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A Purifying Perspective on Fire, God, and Life

11.30.2018 by Kim Findlay //

This month at Facets of Faith we’ve been taking a look at what we believe to be God’s most precious attribute. You will want to check out Tracy and Jen’s posts as well as our guest this month, Erin. 

Attribute: Refining Fire (K. Findlay)

I have to be honest, this topic gave me a run for my money. I’m a week late and wrestling with each word I’m about to share. Not just because I struggle to narrow it down to one aspect of his vast character, but because of this season of life I find myself in right now.

Hard. Lonely. Intense.

It ranks up there with the death of my daughter and the slow decay of my first marriage. I feel like I’m in the furnace of struggle and God is burning off the excess, separating the impurities of my life with what is precious and most valuable.

Perspective

As I sat with the idea of identifying His most precious attribute, I was surprised when the words refiner’s fire came to mind.

I don’t like fire. I’ve seen its destructive power firsthand when fire destroyed my home in 2005. I know the suffocating effects it leaves in its path as my daughter, Emma, died in its wake.

But you don’t have to have firsthand experience with your own fire these days to glimpse fire’s power. Just turn on the news and you’ll see the destruction in places like Paradise, California and through the path of the Camp fire.

So it’s curious to me that as I pondered this month’s question that I didn’t choose his peace, his hope, or his faithfulness —all of which are true. I circled this other answer, words I’m almost fearful to whisper but have been buried in my soul for years.

Refiner’s fire

My heart’s one desire

is to be holy

Set apart for you, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for your my Master

Ready to do your will

I first heard this song by Brian Doerkson back in the early 2000s. Before fire destroyed our home. Before my daughter took her final breath. Before life as I knew it smoldered with suffering. I remember singing the words and longing for them to be true in my life, I just didn’t realize the cost.

Remembering

I remember the moment my heart, my soul, and my mind converged in longing to see God move in a mighty way through my life. I witnessed the devastation of a former co-worker’s life. His story impacted me greatly as he stood before our staff and shared not only the destruction, but the hope and the intimacy he experienced as God restored his life.

I want that. I remember thinking. I want to know Jesus the way I see he knows Jesus now. Then I prayed, Lord, do whatever it takes so I might know you better, so I might live and long for you as my one desire.

to him who led his people through the wilderness; His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:16

The Furnace

The very next day, fire broke out in my home and everything changed as I plunged into the furnace of suffering. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or how I would survive. My worst nightmare had become my reality as the heat of sorrow and grief suffocated me. I felt alone and afraid and so very lost.

I see now that I wasn’t lost. Not really. Nor was I alone. God sent reinforcements from the moment smoke began to billow in the sky through the gift of a neighbor. He reminded me through my daughter’s funeral director of a very different yet slightly similar story I’ve know since I was a child.

There were these three guys, maybe you’ve heard of them? Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego, three guys who made a decision to not worship King Nebuchadnezzar despite his declaration that all must bow down before the image of gold he had set up. You can read more of their story here (Daniel 3:1-30). But their decision to stand firm and worship the one true God had dire consequences: “Whoever does not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.” Daniel 3:6

Into the furnace they went, bound and tied. 

This kind funeral director didn’t leave me standing in the flames alone, he led me straight to the truth. “Didn’t we tie up three men and throw them into the furnace?’ ‘Yes, your Majesty, we certainly did,’ they replied. ‘Look!’ Nebuchadnezzar shouted. ‘I see four men, unbound, walking around in the fire unharmed! And the fourth looks like a god!’” Daniel 3:24-25

Jesus was with these three men, and this gentle man reminded me that Jesus was with me as well.

So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stepped out of the fire. Then the high officers, officials, governors, and advisors crowded around them ands that the fire had not touched them. Not a hair on their head was singed, and their clothing was not scorched. They didn’t even smell of smoke!” Daniel 3:26b-27

The Ashes

I wish I didn’t carry the scars of the fire, but I do. Deep scars of loss and grief and suffering beyond what I ever imagined possible. But just like these three men, I’ve stepped out of the fire and survived. But I’ve not only survived, I’m being refined to resemble Jesus. I still have a ways to go, but it’s happening. And others see it, too, as I shared thoughts and experiences that could only be offered through the gift of Jesus’ presence.

I’m learning to be grateful for all of the hardship that’s happened. I’m not a fan of it, let’s just set that record straight. But I see what He’s doing in me, and through me. I see how He’s been transforming me and how I’ve learned more about Him over the past 13 years than I ever thought possible.

He remembered us in our low estate His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:23

Purifying Perspective

A refiner’s fire purifies. It separates the precious from the impure. Because of the fire, I’ve learned that God’s mercy has no limits and His grace never runs out. Because of the fire I’ve experienced the depth of His love, true and everlasting love from which I can never be separated no matter what happens or what I do.

Because of the fire I faced my biggest fears and, by His strength, I survived. And I’ve not only survived, I’m living and breathing and enjoying this life He’s entrusted to me.

Because of the fire I can say with certainty that God is good no matter what. His goodness has absolutely nothing to do with me or the circumstances that happen to me. They have everything to do with Him —His character, His essence, simply put —His is good.

Because of the fire my desire for God’s kingdom to come has grown exponentially. I long to see Him now, not just the hope or wish of heaven in the future. I experience the gift of His Spirit now. But I also have the promise of heaven, knowing that all of this pain and suffering and sorrow and tears will end. I will see my sweet girl and I will see Jesus!

Because of the fire I learned to see the battle —the very real battle that is happening between the kingdom of heaven and kingdom of darkness and I know, without a doubt, that Jesus is victorious. I tasted that victory in the darkness of grief. I tasted hope that defies my circumstances.

Because of the fire I learned to see beyond myself, my selfish desires, and my eyes have grown accustomed to see God throughout my every day. I learned to recognize His voice, His promptings, His gifts —so much of what I could not see before.

No, while fire is certainly not the most precious thing, it has led me to all that is precious. It led me to Him. And while I still long to see my girls grow up together, to celebrate the 13 birthdays I’ve missed, to not feel the stabbing pain as my precious girl danced into heaven, I can’t help but see the tenderness as God heal my heart and restores my soul.

And just like Shadrach, Mischeck, and Abednigo, I walked with Jesus through the fire and there is nothing more precious than that.

Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:26

What attribute of God is most precious to you? Join the conversation by posting below or jump over to our Facebook page to share.

Signature: Kim Findlay

Categories // Kim Findlay's Perspective, Precious Attributes of God Tags // God's goodness, grief, healing, hope, Kim Findlay, Perspective, perspective shift, suffering

Why We Need the Truth of God’s Goodness in Times of Suffering

08.21.2018 by Kim Findlay //

Welcome to Facets of Faith —a space where three friends take a topic on life or faith or friendship and offer three unique perspectives. This month we’re responding to the idea that what we don’t know, can hurt us. It’s a glimpse into our thoughts on truth and denial. Jen shared last week —you can read that here. I’m (Kim) up this week.What You Don't Know (green), K. Findlay

Truth these days has shifted from the crips black and white into the murkiness of gray. Toss in truth about God and oy! —the potential for a collision of opinion increases a thousandfold. Hang out on social media and it won’t take long to see the naysayers and trolls that come out to play; those whose only desire is to stir up trouble and angst, distracting us from what is real, what is good, what is true.

Here is the truest thing I know: God is good.

I know, as soon as you read those three words, a million reasons started to whisper why He is not. The poverty. The lost. The hungry. The forgotten. The discarded. The broken.

Suffering.

If God is good, why is there so suffering? Why do I suffer?

Before I dive in, I need to add a disclaimer here. I am not a theologian. I did not go to seminary. I’m just a life-in-the-middle gal who believes in Jesus and has a few ideas to share. But lest you think I’m sitting in my ivory tower of wishful thinking, these words you’re about to read were born from suffering.

I’ve endured what many would say is every parent’s nightmare. In 2005, my five-year-old daughter, Emma, died in a fire that destroyed not only our home, but wrecked our lives. The destruction didn’t stop there. Eight years later, my marriage crumbled under the weight of grief.

As I sifted through the rubble, I searched for something —anything that would stabilize me. That would steady my faith and ground me so I could stand. So I could survive.

In those early days after Emma died, I sat with my journal and tried to read my Bible. Sorrow wrapped its fingers around my heart and squeezed until I could barely breath. Why did this happen? How could this happen? Where was God in the middle of all of this?

I searched the Scriptures for something to cling to, for truth to help make sense of the destruction death left in its wake. I stumbled across this truth:“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13, NLT)

Nothing about my life felt good at that time. Truthfully, nothing about it was good. And yet I couldn’t ignore the words I just read.  Was it possible that God could be good even in this?

Searching for Goodness

I began to search for His goodness —His definition, not my own. I learned He is not a permissive parent, allowing us to gorge on every whim and desire like Pinocchio experienced on Pleasure Island. That place where boys did what they wanted and were as naughty as naught could be.

Was that the kind of life that was good? Not even according to Disney. Fast forward as we watch the magic of the island gradually turn boys who acted like jackasses into donkeys, sold into a lifetime of humiliation and slavery in circuses and mines. What looked like enjoyment and a life of freedom and fun, became a trap into a lifetime of bondage.

And yet our minds still struggle to reconcile the suffering we see with the God who loves us. We begin to assume that because there is suffering, He is not good. Pastor and author Tim Keller explains that for those confident of their own insight, suffering actually disproves the existence of God. They reason that if He really was good, He would want to end suffering. He could do that because He is all-powerful, but since there is evil and brokenness, they determine that God can’t be both, so they believe He is not good.

Jesus’ disciples were confident of their own insight when they saw a man blind from birth. They thought they knew the answer to why he suffered when they asked Jesus. Was it his sin? The sin of his parents? Jesus replied, “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sin. This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” (John 9:3)

Searching for Truth

Because God is all-powerful, nothing is out of His control. While your world may feel chaotic, there is purpose. And because He is perfectly righteous, everything will work together for good in the end (Genesis 50:20).

Please hear me —death is never good. Jesus wept when he saw the grief from the death of His friend, Lazarus. He wept even though He was about to raise him from the dead. 

My daughter’s death will never be good. There are days when I long to hold her, to hear her giggles, to see her play with her sister. There are days when living with this distance between us is suffocating and I long for it to end, to be reunited with her.

It is in those moments when my grief feels heaviest that I’m able to turn to the One who loves me, who loves my sweet girl, and allow Him to wipe my tears and whisper truth to my soul.

You are loved, dear one.

I see your sorrow and I weep with you.

Just wait, dear one. Wait here with me, and I will wait with you. I will dry each tear and comfort each cry. I will remind you, for as long as it takes, that you are loved. That you are seen. That you are known. And that I am good.

I will show you things about this world, about yourself, about Me that you could never imagine on your own. I will reveal hidden mysteries and open your eyes to what I see. The beauty will overwhelm your sense and it will be a taste of what is to come.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared  . . . I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:1,3-4, NLT

Do you believe God is good even in the face of suffering? I’d love to chat with you. Please comment below or join the conversation on our Facebook page.Signature: Kim Findlay

Categories // Kim Findlay's Perspective, Truth and Denial Tags // child loss, God is good, grief, hope, is God good, Kim Findlay, suffering, truth

How Do You Go Through Change?

05.01.2018 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to Facet’s and this month’s question:  How do you go through change?  We thought we’d infuse a little humor on the topic with our image selection. Sometimes, a little levity helps when change is on the horizon.

How Do You Go Through the Change? (Blue)

Change happens whether we want it or not. Ultimately, navigating change determines where we wind up.

If we map out our course and cooperate with God, we’ll get to where He intends much quicker. If we resist change, we get mired down in muck.  Our resistance causes us to work much harder to get where we’re going.  Perhaps we’ll never wind up where God meant for us to be.

Maybe we won’t completely miss our intended destination, but we’ll miss out on some of the good God desperately wants to give us.

It’s a powerful motivator─the thought of missing God’s best, because we can’t (or won’t) let go of what used to be. If He has to pry our fingers from the past, it’ll take a whole lot longer to fill our hands with the good things He desires to place in them. Each season is fresh and alive with possibility if we’ll embrace it.

Even some of the hard circumstances in life have possibility. Enduring. Getting through and crossing to the other side of that difficult time has the great reward of intimacy with the Lord if we are willing to “go there” and be real and raw and personal with Him.

On the other side we also see the strength of our spiritual muscle. What faith, perseverance, love, and hope formed in that dark time of desperate trial can do in one woman’s or man’s life. It’s part of our story. It’s part of what we share with others. It’s part of what will minister so very deeply to those who don’t yet know Jesus or have just gotten acquainted with Him. It can make people curious enough to be just the least bit receptive to the good news.

I’m speaking from personal experience. I’ve had dark times. But God’s love illuminated my life and continues to do so. We all have hard things we have to go through. None of us gets an immunization from difficulty.

How we deal with difficulty determines our destiny.

I’ve witnessed the tragedy of people not letting go of the former things, a lack of willingness to press into the new things God has for them.

A delay in receiving God’s goodness breaks my heart when I see it. I want nothing more than for the person to grab hold of God’s hand and walk with Him, stretching and growing, not screaming and kicking. I know His ways don’t always make sense to us. There have been times I’ve been completely confused myself.

That’s when I ask for Him to show me what He’s doing. Where are we going? What’s this about? I try not to ask “why”. Why doesn’t really matter much. The answer to that question isn’t going to bring me anywhere. Instead, I want to go through.  So I pray. I ask for His help. I seek His comfort. I let Him minister to the broken places in my heart. I let Him renew my mind. Sometimes, my thoughts need changing, reshaping. The things I once thought so certain, God shows me otherwise. He softens my heart. He shows me things through His Word and every day people who He is and how much He loves me─always, but especially when circumstances make it appear and feel otherwise.

Those are some of the sweetest, more pure moments between me and God. Tears slip down my cheek, not in sadness but due to His sweetness as He comforts me in a way only He can.

When I see people unwilling to let go of what was and go through change with God’s help, I want to say, “Just cooperate. It’ll be okay! Let go of those old, false beliefs. Lean in. Listen. Let Him help you! He will! Stop fighting! Relax in His loving arms. There’s peace there. Comfort. Adventure and bliss. Yes, life is a battle. Sometimes it’s hard. When it is, let Him help. Let Him help. Let Him help. Let Him help.”

Victim mentality doesn’t bring victory. The blood of Jesus does.

The alternative to walking with God through change? People become jaded. Bitter. Scars jagged, rough to the touch. Maybe can’t be touched. Like a porcupine, prickly so people start avoiding you. It might make you feel safe, but it’s a prison really. A prison of personal pain that doesn’t have to be. We have choice. We can choose to embrace change. Like a little girl who can’t get pried from her daddy’s arms after a nightmare, cling to the process of change. One day you’ll be surprised to wake up and find the nightmare has ended. Sun streams in the bedroom window, light pure as the white sheers letting in the sun’s rays. Dreams good. Hopeful. And dare I say, happy.

In God’s love, mercy and grace, I wake up to those sun rays warming my face and wonder how did I get here to this good, hopeful, dare I say happy place? Change. Some big. Some gradual. All of it good, because God worked it to be that way.

It’s so over-used, but I don’t even care. It feels appropriate. When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade.

Before you think, you just don’t understand what I’ve been through. Maybe you are right. Maybe I don’t.  But Jesus does!  I do know I’ve had some lemons tossed my way, and with God’s help we’re making lemonade.

One of those lemons happened late last year. I was so confused as to what God was doing. I couldn’t see how losing a job I loved so much, that felt like I was fulfilling the very reason I was placed on this planet, could ever be good. It was a passion. I was helping women. And, in fact, it was the fulfillment of a vision He’d given me years before. I felt like He’d plunked me there for “such a time as this”.  It was a rich season with Him. He was so very present, almost palpable.

Poof! It was gone!

It took a moment to catch my breath. I felt like I’d been pushed out a three-story building and landed hard on my back. Not dead, but the wind knocked out of me.

Whether it was God or satan who removed me from that place, I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is what lies ahead.

Even how we deal with change changes. The one constant if we are going to change well is to change with God. The other details don’t always stay the same. I say that because I’m about to share how God helped me through that time at a relatively fast pace (which is DEFINITELY one of the advantages of cooperating with God sooner rather than later). The more quickly I can get to a place to settle down and hear from God, the faster I can get through those difficult times. And since I don’t like pain, I have a high motivation to get a move on!

1. God comforted me in advance of the change.

If you are in a difficult season, look for how God was showing up in advance of it. Journals are a great source. Reflect on what God was saying or doing before the bottom fell out. What conversations did you have with others in the days and weeks preceding? Look for the clues where Christ was preparing your heart and mind ahead of time.

I was told I was going to receive a gift that would not feel like a gift. (More later about how this loss became─and is becoming─a gift.)

2.  God told me to grieve and to reveal His glory through it even as I did.

You see, it’s okay to be sad sometimes. I WAS sad. I had poured my heart and soul into launching the ministry. I knew God was using me to bring deeply traumatized women into places of healing, helping them meet and experience God each day.  I knew He’d used me to set up processes, hire and train employees, and just when things were about to be a little easier because all those things were in place, I wouldn’t get to experience the fruits from all that labor. And I wondered how it could happen when God had given me the vision.

I cried a gallon of tears. But I never gave up hope.

Honestly, in the past, it was NOT GRIEVING that used to get me in a whole heap of trouble. Before I was a believer, I’d sweep things under the rug. The only problem with that is sometimes the rug moves and the pain and problems not dealt with are revealed no matter how much we want to hide from them. Better to deal with problems in season.

3.  Pray and worship.

Along with my grieving, I prayed. A lot. I listened to worship music incessantly. I couldn’t get enough. As I journaled and processed my pain, God ministered to my soul.  If I felt like I was submitting to depression, I’d sing. And sing. And sing. My singing submission to God, knowing He’d see my worship as a sacrifice bringing forth a fragrant aroma. He knows it’s hard to worship when we don’t understand. It’s what makes our worship even sweeter to Him. It’s also what saved me from a spiral of defeat while I was waiting for Him to reveal what was next.

4.  Slap shame in the face.

I know that sounds harsh, but so is shame. Don’t take it. Permission to fight back with the truth! Pull out promises and smack the enemy with the truth about who you are and whose you are!

Sometimes, the things we are changing from and through require us to deal with shame. You see, the enemy wanted to bury me with shame and embarrassment.  (Even in the writing of this post, he didn’t want me to be real and share, to be vulnerable about what could have been very shameful.)

Again, in God’s goodness, He kept playing a song for me — especially before a couple of significant meetings. I couldn’t escape the song Lions by Skillet. Every time I heard it, it was as if God was saying to me, “Hold your head up. You did nothing wrong. I have something new for you. Be brave little lion.”

Part of what He was doing was redeeming a situation from the past. He was showing me how much I’d grown by walking with Him. While the situation made me sad, it didn’t devastate me. Even something as significant as “losing” what I felt was my calling, couldn’t destroy me or my spirit.  That was different from the past. He was showing me I knew and know who I am. His. I am His.

5.  Change takes stamina. Sometimes we need to rest before we can run a new race.

God wouldn’t let me move forward until I got some rest. I didn’t realize how exhausted I truly was until I was given the chance to rest. If you know me, you know rest isn’t an easy word for me to embrace. I like to do. To move. To accomplish awesome things with and for God. But if my tank is empty, I’ll go nowhere fast. That’s for all of us. We all need refueling.

I had just left an intense time of ministry that had left me emotionally drained. Working with trauma survivors is no easy task (and without God’s grace – impossible!)

Not only was I emotionally drained, I had spiritual scars. I knew to expect spiritual attack stepping into a ministry that pierced the darkness of human trafficking. Even expecting it, I underestimated it. The battles were intense. Most mornings I was up at 4 or 4:30 praying, spiritually girding myself for the day ahead. It was necessary for my spiritual survival.

Being on guard at that level of intensity, engaging in emotional trauma work which is far more tiring than a vigorous workout, left me limp and exhausted.

Every time I’d ask God, “What do you want me to do?” (Martha, anyone?)

God would say, “Rest.”

Me, always wanting to get going. “What do you want me to do?”

“Rest.”

So, eventually I did. I embraced the idea of rest. I grabbed my blanket and Bible and wrapped myself in rest.

6.  Get ready. Change requires us to get ready.

Really, all the above was part of that. On your mark, get set, GO!

7.  God is doing a new thing. After all, that’s what change is about.

God started to reveal a new vision. It felt very much like the beginnings of the vision He’d once given me to start a home to help 4 to 6 women in a family setting. You’ll need lots of help, things beyond you. You’ll coordinate many people to help these women. It is beyond you and your individual capacity.

It didn’t make sense back then any more than this new vision God is giving me makes sense. But honestly, it gives me comfort that it doesn’t make sense. Most ideas from God seem that way at first. If it felt easy, I’d think it was my idea. Because it’s ridiculous (in the best of ways), there’s a pretty high likelihood it’s from God.

I may not have all the details exactly right, but He’s casting a vision that brings old and new together. Again, I don’t know all the particulars. I don’t know His timeline. I do know He tends to give me long-range visions, so this could be a ten year plan (or longer).

I don’t know, but I don’t need to know. He’s unfolding the details, enough to get me really excited about the future.

Remember how I’d shared earlier I was told I was going to receive a gift that would not feel like a gift?

I received the gift of rest, grieving, and intimacy with God.

Then, I received the gift of hope and a new dream. God has reassured me He didn’t take from me, but He wants to expand the vision He’d once given me. He has me doing seemingly unrelated things that will come together for more of His glory.

I opened my hands and asked Him to place all of His goodness in them because I love Him. I know He is good. I know He has good things for me, and for the people He places in my circle of influence. He will minister to my heart and He will help me minister to others. If all I ever had in life were good things, I’d never grow.

Last winter when I was planted in the soil of confusion, grief, and rest, God grew me. He’s doing a new thing. And now I’m ready to go.

How is God calling you to change?

Are you ready? On your mark, get set, go!

Oh, and don’t forget to hold your head up. You need to see where you’re going!

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Image: Tracy Stella

Categories // Faith, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // Change, Get Ready, gift, grief, hope, New Dream, New Vision, On Your Mark Get Set Go, Perseverance, prayer, rest, Shame, Stamina, Surrender, victory, Worship

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  • The FACETS Team
  • The Lion the Lamb and the Mirror
  • The Story of Christmas
  • The Trinity: Intimately knowing and growing
  • Thelma! Who's Your Louise?
  • Tracy Stella's Perspective
  • Trusting God When Afraid
  • Truth and Denial
  • Turning Little into Much
  • Uncategorized
  • What are You Going Back to?
  • What Do I Have to Offer
  • What Do You Do for Fun?
  • What Do You Dream About?
  • What has God rescued you from?
  • Who Burnt My Turkey?
  • Who Do You Love?
  • Who Do You Say I Am?
  • Woman of God?

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