Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

Fall Back to Spring Forward

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Thanks for joining us this month at Facets of Faith! This space is the result of a friendship between three women who met and dug deep into life and faith, each with a unique perspective and story but united in heart for one another and Jesus. A few years ago we thought it’d be fun to write together; it seemed like a natural extension of the conversations we enjoyed while sitting in a sandwich and soup shop. 

So what happens Facets of Faith here? Each month we present a question and then take turns answering. This month we’re chatting about how to spring forward with God. Tracy and Jen already shared. You can click on their names to read their responses. Come back next week and meet our guest —you won’t be disappointed!

Spring Forward With God (Kim Findlay)

For now, however, it’s my (Kim) turn. And I don’t know where you’re at in life, but I’ve been longing for the hope of Spring’s arrival since Fall slid into Winter. 

My mom has cancer.

She was diagnosed in May of 2018 and bravely endured six rounds of chemo. She and my dad fought this beast together and last December, we cheered as she rang the “end of treatment” bell.

Many of you have faced this insidious beast. Whether it’s wreaked havoc in your own body or in one you dearly love, you understand the shock of the news, the intensity of treatment, the way you hold your breath between blood draw and body scan hoping for good news.

Unbeknownst to us, winter wrapped its icy grip around my family –the cancer remained.

What if’s plague our mind as we peer into the future and attempt to chart its course. Imagination takes over as scenarios play through our minds like a reel-to-reel movie. Thoughts take on a life of their own and strike the chord of anxiety.

The dark days of winter linger and hover, and while I long for new life to arrive in all its glorious splendor, there’s a fear of moving forward. What if the hope of spring feels too bright, like the moment a light clicks on after sitting in a darkened room? Eyes squinting, I try to limit the exposure all so I can try to limit the pain.

I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want my mom to hurt. I believe I can say with confidence . . .none of us want to hurt.

So what do we do when looking ahead brings worry and pain?

We fall back so we can spring forward. We take the risk of losing so we can gain. 

It seems a little counterintuitive. Springing forward brings to mind action and determination, quickness and lightness of feet. Falling back feels like failing, like losing.

But what if that’s the point?

Think for a moment with me. Isn’t it just like the Kingdom of heaven to carry such a paradox? Consider Jesus’ Sermon the Mount where He described life in His Kingdom.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3-10, NIV

This wasn’t the only time Jesus talked about the paradox of Kingdom living.

But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:43-45

So wouldn’t it only seem fitting for us to spring forward with God, we need to fall back? How exactly do we do this?

In order to live, we die

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:39

The first thing we need to do is lose our lives. We take a long hard look at ourselves and realize we’re sinners in desperate need of a Savior. Then we surrender to the reality that there is nothing we can do to fix this sin problem. There is only One, and His name is Jesus.

. . . that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)” Ephesians 2:5

Losing our lives isn’t a one-time decision. It starts there, but to spring forward, to take spiritual ground and follow God with our whole hearts, we die daily to our sinful nature . . .

We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.” Romans 6:6-8, NLT

. . . and allow the Holy Spirit to create a new heart in us.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26, NLT

In order to press on, we give up

Control. We all vie for it in one way or another. We think we know what’s best for our lives and set our course in the direction we want to head. But then life in a broken and lost world happens, and a cancer diagnosis interrupts our plans. We rail and wonder and cry out to God —what are you doing? Why is this happening? This wasn’t in my plan.

Job experienced this. He’s the guy in Scripture who lost his kids, his home, his livestock, and eventually his health. The pain of loss and grief was intense, and he cursed the day he was born. His friends weren’t very helpful, either. He listened and spoke and wrestled with all that happened. And then God spoke to Job. He never directly answered Job’s questions. He asked a few of His own.

Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Will you discredit my justice and condemn me to prove you are right? Are you as strong as God? can you thunder with a voice like his?.” Job 40:7-9, NLT

As Job came face to face with the Creator of the heavens and earth, he remembered who really is in control . . .and it wasn’t himself.

Nor is it us. Only God.

I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you.” Job 42:2, NLT

And then His grace comes . . .

The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14

In order to spring forward, we fall back

God loves us. The Bible tells us that He loves us so much that He took the punishment for the sins we deserve by sending His Son, Jesus so that we might have a relationship with Him. We sin against Him, and He made the plan to bring us back!

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17, NLT

He did the work to redeem His people, and there is nothing we can do, or have happen to us, that will ever separate us from His love.

Not cancer or disease. Not death or destruction. Not stuff we did in our past nor the things we’ll do in the future. Not loss of money or loss of love. Not shame or guilt nor confusion or doubt.

There is not a single thing that will ever stop God from loving us. Love is His nature; He is the source. Because of that, we can fall back into His loving arms and allow Him to care for us.

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:1-4

Yes, my mom has cancer. And it’s scary and hard and exhausting for her, and for her family and friends who watch her suffer.

But for now, in this moment, I choose to spring forward with God fully trusting He is in control, that His love for her (and me and you) never ends, and we can rest in His Presence because He is good. And for that, we don’t lose a thing.

Thanks for reading along. I’d love for you to join our conversation by commenting below or join us over on our Facebook page. Happy Spring!

Signature: Kim Findlay

Really Believing, Really Trusting

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Want to know why I love writing with Tracy and Jen here at Facets of Faith? These questions we take time to answer each month are typically birthed from a discussion we had as friends, sitting around a table at Panera as we ate dinner and encouraged each other. It’s with these two ladies I’m able to explore the struggles and triumphs of faith in real life. Be sure to click on their names to read their posts you might have missed. Or better yet . . . sign up to receive each week’s post straight in your inbox!

I’m sitting here mulling over this month’s question —do I believe in God’s promises, really? I really want to offer a pithy response, a thought that drips with wit and insight. You know, a quotable quote.

Instead, all I have to humbly offer is this life I’ve lived so far. These 46 years filled with such heartache and loss that it could be described as a tragedy. You know, that kind of life that some peer into and compare to their own, only to realize maybe their struggles aren’t quite so bad after all.

Yeah, I’m that one. At least my life isn’t like . . . mine. (Truly, this has been said to me.)

The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.” Lamentations 3:19-20, NLT

And yet . . . as I look back over four decades of living, I see a different story. I see one unfolding and steeped in hope. I see a thread that links everything together —the sorrow, the grief, the despair, and hope. Perhaps in my younger years it was thin and hard to see, but that thread has grown thicker and more resilient with each passing year.

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord  never end! His mercies never cease.” Lamentations 3:21-22, NLT

I’m learning to see my life as a miracle. While I may not have experienced the kind of miracle as Jairus did when Jesus raised his daughter from the dead (Matthew 5:21-24, 35-43), or the healing of the woman who had been bleeding for over a decade (Matthew 5:25-34), or gained back my sight or my ability to walk . . . I’m a miracle all the same.

That thread? The miracle?

Faith: the gift of believing in something, in Someone, bigger. Bigger that my fears, bigger than my worries, bigger than life.

Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Matthew 5:36, NIV

I’ve peered into the blackest of nights and touched the searing hot pain of loss, and survived. I’ve learned to breath in the ashes of despair and traverse my way through the valley of death. I was dead, and now I’m alive. I was lost, and now I’m found.

So as I think about God’s promises and whether or not I believe them, my answer is of course I do! Not perfectly and without worry at times, but I know Jesus loves me and has a big, big house with lots and lots of room. I know He’s called me to go and make disciples and sent His Spirit to lead and guide me. After all, the Bible tells me so and, Scripture, the inspired Word of God, does not lie.

. . . in the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time.” Titus 1:2, NIV

I believe in God’s promises because I believe in God. I believe He is real and not a distant grandfatherly-type hovering somewhere above us watching as we race about. I believe God is intimately involved with every detail of my life —the good, the bad, and the ugly, and He is squeezing good out of every.single.drop.

But what does happen when my circumstances appear contrary to His promises? How do I know what is true when pain or fear stares me straight in the eye? How do I believe in His promises when my heart aches? I always return to His character. What do I know to be true about Him?

He doesn’t lie.

He has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11).

He is sovereign and knows exactly what He is doing (Isaiah 55:9).

And He loves. He loves me. He loves you. Scripture says, in fact, that He is love; everything He does is motivated by His love. If I believe that truth about God’s character, then I can believe in every promise —the ones I know and those I don’t. The ones I see, and those I don’t. The ones I experience, and those yet to happen.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8, NIV

Do I believe in God’s promises? I declare a resounding yes! because I see the work He has done in me and all around me. I’ve experienced the healing touch of His Son, Jesus. I’ve tasted the goodness of His Word as it’s come alive through my life. I’ve felt the overwhelming depth of God’s love for me through the power of the Spirit and the presence of those who love Him, too. I hear whispers of hope through the stories of those who have gone before but walked in faith with their eyes firmly fixed on Him. People like Abraham and Joseph, Mary and Esther, Job and Paul . . . and me.

I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, though I am not skilled with words.” Psalm 71:15, NLT

What about you? Do you believe in God’s promises? Really? Jump over to our Facebook page and share your thoughts. We’d love to hear from you!

Trusting God When Fear Strikes Out

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We’re talking about fear and trust this month here at Facets of Faith. Tracy and Jen have shared. Click on their names if you missed their posts. Next week we have a wonderful guest so be sure to come back! Today, it’s my (Kim’s) turn. I figure we can jump right in with a confession. That’s always a great way to start (she says, dripping with sarcasm).

I know, nothing like opening an article with baring my heart and soul with a confession, but here it goes.

Sometimes I’m afraid to embrace life. I’m not afraid to live – I honestly don’t have any control over how my heart beats or the rhythm of my breathing. I used to wonder about that during the early days of grief, those days following my daughter’s death.

I remember those earliest moments when all I could do was focus on my breathing – the almost annoying pressure I felt to take air in and breath it out. I didn’t consciously think about breathing, but I remember those moments when the physical act took all of my attention.

Grief is ugly and heavy and yet somehow beautiful. It exposes the deepest parts of our souls, the most tender, the most vulnerable, the most precious. The tears that flow, that trickle down my cheeks were evidence of the love I have for my sweet Emma, for the years we had together and all of the memories that would never take place.

Fear became my bedfellow in many ways and for many years but I learned that God is bigger, He is stronger, He is more powerful than my greatest nightmare, than the moment I buried my daughter.

I thought as years passed and God healed my heart that the fear would subside. That the weight of grief would lesson and somehow I would return to normal.

Normal is actually overrated and illusive, isn’t it? Because as the years marched on, the fear that gripped my heart began to morph into something I didn’t know, something I didn’t expect. As the fear that surrounded me after Emma died began to subside, its cousin took its place. A darker, more insidious bedfellow that poked and prodded and tried to steal away the peace that God had given to me.

The fear made its presence known when life seemed to be rolling along at a reasonable pace. When I thought I had this living-with-grief thing figured out. That’s when it would start to whisper.

You know it could happen again. You could lose Kelsey, your other daughter. What if something happen to her?

Anxiety would follow, reminding me of all I lost and the emotions I felt as the fire destroyed my home.

Did you turn the stove off? Are you sure the fire alarms work?

Anxiety then became action as I walked around and checked the alarms regardless of the fact that I knew full well they worked.

The whispers grew louder and a little more frequent as I started to try new things.

Are you really laughing right now? Don’t you remember what happened to your house? To your pets? To your daughter? To your marriage?

Fear tapped it’s neighbor, shame, on its shoulder and the two of them unleashed their power.

If you enjoy life, you’re going to forget her. It’ll be as if she never lived. Is that what you want?

The worry and anxiety tried to suffocate my faith. It felt stronger. It seemed stronger. But was it? Really?

As my feelings grew and my heart healed, I realized the emotions that had been numb suddenly felt as if the faucet turned full force and my soul didn’t know how to absorb it all. Fear’s fingers squeezed the tender shoot of life that had begun to grow.

Fear gripped me. It paralyzed me. And there were days I let fear win. I hid and remained silent. I went through the motions of life without really living. On the outside I looked normal, functioning, engaging with the world. But on the inside? Where life mattered? I felt shriveled, destined to live in the dark.

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust Him.” Psalm 91:2

Then one day I began to hear a different whisper, one that I knew, that I recognized.

Come near, I am here.

I never left you.

I see you. I see your tears. I weep with you. 

I am stronger.

I will protect you. I do protect you.

I love you. I delight in you.

I began to read my journals from those early days after Emma died and saw, through my own handwriting, the miraculous things that God had done. The peace that settled my heart. The joy when I sensed Him near. The truth that anchored my soul as it was tossed about by grief and loss.

 I will never leave you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

I am near. (Psalm 145:18)

I see you, your tears, your broken heart. (Psalm 56:8)

I am stronger. (Proverbs 18:10)

I am your protector. (Psalm 121)

I delight in you. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Those familiar words began to seep into my soul and snuff out the darkness. The light of His love shone into the hidden places and walled off spaces as I let His healing grace in. I learned God isn’t a bully, He won’t force His way in. But if we choose to trust Him, if we make the conscious decision to open our hearts and let Him in, He will fill us with a peace that truly passes all understanding and set an anchor for our soul through the craziest of storms.

So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” Hebrews 6:18-19

I had to decide, once and for all, whether or not to believe God’s truth. I had to decide either He lied about everything, or His truth reigned over it all. Even over death. Even over loss. Even over fear.

I chose to believe.

I chose to believe that His Word is real and can guide me through my fear.

I chose to believe that He loves me, even when I fail.

I chose to believe that He delights in me simply because I’m His.

I chose to believe, once and for all, that He truly is bigger than my fear, and I don’t need to live as a ‘fraidy cat.

So now I’m beginning to embrace life in all of its messy gloriousness, and it is good.

How do you trust God in the face of fear?

Share you story in the comments below or jump over to our Facebook page and join the conversation. Thanks for reading!