hope Archives – Page 2 of 17

Expect the Unexpected

12.05.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith, friends! Snuggle up under a cozy blanket and see what God has for you in this season. We pray each week you visit these pages God meets you and speaks to your heart fresh, alive, with challenge and encouragement. We pray He gifts you with nuggets of His love and guidance regardless of which one of us He has given a message to. Check back next week to see what Jennifer writes and stay tuned for a special announcement from the team! (It feels appropriate considering our topic.)

Life isn’t always what we thought it would be. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes it isn’t.

There have been moments in my own life where I wondered, “How did I get here?” The times when my life was in a ditch. The times when my life was exhilarating and full of hope and joy.

Both are curious. But if one thing is true, we can expect unexpected moments. None of us knows what lies ahead.

Granted, there are some truths we can cling to as believers. If we have accepted Christ, we know where we ultimately will abide for all eternity. There is absolutely comfort in that truth. Death was defeated thousands of years ago by the sacrifice Jesus paid on the cross.

He has saved us and called us to a holy life─not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.─1 Timothy 1:9-10 NIV (emphasis mine)

Some things we can bank on. God’s destruction of death is one of them.

It’s also a sad truth that if one doesn’t come to choose Christ, he or she will eternally reside in hell.

God’s grace and mercy will keep reaching for the children He so desperately loves. But He gives us free will to choose. We can choose life, or we can choose death. Ultimately, we decide our fate.

Beyond those two truths that feel extreme─I suppose because they are–one rich and full of experience with Christ, the other sad and full of despair. I can’t imagine hell for anyone, least of all for those I love.

I pray each one chooses to know Christ and can expect to live with Him for all eternity. I join you in praying that very thing for those you love and care for too. In Jesus’ name.

But what about when we are here on earth? There are a whole lot of unexpected moments while we are still here.

Would we really want it any other way? Do we want to know moment to moment what God is up to? Or do we want some anticipation, some excitement at the unknown He is bringing us to and through us? (Remind me to tell you how disappointed I was the year I secretly unwrapped all my Christmas gifts and then pretended to be surprised. Yeah, I was on Santa’s naughty list that year for sure! And my peeking took away from the wonder of Christmas.)

If we weren’t built for anticipation, why would we even bother wrapping gifts and setting them under the tree? We could just tell people, “Here’s what you’re getting.”

Where’s the wonder in that?

What would life be like if we looked at every unexpected moment as a present wrapped with Love in Love for the purpose of wonder?

Expect the Unexpected – A Present Wrapped with Love in Love for the Purpose of Wonder

What if unexpected moments were the very thing to bring us to our knees and come to know our God? That was the case for me and for many of you too, I’m sure. Had those moments not happened, I wouldn’t know the immeasurable love of a Father who loved me before I was even born.

He has plans for me and you that we can’t fathom. Part of His plan absolutely is to save us to Him, to His heart for us that exudes generosity. It’s the most beautiful, unexpected, and undeserved gift we could receive. But isn’t that the beauty of a gift when it is given generously? It’s an unexpected, sometimes overwhelming surprise at the goodness of it. We could never be good enough to earn it, but because God loves us THAT MUCH, He reaches for us in our most unexpected dark moments of despair.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.─Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV

We are called to be curious and adventurous to know what those thoughts and plans are! For someone like me, I love being granted permission to be curious and adventurous. Stepping into the unexpected, opens a great big adventurous world for us to experience.

As we grow to really know His love, He will leave us in wonder and give us courage to be bold. Those who question His love haven’t experienced it. While we might not understand it when we do, experience of His love changes us forever. We wonder how we ever did life without knowing this love. It’s there. Right there. For each of us.

If you hear His whisper, let Him in. That goes for all of us, whether we know Him or not. If we know Him, let Him into your heart further. If you don’t know Him, give Him a chance. I can promise you this: If you go to Him with a pure heart, He will meet you right where you are. It’s okay to be curious. It’s okay to have questions and doubts. God can handle those. He knows faith is hard, because it requires trust. And until we know Him and have experience of Him, that can be hard, especially if someone has violated our trust. God is not like us. We are made in His image, not the other way around. Borrow His courage. Borrow His strength. He’ll give them, and many other unexpected gifts that help us get through our darkest hour.

Expect the Unexpected – A Present No One Wants and Then What?

This morning I’d been reflecting on some tragic news I heard. The situation seems unimaginable. It was an unexpected event no one could have anticipated, even in their best efforts to do the right thing, to serve others in love, when up out of the abyss this terrible thing happened. I wept for them. It’s that horrible. My spirit grieved for them.

These are the moments when people who don’t walk with God question why He allows bad things if He is good.

Not every event is from God. We do have an enemy. The enemy is not good. He doesn’t have good intentions. He would love nothing more than to destroy every good intention, every beautiful mission from God. The enemy would love to silence us. However, God says, “Sing through a storm, lovely one.” Praise is one powerful weapon!

We need to remind satan he has been defeated. And as horrible as this tragedy is, any unimaginable tragedy, God has given us a very powerful gift. Several come to mind, actually.

We have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). We can choose to believe what His word says to us. We have free will. We have the ability to make a conscious choice to know and believe and trust in God’s goodness.

For those of us who have been walking with God for awhile and these unexpected moments happen, the kind we’d like to run fast and far from, remember God’s faithfulness. Remember every good and perfect gift God has ever given you.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change life shifting shadows.─James 1:17 NIV

God doesn’t change. He is unwavering and unshakable. He is good and He gives good gifts.

Those truths have helped me through hard, unexpected moments. I didn’t see “it” coming. I couldn’t have, really. My world was shaken, but I was able to stand because God is unshakable. I could stand in His shadow, His strength. I’d experienced Him enough to know He is faithful. So as tough as that season was, I knew God would help me through it. And He did.

He allowed me time to rest and grieve. He gave me the gift of processing all my thoughts and emotions with Him, safely, where I could be real and raw and completely vulnerable.

The ability to be ourselves, good, bad, sad, mad, joyful, silly, all of whomever He made us to be and allows us to experience, is a gift He gives us. Be you – beauty and blemishes. We don’t have to be what anyone else wants us to be. We don’t have to put on our poker face and pretend with God. He doesn’t want that. He wants the real you, the real me, surrendered to Him and ready to receive His love, comfort, leading, guiding, teaching, and healing.

God reassures me the dream He gave isn’t dead. It’s just dormant. Sometimes we need to wait. We need to expect the unexpected WILL HAPPEN when we least expect it. Like the first blossoms of spring that turn into a full-on explosion of life as the trees emerge from a long winter, dreams can (and do) jump to life in what can look to outsiders like an overnight “success”. Really, those dreams were cultivated in the deep soil of time spent alone with God preparing us for what’s next.

When we don’t like where things ended, turn the page. God’s not done yet.

I look at how God used that negative, unexpected experience and used it for my good. I don’t think God was the author of what happened to me, but I do think He is writing the last word on it.

I can share this much with you. He took that situation and He worked it for my good. I DO love Him and He was (and is) faithful to His promises.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.─Romans 8:28 NIV

This promise isn’t only for some of us, the “holy ones”, the ones who seem to be so “spiritual”. Nope! The ticket to all things working for our good? All God asks in this promise? That we love Him. He can work with that!

I don’t get a lot of things right, but I do love God. And He worked my situation for the good.

I experienced a very unexpected shift. In this transition I have met people I wouldn’t have otherwise. Some of these people are important to the dream He still has planted in my heart. Others, I have been blessed by. Some, I’ve been able to bless as an Ambassador of Christ doing His work.

There is purpose in where He has placed us.

God is a good Harvester, and He won’t waste any of us or our efforts when we desire to be good soil for Him. He’ll still use us. Wherever we are. I think someone needs to hear that very thing today. God’s not done with you yet! Expect the unexpected sweet one. God has something special for you. The time is near.

Expect the Unexpected – A Present to Treasure

If you’ve lived life in this world for any length of time, it can be easy to become discouraged, and maybe even a little frightened at the state of things.

But God came to save the world. He hasn’t lifted His sovereign hand from this earth, from our lives, or the lives of those we love. We shouldn’t be surprised by the sin of the world and how it’s manifesting. Read the books of prophecy. He told us what to expect. Sin and its consequences aren’t unexpected at all.

Because of sin, He came to save.

When Mary was pregnant with baby Jesus, she treasured up God’s goodness. You can be certain she was not expecting to encounter God the way she did. Who would have thought the most precious gift the world was ever given, would come at the cost she paid? She gave her reputation. She gave her body. She risked her relationship with Joseph to follow the Lord.

And through it all she treasured up the moments she was given with Christ that no one else got to experience. I love that verse so much because it reminds me to treasure Him up too. There are things He’s given me, that He didn’t give to anyone else. Some of these things are hard things, but in them I can see His beauty. I encounter Him. We can each treasure those moments with Him too (even if we don’t love the difficulty).

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.─Luke 2:16-19 NIV (emphasis mine)

Mary had just given birth. Not easy. Painful, in fact. Yet, she treasured up these things and pondered them in her heart. We can learn from Mary.

There are moments God has given me that are sweet, special, sacred, and undeniable. Granted, I never gave birth to Christ, but He has helped me experience His goodness in difficult times. If I hover over the memories too long, tears will spill over, overwhelmed by His goodness in the midst of mess─mine and the world’s.

Remember to share these moments with others. They are for God’s glory. Don’t withhold what He has done.

I pray you encounter these unexpected experiences of God’s goodness in your own life, when you are left with your jaw dropping to the floor in disbelief and overwhelm that God sees you and knows you, that He knows exactly what you need to be encouraged and to feel loved.

Deeply loved.

I think if we peered into the well of God’s love for us, we couldn’t see the depth of it. We’d expect there was a limit, because we have limits and they can be pushed. But God’s love for us is never ending.

The faithful love of the LORD never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;

his mercies begin afresh each morning.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance;

therefore, I will hope in him!” ─Lamentations 3:22-24 NLT

Treasure it up in your heart, sweet one, much like Mary did when she was expecting baby Jesus. Expect Him to show up in your life too. He is birthing something beautiful.

I pray Jesus celebrates so many mountaintop moments with you that your faith runs deep, so deep that people see Christ’s reflection in you.

That seems kind of crazy to expect God trusts us enough to be His ambassadors of love. But He does! His trust in us might feel foreign and unexpected. Embrace it and let His grace guide you. Don’t put pressure on yourself to perform. Let Him show you who He’s assigned to you. Let Him show you how. Follow His lead.

Love is an unexpected lesson we can all learn. We are to give it, and we get to receive it. What if the person who needed it most didn’t get it, because we didn’t do our part? What if that person is US in this season? That’s okay too. Give. Receive. There’s a season for everything, even as there’s nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3).

Know this. A situation may feel unexpected to us, but God is never surprised by our circumstances. Celebrate with Him in moments of joy. Run to Him in moments of trial. He is faithful to be with us in tragedy and triumph. We can expect His presence to carry us through every season.

Be blessed this Christmas season, sweet one. Let the wonder of the season instill wonder in your heart for Christ.

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

How Does God Respond To You?

10.22.2019 by Ever Moore //

The FACETS of Faith team is excited to introduce you to Ever Moore. She is a dynamic, joyful woman with an enthusiasm for life that is contagious! We are so blessed to share her with you. Her story is a powerful one, like the tales you might read in an adventure book. You’ll see right away that she has a gift for story telling. Here’s a bit of hers.

Hi ladies! I want to start by sharing one of my favorite verses. When I consider God’s responses in my life, it feels relevant.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”─Romans 15:13

So how does God respond to me? This is a tough question but also one of my favorites. It allows me to share the goodness of God. I have seen God respond to me in so many ways. For example, I have experienced physical response through prayer where people or myself received healing on the spot.

I have also seen God respond with a big yes to my prayers and a very big no to a lot of stuff in my life. Have you ever prayed for something for awhile and God gives you the opposite of what you’re praying for? This happens to me all the time. Here is just one of the big no’s in my life that turned out to be the best no I ever received.

My mother and I are very close. I wanted to live by her for the rest of my life. My mama and I were like best friends. We enjoyed fetching water together. Even the 2-hour one-way walk to the farm, items perched on our heads and babies balanced on our backs, seemed like a short journey. Twelve years ago I remember praying for a husband who was going to take care of me and my boy Sam. Little did I know the answer to my prayer was going to be a handsome, blue-eyed, tall man all the way from Illinois who traveled to northwestern Zambia.

Without God this encounter would not have happened. With God I found my husband who came to the dusty, dry place no one wants to move to. Even the locals have this saying, “I feel like a mushroom. I was born here, grow here, and I will get rotten here.” Ha ha ha! It’s actually fun for the locals. When they say that, we usually laugh.

My husband Ryan was in the Peace Corps. He lived in my village for two years. The first time I saw him sitting on the tree stump I actually thought I saw Jesus! Ha ha ha! It was definitely love at first sight for both of us. We dated for over a year before he asked me to marry him. I actually forgot the part that he was not from my village and not really from Zambia or Africa at all. We never really talked about that, I think because I really didn’t know any other world apart from my world because it felt perfect.

The night of our wedding people celebrated with dancing and singing. When most people were celebrating, my mom cried all night long. I also grieved for the life I was leaving behind, but one thing I have always held onto through everything in life is that My God does not make mistakes. Everything He does works for good. That hope was the only thing that even made me step on those foreign moving stairs at the airport. I dropped my bags and stepped onto those crazy moving stairs until I heard, “Madam you left your bags!”

There is freedom that comes with knowing God is my pilot, and I just need to sit and enjoy the ride. There will be bumps on the flight, of course, but I have to trust my Captain. I never knew in a million years I would be raising my kids without my mother. It’s very tough some days, but my mother and I are even closer than before. We talk almost every day on the phone. I visit home nearly every year, and I am still working on her coming to visit me here. She keeps telling me she can’t, because she is so scared of flying. As much as I wanted to live by my mom, get married in Zambia, and stay where all was familiar, God had a whole different plan than the one I was praying for.

Today, my marriage to this awesome man who is the father of my 4 amazing children has blessed so many people in my village, including my first son whom I had before I met Ryan. My son had a cyst on his brain that would have killed him without medical treatment. God knew I had to marry someone from so far away so my son could get saved too, like the prayer was already answered before we even prayed it.

What I have come to realize is God will never stop fighting for what He has promised us. It started by our King dying on the cross so we can receive salvation.

So, if God was willing to die for you, what else do you think He wouldn’t do for you?

If you are waiting for God to respond to you, don’t lose hope. He is never late. He is always on time. Look back upon your life. Look at the highs and the lows, and you will see God has always been with you through it all. He will never leave nor forsake you. He is on your side.

Don’t forget what team we are playing on. We are on the offense team. You and I know we win in the end no matter what obstacles are in our way today. We have to choose joy and gratitude, because we know that the Lord our God has got us.

Now I would like you to repeat this after me, “No matter where I am, God is always with me. He will respond to my prayers according to His will not mine.”

I have so much more to share with you ladies, I hope soon. I didn’t even get to the good stuff yet.

Join the conversation on our Facebook page. We’d especially love it if you’d encourage our guest contributor this month!

How Do We Grow in Intimacy?

07.02.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith, sweet friends! Whether you are a new friend, or someone who has been with us on this journey for quite some time, I (Tracy) pray God meets you right where you are. It’s not by mistake God has brought you to these pages. I pray you feel God’s loving, warm embrace upon you as your eyes and heart absorb what He has for you.

Depending on your perspective, this topic might stir a host of emotion. You could be enthusiastic about the idea of intimacy.

If you’ve had tragedy in this area, you could be terrified at the mere mention of the word. Please don’t check out if that’s you. Hang in there. Let’s see what healing and restoration God desires to bring to your life. You are BRAVE, sweet one!

Perhaps you’re somewhere in the middle, a little indifferent to the thought of intimacy. Maybe you’re unaware there’s a snag in beliefs you have long held as truth. Maybe what you’ve believed for a lifetime isn’t what you once thought when you turn beliefs over and see what lies beneath.

Intimacy can be beautiful. Pure, sweet, love extended to our marital partner. The counterfeit, worldly version can leave us wanting more. Because there is more when we’re rooted and grounded in Christ’s love.

Truth be told, as we tossed out the idea of writing on this topic, some of the FACETS team was more than a little apprehensive. So, if that’s how you are feeling, know that you are not alone. There’s comfort in that thought, right?

For me personally, I embrace the idea of intimacy when it means intellectual connection, when it means experience of fun things together, but sexual intimacy stirs up a whole pot of feelings that, in some regard, my initial internal response is to run.

Life experience used to tell me men wanted one thing and my job was to give it to them. I deeply desired someone to love me, but struggled with the idea I was even worthy of love. The more years under my belt, the more deeply engrained those lies became. I grew to believe I was only as valuable as how I made the other person feel. And because I allowed my misguided attempts at love to guide my decisions, sadly, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy. Very often I attracted the wrong type of man, the one who only wanted to use me for what I could give him and then move on.

Not everyone in my life fell into that category, but many did.

This internal belief only served to create a deeper root of insecurity. I put a lot of pressure on myself to look a certain way, to do certain things – performance more than genuine, intimate connection.

If someone could have looked inside my heart, they would have seen a grieving young girl that grew into a grieving, love-starved woman. As years progressed, I became more and more broken. I became what I thought I was worth.

If we don’t value ourselves. No one else will either.

I also possessed a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors. It all came down to me feeling not good enough, so I’d engage in behaviors that were sure to prove my theory true.

At some point anger set in as well. I was mad about how I’d been treated, about the things certain people said or did. There were deep scars that served to scream at me. Unworthy! Unlovable! Not enough!

I was raped at a party and disassociated from the memory for a long time, even though I had attempted suicide because of that incident. There’s a cumulative effect of life’s trials. All the layers of mine had added up to despair. I was in a relationship with a “good guy”, but after the rape incident, my body and my mind couldn’t carry the weight of it all.

I sabotaged the relationship, because of the depths of depression I was sinking in. It was suffocating, and I wouldn’t have been able to even tell you why. Only my journals revealed the truth. Years later, when I read the words I’d written long before my eyes could handle reading them, I sighed a sigh of relief. Somehow, things began to make sense. Not crazy. Deeply wounded and in need of God’s loving, healing hands that never hurt. His embrace always sweet. Pure. Innocent. Love. Good intentions from the day He created you and me in our mother’s wombs.

Another journal from 3^rd grade revealed inappropriate adult attention from a neighbor. I wasn’t sure if my mind was making it up and reading too much into the words I saw in my “little girl” journal. I was able to verify through someone else who also spent a lot of time with this individual that he had done inappropriate things to us both. As sad as that made me feel for the little girl who used to be me, I was grateful for the puzzle piece to my story.

When we’re ready for the details, they can bring clarity and relief. These insights can’t be rushed or provoked. I believe it’s all in God’s good timing. He shows up as truth mixed with love when we have the capacity to see it, to process it without being undone because of it.

As part of my story, I had an abortion. The unknown trauma that decision caused me came to light a number of years ago (and decades after my decision) when God brought me through a healing journey. I received His forgiveness and was given the opportunity to grieve the loss of my child. I’m glad eternity is long. Time will give us the chance to get to know one another while worshipping Jesus together.

God is merciful to forgive repentant hearts from things we may think are beyond His reach. Even more beautiful? His grace takes our worst sin and works it together for our good. Sharing about my bad decision has helped others to make a good one. Each child’s life saved because sharing of story is a picture of God’s grace. It’s LAVISH, my friends!

Sex used to be my misguided attempt to give and receive love. I really had no concept of what genuine, sacrificial, Christ-shaped love looked like. I thought if I used my body to appeal to men they would love me. Instead, I was so often left feeling unloved and rejected (even if the relationship were longer). I came to believe my worth and value to a man was calculated by how I made him feel.

This and probably a scroll’s worth of sin I brought into my marriage.

My life has shaped me, but it doesn’t define me. Christ does! For you too. Nothing you have done, nothing that has been done to you, is beyond His redemption.

His blood covers my sin and shame. In fact, He blows those things to smithereens. It’s one of the reasons I’m genuinely grateful to God for what He has done in my life. His grace is the only reason I can write about my past without feeling condemned by it.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.─Ephesians 4:32

I have been forgiven much. I had to forgive much. God’s grace helped (and helps) me to not only extend forgiveness but receive it as well. When you have spent a large chunk of your life feeling unworthy, Christ’s grace makes sure you believe you are. Worthy of forgiveness. Worthy of love. Worthy of His time and undivided attention. Worthy of so much more than what we think or imagine.

He wants us to run to Him with our wounds, to rest secure in His arms. He is Counselor. He is Physician. He is Friend. He is our Husband. As children of God, we are His bride.

When you have a past as bumpy as the road I’ve travelled, the only way to feel worthy of the beauty and grace that is God and all He has for us is by losing ourselves in His immense love. If you’ve never experienced the love of God, I pray you are open enough to the idea of Him to receive it. He is Beautiful. Pure. True. Untainted.

He gives us power and strength to peer into our past for the purpose of a bright, beautiful, and hopeful future.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”─Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Even if you don’t believe you are worthy, even if you don’t believe those words could be true for you, if you have only a morsel of hope and belief they are true for you, that is enough. I pray God grows your belief into the fullness of reality that you are worthy. Valuable. Priceless and treasured.

I know this is possible, because He took this once broken woman and gave me a hope for my future. My life is good, pure, sweet and true, because I’m following the One who is Good, Pure, Sweet and True. He brings peace, and love, healing, and redemption.

He makes all things beautiful in their time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.─Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

Friends, we can’t fathom the goodness God desires to give us here on earth and for all eternity.

He does give us glimpses.

God gave me a new vision of love and marriage when He brought Sam into my life. From my past and the way I used to create favor with men, God didn’t allow me to use those tactics. He wanted Sam and I to do things differently. I’m so grateful for that!

Because Sam and I weren’t relying on physical intimacy, we created genuine intimacy. I do believe other than God, he knows me best. He knows me better than anyone else ever has. And sometimes he even knows me better than I know myself.

Because we didn’t rely on physical intimacy, I had no choice but to use new tools (mostly a dependency on God to help me walk out a Christian relationship). I prayed God would help me. And He did. And He does.

When there have been challenges Sam and I have had to navigate, as are inevitable in life, we have a strong foundation. Our relationship is built on Christ, the solid rock on which we stand. From that vantage point, His loving hand strengthens and encourages us to continue forward in this loving one another well thing. Really. Truly. Deeply. Flawed and imperfect, but genuine and real. My mask is off. I’m me and I hope he always feels he can be Sam. In the world we might not always be able to wear our heart on our sleeve, but I hope with one another we always will.

Merriam Webster’s definition of intimacy says intimacy is:

marked by a warm friendship developing through long association
suggesting informal warmth or privacy
engaged in, involving, or marked by sex or sexual relations

In aggregate, these make for a brilliant, wonderful marriage. We need friendship first through long association. Friendship isn’t confused by physicality and endorphins. Friendship says, “I see you for who you really are. I like you. I like spending time with you. It could be anything, really, as long as we are together.”

Genuine intimacy also requires warmth and privacy. In a marital bond with Christ leading and guiding, there is a genuine caring and concern. Because Christ lives in us, we possess His nature. He is love. He is trustworthy. He is safe. As husbands and wives, we need to be that for one another. If there has been a breach in trust for any reason, seek to make restoration. Seek forgiveness or seek God to give it to your spouse. It’s not easy. But it’s possible. Trust is built over time, through long association. Little by little, brick by brick, the house Love builds can withstand life’s storms.

While God calls me to share openly and vulnerably sometimes (to help others and to bring deeper healing to me), Sam is most often made aware of my heart long, long before I write or speak about a topic. Sam is kind. He is tender. He holds my hurts and heart gently. Over the course of our long association I have learned I can trust him. At first it felt monumental to share pieces of me and my story, like cliff diving into an unknown sea. Now it feels safe to share with Sam. I can be in my jammies armed with a box of Kleenex, looking a hot mess and know that his heart is for me.

Honestly, the physical nature of our relationship is hardest for me. There’s much hurt and brokenness there on my part, distortion of what is pure, lovely, and true.

God created sex. Satan tainted it. God has grown me to look at sex more through His eyes. At first it was a lot of the “thou shalt nots” being given─not from a distant, dictating God. Guidance given from a loving Father who only wants what’s best for me.

If you don’t know Him or just need reminding,

God wants what’s best for you!

For awhile, I had a hard time distancing myself from memories I didn’t want to linger. I didn’t want reminders of those experiences determined to try to define me. The enemy loved to torment me with those thoughts and doubts. But God brought deliverance and freedom. Years in God’s Word. Years in the school of the Holy Spirit, being comforted by Him and reassured there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Receiving His love and healing. Helping others. These all served to set me free.

Christ gave me freedom. And when I need reminding, He gives me freedom. Sometimes he brings me to new depths of freedom, each time less to hinder me. Growth in the soil of God’s goodness.

God helps me to experience sex as intimacy, not as an act. Acting I was good at. Intimacy I’m growing to become good at. It doesn’t happen over night, it happens in increments. Imagine a bucket on the beach. Little by little you fill it with sand. Eventually it is full. Eventually it overflows. Intimacy is like that.

If you have a story like mine, intimacy isn’t easy. But it if you have a story like mine and God is in the equation, intimacy is possible.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”─Matthew 19:26 NIV

Jesus looks at you.

Jesus looks at you and says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Lord, help each person whose eyes read this to fear not, to know that You are with them. Help them to be not dismayed. Help them to know You. Strengthen each one. Help them and uphold them with Your righteous right hand. In Jesus’ name, amen!

“Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

─Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

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