Facets of Faith

Conversations about life, faith, and friendship.

  • About Us
  • Blog
  • Bio’s
  • Contact Us

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Surrender?

07.18.2017 by Kim Findlay //

Welcome to Facets of Faith, a space where three friends share their perspectives on a topic each month. For July, we’re chatting about surrendering our lives to the One who loves us. Be sure to check out what Tracy and Jen had to say by clicking on their names. Kim continues the conversation this week.

This isn’t the life I chose.

I remember walking through downtown London, having just turned 40 while on a trip to visit my oldest daughter on her semester abroad. Meandering my way from Notting Hill toward Big Ben, my thoughts ran faster than my feet would move.

This isn’t the life I wanted.

Every failure seemed to scream for attention. Every failure and poor choice stood glaringly in my way. Ever since my youngest daughter died in a fire that destroyed our home, I feared becoming a statistic, and there were many.

I was a second wife – second marriages fail.

I lost a child – marriages fail after a child dies.

I had just turned 40, lost over 90 pounds, and my marriage was falling apart.

There I was, on a mini-pilgrimage through England, not only a statistic, but a cliche`. I wasn’t sure which was worse. Disappointment clawed at every good memory until all I could see where shredded remnants of a life I thought would last.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11, NLT

How did I get here?

I didn’t read the Bible a lot as a kid. I knew a lot of the typical stories from Sunday School along with a few key verses I memorized, truths whose roots wrapped around my heart. The first was written in my childhood bible, given to me shortly after my family moved from Connecticut to Illinois. I remember feeling alone and anxious, wondering if I’d make friends, worried we’d move again and my life would be filled with more good-byes.

She is clothed in strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25, NIV

I didn’t know about the Proverbs 31 woman then, I didn’t understand the lofty expectation this passage often set in women’s hearts. What I did know from the age of 8 was that a woman could be strong and not be afraid of the future. My expectation of life included strength.

A few years later, when I graduated from my children’s bible to a teen version, my mom set another verse in front of me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

Freedom shouted from these verses directly to my soul. I could walk in freedom knowing that God guided my steps. I could walk in freedom as I trusted His plan for my life. I could walk in freedom and surrender my expectations and understanding of how life was supposed to be.

Walking in strength with dignity, having no fear of of the future, trusting God and not my own ways, surrendering to His ways in order to gain direction.

Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of surrender.

Knowing these verses was one thing, living them out . . . quite another.

As I grew, my American experience intertwined with my faith. Instead of the pursuit of surrender, I believed that a life following God meant a life filled with good things. With ease. With happiness. With more sunflowers than rain.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9, NLT

When the storm of death crashed into my home, when the heart of my youngest daughter ceased beating, when breath was snatched from my lungs in grief, all that I knew needed to be redefined. All that I expected needed reworking. All that I understood needed a shift in perspective.

I returned to Scripture and dove in, head first. I sucked up its truth as it filled the crevices sorrow had carved. I returned to those verses of my youth and sat with them until they made more sense, until God revealed more of Himself, more of His heart and character. I realized I had to believe all of Scripture or none at all. I either had to believe God or determine He lied. I had to trust that Jesus did love me, or it was all just a childhood song.

I needed to surrender the life I wanted for the one that I lived, even though it included more heartache I ever thought possible to endure.

I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” John 10:10

It’s been six years since I walked the streets of London. Six years filled with a lot of wrestling and questioning, a lot of doubt and fear. Six years filled with hope and healing, with grace and mercy, with redemption and restoration. Six years of learning to shift my eyes to Jesus, the One who does love me, who is the Author and Perfector of my life.

And while there isn’t a grand “happily ever after”, there is a lot of goodness, a life filled with love. The more I surrender to God’s plan for my life, the more I embrace this life I didn’t want, the more I taste His goodness and experience His grace.

No, this still isn’t the life I chose, but I’m learning to walk in strength and dignity, to trust God to lead my steps, and to giggle along the way.

How are you learning to surrender? Share below or head over to our Facebook page. Either way, come join the conversation!

Categories // Faith, Kim Findlay's Perspective, Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Surrender Tags // Faith, Freedom, grief, healing, hope, Kim Findlay, Scripture, Strength, Surrender

A Perspective Shift on Death, Life, and a Little Girl

06.21.2016 by Kim Findlay //

Here we are at week three and it’s my turn (Kim) to answer the question: how has God changed your perspective about someone else? If you missed Tracy and Jen’s answers, be sure to click on their name and check them out.

Perspective_Someone Kim

I dreamed about her last night. I don’t often dream of her. I can count on one hand the number of times she’s entered my dreams since she’s been gone.

Yet there she was . . .

Living.

Dancing.

Breathing.

My heart grasped to understand. I felt the warmth of her little body next to me yet somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, reality slowly dissolved my dream. I had buried that precious body more than eleven years ago.

When Emma died.

Some people say time heals all wounds but honestly? If I left the healing of my tender heart to the impersonal care of time, my wounds would still be gaping wide in the open air, festering and gross. Others say the time we have here on earth is all we’ve got. When we breath our last, we simply disappear and cease to exist.

So does Emma no longer exist? Has any other child, or parent, or spouse, or loved one who died simply . . . disappeared?

Or is there something more? Something that comes after death? If you had asked me that question twelve years ago, I would’ve shared how death scared me. How the darkness of the unknown reality after a final breath terrified me to the core of my soul. And if someone had even hinted that one of my children might die, I might’ve laughed, and then cried, and then lived in fear every minute of the day.

Emma was our gift, as every child is to a family. But her? She was the one who belonged to each of us, a completion to our blended family. She drew us in, bound us together, and spread love everywhere she went.
Especially to me.

I’m her mom, after all. Her momma bear. The one who watches over her, protects her, and cares for her. I carried her in my womb for nine months as those innate, primal instincts grew alongside her, just as they had with her older sister.

Isn’t it natural, then, to think our children belong to us; that she belonged to me?

So when death ripped my sweet Emma way at the tender age of five, it felt anything but natural. Fire destroyed our home and I stared death down . . . and lost. I lost her. I lost my identity as her mom. And I almost lost my way.

The weeks that followed the fire were a blur of hospitals & doctors, police & fire investigators, sorrow & failure. My heart vacillated between the destruction my family endured, the longing to hold my precious girl once more, and listening to a quiet, gentle voice that began whispering to my tattered heart.

I failed her.
There is no condemnation with me (Romans 8:1)

I don’t know what to do now.
I know the plans I have for you (Jeremiah 29:11)

I’ll never see her again.
In my house are many rooms (John 14:1-4)

Her life was cut way too short.
 I set her number of days, and yours (Psalm 139:16)

I can’t live without her.
You can do everything with me (Philippians 4:13)

But I was supposed to die first.
My ways are higher (Isaiah 55:9)

That’s the thing about sorrow, it distorts everything around us. Our circumstances. Our perspectives. Our truth.

Even about my sweet girl.

A battle raged deep in my soul between the seen devastation and His unseen kingdom. Stories about the great cloud of witnesses, Scripture verses, and those whispers drew together to become a tender battle cry, spurring me on as the drama of death and loss unfolded.

When all I could see was the empty chair at the table, He reminded me of His presence (Psalm 91:14-16) . When my eyes stayed stuck on what I lacked, He reminded me of His provision (Matthew 6:33). When shame and sorrow wrapped around my soul threatening to squeeze out the last ounce of breath, He reminded me that He is my sustainer and giver of life (Ezekiel 37:5-6).

I begged God to show me what was true in spite of what I saw. To help me to fix my eyes on Him as the Author and Perfect of my faith. He heard my cry and slowly, ever so slowly, He shifted my perspective and answered my prayer.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Hebrews 12:2a

I knew this to be true: Emma died. Her body no longer moves and breathes and grows. This side of heaven, I will never again hold her in a sweet embrace. I won’t get to watch her learn how to drive, graduate from high school, fall in love, or embrace her life’s passions.

As I pressed into my sorrow and pain, as God blessed me with the strength to keep my eyes fixed on Him, a larger truth took shape.

Heaven is real (1 Peter 3:22).

Jesus is preparing a place for each one of those who love and follow Him there (Ephesians 1:19-20).

Heaven is our home. (Revelation 21:1-4)

She is still my sweet girl and I am still her mom.

No, I will never again see Emma this side of heaven. But that’s the key, isn’t it? This side of heaven. That means there’s another side, a side where Emma lives and breaths and moves, more alive than any moment she had here on earth. A place where a precious piece of my heart now resides. And one day, one glorious day I will join her. One day my Savior will call me home and I’ll walk through heaven with my sweet girl’s hand placed firmly in mine. And this time, mother and daughter will never again be apart.

He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16, NLT

How is God shifting your perceptive about someone in your life?

Kim Signature

Categories // Life, Perspective Tags // child loss, Death, hope, loss, Scripture, truth

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2

Search this website

Subscribe

* indicates required

FACETS is on Social Media!

  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Recent Posts

  • Blessings—as You Go…
  • The Blessing of Knowing God
  • The Blessing and the Battle
  • January 2021: The Blessing
  • A Weary World Rejoices: Pondering and Remembering

Recent Comments

  • The Blessing of Knowing God – Facets of Faith on The Blessing and the Battle
  • Maryfrances on The Blessing and the Battle
  • The Blessing and the Battle – Facets of Faith on January 2021: The Blessing
  • Reawakening the Invitation to Dream – Facets of Faith on The Trinity: Intimately Knowing & Growing
  • Rudy Euceda on Finding Jesus Next to Me

Archives

  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2015

Categories

  • A Weary World Rejoices
  • Blooming in Marriage
  • Changes
  • Connection Before Correction
  • Desperate for God to Do?
  • Difficult People
  • Do They Know They Are Loved?
  • Do They Know They Are Loved?
  • Do You Believe God?
  • Do You Give Her the Royal Treatment?
  • Do You Kow You Are…
  • Do You See What I See
  • Expecting the Unexpected
  • Faith
  • Finding Family
  • Forgiveness
  • Freedom
  • Freedom on the Road to Calling
  • Friendship
  • Going Through Change
  • Going Through the Change
  • Guest Perspectives
  • How Do You See 2020?
  • How does God respond to me?
  • How Does Prayer Fuel Hope?
  • How Does the Enemy Try to Silence You?
  • How to Love When It's Hard
  • Intimacy
  • Jennifer Howe's Perspective
  • Joy/Humor
  • Kim Findlay's Perspective
  • Life
  • Life Lessons
  • Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Surrender
  • Mama Guilt
  • Megan Abbott's Perspective
  • Perspective
  • Precious Attributes of God
  • Resurrection Power
  • Safe to be Really Me?
  • Say No
  • Say Yes
  • Singing in April's Showers
  • Spring Forward with God
  • Thankfulness: How do we serve?
  • The Blessing
  • The Blessing: January 2021
  • The Do Over
  • The FACETS Team
  • The Lion the Lamb and the Mirror
  • The Story of Christmas
  • The Trinity: Intimately knowing and growing
  • Thelma! Who's Your Louise?
  • Tracy Stella's Perspective
  • Trusting God When Afraid
  • Truth and Denial
  • Turning Little into Much
  • Uncategorized
  • What are You Going Back to?
  • What Do I Have to Offer
  • What Do You Do for Fun?
  • What Do You Dream About?
  • What has God rescued you from?
  • Who Burnt My Turkey?
  • Who Do You Love?
  • Who Do You Say I Am?
  • Woman of God?

© 2025 · Facets of Faith · Built on the Genesis Framework