Romans 6:23 Archives – Facets of Faith

Welcome, friend, this month the Facets are turning over a good question: Do they know they are loved? Deciding who “they” might be is up to each writer. We ponder whether we are loving others well because that’s what a follower of Jesus is called to do in light of Jesus’ compassion at the cross. Compassion is key. Take a peek at Tracy’s thoughts here, but don’t miss Megan’s and our guest’s posts when they appear!

We’ve Got Stories

I (Jennifer) have a story. You do, too. We aren’t that different, you and I. My story may be rougher around the edges than yours, or not. Let’s avoid the comparison game and, instead, think about the experiences and imagine what compassion looks like in light of the good, bad, and ugly stories. How would we give compassion? How would we receive it?

A Hurting World and Harm

In this crazy-busy world, who of us is not hurting? Our culture is overwhelmed with strong, nagging feelings—anxiety over things yet to come that may never come; fear of the hard reality we face every day; frustration over the things others say, think, and do; and anger because, well, life shouldn’t be this way. Our hearts break just a little more each day in a hundred ways.

The harm is real. Adding two elements, helplessness and abandonment, to any deeply harmful incident creates a traumatizing incident, a perfect storm. Whether you’ve been traumatized or not, this may put words to how trauma affects a person—

Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.¹

The wounds can be deep—and they can heal! God can use Scripture, relationships, and story work powerfully in the process. God’s biblical truth, compassionate love, and power are always the focus. The stories spark heart connection with God, self, and others. In the right human relationships, we may find the wounds aren’t so different or indelible. We might find a whole community experiencing pain we understand.

Time

It heals all wounds, they say. (I don’t believe that’s true.) It happened so long ago, they say. (Read The Body Keeps the Score.) Why would you go back and dig up dead things in the “bone yard,” they wonder? (We don’t want to do that!) It can’t be as bad as all that—ten minutes of your life in 50 years can’t be that big a deal, they say. (Really. Trauma is that big a deal.)

Trauma in the Church

When the Church welcomes a hurting world, the people inside her walls are wounded by real, terrible things. What will the people in the Church do about that? Will the whole community know the truth and freedom in Jesus? The number of people in the body of Christ knowing the biblical truth, compassionate love, and transforming power of God is related to the preaching, teaching, and relationships. I suggest we think about relationships in the context of God, self, and others.

You and Me

Compassion in our world and our churches begins with you and me. We answer questions for ourselves, and then we can sit with others as they answer the same questions.

Let’s start simply.

Do you know you are loved?

I’m a 5 on the Enneagram, and I desperately need to stretch beyond what I know cognitively to the reality of God’s love.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NLT

How do you measure God’s love knowing Jesus would die for every one of us? He did just that! Consider Jesus’ love in light of this: But God showed great love for us by sending Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8).

I won’t lie. It’s not easy to wrap my mind around John 3:16 because I know who I’ve been and the struggles I still have. Honestly, I find myself asking God to make the depth of His love real and settled in my mind and heart.

Do you bless your self with God’s love?

In my too-black-and-white, perfectionist mind, I sometimes fight to believe my God’s grace isn’t saved for perfect people—it saves imperfect people from their sin and into the Kingdom. Imperfect? That’s me! Jesus’ death on the cross wouldn’t be necessary if I could achieve perfection. And if grace could be earned, it wouldn’t be grace. Sin is the reality of this world and our condition at the DNA level. Because of sin, we need God’s solution.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 NLT

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

I think we ask our loving God to help us show appropriate love and care to ourselves—mind, body, and soul—in light of His grace.

Do you bless others with God’s love?

Culture wars, wars on all the things, wars on each other—we aren’t always good at loving, are we? We have a hard time liking people who look, think, or behave differently, let alone loving them! We’ve forgotten the real war:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

If we think “we have met the enemy, and the enemy is us,” we would be terribly wrong.² The one who claims to follow Jesus receives two commands: love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Even if someone qualifies as an “enemy,” we must love and pray for them (Luke 6:27).

What does love look like?

We are surrounded by people who have stories, just as we have our own. We do well to remember everyone fights a battle we can’t see. Time doesn’t heal wounds, caring relationship does. We all need a saving relationship with God through Jesus, and then we receive God’s power through the presence of His Holy Spirit. God loves us deeply and well—He is compassion. We need Him, and we need supportive relationships with safe people.

It’s not good for a woman to be alone. A wise woman opens her life to honest, compassionate people who can support her when she’s ready. That looks like finding someone who will hold her story with gentleness and kindness by listening carefully without interruption, instructive comments, or judgement. She takes care of herself with gentleness and humility, and then offers the same gentle, humble compassion to others when she can. As she heals and matures, she becomes a safe person for others.

Thanks for reading. You can find the Facets on Facebook. I would love to read your thoughts here or there.

¹ Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, p. 97.
² Walt Kelly, 1970.
For more on “story work,” check out The Allender Center, Seattle, WA.

As I think about our topic for this month, I’m aware it easily dovetails with my earlier post in the Perspective series on others. I wondered if this week would be “Part Deux,” and I’m walking the road farther with fresh eyes. Seeing others differently is the beginning of the journey, but something, maybe elusive but critical, takes us further: a decision. Maybe similar to an old Chicago voting slogan, we should decide early and decide often.

I’ll let you in on a secret—I’m a little like rich, dark chocolate lava cake. Lovely squat structure, a little spongy on the outside, but just below the surface is a warm, ooey-gooey puddle waiting to spill out. I’m a little soft and emotional that way, but most people won’t see it. Many of us have the self-control to limit our emotional vulnerability to those closest to us. There’s my problem. Probably like you, with few exceptions, my emotional “lava” is reserved for the regular characters in my story. They are close in proximity and emotional connection. The rude customer service rep is a one-time offense. The cold actions, hurtful words, or painfully obvious silence from a family member can have higher frequency. If I let my emotional “puddle” have its way, offenses add up, get stuck, and then spew. (Insert a mental image of vertical lava spew here rather than slow spread.)

It’s too easy to get into a rotten relational cycle, and that usually involves a grudge. So what’s the solution? When I take a look at Peter’s question and Jesus’ response, I pause for a bit.

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how many times could my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

“I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus said to him, “but 70 times seven.” Matthew 18: 21-22 HCS

I want to ask, “Jesus, do you mean 490 times a day? A week? Over a lifetime?” Did Peter want to ask those questions? I’m strikingly similar to the disciples; I have tendencies toward the search for understanding…and sometimes a loophole. That’s a bigger problem than I might want to admit.

Jesus’ use of the numbers 7 and 70 had purpose. He wasn’t suggesting a product solution of the two; he was indicating something significant (a cultural understanding of sacred numbers: innumerable responses and complete forgiveness[1]). I’m pretty sure the translation should be something like, “There is no offense that shouldn’t be forgiven.” Not one. Really? Absolutely.

The 490 times is important. Every offense. Every time. This is the “Forgive early, and forgive often” part of the process. Allowing resentment to simmer for any length of time only builds heat, pressure, and intensity. (Ask me. I know.) If it’s true that freedom waits on the other side of forgiveness, then why would any of us want to be in chains any longer than necessary. We can be free now!

In everyday life, I get tired. That’s when I make mistakes. I know the right thing to do, but it doesn’t enter my mind during the emotional chaos, or I just don’t want to do what is right. It’s important to acknowledge my ridiculous human frailty and my sinful nature that fights every step of the way as I try to learn, embrace, and live out the spiritual life my Abba wants for me. Sigh. This is not an easy fight, but it’s worthwhile! I want to remember there are consequences for the lackadaisical attitude every time I adopt it.

Every time I give up the fight, there is less “fight” in me for the next time. This isn’t new. The comfort level expands each time I relax into a decision (good or bad). If I’m candid with you all, I have relaxed into resentment too often simply because my pride says I deserve better treatment than I’ve received. You, too?

Oh boy! The truth is—I deserve nothing better than the punishment for sin because I have sinned.

For the wages of sin is death Romans 6:23a

Unless—

but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23b

How do I magnify the offenses against me and minimize the offenses I’ve mounted against the One who is perfectly holy and has every right to punish those offenses? Suddenly, it can be “all about me” again. What does Scripture say about choosing resentment, carefully keeping lists of offenses, and nursing every grudge just a little longer to make someone else pay or make me feel better?

Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

When my choices do not reflect love, I have to ask myself what they do reflect.

Then I read Jesus’ words in Matthew:

For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will not forgive yours. 6:14-15 CJB

These two verses have always given me pause, but maybe not often enough. My Abba is not playing games with me, as if my relationship to Him were fragile or uncertain. The general commentary consensus is that the Church, those who identify as “God’s people,” are to be forgiving because we have received precious, unending forgiveness through Jesus. Every offense. Every time.

What do you think about the topic this month? Has forgiveness come easily to you? I’d love to hear how you came to a place of merciful or gracious forgiveness for others in your life. Or, feel free to kick around some of the difficulties you’ve faced. I’d love to read and respond to your thoughts below in the comments or at the Facebook page!

Thanks for reading along, friends!

¹ https://bible.org/question/what-significance-numbers-scripture, August 2016.

Scripture sourced from www.biblestudytools.com

Love Is…Compassion