can change another person’s heart through lectures or force or punishment or shaming. Our hearts are truly changed toward God’s heart of love only in response to one thing: unconditional love that’s full of truth and grace.

Jesus remarks that the most important of all the law and commandments is to love:

“One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:25-40

That second equally important commandment is often misunderstood, so let’s break it down: we are to love our neighbors as we love our selves — as in we are to love them as an extension of our own bodies.

So … how do we want to be treated when we are (knowingly or unknowingly) stuck strutting around like giant turkeys?

We see it in Jesus’ response to the woman caught in an act of adultery (John 8):

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”

It’s as if Jesus is saying, we don’t beat down others, we build them up. We call them to a higher living, a higher purpose, a higher way of living more in harmony with how God created us.

So what do we do with a giant turkey in our life?

We resist the urge to roast them and instead tread with them in equal parts truth and grace, much in the way Jesus shows us time and time again. Let’s pick up with Jesus and the woman the crowd wanted to stone after he boldly welcomes he who was without sin to throw the first one.

“Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

 

Categories // Difficult People, Guest Perspectives, How to Love When It's Hard, Life Tags // Difficult People, God's love, Grace, Greatest Commandment, John 8, Love, Matthew 22:25-40, Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 12:23, Relationships, truth, Woman caught in adultery

A Rescue, Grace, and Coming Back to Truth

09.19.2017 by Kim Findlay //

What am I going back to? I’ve been sitting with this question for quite some time. I read Tracy’s encouraging post about returning to her life after a season of challenge, embracing new and old things she enjoys and feels called to do. You can read it here. Then I read Jen’s thought-provoking post about returning to her past and using 5 questions to embrace deeper healing. Check hers out here.

As for me, nothing much was making sense until I realized the answer was staring me straight in the eye.

Literally. Two precious dark-brown puddles of love watching me type.

World – meet Cynthia or, as we call her, Scout.

I’m a pet owner again, for the first time in over six years, and it’s so.much.fun.

Scout is the most loving, patient, laidback dog I’ve ever met, let alone owned. She rarely barks, loves belly rubs,  and is usually found within a couple of feet of me, often snuggling close to my feet.

Scout is also a rescue dog. Several weeks ago a friend posted her picture in search of a foster family to take her in. My husband and I had been talking about adopting a dog, but we weren’t sure how the kids would do with a dog, or how a dog would handle them. When I saw my friend’s post, I realized fostering might be a great way to test the waters.

Yeah, I know. You see where this is going, don’t you?

After I made arrangements to pick Scout up one morning, I realized I was nervous. It had been a long time since I owned a dog, and I was hesitant to let one into my heart again.

My first dog was a Dachshund named Otto. I was a baby and don’t remember him at all, only stories of him chasing me which quickly prompted my parents to find him another home. Twenty-six years passed until Abby, a golden retriever, strolled into my life through my first marriage. She was older, sweet, and fairly laid back. Abby died peacefully under a tree at friend’s house while we were on vacation a few years later.

Then came Lady, a beautiful Sheltie who quickly adopted my youngest daughter, Emma, as her buddy. Wherever Emma was, Lady was nearby. It made sense then, in a way, that Lady died in the same fire that took Emma’s life. (You can read more about that here)

About a year after our life turned inside out, I learned of a rescue, Beauty. She could’ve been Lady’s older sister. We cared for her through her final years of life until she died a little over six years ago.

Heart-wrenching, I know. To become attached to a pet only to have it die, not once but three times. What in the world was my husband thinking when he mentioned getting a dog?

Sometimes I wonder.

Didn’t he know how difficult it was going to be to enjoy another pet? Didn’t he know the pain it could cause? The worry? The work? The poop-clean up?

But when I saw her picture on my friend’s page, asking for a foster family, something stirred in me and before I knew it, I responded we’re interested!

A rescue.

I know what it means to be rescued. I know the depths of loneliness and fear. I know the pain of regret and disappointment. I know the darkness of grief and loss. I know what it’s like to be cast aside, to be lost and desperately in need of compassion and care, to be wanted, just as I am.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18, NLT

But I also know what it’s like to meet the One who loves me so much that He sent His Son to earth to make a way back to Him (Ephesians 2:5). The One who lavishes His love over me (Deuteronomy 7:9, NLT). The One who calls me by name (John 10:3).

I know these truths, but sometimes I forget. I forget the depth of God’s love for me.

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. Ephesians 3:18, NLT

I forget that He delights in me (2 Samuel 22:20) as I begin to work and strive, hoping to earn His affection as if I’m reminding Him why I’m worth loving. I glance at my schedule and see good work after good work until exhaustion sets in. And when exhaustion takes hold, the whispers of the enemy growl loud.

You’re worthless.

Why would anyone want to hear what you have to say?

If they really knew you and what you’ve done, what you’ve thought . . . they’d all walk away.

Accusation tumbles over accusation as my worth falters under the weight of lies. Finally, when the pressure feels too great to carry, I turn with head low and eyes down, hopeful that God will take me back. That He’ll allow me to return to the safety of His wings.

His voice begins to speak louder than the lies.

I love you. (1 Thessalonians 1:4)

You are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

There is nothing that will ever change that. There is nothing that can every snatch you away. (John 10:28)

I delight in you simply because you’re my daughter.

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17, NLT

Yes, I definitely know what it’s like to be rescued, to be restored and welcomed into God’s family not as a guest or a foster, but as a full-fledged daughter of the King. And as His daughter, I’m learning that He delights in me, longs to give me good things, and not only redeems the places in my heart that have been broken by loss and sin, but restores them as well.

And sometimes it shows up in the form of a precious pup named Scout.

What truth or characteristic about God do you need to return to? Join the conversation by posting below or heading over to our Facebook page to share. We’d love to hear from you!

Categories // Kim Findlay's Perspective, Life, What are You Going Back to? Tags // God's love, Grace, healing, hope, Kim Findlay, Rescue dogs, Rescued, truth

The Lion and the Lamb: the Beauty in Truth and Grace

03.14.2017 by Jennifer Howe //

We’ve got quite the line up at FACETS! We have precious thoughts from Tracy, Kim (next week), and you’ll have a chance to read our friend, Kelli Worrall. If you don’t know her yet, you need to! Check back the fourth week for her guest post. I know you’ll love it!

“March—in like a lion and out like a lamb.” Do you remember that from elementary school, too? That was the springboard thought for this month’s topic. Then we thought about the character of Jesus. Have you noticed He is called “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world” and “the Lion of Judah” in the Bible? These are two of my (Jennifer) favorite names. I notice something about the natures embedded in them. One reveals to me the deeply compassionate and huge nature of Jesus. The other makes me think of a confident, powerful nature. Ah, the multi-faceted nature of God! As the team settled into the topic, we wondered how each of us is multi-faceted, too.

Which of God’s character qualities can I see in my own life?

Grace and truth. That’s a tricky balance, isn’t it? I can get flustered when I think about these two character traits doing their intricate dance in my life. I’m uneasy about “grace” that I think might squeak and scamper into a corner. I’m personally more familiar with “truth” that dons a black robe and wields an over-sized gavel with a BANG!

But Jesus—

The Word became flesh and took up residence among us. We observed His glory, the glory as the One and Only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14 CSB

Jesus is grace and truth!

When I get muddled in the grace-truth balance, friends remind me of something super-important—our God doesn’t have a wimpy approach to offenses. He doesn’t wink at sin because it damages our hearts and our relationship to Him and others. I’ll limit this post to the category of sin including offenses. (My understanding of sin is richer than that.)

The truth of sin has to be acknowledged. That might make me happy if I had success in perfect living or I felt offended and hoped someone would receive their “just desserts.” But when I’m gut-level honest, I might be overwhelmed by the truth of every known and unknown offense I’ve dished to family, friends, and ultimately my Abba. Then I should be forever grateful for the goodness of truth and grace!

That said, this slice of my life includes a study of the book of Romans. Chapter one is an eye-opener when it comes to truth. I’m reminded that God’s truth will not be mocked.

For God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all godlessness and unrighteousness of people who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth…They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served something created instead of the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. Romans 1:18, 25

There are consequences for knowing God, not acknowledging Him, and not being thankful: a darkened mind (1:21) and ugly heart. That’s something I don’t want for myself or anyone, but that’s where the path leads. I want to be sensitive to truth and respond well. And I sure don’t want to hide it from anyone who hasn’t been introduced to it yet or might ignore it. But how? I’m going to let that question sit for now—

I’ve received boundless grace from God, and it is the very thing He hopes I’ll extend to others. Actually, it’s more than hope; He commands it.

Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4

I’m tempted to breathe a sigh of relief when I see “rebuke him” because it feels like some kind of control after a tough exchange. But letting someone know they’ve done wrong is loving and gracious. After all, offenses should be acknowledged. Then I focus on “if he repents, forgive him.” When someone responds well, there’s a command: forgive. I must! The “seven times in a day” leaps off the page. Grace after an offense—forgiveness—is the gift I’ve been given, and it’s the gift I lavish time and again.

My story, like yours, is chock-full of difficult interactions. Some events may be more extreme or shocking than many women have experienced, but that’s not my point. Our offenses are not fewer or less significant than others’. What’s helpful but challenging to remember in ugly situations is this:

Indeed, we have all received grace after grace from His fullness, for although the law was given through Moses, grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. John 1:16-17

Moses’ law revealed the problem of sin. Through Jesus, the problem was solved completely and permanently. All the offenses—mine and yours, forgotten and remembered—were addressed truthfully (acknowledged) and graciously (the debt to Holy God was settled). Each of us is invited into confession, repentance, and belief (1 John 1:9).

I know this truth. In love, I share it. By grace I want to live out of it with others. Why? Because—

…whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing. Mark 11:25

My God is no vending machine. And prayer is more than the laundry list of requests, let’s be clear. But a clean heart makes all the difference in connecting heart-to-heart with Him. That’s the prayer conversation I want with my Father in heaven—hearing Him and thankful I’m heard.

And relationships with others? Nothing is better than knowing you are loved at your worst. Sure, we are liked and even loved at our best, but that’s easy. The rough moments mirror the Lion and the Lamb in everyday life, right?

Thanks for reading, friends. What you think about this month’s topic? Pop a comment in below or at the Facebook page. Are you choosing to know truth, reveal it, and be gracious in the process, too?

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Categories // Faith, Jennifer Howe's Perspective Tags // Faith, forgiveness, Grace, John 1:14, John 1:16-17, Luke 17:3-4, truth

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