Hey, friend, welcome to FACETS. This month the question is: Who burnt my turkey? We’re thinking about what to do when we can’t gather. Our lives have been socially distant. Most of us never dreamed this could permeate all of 2020. Surely we’d have the holidays! And yet, we all wait to see what this Thanksgiving will look like. Each FACET and our guest will be sharing perspectives this month. We hope you’ll check them out!

It’s been a long haul…

I (Jennifer) can’t believe it’s November. No-vem-ber-r-r-r-r!

In my part of the States, we’ve been socially distant since before my birthday in March. A ray of hope appeared when restaurants opened in summer. But then they closed again. What do we do when our hearts and minds are spellbound by terms we’ve never know before: mitigation, phases, testing numbers, case numbers, vaccine trials, and (tragically) death toll? It’s 2020, y’all. Enough said?

Thanks for the memories!

My mind drifts to the turkey days of the past. The bird was golden brown and juicy some years, a bit dry other years. The sweet potato-apple-marshmallow thing happened. Our family warred over whether you could actually have Thanksgiving dinner without the gelatinous cranberry log. I was extra thankful the year my sister made real cranberries—like, with real berries!

Probably my favorite Thanksgiving Day memory was a “Mom – 1; Daughter – 0” moment. A sister breezed through the kitchen several times, taking sips of my mom’s soda. Mom got creative with a little black olive juice over ice. Looked just like the brown soda without bubbles. We all waited. The next sip was surprising and pretty dramatic. Mom, you nailed it! Hilarious!

But this is 2020…

We don’t know what restrictions will be in place in a couple weeks, but so many conversations with friends are doubtful about the freedom to gather. Even if we could, not everyone feels safe to gather. They can’t risk it for themselves or their loved ones. I get it. And I’m sad. This whole thing is a conundrum. I start to wonder who the heck charred my Thanksgiving turkey before I even got to think about gathering to enjoy it!

Will there be disappointment?

There will be. If any family members do gather, there will be “holes” in every family. It doesn’t matter why the people aren’t there. It might be small reasons or really, really hard ones. We just know this isn’t the thing we hoped for or even wanted. We really wanted a juicy Butterball and a full table. Instead, 2020 might continue to look like the dumpster fire it’s been for nearly 9 months.

In my mind I can imagine a big, ol’ turkey-shaped charcoal briquette on a plate sitting at the head of an empty table. It might be like that. Or it might not.

What do we do?

As I have experienced, I (we) have options in the face of potential or actual disappointment. Remember: potential means “not yet,” and that’s really important. Reality is our actual experience, in the moment, and we embrace and respond to it. I might be talking to myself. I need to hear this as much as anyone! Are you with me?

I thought we might walk together through some steps to calibrating reality.

Step One

Don’t be confused about what might happen and what is actually happening. I can be filled with fear or unnaturally heavy emotion before I know it if I focus on a possible future that isn’t reality yet. I lean into answering questions when I need to remind myself of my reality.

What can I see?
What can I hear?
What can I feel?
What can I taste?
Where are my feet right now?
What is above me, below me, to my right and left?
What time of day is it?

What’s the point? This process reminds me of where I am in space and time. It’s a good way to do a check in with my physical body in my immediate reality.

Step Two

Once we’re self-aware in our natural surroundings, we might move to what I think is most important: the truth that is super-natural. Things that really matter transcend the temporary. You see, the current “reality” actually is temporary. And there is truth beyond most of the usual thinking.

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. Luke 21:33

It helps to know the immutable truth I’m looking for is found on the pages of my Bible. I know I can always read the words (in context!) and know God’s heart and mind on a matter, as long has He hasn’t been silent on the matter.

So the big questions are:

What does Scripture say about me?
What does He say about the future?
What do His words say? What do they mean? How should I live having read them?

The beauty of Step Two is that I am reminded of my true identity, the one God created in my birth; shaped through people, places, and events; redeemed through Jesus’ death at the cross, and is restoring every day by the power of His Spirit. That’s truth that shapes a big, bold eternal reality!

Step Three

Love the opportunities you have! This is tough for me sometimes. I can be short-sighted and miss the amazing moments God has gifted to me in the right-here-and-now. In my world it looks like this:

I think of someone I love. I don’t send the text.
“Oooh, I should call her. I’ll do that.” I never dial.
My friend is isolating/insulating/in a shame cycle. I don’t connect.
I say I’ll pray…later. I forget.

There definitely are golden opportunities in 2020. Even with all of the restrictions, we can be creative to close the relational distance!

I CAN meet with friends and family in the way they are comfortable.
I CAN use tech if I can’t meet face to face.
I CAN call more than once in a blue moon.
I CAN choose to connect in some personal way when I can’t travel.
I CAN let her know I’m thinking about her if I can’t offer a hug.
I CAN try to help her smile, even if I can’t see a smile behind her mask.
I CAN pray for her right now.
I CAN be open to new friends, the “family I choose,” in 2020.
I CAN stop seeing people as problems, obstacles, strangers, or enemies.
I CAN start seeing people as amazing masterpieces created by the hand of God.

What’s funny about Step Three is that it gets me out of my head (where disappointment and depression want live rent-free), out of my own echo chamber (where the messages on repeat might not be helpful), and into the lives of others (where relationship really happens!).

What if we can’t gather for Thanksgiving?

The honest truth is, we might not. Or some of us might not. This year might look different from any other. It might be challenging, but we certainly CAN be creative.

When the day arrives, it might start to feel like a charcoal turkey. Thankfulness might be MIA. If sadness is your temporary reality, acknowledge that. Then start with Step One and move through Steps Two and Three.

Thankfulness is directly connected to the will to be thankful! I have a running “I Spy…” list in my journal. Each month the list of things I’m grateful for is longer than the last. I see the grace of God in coffee, conversations, sunshine through clouds, bunnies, and Labradors. On Thanksgiving day I expect to be thankful for family and friends, present or not, and all the grace God has lavished on me.

All that said, I came across a laugh-out-loud funny meme. If we all get desperate to gather, maybe this?

Six allowed at Thanksgiving but 30 for a funeral. I will be holding a funeral for my pet turkey that will pass away on November 26th. Refreshments provided.

We need to laugh in 2020.

Thanks for hanging in with a behomoth-sized post. Be sure to check out Facets of Faith on Facebook! And as always, I’m honored when you care to share your thoughts, share this blog, or share a prayer request.