This month at Facets of Faith we’ve been taking a look at what we believe to be God’s most precious attribute. You will want to check out Tracy and Jen’s posts as well as our guest this month, Erin. 

I have to be honest, this topic gave me a run for my money. I’m a week late and wrestling with each word I’m about to share. Not just because I struggle to narrow it down to one aspect of his vast character, but because of this season of life I find myself in right now.

Hard. Lonely. Intense.

It ranks up there with the death of my daughter and the slow decay of my first marriage. I feel like I’m in the furnace of struggle and God is burning off the excess, separating the impurities of my life with what is precious and most valuable.

Perspective

As I sat with the idea of identifying His most precious attribute, I was surprised when the words refiner’s fire came to mind.

I don’t like fire. I’ve seen its destructive power firsthand when fire destroyed my home in 2005. I know the suffocating effects it leaves in its path as my daughter, Emma, died in its wake.

But you don’t have to have firsthand experience with your own fire these days to glimpse fire’s power. Just turn on the news and you’ll see the destruction in places like Paradise, California and through the path of the Camp fire.

So it’s curious to me that as I pondered this month’s question that I didn’t choose his peace, his hope, or his faithfulness —all of which are true. I circled this other answer, words I’m almost fearful to whisper but have been buried in my soul for years.

Refiner’s fire

My heart’s one desire

is to be holy

Set apart for you, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for your my Master

Ready to do your will

I first heard this song by Brian Doerkson back in the early 2000s. Before fire destroyed our home. Before my daughter took her final breath. Before life as I knew it smoldered with suffering. I remember singing the words and longing for them to be true in my life, I just didn’t realize the cost.

Remembering

I remember the moment my heart, my soul, and my mind converged in longing to see God move in a mighty way through my life. I witnessed the devastation of a former co-worker’s life. His story impacted me greatly as he stood before our staff and shared not only the destruction, but the hope and the intimacy he experienced as God restored his life.

I want that. I remember thinking. I want to know Jesus the way I see he knows Jesus now. Then I prayed, Lord, do whatever it takes so I might know you better, so I might live and long for you as my one desire.

to him who led his people through the wilderness; His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:16

The Furnace

The very next day, fire broke out in my home and everything changed as I plunged into the furnace of suffering. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or how I would survive. My worst nightmare had become my reality as the heat of sorrow and grief suffocated me. I felt alone and afraid and so very lost.

I see now that I wasn’t lost. Not really. Nor was I alone. God sent reinforcements from the moment smoke began to billow in the sky through the gift of a neighbor. He reminded me through my daughter’s funeral director of a very different yet slightly similar story I’ve know since I was a child.

There were these three guys, maybe you’ve heard of them? Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego, three guys who made a decision to not worship King Nebuchadnezzar despite his declaration that all must bow down before the image of gold he had set up. You can read more of their story here (Daniel 3:1-30). But their decision to stand firm and worship the one true God had dire consequences: “Whoever does not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.” Daniel 3:6

Into the furnace they went, bound and tied. 

This kind funeral director didn’t leave me standing in the flames alone, he led me straight to the truth. “Didn’t we tie up three men and throw them into the furnace?’ ‘Yes, your Majesty, we certainly did,’ they replied. ‘Look!’ Nebuchadnezzar shouted. ‘I see four men, unbound, walking around in the fire unharmed! And the fourth looks like a god!’” Daniel 3:24-25

Jesus was with these three men, and this gentle man reminded me that Jesus was with me as well.

So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stepped out of the fire. Then the high officers, officials, governors, and advisors crowded around them ands that the fire had not touched them. Not a hair on their head was singed, and their clothing was not scorched. They didn’t even smell of smoke!” Daniel 3:26b-27

The Ashes

I wish I didn’t carry the scars of the fire, but I do. Deep scars of loss and grief and suffering beyond what I ever imagined possible. But just like these three men, I’ve stepped out of the fire and survived. But I’ve not only survived, I’m being refined to resemble Jesus. I still have a ways to go, but it’s happening. And others see it, too, as I shared thoughts and experiences that could only be offered through the gift of Jesus’ presence.

I’m learning to be grateful for all of the hardship that’s happened. I’m not a fan of it, let’s just set that record straight. But I see what He’s doing in me, and through me. I see how He’s been transforming me and how I’ve learned more about Him over the past 13 years than I ever thought possible.

He remembered us in our low estate His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:23

Purifying Perspective

A refiner’s fire purifies. It separates the precious from the impure. Because of the fire, I’ve learned that God’s mercy has no limits and His grace never runs out. Because of the fire I’ve experienced the depth of His love, true and everlasting love from which I can never be separated no matter what happens or what I do.

Because of the fire I faced my biggest fears and, by His strength, I survived. And I’ve not only survived, I’m living and breathing and enjoying this life He’s entrusted to me.

Because of the fire I can say with certainty that God is good no matter what. His goodness has absolutely nothing to do with me or the circumstances that happen to me. They have everything to do with Him —His character, His essence, simply put —His is good.

Because of the fire my desire for God’s kingdom to come has grown exponentially. I long to see Him now, not just the hope or wish of heaven in the future. I experience the gift of His Spirit now. But I also have the promise of heaven, knowing that all of this pain and suffering and sorrow and tears will end. I will see my sweet girl and I will see Jesus!

Because of the fire I learned to see the battle —the very real battle that is happening between the kingdom of heaven and kingdom of darkness and I know, without a doubt, that Jesus is victorious. I tasted that victory in the darkness of grief. I tasted hope that defies my circumstances.

Because of the fire I learned to see beyond myself, my selfish desires, and my eyes have grown accustomed to see God throughout my every day. I learned to recognize His voice, His promptings, His gifts —so much of what I could not see before.

No, while fire is certainly not the most precious thing, it has led me to all that is precious. It led me to Him. And while I still long to see my girls grow up together, to celebrate the 13 birthdays I’ve missed, to not feel the stabbing pain as my precious girl danced into heaven, I can’t help but see the tenderness as God heal my heart and restores my soul.

And just like Shadrach, Mischeck, and Abednigo, I walked with Jesus through the fire and there is nothing more precious than that.

Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:26

What attribute of God is most precious to you? Join the conversation by posting below or jump over to our Facebook page to share.