Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

Loving a Friend Enough to Stand in the Gap

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How do you love a friend when it’s hard? That’s the question we’re answering here at Facets of Faith this month. Tracy and Jen started the conversation — be sure to check out their posts by clicking on their names.

For me (Kim)? Well, now it’s my turn.

I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my friends, especially those who loved me enough to stand in the gap when life got hard.

Sounds dramatic, but it’s true.

When my five-year-old daughter died from smoke inhalation in a fire that destroyed our home, and her dad lie in an ICU bed with injuries suffered from that fire, my world became the definition of a life turned hard.

Literally.

But my friends didn’t turn away from the destruction, they drew near and stood in the gap for me.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17, NIV

They loved me in practical ways like bringing diet pepsi and pretzels to a hospital 30 miles from home, simply because they knew I needed to eat and those were my favorite. They loved me as they spent the night in the waiting room of the hospital so I wouldn’t be alone if word came that my sweet Emma had died. They loved me as they told me it was okay to buy my favorite perfume to replace the one I lost in the fire, and then stood up for me after I chewed out a lady for not selling a particular perfume set that I wanted.

They loved me as they shopped with me for clothes my girls and I would wear to Emma’s funeral. Then, they loved me as they stood next to me as I stood next to her little casket.

My friends did more than those practical things . . . so much more. They comforted me with hugs and smiles and offered tender words of encouragement. They reminded me that I wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t forgotten.

My friends shared their strength as they sat and listened while I processed all that happened. They didn’t try to fix anything; life was simply too broken to fix. But they helped make it bearable, endurable, even if for a moment. They validated my tears and sorrow as they wept with me. When my life turned upside, they reminded me of all that was right-side up.

My friends prayed for me. They interceded and pleaded on my behalf, asking the Holy Spirit to minister to me in those deepest, darkest spaces where no one else could go, places no one else could see. Their prayers changed everything. They impacted my life in ways I won’t understand this side of heaven. I borrowed their faith when I had none.

I know this journey wasn’t easy on them. My friends were tired, downright exhausted. My life was messy, and that mess clung to them. There were days I wondered if they would give up on me, on the entire situation, days when they needed a break from the heaviness. I wondered because there were days when I wanted the exact. same. thing. A moment to breathe with the fullness of my lungs, without the weight of sorrow pressing me down.

There were days I longed for my weariness to end so my friends didn’t have to experience it with me. When I could pretend that life is okay and laugh away the minutes, all to give them a reprieve, to lighten their load.

But honestly, those days were few and far in between. Many days I didn’t feel like a very good friend. I felt, more often than not, I was that friend, the one who was difficult to love. Not because I was particularly difficult, but my circumstances sure were. And because they were, I didn’t have much to give back to my friends. I received so much more than I gave.

But these friends, these war buddies of mine, they didn’t give up even when it was hard. They stood in the gap and showered me with love — the life-giving, grace-filled love typically found in the pages of Scripture, but rarely in every day life quite like this. My friends? Oh, they loved me well. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV

How do you love a friend when it’s hard? Have you ever been on the receiving end? Jump in and join the conversation below or over on our Facebook page.

When the Shadow of Fear Looms

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This month we’ve been answering the question “how has God changed my perspective about an issue”. Tracy and Jen shared their stories earlier this month. You do not want to miss them so click on their names and check out how God shifted their perspective on two very personal issues.

Perspective_Issue Kim

I have lived much of my life battling one thing: fear.

When I was little, fear took the shape of typical childhood distress. Fear of the dark. Fear of being lost. Fear of losing my mom or dad.

As I grew, some of those fears remained in my childhood while others shifted into the shadows, lurking close enough to incite anxiety but far enough to remain elusive, unidentifiable.

I didn’t always know I struggled with fear. Early on it wore different faces: moving cross-country; making new friends; starting new schools; the darkness of our basement; moving out of my parents’ home with a newborn baby; uncertainty and distress after the Oklahoma City bombings; blending a family of five after a debilitating stroke struck my first husband; adding a sixth member to our floundering family.

During those years I rationalized my feelings and disregarded their strength. Fear lurked in every corner of my heart, threatened any sense of peace and security yet I was convinced if I just tried harder, served God more, and did all the right things, those feelings would dissipate in absolute trust. After all, doesn’t the Bible tell us not to be afraid, supposedly offering one verse for every day of the year? So if I felt afraid, if I allowed fear to dig its roots into my soul, did I not trust God? Had I lost my faith?

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious righthand.” Isaiah 41:10, NLT

I believe Scripture is true. All of it. I believe when God tells us not to be afraid, we’re not to be afraid. But what I struggled to understand, what I’m still wrestling through: what happens when I do feel afraid? When fear steps creeps out of the shadows and looms large? Because it happens. A lot.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7, NLT

March 2, 2005. My greatest nightmare, my biggest fear, became my most devastating reality as fire destroyed our home and death snatch away the life one of my children. Fear no longer lurked in the shadows but became as real as the air I breathed.

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before the. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6, NLT

I could no longer pretend fear had not been a constant companion. I could no longer deny its existence. I watched its shadow creep over the precious face of my little girl as I stood on the brink of allowing fear to consume me, erasing any existence of God, any truth I thought I believed.

Yet as I stared at my greatest fear, as I look it square in its eye and grabbed it by its shoulders, a greater truth began to take shape. A truth I had heard but was only beginning to understand.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12, NLT

Fear is a feeling, a very real and legitimate feeling given to us as a means of protection. As I stood on my driveway as my house burned, the fear I felt was real and appropriate.

But sometimes it seems bigger and feels even stronger because the unseen world twists and corrupts. That’s the goal, after all: to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10a). The battle is real and fear can be an effective weapon.

Fears are distorted into the what-if’s and what-might-be’s. What if fire strikes again? What if my spouse chooses to leave me? What if something happens to my child? What if I can’t make the bills this month? Scripture calls those fears “worry” and challenges us to determine their usefulness (Matthew 6:27-30). All they do is snatch away our joy, our peace, and sometimes even our relationships.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7, NLT

What do we do when fear creeps in? How can we respond?

I’m learning to bring my fear to Him. Every. Single. One. I’m learning that He doesn’t taunt me or ridicule me. He won’t condemn or make fun of me. As those feelings creep up my spine and grip my heart, I’m learning to cry out and invite Him in, to call on His name and be reminded of His power, power that is stronger than any fear.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.” 1 John 4:18a, NLT

He’s changing my perceptive. He’s opening my eyes to see His true character, who He is and how He cares for me, the truth that He loves me and knows everything about me (Psalm 139), including each fear I face.

The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14, NLT

I’m learning that while fear lurks in the shadows of this broken and fallen world, I don’t have to face it on my own. Nor do you. We can safely and confidently press in to the One who loves us so much that He fought death on our behalf . . . and won.

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be strong and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14, NLT

“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17, NLT

What issue do you believe God is wanting to shift for you? Join the conversation and share in the comments or over on our Facebook page.

A Perspective Shift on Death, Life, and a Little Girl

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Here we are at week three and it’s my turn (Kim) to answer the question: how has God changed your perspective about someone else? If you missed Tracy and Jen’s answers, be sure to click on their name and check them out.

Perspective_Someone Kim

I dreamed about her last night. I don’t often dream of her. I can count on one hand the number of times she’s entered my dreams since she’s been gone.

Yet there she was . . .

Living.

Dancing.

Breathing.

My heart grasped to understand. I felt the warmth of her little body next to me yet somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, reality slowly dissolved my dream. I had buried that precious body more than eleven years ago.

When Emma died.

Some people say time heals all wounds but honestly? If I left the healing of my tender heart to the impersonal care of time, my wounds would still be gaping wide in the open air, festering and gross. Others say the time we have here on earth is all we’ve got. When we breath our last, we simply disappear and cease to exist.

So does Emma no longer exist? Has any other child, or parent, or spouse, or loved one who died simply . . . disappeared?

Or is there something more? Something that comes after death? If you had asked me that question twelve years ago, I would’ve shared how death scared me. How the darkness of the unknown reality after a final breath terrified me to the core of my soul. And if someone had even hinted that one of my children might die, I might’ve laughed, and then cried, and then lived in fear every minute of the day.

Emma was our gift, as every child is to a family. But her? She was the one who belonged to each of us, a completion to our blended family. She drew us in, bound us together, and spread love everywhere she went.
Especially to me.

I’m her mom, after all. Her momma bear. The one who watches over her, protects her, and cares for her. I carried her in my womb for nine months as those innate, primal instincts grew alongside her, just as they had with her older sister.

Isn’t it natural, then, to think our children belong to us; that she belonged to me?

So when death ripped my sweet Emma way at the tender age of five, it felt anything but natural. Fire destroyed our home and I stared death down . . . and lost. I lost her. I lost my identity as her mom. And I almost lost my way.

The weeks that followed the fire were a blur of hospitals & doctors, police & fire investigators, sorrow & failure. My heart vacillated between the destruction my family endured, the longing to hold my precious girl once more, and listening to a quiet, gentle voice that began whispering to my tattered heart.

I failed her.
There is no condemnation with me (Romans 8:1)

I don’t know what to do now.
I know the plans I have for you (Jeremiah 29:11)

I’ll never see her again.
In my house are many rooms (John 14:1-4)

Her life was cut way too short.
 I set her number of days, and yours (Psalm 139:16)

I can’t live without her.
You can do everything with me (Philippians 4:13)

But I was supposed to die first.
My ways are higher (Isaiah 55:9)

That’s the thing about sorrow, it distorts everything around us. Our circumstances. Our perspectives. Our truth.

Even about my sweet girl.

A battle raged deep in my soul between the seen devastation and His unseen kingdom. Stories about the great cloud of witnesses, Scripture verses, and those whispers drew together to become a tender battle cry, spurring me on as the drama of death and loss unfolded.

When all I could see was the empty chair at the table, He reminded me of His presence (Psalm 91:14-16) . When my eyes stayed stuck on what I lacked, He reminded me of His provision (Matthew 6:33). When shame and sorrow wrapped around my soul threatening to squeeze out the last ounce of breath, He reminded me that He is my sustainer and giver of life (Ezekiel 37:5-6).

I begged God to show me what was true in spite of what I saw. To help me to fix my eyes on Him as the Author and Perfect of my faith. He heard my cry and slowly, ever so slowly, He shifted my perspective and answered my prayer.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Hebrews 12:2a

I knew this to be true: Emma died. Her body no longer moves and breathes and grows. This side of heaven, I will never again hold her in a sweet embrace. I won’t get to watch her learn how to drive, graduate from high school, fall in love, or embrace her life’s passions.

As I pressed into my sorrow and pain, as God blessed me with the strength to keep my eyes fixed on Him, a larger truth took shape.

Heaven is real (1 Peter 3:22).

Jesus is preparing a place for each one of those who love and follow Him there (Ephesians 1:19-20).

Heaven is our home. (Revelation 21:1-4)

She is still my sweet girl and I am still her mom.

No, I will never again see Emma this side of heaven. But that’s the key, isn’t it? This side of heaven. That means there’s another side, a side where Emma lives and breaths and moves, more alive than any moment she had here on earth. A place where a precious piece of my heart now resides. And one day, one glorious day I will join her. One day my Savior will call me home and I’ll walk through heaven with my sweet girl’s hand placed firmly in mine. And this time, mother and daughter will never again be apart.

He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16, NLT

How is God shifting your perceptive about someone in your life?

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