Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

Desperate for Acceptance

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We’re answering the question – what are you desperate for God to do? this month. Tracy, Jen, and Kim have shared their thoughts. You can catch up by clicking on their names. This week I’m (Kim) super excited to introduce a dear friend of mine –Abby Johnsen. She is married to Josh and they recently welcomed their sweet baby girl, Lucy, to their family. Abby is smart and kind and insightful far beyond her years –this is a must read for anyone longing to be loved just as they are.

That question isn’t an easy one for me. I’m not supposed to need something so desperately from God, right? He saved my life through the death and resurrection of Jesus, what more could I ask for? Why do we live our lives from supposed to’s and we should’s? Is that just a me problem?

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Growing up, that was my walk with the Lord —I thought I was supposed to do everything right and should never mess up. I picked up the rules like a diligent “Christian” girl and not only tried to follow them, but encouraged (read: told) everyone to do the same.

At age 8 or 9, I attempted to evangelize my Muslim neighbor friend. In middle school, I brought my bible to school and read it proudly. In high school, I decided not to date so I wasn’t distracted (Don’t be fooled, I still was. But I tried real hard). I had it together ya’ll. At least I thought I did.

I put tons of expectations on myself and I never lived up to them. My relationship with God was never personal —it was a to-do list. I always felt like I was missing something. I was longing for more but never knew how to get there. I was stuck in this cycle of not knowing but trying anyway. Of forcing any kind of answer or movement from God.

I would hear of other people who would “hear from Him” and “see Him move”, but I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working for me. What was I doing wrong? Maybe I’m messing up somewhere I didn’t know about? And so I tried harder. But nothing worked. My failure constantly weighed on me. I tried to persuade a God who, I thought, cared more about my doings to give me what I was desperate for . . . acceptance.

Unfortunately all my work was going to get me absolutely nowhere. I focused on doing all the “right” things while not turning my gaze towards Jesus. I thought I wasn’t worthy of Jesus’ sacrifice. It seemed too easy. What I didn’t realize that what I was desperate for was actually right in front of me.

It was a looooong time before it clicked in my head: the guilt I struggled with took over everything. There was always something I did wrong, something I didn’t do enough of, something that I should’ve done but didn’t. I carried the burden of my sin EV-ER-Y-WHERE.

I played right into the enemy’s lies. I was the lone person Jesus’ blood couldn’t cover. I was the exception. Over and over this would play in my head without me realizing.

Until . . .

It. Is. Finished.

By his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24b

And those lies got turned upside down.

You’re not worthy. I make you worthy.

Why would God want to be with you? I made you so that I could be with you.

You can’t even go a day without messing up. My strength covers your mistakes.

See, your prayer doesn’t matter to Him. You always matter to me.

You’ll never be enough and He’ll never accept you. You’re more than enough and I’ll always welcome you in.

It is finished. I don’t need to make up, catch up, or make myself worthy. It is finished. Jesus made me worthy.

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 5:21

Ya’ll Jesus is EVERYTHING! He gets in our mess. He doesn’t hold it an arms length away, He gets down in the dirt with us and cleans us off, picks us up, and presents us as new creations.

So now, instead of working for His acceptance, I’m desperate for Jesus. The Creator and Savior. Our Brother and King. For time spent with Him. And I’m learning He’s desperate for that too.

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” Psalm 145:18

If you’d like to continue the conversation, comment below or head over to our Facebook page and jump in!

A Desperate Heart

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Welcome to Facets of Faith! We’re so glad you’re taking a few moments from your day to join us. This month we’re sharing what we’re most desperate for God to do. Tracy and Jen have shared their hearts and words earlier this month –you can check them out by clicking on their names. Next week we have a special guest, my dear friend Abby, and you won’t want to miss it. But for today, it’s my (Kim’s) turn.

I sit staring at the screen. The cursor blinks at me. Mocking me. Taunting me.

You won’t get it done. You’re in over your head.

The whispered words poke the anxiety floating just below the surface, tightening my stomach as it squeezes my soul. The day’s to do list grows long as I think about yet another task to be done and another that might tumble to the side.

I can’t do this.

I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.” Psalm 143:4, NLT

The realization crushes my heart. I feel like every cartoon character that has ever run smack into the wall. S p l a t !

Lord, I need you. The words begin to bubble from the deepest parts of my soul. I can’t do this.

I think about all of the responsibilities I carry. Wife. Mom. Stepmom. Daughter. Friend. Ministry leader. Counselor. Encourager. Problem solver. Cook. Maid. While it might look impressive on a resume, the weight of responsibilities weigh me down like an anchor trying to steady a ship.

Breath in me, Holy Spirit. Breathe new life into these dry bones. (Ezekiel 37:4-6)

My heart aches. I need you, Lord. I think about the people who depend on me, the ones who look to me for direction, for encouragement, for love. The ones that live under my roof. The ones that carry a piece of my heart. They deserve my very best and yet . . . how often do I look at them as an interruption? A distraction? A frustration?

How often do I look to those around me as a means to an end, that if I can simply get them to do what I want them to do, life will settle. Life will be calm. (insert wide-eyes emoji here) What a lie.

I’m desperate, Lord. For grace. Forgive me for not loving well, for trying to control what is beyond my reach. For not being present for the very ones you’ve entrusted to me. I’m desperate for your forgiveness and grace.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16, NLT

I sit in the quiet as truth begins to shine through the lies. Truth that He hears me, that He forgives, that He knows all I am facing and not only has enough strength for me to endure, He himself is enough.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.” Psalm 23:1

Realization begins to dawn like a gentle and glorious sunrise. I am alway desperate for God, for Him to reveal Himself in my life. Some days I feel the desperation more than others but the desperation is there.

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain i me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5, NLT

I am desperate for God to move. To redeem the broken places and restore the wounded spaces. I am desperate for Him to speak to me —to reveal His will and His purpose, to replace my heart of stone with one that loves tenderly and completely, expecting nothing in return.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26, NLT

I am desperate for God to remind me that He is always with me and will never leave me; that He is victorious.

I am desperate for God to remind me that each task on my list has value, that each one brings Him glory when my heart and motive is set on Him and not myself. I am desperate for Him to remind me that each task leads to something bigger than I can see. That the laundry that piles up and the meals that need to be cooked can bring Him glory.

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31, NLT

I am desperate to hear God’s voice and the whispered words that encourage and nourish my soul. Words of love and affirmation. Words that challenge me to see beyond my current circumstances, past the entanglement of my emotions. Words that breathe life and hope and joy.

Long ago the Lord said to Israel, ‘I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” Jeremiah 31:3, NLT

I’m desperate to know truth. Truth that declares that I matter, that my wounds matter. That the pain I’ve suffered and the struggles I’ve endured have a place in the story of redemption He is writing through my life.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8, NLT

I am as desperate for His presence as I am for the air that courses through my lungs, as I sit in the quiet and allow His love to wash over me, for HIs hope to nourish me, for His peace to strengthen me.

Yes, I am desperate. And there is no place I’d rather be.

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.” Psalm 42:1, NLT

What are you desperate for God to do? Can you relate to any of the things I listed? Write a comment below or head over to our Facebook page and join the conversation. We’d love to hear from you!

Signature: Kim Findlay

Really Believing, Really Trusting

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Want to know why I love writing with Tracy and Jen here at Facets of Faith? These questions we take time to answer each month are typically birthed from a discussion we had as friends, sitting around a table at Panera as we ate dinner and encouraged each other. It’s with these two ladies I’m able to explore the struggles and triumphs of faith in real life. Be sure to click on their names to read their posts you might have missed. Or better yet . . . sign up to receive each week’s post straight in your inbox!

I’m sitting here mulling over this month’s question —do I believe in God’s promises, really? I really want to offer a pithy response, a thought that drips with wit and insight. You know, a quotable quote.

Instead, all I have to humbly offer is this life I’ve lived so far. These 46 years filled with such heartache and loss that it could be described as a tragedy. You know, that kind of life that some peer into and compare to their own, only to realize maybe their struggles aren’t quite so bad after all.

Yeah, I’m that one. At least my life isn’t like . . . mine. (Truly, this has been said to me.)

The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.” Lamentations 3:19-20, NLT

And yet . . . as I look back over four decades of living, I see a different story. I see one unfolding and steeped in hope. I see a thread that links everything together —the sorrow, the grief, the despair, and hope. Perhaps in my younger years it was thin and hard to see, but that thread has grown thicker and more resilient with each passing year.

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord  never end! His mercies never cease.” Lamentations 3:21-22, NLT

I’m learning to see my life as a miracle. While I may not have experienced the kind of miracle as Jairus did when Jesus raised his daughter from the dead (Matthew 5:21-24, 35-43), or the healing of the woman who had been bleeding for over a decade (Matthew 5:25-34), or gained back my sight or my ability to walk . . . I’m a miracle all the same.

That thread? The miracle?

Faith: the gift of believing in something, in Someone, bigger. Bigger that my fears, bigger than my worries, bigger than life.

Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Matthew 5:36, NIV

I’ve peered into the blackest of nights and touched the searing hot pain of loss, and survived. I’ve learned to breath in the ashes of despair and traverse my way through the valley of death. I was dead, and now I’m alive. I was lost, and now I’m found.

So as I think about God’s promises and whether or not I believe them, my answer is of course I do! Not perfectly and without worry at times, but I know Jesus loves me and has a big, big house with lots and lots of room. I know He’s called me to go and make disciples and sent His Spirit to lead and guide me. After all, the Bible tells me so and, Scripture, the inspired Word of God, does not lie.

. . . in the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time.” Titus 1:2, NIV

I believe in God’s promises because I believe in God. I believe He is real and not a distant grandfatherly-type hovering somewhere above us watching as we race about. I believe God is intimately involved with every detail of my life —the good, the bad, and the ugly, and He is squeezing good out of every.single.drop.

But what does happen when my circumstances appear contrary to His promises? How do I know what is true when pain or fear stares me straight in the eye? How do I believe in His promises when my heart aches? I always return to His character. What do I know to be true about Him?

He doesn’t lie.

He has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11).

He is sovereign and knows exactly what He is doing (Isaiah 55:9).

And He loves. He loves me. He loves you. Scripture says, in fact, that He is love; everything He does is motivated by His love. If I believe that truth about God’s character, then I can believe in every promise —the ones I know and those I don’t. The ones I see, and those I don’t. The ones I experience, and those yet to happen.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8, NIV

Do I believe in God’s promises? I declare a resounding yes! because I see the work He has done in me and all around me. I’ve experienced the healing touch of His Son, Jesus. I’ve tasted the goodness of His Word as it’s come alive through my life. I’ve felt the overwhelming depth of God’s love for me through the power of the Spirit and the presence of those who love Him, too. I hear whispers of hope through the stories of those who have gone before but walked in faith with their eyes firmly fixed on Him. People like Abraham and Joseph, Mary and Esther, Job and Paul . . . and me.

I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, though I am not skilled with words.” Psalm 71:15, NLT

What about you? Do you believe in God’s promises? Really? Jump over to our Facebook page and share your thoughts. We’d love to hear from you!