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How Does God Respond to Me?

10.09.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith where we hope and pray you encounter God across these pages. It is our team’s desire that we hear God’s heart & themes for all who read the words He gives us. Any errors are always ours. The truth and love that come through? Those are God’s for His glory.  He does good work in each of us. We pray these pages are part of that. Check back each week to see what God inspires the rest of our team to write.

Have you ever wondered what God thinks about you? You are very much on His mind. You are on His heart too. We all are.  His awareness of us is broad and global, but specific and intimate as well. He cares about the whole world even as He cares about our unique place in it.

He loves us on our good days.  He loves us on our bad ones.  His desire is to meet us in both.

God knows we are good, but He also knows we are sinners in need of His saving grace (Ephesians 2:8-9).  He’s not surprised by us, by who He’s getting.  God meets us in the middle of our mess (and believe me, we all have a bit of mess inside us).

Last month I wrote about freedom.  That’s the place God desires to bring us all to, but what He revealed to me is it’s not a destination.  God showed me it’s who I am.  It’s who He desires us all to be:  freedom at the very core of who we are as a child of God.

With freedom in mind, how does God respond to us?

God Responds to Me (T. Stella)

God responds to us with love.

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.─Ephesians 5:1-2 NLT

God demonstrated His love for us before we were ever born.  Christ died for us while we were still sinners.

Jesus’ sacrifice was pleasing to God. His death led to the opportunity for our salvation.  He was willing to die so that we wouldn’t have to be separated from God because of our sin.

Love sacrifices.

When we love someone, we want to spend time with them.  God wants that with us for all eternity, so he demonstrated His love for us. Love wasn’t (and isn’t) just a feeling.  Love is action demonstrated for us to see, to experience.

God responded to our sin with His sacrificial love.   He still does.

God’s demonstration of love wasn’t only before we were born. It’s for now. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.─Ephesians 3:17-19 NLT

If I were to share all the ways in which I have experienced God’s love, there wouldn’t be time or space to capture its evidence.  I see His love in so many ways.  Answered prayer. A song with lyrics that speak to my soul. Favor with someone I wouldn’t otherwise possess. God’s Word ministering to me, jumping off the page and into my heart. Through people who follow hard after Jesus and love others well.  Being entrusted by God to serve others. For the lessons He teaches and the places He leads.  God’s love plays out before us, we just need to open our spiritual eyes to see. His love is too great for us to fully understand, but He is faithful to show us His love, to help us EXPERIENCE His love. I pray you do. It’s a pillar of faith we absolutely must grasp, because when we really believe God loves us, our lives are transformed forever.

We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

God responds to us with joy.

For the LORD your God is living among you.  He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. ─Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

God rejoices over us with joyful songs.

Think about that.

Imagine God rejoicing over you.

Imagine Him singing, singing because you were born.

Treasure that up in your heart, because it’s true.

Music is important. It creates a strong neural path to memories.

I can hear a song from younger years and be back in that moment. I know all the lyrics, even if I haven’t heard them in years. I see. I smell. I taste. I hear. I feel. I am there, wherever I most associate that music with.  Song and memory stitched together in my brain.  I’m sure that happens for you too.

Now think of God rejoicing over you in song. He knows the lyrics you need on any given day, the words to encourage, inspire, correct, and reveal His love.  He’s stitching the memory on our hearts of His love for us through the power of a lyric.

When a song touches your heart, know that it is God’s tenderness reaching for you.

Awhile ago I incorporated listening to a worship song each morning during my quiet time. I can’t tell you how frequently the song is the exact one I needed to hear that very morning. Whether I’m celebrating, lamenting, pondering, or filled with gratitude, inevitably God plays the song that matches what is needed in the moment.

As He does, I think of Zephaniah 3:17 and know that it is Him singing over me.

He rejoices over us, and when the reality of that truth sinks into our soul, it changes us.  There’s a song lyric coming to my mind even now…. “Who are we that He should be mindful of us?”

We are His children, the ones He joyously sings over.

God responds to us with peace.

 The LORD gives his people strength. The LORD blesses them with peace. ─Psalm 29:11 NLT

If you read the entirety of Psalm 29, you’ll notice a couple themes:  honor and the power of God’s voice.  God’s voice changes us. His instruction leads us on a transformation journey.  As we grow in our ability to honor God, He blesses us with peace.  Truly, it’s supernatural sometimes.

When I was mired down in sin, I didn’t feel peace. A good word for the emotional tumult I endured as a non-Christian is torment.  Outwardly, it might not manifest, but the inner caverns of my heart lamented.  The tumult might manifest for some as inner torture.  For others, it might be fear or anxiety. Still others the dissatisfaction might rear its head through addictions used to mask the pain that lies within a weary soul.

But God’s powerful voice beckons like a beacon of light keeping ships safe from careening into rocky cliffs.  His powerful voice guides us to safety.  He helps us rest in His perfect peace as we honor Him. Obedience is one way to do that.  When God directs me to change behavior, to turn away from sin, He is after peace for a woman’s weary soul. Sin encumbers. It strangles the possibilities God has for us as sons and daughters until He cuts us loose from the behaviors that hinder us from walking in the goodness and stillness of God’s peace.

As we sit in peace it can feel uncomfortable at first, foreign even. My previous rhythms used to be so accustomed to chaos I had to grow used to peace. As I began to rest in peace, I felt myself able to take a deep breath, to see God with greater clarity.  And the more I see, the more I want to honor Him.

I think when one has had a particularly bumpy past, peace is recognized for the very precious gift it is.

When we walk in obedience to the LORD and honor Him, He responds to us with His bountiful peace.

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. ─Colossians 3:15 NLT

God calls us to live in peace. As a child of God, we can because His peace rules our hearts. Live in peace and be thankful you can because His promises say so. When we need help remembering, pull this scripture out and pray it. God, please help me remember that my peace comes from You. Help me to live in peace as you rule my heart.  In Jesus name, amen!

God responds to us with patience.

 And remember, our Lord’s patience gives people time to be saved. ─2 Peter 3:15a NLT

It’s a really good thing that none of us is judge and jury over what mercy looks like or the timeline for another’s transformation journey. God responds to every one of us with His patience. Time and again we test Him, even those of us who truly desire to walk in His ways. We don’t always do what He wants when He wants us to, even when it’s our desire.  He’s patient and persistent to save us. Salvation, yes, of course. But also as He walks along side us, helping us deal with hurts, wounds, hopes, dreams, plans & purposes.

When we’re afraid, He patiently responds.

When we’re resistant to change, He patiently responds.

When we go our own way, He waits patiently for us to return.

He’s patient in His pursuit. He’s patient in His correction. Both happen, but He is long suffering.

We can see a person’s trajectory and think, “Why do they still do that?” We want the bad behavior to stop, not tomorrow, not ten minutes from now. Today.

Not willing to wait because our society keeps teaching us to be less and less patient. Instant gratification.

Not God. God isn’t interested in instant gratification. He’s interested in the good and perfect gifts He has for us, but in His patient, loving way He gives us time and emotional space to open them.

When we don’t? He’ll keep bringing those gifts of transformation back around to us.

Remember this My sweet one? We still need to take it out of the box and look at it. Are you ready yet? It’s time. Let’s glance at it. We can take baby steps. I will be patient. But I don’t want you to miss the sweet treasure this transformation will bring to you.

That’s His patient voice encouraging us.  He’s always ready to help, and He’ll help us to get there one baby step at a time if necessary.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with a tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ─Colossians 3:12 NLT

God responds to us with kindness.

Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But─When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.  He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. ─Titus 3:3-5 NLT

Like a rainy day when the fog lifts, God reveals his kindness and love. When we were mired down in sinful, foolish, disobedient lives, He saw what we could be even as He washed away our sins. Because He responded to us with kindness, we could hear what He had to say. Mercy gets a sinner’s attention. Kindness creates a spiritual curiosity. Anyone can harshly judge. I’ve seen it. I’ve done it. But not God.

Don’t get me wrong, He’s not a pushover and He’s not condoning our sin.

What I am saying is He understands each of our stories. He knows how we ended up on our own well-worn sinful paths. My sin might look different than yours, but we both have a path that we’ve taken that leads us away from God’s best plan for our lives. His desire is to kindly help us out of those sinful paths.

His kindness gifts us with a new birth and a new life. The Holy Spirit helps us walk not as fools, but as ones filled with God’s wisdom.

We don’t have all the answers. We don’t have all the power to walk in righteousness. But we know the God who reveals His kindness and love to us.  In His kindness He no longer desires for us to be misled as slaves to the power of darkness. In Christ’s power we overcome.

Think about the teacher, coach, parent, or manager who gave you healthy feedback to help you grow. Those who were kind in their delivery were probably most helpful. When a voice is harsh and critical, it’s hard to change. I think because we know we can’t please that voice.  Truth be told, if it’s harsh & critical, it’s not of God. Harsh & critical words have their root in the enemy as their source. Kind words of love and correction, those are God’s.  You can please His voice. You already do.

God responds to us with goodness.

 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever. ─Psalm 23:6 NLT

God responds to us with His goodness, even when we don’t see it. His goodness is there guiding us beside still waters. His goodness renews our strength. His goodness guides us along right paths. His goodness gives us rest. His goodness causes us to walk in courage and hope, protection and comfort, honor and anointing. (See Psalm 23)

We couldn’t be good enough to deserve all of God’s goodness.

Sometimes, life’s challenges don’t feel good, I’ll admit. However, even in the midst of difficult days, God’s goodness is real, relevant, and in pursuit of us.

It can take every measure of restraint I have not to react to someone else’s sin. In my own power, I can’t. My sin would kick in and I’d likely give a piece of my mind. I’m human.

But God’s goodness also says, “I’m His.”

And because that’s true, I can abide in His goodness and He can help me embody it to others. Imperfectly, certainly. But better than I would have if His goodness stopped pursuing me.

God’s goodness pursues us all the days of our lives.

I don’t know about you, but I believe this world needs a lot more goodness in it. Wouldn’t it be great if we all could be a part of that?  Good news is …. we can!  As our hearts long for goodness, I’m reminded we won’t get the fullness of that until we are in heaven where sin is locked out and barred for all eternity.

Until then, we can leave wafts of God’s goodness wherever we go as we walk in His.

God responds to us with gentleness.

 Let my teaching fall on you like rain; let my speech settle like dew. Let my words fall like rain on tender grass, like gentle showers on young plants. ─Deuteronomy 32:2 NLT

When we need to learn His ways, God teaches us in His gentleness.

Have you ever been caught in a heavy downpour? The rain pummels hard against your skin like needles.  The skies open and water pours out like a bursting dam.

Water is powerful. It can remove everything in its wake. Sometimes it does.

God doesn’t want to catch us in a tidal wave of teaching that causes us to become overwhelmed, where nothing sinks in.

Contrast a bursting dam with water from a watering can meant to help our plants flourish and thrive. That is the stream that God wants us to stand within, His trickles of blessing.

He is tender with us, like gentle showers on young plants. He teaches us one drop at a time when necessary. He knows He’s helping our roots to grow deep.

They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do. ─Psalm 1:3 NLT

God responds to us with faithfulness.

The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” ─Lamentations 3:22-24 NLT

When we can’t or don’t see what God has for us in a moment, in a day, in years, He responds to us with His faithfulness. His mercy pursues us afresh each morning. That’s so reassuring to those of us who sometimes blow it.  There’s a new day for us to respond to God’s faithfulness with our own.  Out of His faithfulness, He births ours. It’s a beautiful thing.

When we grasp how truly faithful God is, we obey faster. Our response time shortens; our bold steps extend.  Why? Because we can trust in a Faithful Father whose love NEVER ENDS. He’s not going to let us down.

He is merciful; His mercies never cease. In the words of Buzz Lightyear, “To infinity and beyond!”

Because He is faithful, He grows our ability to see Him more and more through eyes of faith.  When we lean in a little, He pulls us close.

I think back to my early walk with the LORD when the word was alive, popping off the page, where it seemed like the verses were there just for me….to speak to my heart, resuscitating it, me, back to life. They were there faithfully waiting for me, for when the Lord knew I’d be ready. To come alive.

I think back to yesterday when the word was alive, popping off the page, breathing fresh strength into my spiritual bones.

God is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow.

What is faithfulness? I define it as when you know you can count on someone.

We can count on God. He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8).

He is faithful and that should define the footsteps we take. Grasp hold of His hand. He knows where He desires to lead you. Let Him.

For the law was given through Moses, but God’s unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ.─John 1:17 NLT

The law has its purpose: to show us our need for Jesus. But it’s God’s unfailing love and faithfulness through Christ Jesus that changes the course of lives – yours and mine.

God responds to us with self-control.

God responded to the people who nailed Him to the cross with great self-control. Our sin is part of that equation. We aren’t innocent, but neither are we condemned because Christ died for the forgiveness of our sin. His death and resurrection sealed our fate. When we say “yes” to Him, we are His for all eternity. His self-control saved us. His self-control saved the world.

In the words of the commentator,

(Christ’s death on the cross) is a sublime example of patience. It rebukes our softness and intolerance of pain. How easily we are made to cry out; how peevish and ill-tempered we become under slight annoyances! A headache, a toothache, a cold, or some other slight affair, is supposed to be a sufficient justification for losing all self-control and making a whole household uncomfortable. Suffering does not always sanctify. It sours some tempers and makes them selfish and exacting. This is the besetting sin of invalids – to become absorbed in their own miseries and to make all about them the slaves….But there is another lesson besides patience in this word of Christ. He only uttered one word of physical pain; but He did utter one. His self-control was not proud or sullen. … Jesus was surrounded by those who had wantonly wronged Him; not only had they inflicted pain, but they had laughed and mocked at His sufferings. …Shamefully as He had been treated by those to whom He had to appeal, He believed that there might still be some remains of goodness at the bottom of their hearts. All His life He had been wont to discover more good in the worst than others believed to exist, and to the last He remained true to His own faith. The maxim of the world is to take all men for rogues till the reverse has been proved. Especially when people have enemies, they believe the own very worst of them and paint their characters without a single streak of any colour but black. To those from whom we differ in opinion we attribute the basest motives and refuse to hear any good of them. But this is not the way of Christ: He believed there were some drops of the milk of human kindness even in the hard-hearted Roman soldiers; and He was not disappointed.1

Let that sink in for a moment. We all need to absorb those words. But this is not the way of Christ. He sees the drops of milk of human kindness in the hard-hearted you and me, and yet He’s not disappointed.

He exhibits great self-control. If not, He would have judged the world already. Instead, His mercy waits. He waits for each one of us.

And then there is us, often impatient wondering, “When God when?”

Under pressure and persecution we ask, “Why God why?

God’s desire is to teach us through the trials of our lives. He may not always be the Author of the setbacks and situations we’d rather not have to endure.  Satan does come to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), but God will always use the trials of this life to shape us to look more like Christ.

God will take what was meant for our harm and work it for our good (Romans 8:28).

I’ve had to stand in the face of false accusations and harsh criticisms. It’s not easy. But sometimes that’s exactly what God asks of us. That’s hard, but the sometimes harder thing is to not view that person as an enemy. They’re not. Satan is our enemy. God wants us to see each person, all of humanity, through His eyes of love.

Sometimes I’ve done this well. Other times I’ve flopped.  That’s one of the reasons why the good news is so good. His mercies are fresh and new each day to help us try again.

So prepare your minds for action and exercise self control. Put all your hope in the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world. ─1 Peter 4:13 NLT

Does that sound hard to you? I know!  Right? But here’s the thing: God doesn’t leave us on our own. In His response to us, He shows us how to embody the characteristics of God. Not only does He show us how, His Holy Spirit helps us produce these traits.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. ─Galatians 5:22-24 NLT

For those of us who belong to Christ, envision the cross. Imagine Christ’s self-control. Let the Holy Spirit help us produce the good fruit God has placed within each of us.  When we choose to act with self-control, we can respond to others as Christ responds to us: with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness.

Let our response to others grow to look more like Christ’s each day.

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Image: Tracy Stella

 

1The Fifth Word from the Cross, biblehub.com/library/stalker/the_trial_and_death_of_jesus_christ/chapter_xviii_the_fifth_word.htm#1.

Categories // Faith, Freedom, Life Lessons, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // 1 Peter 4:13, 2 Peter 3:15a, Colossians 3:12, Colossians 3:15, Deuteronomy 32:2, Ephesians 3:17-19, Ephesians 5:1-2, Faithfulness, Freedom, Fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5:22-24, Gentleness, God's Response, Goodness, John 1:17, Joy, Kindness, Lamentations 3:22-24, Love, Patience, Peace, Psalm 1:3, Psalm 23:6, Psalm 29:11, Self Control, Titus 3:3-5, Zephania 3:17

Can I Trust God When I Want to Be a ‘Fraidy Cat?

10.03.2017 by Tracy Stella //

This month the FACETS team stares fear in the face as we explore how God meets us in the midst of our ‘Fraidy Cat moments. We explore what it means to trust God and choose faith over the fear that wants to keep each one of us from fulfilling all God has for us. Check back over the next few weeks to see what Jennifer, Kim, and our special guest have to say on the topic. We all have to face fear, so I pray you learn something new that proves helpful on your own faith journey as you check back in each week.

Have you ever had to wait on something for a long time? Fear sets in when hope gets hard from too much waiting. We wonder if that thing we’ve been waiting on will ever come to pass.

It’s hard to hang onto hope when we’ve been clinging to it for a protracted period. If we were an anchor, barnacles would cover the hope lingering in our hearts. Hardly recognizable, the hope we once clung to not easily seen. It’s there, but it takes effort as we scrape the barnacles off, borrow brave, and keep eyes fixed on God and His promises.

Isn’t the question we’re really asking: Can I trust God while He has me in the wait?

I used to be extremely impatient and impulsive. Getting to my goal ─fast─ used to be my motto. Waiting wasn’t in my vocabulary.

My desire to achieve deeply rooted in fear. I feared I wasn’t good enough, so I had to excel – at everything – in order to matter for anything.  I wrestled with who I was and wondered if that (then) young woman was genuinely good for anything. I feared not. So I faked it. Hard! I thought no one knew how afraid I was. My guess now is, many people probably were well aware.

Isn’t it obvious when someone’s trying too hard?

Funny how fearing becoming a big flop became a self-fulfilling prophesy. I encountered hard times in my life, that turned out to be the best thing that ever happened.

Failure helped me come to know my Father. And in failing, I learned to fear it less. Don’t get me wrong, failing wasn’t fun. It was painful. But in the pain, there was purpose. I learned to make peace with myself. I learned who I am and how God made me. Through failure I learned I could pick myself up and try again.

God was at the helm of my life, scraping off years of rust from sitting in salt water, crustaceans eating away at the purest parts of who God made me to be. It took time. If you’ve ever restored anything, you know that’s generally the case. In time God showed me purpose. He continues to do so.

God’s always working, refining and purifying. He’s not in a hurry. And I’ve learned to be in a hurry less. If we rush the Artist, we’re likely to muddle up the masterpiece He’s working out in us.

I’ve become much more patient with myself as I’ve grown in Christ. It’s another gift God has given as I’ve journeyed with Him in the faith.  I pray He grows that grace gift in you as well, to be kind and patient with yourself.

At first, it felt like I was learning a foreign language. Unfamiliar. I wasn’t sure how to be patient with myself. The fear factor would rear and I’d go back to familiar patterns of performance. I’m more aware. I can see it sooner now and return to center – with Christ at the helm – making me brave where I once was full of fear.

These words whisper to you too, “Be patient with yourself. It’s a process. Learning to wait well takes time.”

And in that time, we also get to cuddle up with Christ. Being patient, we grow to rely on God more. It’s less about what we can do, and more about what He does as we give up control to the One who knows what He’s doing! He’s not going to make a mistake, and He’ll certainly help us make far fewer ones, even as He allows us to make some so we can learn and grow.

Time gives us opportunity to know Jesus better than we would have had we rushed the process. Time also gives us opportunity to know ourselves better. We become more certain of who we are, how God made us, and confident He made us good (even if imperfect).

It takes a bit of courage to believe God is up to something good in our lives (even when we can’t see it).  We are braver for all His barnacle scraping, because He’s giving us strong glimpses of what He really has in store for you and me.

Wait patiently for the LORD.

Be brave and courageous.

Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

~ Psalm 27:14 NLT

In the patient quiet with the Lord as He continues to help me be still, I noticed something new in Psalm 27:14 which I hadn’t seen before. Sandwiched between wait patiently were the words brave and courageous.

Wait patiently for the LORD.

Be brave and courageous.

Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

~ Psalm 27:14 NLT (emphasis added)

As the words brave and courageous jumped off the page, the Lord impressed these words upon my heart:

“Patience, the antithesis of fear.”

When we are patient and wait for the Lord, we exhibit great bravery.

When we are patient and wait for the Lord, we demonstrate courage.

In our grab-and-go world, we could succumb to fear, wondering whether the one thing we’ve been waiting for will ever come to pass or just pass us by.  We could take control and take things into our own hands – out of fear we’re not enough, or worse, out of fear God is not enough. We could think we are the master craftsman of our lives, in control of where our ship is sailing and let the fraidy cat inside of each of us win.

Or we could choose to wait patiently. Trust God. Trust His character, and that He’s doing something in ours if there’s a divine delay. Or perhaps He’s teaching us a new thing as was the case with me.

Antithesis isn’t in my everyday language. I felt led to look it up in the dictionary.

In its simplest form, antithesis means opposite.

Patience is the opposite of fear.

There’s another interesting definition of antithesis, rhethoric. The placing of a sentence or one of its parts against another to which it is opposed to form a balanced contrast of ideas, as in “Give me liberty or give me death.”

As I read that definition, another word jumped into my head. Juxtapose. Again, I had a vague knowledge of what the word meant, but felt like I was on a bit of a treasure hunt at this point.

According to dictionary.com, juxtapose means to place close together or side by side, especially for comparison or contrast.

Why the vocabulary lesson? Through language I don’t use in my everyday conversation, I realized God was speaking to me. He taught me a new way to hear His voice. Because I wasn’t in a hurry. Because I slowed down enough to be curious as a cat and let Him speak to me, I heard what was on His heart.

Brave and courageous juxtaposed on the pages of Scripture with great intention. Perhaps we are being the bravest version of ourselves when we wait patiently and cling to the hope we have in Christ and claim every promise He has given us in His Word.

Wait patiently for the LORD.

Be brave and courageous.

Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

~ Psalm 27:14 NLT

When the wait is hard and fear wants to grab ‘hold of your heart, remember sweet child of God that you are brave. Brave women of God wait patiently. Brave women of God realize they have nothing to prove. Christ did that on a cross for you and me, so cuddle up with Him and let Him show you how brave you are while you wait patiently.

Fear says, “It’s never going to happen.”

God says, “Time will tell.”

I pray God silences the voice that taunts with fear and that God meets you in the wait as He shows you the peace, power, and preparation of abiding in His presence.

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Categories // Tracy Stella's Perspective, Trusting God When Afraid Tags // Bravery, Courage, Faith, fear, Patience, Psalm 27:14, Trust

A Seed, Fertilizer, and One Thing Needed in Every Marriage Garden

06.13.2017 by Jennifer Howe //

Hi, friend! We’re talking about the ways God has helped us bloom in marriage this month. Tracy shared a fabulous post last week, Kim will share next week, and we have a precious guest interview post lined up the following week. Don’t miss out! This week, I’m sharing something that applies to all relationships, but especially the marriage relationship. Enjoy!

I (Jennifer) sat sheepishly at the table during our team meeting that night. I got gut-level honest. “I’m not sure what to write about in June. I’ve been growing through marriage for nearly two decades, but I don’t feel confident at all.” Sometimes I’m not sure what I’m able to contribute to the conversation.

Rewind to September 26th 1997. “It’s not about the wedding day,” they said, “It’s the fifty years after that day.” Of course that was true, but I didn’t know what the words meant.

Mid-October married life wasn’t the fairy tale I imagined. The honeymoon was short. The toothpaste tube was a bizarre battleground. We struggled to communicate clearly (and sometimes gently). It wasn’t all bad, but it was harder than I ever dreamed.

Nineteen years ago I married the nicest guy. (Really, I did!) We bought a cute, little Cape Cod home (all 750 square feet of it!) and began our cute, little life together. Already in our late twenties, it felt right to start a family, and I was surprised how quickly that happened. Four days after our first anniversary dinner, our first son was born. Two and a half years later, we bought a larger home and added a second son nine days after moving in. (If it feels like a whirlwind as you read it, living it wasn’t that different.) We’ve lived and schooled in this house for 16 years now.

That’s the short version of our story. That’s not my marriage, really—or is it? Does hitting the ground running influence the rooting and establishing of love at the beginning of a marriage? It may. I know one thing, though: if I did it again, I would only change one thing, and it wouldn’t have anything to do with the storyline’s events. What would I change? I’d change my heart.

“You lose your way when you lose your why.” ~ Michael Hyatt

If anything, I’ve learned marriage is about the fifty years after the wedding day. Most importantly, a why existed before the wedding, was woven into it, and threads through the years that follow. The best marital resources encourage soul exploration and remembrance to the beginning of the relationship. That why was the reason for late-night phone calls, extravagant date nights, and the mix of chick flicks, comedies, and action movies. It was behind the long conversations seated at Denny’s and meandering through the mall, big box stores, and forest preserves. And there was some big why behind my man choosing to take care of the unpleasant things: one day burying a dog, another returning to my place at 11 PM to empty a freshly-set mouse trap. We have our whys, don’t we?

“Flowers need fertilizer.” ~ Kim Findlay

The why we all begin with is a seed, and a beautiful flower can come from it. Whatever grows, though, will need water and a little fertilizer. Sometimes I think the “manure” in life—as annoying as it is—has purpose. Difficult situations forged something in our relationship nothing else would. I’m learning to trust that and not despise the tough stuff. It’s fertilizing, right?

I mentioned I would change something but not the events. You see, I’m learning to acknowledge (and bloom in) something these days: I can be selfish.

“Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. ” ― Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare

When I’m honest, it’s hard to be gracious, loving, and sacrificial sometimes. It can start with a simple call for respect (not always wrong), but it can twist into an ugly, sculpted caricature of me on a big, old pride base. My spiritual mettle is tested by patient, sacrificial love in marriage and parenting.

“Love is a commitment that will be tested in the most vulnerable areas of spirituality, a commitment that will force you to make some very difficult choices. It is a commitment that demands that you deal with your lust, your greed, your pride, your power, your desire to control, your temper, your patience, and every area of temptation that the Bible clearly talks about. It demands the quality of commitment that Jesus demonstrates in His relationship to us.” ― Ravi Zacharias, I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah: Moving from Romance to Lasting Love

Some days I don’t need to defend myself, my power, or my desire to control. On really good days I am patient, kind and look a little more like 1 Corinthians 13. I’m going to be real with you; these are tough choices. I have so far to grow in that Corinthians passage. I’m hopeful I’m not the only one, but even if I were, you’d need to know the “real Jen.” (Here I am, friends.)

I want to grow in one thing, and I think that would make all the difference in the world in every relationship—not just marriage, but especially marriage!

“Patience gives your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the rough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.” ―Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare

Patience in marriage is a precious gift! When a spouse gives it, someone receives time to identify the course correction that may need to be made. Truthfully, I need it as much or more than my husband does. Here’s the great thing: even if he knows I need it more than he does, he won’t say it publicly. I notice the grace and patience I receive. I’ve begun checking my personal growth in that area regularly. The question I sit with now is, “Does this need to be addressed immediately, or can it wait?” Maybe a little time could give me more perspective, better words, or even the course correction I need. More importantly, extra time may give me time to hear the Lord speak.

Do you resonate with this? I know this post is different from previous ones, but it was the thing I had to share. You see, I’m speaking with you—but I’m also speaking to me. You know that, right? While I love 1 Corinthians 13, I knew I had to share something different. Read the passage. See what God says to you in that, but know I leaned into Christian resources for this post because they are the ones that speak to me right now.

I’m conscious that not all our readers are married. I love you all, ladies, but especially those who hang in to this point even when you’re single. I couldn’t love you any more than I do right now. Thank you! For you, I realize the above may be a challenge, but give patience a chance in any relationship, and see how it goes. I think you’ll find it helpful. If you’re looking for my best advice, I think I’ll leave you with this—

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” ―Agatha Christie

Thanks for reading, friend! Contribute to the conversation with comments below or at our Facebook Page. Please share FACETS with your friends on social media, too.

Be blessed!

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Categories // Blooming in Marriage, Jennifer Howe's Perspective, Life Tags // 1 Corinthians 13, Facets of Faith, Faith, I Isaac Take Thee Rebekah, marriage, Patience, The Love Dare

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