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Do They Know They Are Loved?

03.04.2020 by Tracy Stella //

I (Tracy) am looking forward to seeing how God uses each of the posts from the  FACETS team to enlarge your understanding of how deeply you are loved. There is no greater truth that has the power to transform your life and the lives of others. You won’t want to miss what God puts on Jennifer’s, Megan’s, and our special guest Judy Maldonado’s hearts. We’d love to hear a report of what God does in your heart as you  open His love letters to you each week this month. We invite you to let His love greet you across these pages. He pursues you.

03 2020 Do they know they are loved? T StellaWe want to think our brothers and sisters in Christ know they are loved. We understand the world might not get the height and depth of God’s love for them. But our brothers and sisters in Christ?  Surely. Surely, they know at the core of who they are that they are loved.  They are forgiven. They are righteous. They are holy and redeemed. They have the deposit of the Holy Spirit ministering, filling, teaching, comforting, cleansing, purifying, sanctifying, and so much more.  They know they are loved. Right?

Right?

Sometimes, we can say the words without really believing them, or believing them for ourselves.  Jesus loves you.  We may even say it over ourselves, but do we let it sink deep into our hearts?  Do we let our Father’s hands etch it upon our minds, so we never doubt it?

Or do we only believe those things are true for the “good Christians”, the ones who seem to have all their spiritual ducks in a row?

Here’s the truth: if you accepted Christ, you are a good Christian. You are good enough to receive His love. He is not disappointed in you, precious one. He loves you. He wants nothing more than to help you, to heal you, to make you whole.

We are all being transformed into His image.  None of us has arrived. That’s not what this faith walk is about.

Do we wear God’s love like armor to protect us from the enemy’s fiery darts?  We need to. Love is a weapon. Jesus wants His warriors to wear His love. Perfect love casts out all fear.  (See 1 John 4:18)

Afraid you are unlovable? Perfect love casts that thought over the boat and into the abyss.  No one is beyond the reach of God’s love.

Maybe we didn’t do this life perfectly – even after getting saved and we think, “Well that’s it. God can’t use me now. I screwed up royally.”

Maybe we never even got to the mindset where we thought God could use us in the first place. Yes, we got saved. But maybe we think it was by the skin of our teeth, like if God really knew, if those people over there really knew me, they wouldn’t think I was worthy, worthy of God’s love, God’s grace, their fellowship, their friendship, or serving any kingdom purpose.

God knows what He’s getting in each of us. And He accepts us anyhow, whatever our condition. He’s not surprised by who we are.  He’s far more interested in who we are becoming. You are not a disappointment to Him. He is your biggest Champion. He is your Companion. Let His love walk you through every season. Let His love greet you on the good days. Let His love minister to you on the dark days when you wished things looked different.

He is present in both.

And He won’t leave you, especially in your darkest hour.

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m writing this post, pondering whether the people all around me know they are loved.  It’s the day of all things red – flowers, hearts, and celebration of love.  Christ’s redemptive blood─Love’s greatest sacrifice.

And yet I ponder the fact someone left this world too soon, because in his darkest moments he didn’t fully understand the depths of God’s love for him. Depression doesn’t see beyond today’s struggle. It lies to us saying, “There’s no hope for the future.”

A funeral on Valentine’s Day is hard.

That causes me to pause, a long pause to reflect. Why? How? How can this be?

How can someone who loved the Lord so deeply not know how deeply the Lord loved him?  It breaks my heart for him before he breathed his very last breath. It breaks my heart for his family. It breaks my heart for what the world will now miss, because this man left the world too soon.

It’s not any less heartbreaking when someone who doesn’t know Christ leaves this world too soon. But I could at least rationalize in my head that without Jesus this world just gets too hard sometimes. Without Him to carry the weight of our burdens when they become too much, they are too much.

I know that from my own story. It’s tragedies like this that churn my memory. Before I knew Christ, I hit rock bottom, a few times.  Life was hard, as it  sometimes can be. And without the Lord, hard things can hit us like a ton of bricks. Like a wrecking ball, they nearly take us out.

When I was in my early 20’s I was sexually violated at a party (I can’t bring myself to type the word for what it really was, but you can fill in the word, I’m sure.) If I can’t type the word 30+ years later, you might imagine how I handled it back then. I suppressed the memory. I shoved it into a dark corner of my brain, because I couldn’t deal with it.

The only problem with that logic is that it isn’t helpful. At all. A buried wound isn’t healed. If not dealt with, it festers.  And that’s what it did.

My heart and brain couldn’t deal with the pain I tried to cover up with the equivalent of an emotional band-aid. Not dealt with, the pain dealt with me.

That young woman who I have such compassion for now, at the hardness of that trespass against me, couldn’t cover over the pain with her suck it up buttercup skills.  Instead, I attempted to take my own life. Depression and grief tried to overtake me.

But God!

God’s mercy sent someone to break a door down and literally saved me.  God’s love sent help. I didn’t know Him, but He knew me — even back then, even in the midst of my hot mess of a life.

Fast forward to my 40’s and I found myself ready to sink from the weight of severe depression. I’d lost my marriage, my home, my career, my sense of identity in almost every way.  On the very darkest day, I was ready to leave. I was just too weary. I wasn’t a wimp, but I was tired of fighting to hang on. I’d given up hope.

God’s mercy sent a woman to my front door the day I had decided I was done. God disagreed. He wanted me to believe. Believe in Him. Believe in myself. Believe there was hope beyond the darkness of that day.

And there was.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”─Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

These aren’t just any words. If they are familiar to you, don’t let their familiarity steal the powerful, transforming, hopeful truth they possess. There is a bright future ahead for you, even if you don’t see it in this exact moment.

God’s mercy reaching for us tells me how much He genuinely loves us.  His mercy reaches for us all; I believe it with all my heart.  Cling to Him and the hope only He can give.  His love changes lives.  I know that full well, and He wants that for all of us.

Do you know you are loved that much too? You are you know!

In both of those scenarios I didn’t know Christ. I didn’t know the depth of His love for me. And when the world hits hard like a tsunami, we can nearly be washed away at sea.

But here’s the thing.

Once we are saved, the same thing can happen. We aren’t invincible.  We need God’s love, especially when we want to do great things for God’s kingdom — and we are.

I think of this man who left us too soon. He wasn’t perfect any more than you or I. But He did love Jesus. He was Christ’s ambassador.  He was a worshipper. He was a warrior. He prayed for healing for me, and I received it. He was a vessel for God’s power and love.

How does someone who embodies God’s love to others not know it for himself?

How does someone who has passion and zeal for Christ not find the strength to hang on? It’s the very hardest of questions, and I don’t have an answer. It’s utterly heart breaking.

I think of all this world will miss out on and my eyes well with tears.

I wonder, what is the point of this?

I wonder how God can work this to good.  I know His word says He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. (See Romans 8:28)

But how God?

How do you take this tragedy and make it into something good?

I don’t doubt You in that; I just can’t see it. But I do pray You reveal Your goodness. I pray You wring every ounce of good You can from this tragedy. Save lives. Open eyes. Reveal Your heart. Heal wounds. Bring revival.

I already saw evidence of God’s goodness at the funeral when this man’s son spoke. I wept at his courage, at his sharing of story, and the beautiful legacy of the love of Christ this man left in his children. I pray this son is one of God’s greatest warriors and that God use him in a mighty way, even as He already did today. I pray God continues to help him rise into the fullness of his calling and that He be a powerful and profound voice that rises up against the darkness. That God’s light would shine brilliantly through him, even as we saw today. In Jesus’ name!

To do the hard thing, I hope this son knows he lived out Scripture poignantly today. Well done good and faithful servant. Well done! You honored your father, and you blessed everyone who got to hear how he shaped your life.

I wonder why I’m writing this post and I think it’s to remind us, none of us is immune.

We all need God.

We all need each other.

Jesus said…

“A new command I give you:  Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”─John 13:34-35 NIV

We can’t assume because someone knows Christ that he or she is okay.

We can’t assume because someone has a smile slathered across his or her face they are free from problems and don’t need our help.

We can’t assume because someone loves the Lord and even worships Him that he or she believes they are worthy of Christ’s love.  (They are. You are. I am. But we can’t assume anyone believes it.)

If God puts someone on your heart, pray for them.

If God asks you to reach out to someone, do so. You never know if that call will save someone’s life.

We are not called to be codependent, but we are co-heirs with Christ called to love one another.

If God is Immanuel, and He is, He knows. He knows every heart. He holds it tenderly in His hands. And He may call upon us to help that person keep his or her head above water.

God has given all believers the manifestation of the Holy Spirit to be used for the common good.

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.─1 Corinthians 12:7 NIV

I’ve seen several tragedies in the Church recently, and I think God is saying, “Enough!”

Enough!

He wants us to see each other, really see each other. He wants us to be brave enough to sit with someone in his or her pain.  He wants us to love. Sacrificially. No more doing church. He wants us to be the Church.  We don’t do these things in our strength, but through the manifestation of the Spirit who deeply cares about the common good.

Mind you, I’m not blaming the Church for these things. I’m merely suggesting we remain attentive and observant to whom God places before us.  There is purpose in where He has planted us.  The people He has placed in our lives are there for a reason.

We never know what someone is really going through.  We don’t know who among us doesn’t believe that they are loved.

What if you and I are the people God is sending to show them they are?

When I went to this man’s funeral, I felt strongly like I was supposed to collect his precious bride’s face in my hands and see her, to give her the most tender of Christ’s touch in a very fragile time.  I prayed she would feel God’s love through my arms. I knew my hug wouldn’t be sufficient. I am not enough to comfort her in her grief.

But God is. His Spirit in me and you is the love His kids need.

I pray God’s Spirit manifests in each of us as we are an expression of His love.

There are days when I need it. And there are days when I can give it.

We should be very generous with each other as we give God’s love away. His love is better than any Valentine’s Day bouquet.  His love won’t die in a few days. His love is never failing, never ending.

But from everlasting to everlasting

The LORD’s love is with those who fear him,

And his righteousness with their children’s children─

─Psalm 103:17 NIV

That gives me comfort. For all eternity, God will love us. And not only that, but His righteousness extends to our children’s children.

Lord, if there is someone in this moment who is full of despair and doesn’t believe he or she is worthy of Your love, of life itself, I pray You stop them in their tracks right now, that You send a missionary of mercy – even if that is me in this very moment – to say there is a brighter day than what today’s dark shadow suggests. Hang on. Let God minister to you. Let Him fill you to overflowing with His love, healing, and redemption. I pray, Lord, You help anyone struggling with depression. Guide them to professionals and friends You have set in place to serve them. Let the help be kingdom-minded and attentive to Your voice, giving wisdom and discernment to bring healing and hope.  And, Lord, I do pray You would help us all to see the cries for help. I pray we don’t miss them. I pray You bring something good from this tragedy, Lord. I pray You strengthen the Church to be able to help minister to one another. We need Your guidance in every way, Lord. We can’t love well without Your leadership showing us how. So please show us. And help every eye reading this post receive Your love. Help us to receive Your love, Lord. Let us wear Your armor of love well. Let us be warriors for You, wielding love as a weapon against the fiery darts of the enemy. Let us be the belief when our brothers and sisters can’t and let them be that for us when we have weak moments ourselves. Keep us humble and submitted to You, Lord. Let none of us think just because we are Christian that we have to portray we have it all figured out, or we have it all together. Let us be receivers of your love, grace, and mercy, because we are desperate for it.  In Jesus’ name, amen!

If you have thoughts of suicide, please seek help. Reach out to your pastor or a Christian counselor. If you are in northern Illinois, there are 3 counseling practices I know and trust to serve you with the love of Christ. God loves you so much! Don’t doubt it for a single moment. This is His mercy reaching for you.

YOU ARE LOVED!

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature: Tracy Stella

RESOURCE LINKS to Christian counseling practices in northern Illinois.

Catherine Hunter and Associates

Cherry Hill Counseling

Ken Gates and Associates

Categories // Do They Know They Are Loved?, Faith, Life Lessons, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // 1 Corinthians 12:7, 1 John 4:18, Death, Depression, Funeral, grief, Holy Spirit, hope, Jeremiah 29:11, John 13:34-35, Love, Love One Another, Mercy, Perfect Love, Psalm 103:17, Romans 8:28, Suicide

Expect the Unexpected

12.05.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith, friends! Snuggle up under a cozy blanket and see what God has for you in this season. We pray each week you visit these pages God meets you and speaks to your heart fresh, alive, with challenge and encouragement. We pray He gifts you with nuggets of His love and guidance regardless of which one of us He has given a message to. Check back next week to see what Jennifer writes and stay tuned for a special announcement from the team! (It feels appropriate considering our topic.)

Expecting the Unexpected (Tracy Stella)Life isn’t always what we thought it would be. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes it isn’t.

There have been moments in my own life where I wondered, “How did I get here?” The times when my life was in a ditch. The times when my life was exhilarating and full of hope and joy.

Both are curious.   But if one thing is true, we can expect unexpected moments.  None of us knows what lies ahead.

Granted, there are some truths we can cling to as believers. If we have accepted Christ, we know where we ultimately will abide for all eternity. There is absolutely comfort in that truth. Death was defeated thousands of years ago by the sacrifice Jesus paid on the cross.

He has saved us and called us to a holy life─not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.─1 Timothy 1:9-10 NIV (emphasis mine)

Some things we can bank on. God’s destruction of death is one of them.

It’s also a sad truth that if one doesn’t come to choose Christ, he or she will eternally reside in hell.

God’s grace and mercy will keep reaching for the children He so desperately loves. But He gives us free will to choose. We can choose life, or we can choose death. Ultimately, we decide our fate.

Beyond those two truths that feel extreme─I suppose because they are–one rich and full of experience with Christ, the other sad and full of despair. I can’t imagine hell for anyone, least of all for those I love.

I pray each one chooses to know Christ and can expect to live with Him for all eternity. I join you in praying that very thing for those you love and care for too. In Jesus’ name.

But what about when we are here on earth? There are a whole lot of unexpected moments while we are still here.

Would we really want it any other way? Do we want to know moment to moment what God is up to? Or do we want some anticipation, some excitement at the unknown He is bringing us to and through us? (Remind me to tell you how disappointed I was the year I secretly unwrapped all my Christmas gifts and then pretended to be surprised. Yeah, I was on Santa’s naughty list that year for sure! And my peeking took away from the wonder of Christmas.)

If we weren’t built for anticipation, why would we even bother wrapping gifts and setting them under the tree?  We could just tell people, “Here’s what you’re getting.”

Where’s the wonder in that?

What would life be like if we looked at every unexpected moment as a present wrapped with Love in Love for the purpose of wonder?

Expect the Unexpected – A Present Wrapped with Love in Love for the Purpose of Wonder

What if unexpected moments were the very thing to bring us to our knees and come to know our God? That was the case for me and for many of you too, I’m sure. Had those moments not happened, I wouldn’t know the immeasurable love of a Father who loved me before I was even born.

He has plans for me and you that we can’t fathom. Part of His plan absolutely is to save us to Him, to His heart for us that exudes generosity. It’s the most beautiful, unexpected, and undeserved gift we could receive. But isn’t that the beauty of a gift when it is given generously? It’s an unexpected, sometimes overwhelming surprise at the goodness of it. We could never be good enough to earn it, but because God loves us THAT MUCH, He reaches for us in our most unexpected dark moments of despair.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.─Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV

We are called to be curious and adventurous to know what those thoughts and plans are!  For someone like me, I love being granted permission to be curious and adventurous. Stepping into the unexpected, opens a great big adventurous world for us to experience.

As we grow to really know His love, He will leave us in wonder and give us courage to be bold. Those who question His love haven’t experienced it. While we might not understand it when we do, experience of His love changes us forever.  We wonder how we ever did life without knowing this love.  It’s there. Right there. For each of us.

If you hear His whisper, let Him in. That goes for all of us, whether we know Him or not. If we know Him, let Him into your heart further. If you don’t know Him, give Him a chance. I can promise you this: If you go to Him with a pure heart, He will meet you right where you are. It’s okay to be curious. It’s okay to have questions and doubts. God can handle those. He knows faith is hard, because it requires trust. And until we know Him and have experience of Him, that can be hard, especially if someone has violated our trust.  God is not like us. We are made in His image, not the other way around. Borrow His courage. Borrow His strength. He’ll give them, and many other unexpected gifts that help us get through our darkest hour.

Expect the Unexpected – A Present No One Wants and Then What?

This morning I’d been reflecting on some tragic news I heard. The situation seems unimaginable. It was an unexpected event no one could have anticipated, even in their best efforts to do the right thing, to serve others in love, when up out of the abyss this terrible thing happened. I wept for them. It’s that horrible. My spirit grieved for them.

These are the moments when people who don’t walk with God question why He allows bad things if He is good.

Not every event is from God. We do have an enemy. The enemy is not good. He doesn’t have good intentions. He would love nothing more than to destroy every good intention, every beautiful mission from God. The enemy would love to silence us. However, God says, “Sing through a storm, lovely one.”  Praise is one powerful weapon!

We need to remind satan he has been defeated. And as horrible as this tragedy is, any unimaginable tragedy, God has given us a very powerful gift. Several come to mind, actually.

We have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). We can choose to believe what His word says to us. We have free will. We have the ability to make a conscious choice to know and believe and trust in God’s goodness.

For those of us who have been walking with God for awhile and these unexpected moments happen, the kind we’d like to run fast and far from, remember God’s faithfulness. Remember every good and perfect gift God has ever given you.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change life shifting shadows.─James 1:17 NIV

God doesn’t change. He is unwavering and unshakable.  He is good and He gives good gifts.

Those truths have helped me through hard, unexpected moments. I didn’t see “it” coming. I couldn’t have, really. My world was shaken, but I was able to stand because God is unshakable. I could stand in His shadow, His strength. I’d experienced Him enough to know He is faithful. So as tough as that season was, I knew God would help me through it. And He did.

He allowed me time to rest and grieve. He gave me the gift of processing all my thoughts and emotions with Him, safely, where I could be real and raw and completely vulnerable.

The ability to be ourselves, good, bad, sad, mad, joyful, silly, all of whomever He made us to be and allows us to experience, is a gift He gives us. Be you – beauty and blemishes. We don’t have to be what anyone else wants us to be. We don’t have to put on our poker face and pretend with God. He doesn’t want that. He wants the real you, the real me, surrendered to Him and ready to receive His love, comfort, leading, guiding, teaching, and healing.

God reassures me the dream He gave isn’t dead. It’s just dormant. Sometimes we need to wait. We need to expect the unexpected WILL HAPPEN when we least expect it.  Like the first blossoms of spring that turn into a full-on explosion of life as the trees emerge from a long winter, dreams can (and do) jump to life in what can look to outsiders like an overnight “success”.  Really, those dreams were cultivated in the deep soil of time spent alone with God preparing us for what’s next.

When we don’t like where things ended, turn the page. God’s not done yet.

I look at how God used that negative, unexpected experience and used it for my good. I don’t think God was the author of what happened to me, but I do think He is writing the last word on it.

I can share this much with you. He took that situation and He worked it for my good. I DO love Him and He was (and is) faithful to His promises.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.─Romans 8:28 NIV

This promise isn’t only for some of us, the “holy ones”, the ones who seem to be so “spiritual”. Nope! The ticket to all things working for our good? All God asks in this promise? That we love Him. He can work with that!

I don’t get a lot of things right, but I do love God. And He worked my situation for the good.

I experienced a very unexpected shift. In this transition I have met people I wouldn’t have otherwise. Some of these people are important to the dream He still has planted in my heart. Others, I have been blessed by. Some, I’ve been able to bless as an Ambassador of Christ doing His work.

There is purpose in where He has placed us.

God is a good Harvester, and He won’t waste any of us or our efforts when we desire to be good soil for Him.  He’ll still use us. Wherever we are. I think someone needs to hear that very thing today.  God’s not done with you yet! Expect the unexpected sweet one. God has something special for you. The time is near.

Expect the Unexpected – A Present to Treasure

If you’ve lived life in this world for any length of time, it can be easy to become discouraged, and maybe even a little frightened at the state of things.

But God came to save the world. He hasn’t lifted His sovereign hand from this earth, from our lives, or the lives of those we love. We shouldn’t be surprised by the sin of the world and how it’s manifesting. Read the books of prophecy. He told us what to expect. Sin and its consequences aren’t unexpected at all.

Because of sin, He came to save.

When Mary was pregnant with baby Jesus, she treasured up God’s goodness.  You can be certain she was not expecting to encounter God the way she did. Who would have thought the most precious gift the world was ever given, would come at the cost she paid?  She gave her reputation. She gave her body. She risked her relationship with Joseph to follow the Lord.

And through it all she treasured up the moments she was given with Christ that no one else got to experience.  I love that verse so much because it reminds me to treasure Him up too. There are things He’s given me, that He didn’t give to anyone else. Some of these things are hard things, but in them I can see His beauty. I encounter Him.  We can each treasure those moments with Him too (even if we don’t love the difficulty).

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.─Luke 2:16-19 NIV (emphasis mine)

Mary had just given birth. Not easy. Painful, in fact. Yet, she treasured up these things and pondered them in her heart. We can learn from Mary.

There are moments God has given me that are sweet, special, sacred, and undeniable.  Granted, I never gave birth to Christ, but He has helped me experience His goodness in difficult times. If I hover over the memories too long, tears will spill over, overwhelmed by His goodness in the midst of mess─mine and the world’s.

Remember to share these moments with others. They are for God’s glory. Don’t withhold what He has done.

I pray you encounter these unexpected experiences of God’s goodness in your own life, when you are left with your jaw dropping to the floor in disbelief and overwhelm that God sees you and knows you, that He knows exactly what you need to be encouraged and to feel loved.

Deeply loved.

I think if we peered into the well of God’s love for us, we couldn’t see the depth of it. We’d expect there was a limit, because we have limits and they can be pushed.  But God’s love for us is never ending.

The faithful love of the LORD never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;

his mercies begin afresh each morning.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance;

therefore, I will hope in him!” ─Lamentations 3:22-24 NLT

Treasure it up in your heart, sweet one, much like Mary did when she was expecting baby Jesus. Expect Him to show up in your life too.  He is birthing something beautiful.

I pray Jesus celebrates so many mountaintop moments with you that your faith runs deep, so deep that people see Christ’s reflection in you.

That seems kind of crazy to expect God trusts us enough to be His ambassadors of love. But He does! His trust in us might feel foreign and unexpected. Embrace it and let His grace guide you. Don’t put pressure on yourself to perform. Let Him show you who He’s assigned to you. Let Him show you how. Follow His lead.

Love is an unexpected lesson we can all learn. We are to give it, and we get to receive it. What if the person who needed it most didn’t get it, because we didn’t do our part? What if that person is US in this season? That’s okay too. Give. Receive. There’s a season for everything, even as there’s nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3).

Know this. A situation may feel unexpected to us, but God is never surprised by our circumstances.  Celebrate with Him in moments of joy. Run to Him in moments of trial. He is faithful to be with us in tragedy and triumph.  We can expect His presence to carry us through every season.

Be blessed this Christmas season, sweet one. Let the wonder of the season instill wonder in your heart for Christ.

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Image: Tracy Stella

Categories // Expecting the Unexpected, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // 1 Timothy 1:9-10, 29:11, Anticipation, Birth of Christ, Christmas, gift, God's Faithfulness, God's Glory, God's goodness, hope, James 1:17, Jeremiah 29:11, Lamentations 3:22-24, Love, Luke 2:16-19, Mind of Christ, Present, Romans 8:28, Salvation, tragedy, Treasure, Trial, truth, Unexpected, Vulnerability, Wonder

Precious Gems for a Mama: Facts and Faith

05.09.2017 by Jennifer Howe //

It’s May! And that’s Mother’s Day month, so we thought we’d take a peek at “mama guilt.” If you haven’t read Tracy’s post, please do. She did a beautiful job. Kim’s up next week. Then we’re bringing back our sweet friend, Erin Thompson, the following week. It’s going to be a great month at FACETS!

I (Jennifer) have two arrows in the quiver, and (at 16 and 18) it seems like my sons will be flying out into the world to find their mark any second now. Time is a funny thing. Diaper changes and homemade baby foods were yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I’m in that season the mamas told me about. I didn’t believe them, but they were right. Time flies. And the arrows will fly, too.

I’m sifting through memories, and my heart is tender. My guys don’t know watery eyes and sniffs go with that. A picture from years ago appears in my social feed. I stumble on a video of my sons being silly and love every second of it. I want to relive some of the memories on the highlight reel over and over. You have some of those, don’t you? And they’re not always the “perfect” ones.

One arrow was affectionately known as “Poo-ccasso” for a few days. One boy may have dug through the drywall above his crib the day before our house closing. Jack the wonder sheltie, hated the 90-minute bath following the spray starch spiked hair incident. There was the pearl pink nail color incident. “Three drawers in a row makes a ladder” logic gave me fits for three weeks when I couldn’t figure out who was getting on top of the fridge and into the freezer. Time keeps marching on. Those days are faded images (and some are finally funny). *Grin* (If you’ve got great stories like these, please share them!)

Mamas have piles of memories. Some are precious. Sometimes we don’t realize how precious they were. Then something happens over time—we cherish different moments and learn to look at things with a little more perspective. In the moment, though…

I know I’m not the only one to be a hot mess as a mama. My sons’ allergic reactions made me feel terrible. I wondered if my child would ever eat something besides Goldfish, mac n’ cheese, and hot dogs. I was the first teacher my kids would know, and my work was cut out—eating, drinking, toilet training, hygiene, first words, counting, colors, the alphabet. Asking, telling, and listening were important skills. The virtues of sharing, honesty, and obedience were high priorities. Mamas are precious to child development, and a hefty emotional load can accompany the responsibility.

Not only was I the first teacher my sons knew, but as homeschoolers, I was one of the few they knew. Somewhere in junior high the academics pushed a “guilt button” I never knew I had. My mama guilt was rooted in a fear of the “what ifs” in life. Because decisions have consequences, I wondered if our choices (my husband’s, mine, and my sons’) would be devastating in the long run. Honestly, I was laser-focused on me, the mama, and the decisions I made. I can still hear my own voice—“Will this turn out okay? Have I messed up the rest of his life? I’m the worst mom ever!”

In 19 years I’ve learned a few things that may help a mama fighting the battle rooted in fear, the one I still fight. Sometimes a mix of facts and faith can ease it.

“Just the Facts, Ma’am…”

Whatever we learn from the first child does not apply to the second.
I have only two sons, but I know most moms would agree: no two are alike. So, parent the child in the moment according to the immediate need. Some rules apply to every child; some don’t. Stop comparing siblings, friends, or imaginary children. Don’t assume one child’s success, skill set, or mistake is another’s. Whatever is happening is this child in this moment, not any other at any other time. Age, personality, and persistence in the child matters, but I try hard to be in the moment with the child in front of me.

Nobody’s perfect!
You are not. Your child is not. I like to think my sons will find their way through the natural dysfunction that’s part of every family (including ours). I have made mistakes; I’m sure I do that daily. I want to be quick to see the problem and respond with the appropriate apology. A little perspective helps. If I could do two things over, it would be to have a better grip on age-appropriate expectations for my kids and the necessary diligence in inspecting whatever is expected. Realistic expectations and diligent oversight would have saved a lot of trouble. Still, apologies smoothed a lot of rifts.

Shape the heart; don’t try to control it.
Children have their own preferences and personal decision-making process. A mama can help shape the process, but she cannot control it. We all know independent hearts will do whatever they like given freedom. As a child grows, the balance of control and responsibility shifts. It’s a messy transfer, but it’s necessary while children are in the home establishing themselves, before they take flight. Mistakes at home are far easier to navigate than somewhere out in the big, wide world.

It’s not all about you!
Mama, you know you’re not the only influence on your child, right? Of course, you do. You know they have their own will and make their own choices, too. Guard your heart against guilt over their decisions.

What’s done isn’t exactly done.
Think you’ve made too many mistakes? While you have opportunity, take it. Apologize. Encourage. Talk about and show the love you have for your child. Talk about how the relationship could be better…or fixed.

“It’s a Matter of Faith!”

Mamas, can I be real? It’s hard being a mom—it’s also beautiful and precious and raw and joyful and tearful and a million other things. If all the responsibility fell squarely on our shoulders, we’d shatter into a gazillion pieces. (Maybe you have memories of moments that felt just like that. I do.) Can I suggest the antidote to mama guilt is faith perspective.

God is Bigger!

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Our God is not surprised by our struggles, choices (both good and bad), or fears. He knows and cares about us. You and your child are precious in His sight. Don’t forget that. He will help you, Mama (and your child). He is strong enough and loves you that much!

God’s Plan and Purposes are Good!

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.  2 Corinthians 9:8

For it is God who is working in you, [enabling you] both to will and to act for His good purpose. Philippians 2:13

When the twists and turns, difficult hills, and dark valleys in the lives of our kids become too much for us mamas, remember that God’s plan is also bigger than we can see. He loves our children, and he wants the very best for their lives.

Your Prayers Matter!

Pray constantly.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

And if I could encourage one thing—pray, pray, and pray more! The times I was clueless about what to do, prayer made all the difference. The two-year-old temper tantrum in the store ended when I prayed and listened. God whispered, “Tell him to say he’s sorry.” As true now as it was then—the more I ask God for help, the smoother my parenting moments seem to go. And when mamas get together to pray, mountains can move, so don’t forget to keep your friends close.

I’ve enjoyed sharing this week, and I sure hope we’ll have some great conversation this month. If you’ve got a funny story, please share in the comments below or at our Facebook page. If you’ve got some precious gems you’ve learned, we could sure use some of that collective wisdom, too. Please add your thoughts.

Thanks for reading and sharing!

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Categories // Jennifer Howe's Perspective, Life, Mama Guilt Tags // 1 Thessalonians 5:17, 2 Corinthians 9:8, Facets of Faith, Isaiah 41:10, Jennifer J Howe, Mama Guilt, Mother's Day, Philippians 2:13, Romans 8:28

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