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Connection Before Correction─Why Does It Matter?

08.07.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith. We’re so glad you are here! This month we’re talking about connection and correction. Most of us probably want to connect, but don’t love the idea of correction. Visions of being sent to the principal’s office for disrupting the class might come to mind. Erase that thought. Let’s see what God has for us this month as the FACETS team shares what we felt led to write. God’s grace is good. Remember that and happy reading!

I have an eye for editing. I see things missing or off. My tendency is to observe what’s lacking, rather than what’s left that is good, at least at first. When I edit writing, whether mine or others’, I notice what seems incorrect or in need of clarification. Comma here. Word choice there. I see the gaps first. Like meeting a child with two front teeth missing, I can’t help but see what’s right before me.

Children smile large even if a few teeth aren’t there. We can learn from them. Grin large because there is much goodness in each of us, even if we have a thing or two missing.

God has trained me to go back through a piece and notice what works. It’s always there. I recognize some of the goodness at first glance, but when I sit with a piece a bit longer, I see greater good than what I might have originally thought. I add in words of encouragement to myself (if it’s my piece – because writing is basically baring your soul) or words to encourage others, recognizing their brilliant contribution to the creative collective.

Noticing what’s off or missing isn’t necessarily wrong. It’s how we harness what we see and notice, how we wield that knowledge that matters.

Truth isn’t bad but sandwiching it in grace and mercy is always best.

Sometimes, the skill of seeing what’s missing or off serves me well. When I help people sell their homes, I notice things buyers will see. Little things that might prove to be a stumbling block that are easily avoidable. I make my mental list in the spirit of helping them, and always add back in all the beautiful things about their home. But part of why clients hire me is to tell the truth. I wouldn’t be serving them well to speak only about what’s working in their home.

After all, they want to sell it. If I see the blemish, buyers likely will too. We become blind to what’s right in front of us when we live in it every day. We sometimes do need help seeing truth to move forward.

With God’s help I’ve trained myself to see the good. In God. In myself. In others. It hasn’t been easy seeing good. God’s grace and mercy has taught and is teaching me how. I’m still in training, and if I stop my workouts (daily meetings with Jesus, my Bible, and coffee), I’d very likely go right back to where I wouldn’t want to be. Not able to see the good. In God. In myself. In others.

I notice if something doesn’t fit. For a long time, I thought that was me. I’d look in the mirror and pick, pick, pick. Not this. Not that. Not her. Not. Not. Not. God’s grace showed me otherwise. We all fit into His complicated puzzle of family─the Church (big C). We are all different from one another by design, but sometimes that’s hard to see.

It’s also hard to see what God is doing beneath the surface in other people’s lives. Certainly, it’s even hard to often know what He’s doing in ours!

Truth in His Word calls things out for us. The beauty of the Bible is it teaches us good and bad, right and wrong, but not in a way we might imagine. (Or at least some of us might) Jesus has a better way. Of course, He does!

Now early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?” This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.

So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”

She said, “No one, Lord.”

And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”─John 8:2-11 NKJV

Did Jesus notice the woman’s sin? Of course, He did. But what really matters is He saw her first. He saw the goodness in her. He knew the good she had in her (even if she didn’t recognize it herself).

The Pharisees edited her life. They only saw what was on the surface as “wrong” and sinful. They didn’t know how she found herself in that position. They didn’t even seek to understand. They drug her before judgement and publicly humiliated her. The Pharisees didn’t recognize their own sin: judgement of others, not recognizing Jesus in their midst, and for some probably even hypocrisy (were any of them adulterers?).

We don’t know why the woman chose a sinful path, but there’s almost always a reason we choose darkness over light. Shame has a way of hiding all that’s beautiful within us. Until Jesus helps us shake it off, stand up, and sin no more.

Jesus gives us such a beautiful picture of connection before correction. It’s very likely you know this story from the Bible. But let us take heed of these words in a new way, a deeper way, let them dig in so we can do God’s good work, because He’s done His good work in each of us.

So, what did Jesus do? He connected before He corrected.

1. Connection Point: He defended her from her accusers.

Defense of a person doesn’t mean we are required to defend their sin. Jesus didn’t do that. But He did defend the woman. Honestly, I sometimes want to shake my hand at fellow believers who hold signs, and protest, rather than love. (But I realize I’d be joining them, so I won’t do that.) How can anyone hear what we have to say if they feel judged by us? They can’t!

Early in my faith, I wouldn’t have been able to hear all the truth, and all the ways I needed to transform. God knew that. He knew where He was taking me. He didn’t give me a scroll of sin to address. He gave me what I could handle when I could handle it. And you know what? He delighted in me when I joined Him in the process. He didn’t expect me to be perfect. He already knew I wasn’t.

So why do we expect perfection out of people who don’t know Him, or are new to knowing Him, or even have known Him for a long, long time.

We are all sinners in need of God’s grace. Every one of us. You. And me. (Romans 3:23)

2. Connection Point: Jesus “raised Himself up” on behalf of the woman.

By standing up, Jesus took a position of authority over the woman’s accusers. And in His authority, the woman was allowed to rise up out of the ash heap of sin and shame. The woman was standing, but I imagine her standing straighter, with her shoulders back, and her head held high after her encounter with Jesus.

When was the last time someone defended you, even when you were in the wrong? How did that make you feel? We all want mercy. The cross gave us just that!

Jesus always leaves us better off than we were before He speaks truth in love to us. We should always have the goal of helping others to rise up and be genuinely better off because we helped them to stand straighter, shoulders back, and head held high.

The accuser of the brethren (Satan) wants to keep us down. Let’s not participate in his plan.

If we need to say something to someone, connect with God first. Hear His voice. Rely on Him to help us stand against the enemy on behalf of others. Most of the time, we probably shouldn’t say anything at all. But when we do speak, remember how God spoke to this woman. Will our words help this person to stand tall?

Again, before we ever speak a word, we should pray and ask God to help our words help others rise. If that’s not the goal, it’s not a good and perfect gift from God. God is always about helping His kids to rise, to recognize goodness, and to call it out. He does correct. Most generally, He doesn’t need our help doing it.

3. Connection Point: Jesus called her Woman.

My old feminist self would have cringed, because I wouldn’t have understood the meaning of this. At that time in history, women held little power or influence. They were very vulnerable (and this woman, in particular, could have been stoned to death for her transgressions). In fact, men weren’t to be seen alone with women. Especially devout Jews like Jesus. Yet He stood right there with the woman. He stood up to men, men of influence and power. He didn’t care. He wasn’t about following what the world, or even the spiritual leaders, thought was right. He knew He needed to acknowledge the Woman and He did so with all the men. And she witnessed His actions. Acknowledgement and action make impact.

Jesus always fights for the underdog. Scripture gives us plenty of examples: David, Gideon, Nehemiah, Rahab, Ruth, to name a few.

He loves us all. He calls me. He calls you. What’s your name? He knows it!

P.S. For any feminist friends happening to read this, check out the gospel of Luke. See how Jesus treats, treasures, and adores women. I’d also welcome conversation with you.

4. Connection Point: Jesus saw the woman, really saw her.

Jesus stood up and saw the woman. It was only the two of them. All her accusers had scurried off at the realization they could just as easily be accused and found guilty of sin.

Jesus was aware of her sin, but He saw her. He made sure she knew His heart for her first. And always.

Because He wanted the best life for her, He knew she needed to be seen and known. Defended. Protected. Loved.

From that vantage point, she could hear what He had to say to her.

Isn’t that the truth for us too?

It’s very difficult to receive correction from a critical voice. Remember that teacher, manager, parent, or other person in authority who corrected without connection? That’s hard. It’s hard to hear. It’s hard to believe they have your best interests at heart. It’s hard to have any kind of desire to turn from sin toward that voice. Why would we? That can feel scary.

Jesus isn’t scary.

He’s Truth wrapped up in a warm blanket of Love. Like a child’s blankie, when we grasp His heart for us, we desire to take Him with us everywhere. His Love helps us feel safe and secure. Out of that secure position, we can hear the Truth of what He has to say.

He knows our sin. But I believe He knows us as individuals created in His image on a journey of transformation and freedom from sin. That sojourn happens one day at a time out of the overflow of His love for us.

Jesus sees you. And He sees that person who gets on your very last nerve. Yes, He sees them too.

And He wants us to see them as well.

That doesn’t always feel easy. It’s okay. It might not be. That’s when we ask for extra doses of grace and mercy from God to do it.

When we see people, they feel seen. Sounds basic. But how many people walk around in this world zombie-like wanting, waiting to be seen? Many! Selfies, anyone? A cry to be seen (at least sometimes). So let’s see. See the ones God calls you to. He doesn’t call you to everyone, but He does call you to some. See your some.

Yesterday, I heard a talk from Mackenzie Carter. She said something that struck me. “Step. Step. Stop.” Through our days, step forward, step forward, and then stop. Stop when we hear that still small voice tell us to take 10 minutes to connect with the person across the screen, table, cash register, or wherever we might be. Stop.

I’d actually like to add to what Mackenzie shared. How about….

“Step. Step. Stop. See.”

We all want to be seen. Let’s start by seeing.

5. Connection Point: Jesus asked a question.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is ask a question and let the Lord help the person come to their own understanding with His help (not ours). I’m not saying we never call anything out, but we should be certain God has asked us to. It’s not always our job to call it out. A better way is questions. We all believe the conclusions we are able to come to ourselves the most. We are all on a quest, a faith quest — even those of us who don’t realize it.

Questions allow the Holy Spirit to do His beautiful work in our brother’s and sister’s lives.

Questions also work in our own lives. Ask the Lord questions on behalf of yourself too. Do not worry. He isn’t going to come down on us like a guillotine. That’s what I used to think. Instead, He falls on us like grace.

His questions reveal a picture of His grace.

“Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”

Through His questions, she considers and answers. “No one.”

Think about how freeing that had to feel.

Imagine if you were caught stealing, in an affair, in addiction, lying, in pride, in gossip, in over-indulgence, in idolatry (children, spouses, jobs, identity in anything other than as a child of God), in any number of our sins. It’s you and Jesus. Just the two of you. Would you feel guilty? Would you squirm from the idea of it? I probably would.

But the beauty of God and His grace is seen even in His timing. Back-to-back questions leading the woman to the conclusion He wanted her to arrive at.

There is no condemnation.

Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you..”

He says that to you and me too.

Jesus says to you and me, “Neither do I condemn you.”

Let it sink in.

6. Correction Point: Now go and sin no more.

Only after God has deeply and genuinely connected with the woman does He tell her to “Go and sin no more.”

Sin hurts us and God knows it. People ask why bad things happen in our world? It’s because of sin. God wants us to stop that! I think of the tragedies in El Paso, TX and Dayton, OH.

That’s someone’s sin splayed across our world with terrible consequences.

“Go and sin no more.”

Sin wrecks lives, ours and others.

That is why God says, “Go and sin no more.”

I think of the pain I caused myself and others from my own sin. I don’t dwell on it, because God wouldn’t want me to. But I do know many of the sins God delivered me from (and is in the process of delivering me from). There are probably things I’m not even aware of yet. It’s because God is still connecting with me and giving me what I can handle, when I can handle it.

He keeps telling me, when I get angry or impatient, “Go and sin no more.”

His voice of correction is kind. It’s not harsh. It’s love wrapped in a blanket of truth that helps me know Him, myself, and how He wants me to carry out my calling here on earth.

So when God asks us to “Go and sin no more.” Let’s join Him. It’s His compassion that leads to change. His example is a good one to follow when dealing with others. (Again, not always easy. I know. But He’ll help us.)

I think of the families who are experiencing great loss right now from the events over the last week or so. We might not want to extend mercy to those who sinned and perpetrated atrocities against others, but consider what Jesus did for the man hanging on the cross next to Him. Jesus connected with him. And that man was saved. Just like you. And just like me. Sin isn’t on a sliding scale, even though we make it that way sometimes.

Why does connection before correction matter?

We all want a better world, a kinder, gentler place, a place where goodness dwells. When we focus on connecting before correcting, we create space for those things to happen.

More importantly (if you can imagine, but it’s true because our world is temporal)…we participate in God’s plan to help others walk out of darkness and into the light of life for all eternity.

Then Jesus spoke to them (the Pharisees) again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”─John 8:12 NKJV (added for clarification)

We won’t get the connecting before correcting right 100% of the time. We should still try.

And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.─John Steinbeck

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

How Do We Grow in Intimacy?

07.02.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith, sweet friends! Whether you are a new friend, or someone who has been with us on this journey for quite some time, I (Tracy) pray God meets you right where you are. It’s not by mistake God has brought you to these pages. I pray you feel God’s loving, warm embrace upon you as your eyes and heart absorb what He has for you.

Depending on your perspective, this topic might stir a host of emotion. You could be enthusiastic about the idea of intimacy.

If you’ve had tragedy in this area, you could be terrified at the mere mention of the word. Please don’t check out if that’s you. Hang in there. Let’s see what healing and restoration God desires to bring to your life. You are BRAVE, sweet one!

Perhaps you’re somewhere in the middle, a little indifferent to the thought of intimacy. Maybe you’re unaware there’s a snag in beliefs you have long held as truth. Maybe what you’ve believed for a lifetime isn’t what you once thought when you turn beliefs over and see what lies beneath.

Intimacy can be beautiful. Pure, sweet, love extended to our marital partner. The counterfeit, worldly version can leave us wanting more. Because there is more when we’re rooted and grounded in Christ’s love.

Truth be told, as we tossed out the idea of writing on this topic, some of the FACETS team was more than a little apprehensive. So, if that’s how you are feeling, know that you are not alone. There’s comfort in that thought, right?

For me personally, I embrace the idea of intimacy when it means intellectual connection, when it means experience of fun things together, but sexual intimacy stirs up a whole pot of feelings that, in some regard, my initial internal response is to run.

Life experience used to tell me men wanted one thing and my job was to give it to them. I deeply desired someone to love me, but struggled with the idea I was even worthy of love. The more years under my belt, the more deeply engrained those lies became. I grew to believe I was only as valuable as how I made the other person feel. And because I allowed my misguided attempts at love to guide my decisions, sadly, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy. Very often I attracted the wrong type of man, the one who only wanted to use me for what I could give him and then move on.

Not everyone in my life fell into that category, but many did.

This internal belief only served to create a deeper root of insecurity. I put a lot of pressure on myself to look a certain way, to do certain things – performance more than genuine, intimate connection.

If someone could have looked inside my heart, they would have seen a grieving young girl that grew into a grieving, love-starved woman. As years progressed, I became more and more broken. I became what I thought I was worth.

If we don’t value ourselves. No one else will either.

I also possessed a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors. It all came down to me feeling not good enough, so I’d engage in behaviors that were sure to prove my theory true.

At some point anger set in as well. I was mad about how I’d been treated, about the things certain people said or did. There were deep scars that served to scream at me. Unworthy! Unlovable! Not enough!

I was raped at a party and disassociated from the memory for a long time, even though I had attempted suicide because of that incident. There’s a cumulative effect of life’s trials. All the layers of mine had added up to despair. I was in a relationship with a “good guy”, but after the rape incident, my body and my mind couldn’t carry the weight of it all.

I sabotaged the relationship, because of the depths of depression I was sinking in. It was suffocating, and I wouldn’t have been able to even tell you why. Only my journals revealed the truth. Years later, when I read the words I’d written long before my eyes could handle reading them, I sighed a sigh of relief. Somehow, things began to make sense. Not crazy. Deeply wounded and in need of God’s loving, healing hands that never hurt. His embrace always sweet. Pure. Innocent. Love. Good intentions from the day He created you and me in our mother’s wombs.

Another journal from 3^rd grade revealed inappropriate adult attention from a neighbor. I wasn’t sure if my mind was making it up and reading too much into the words I saw in my “little girl” journal. I was able to verify through someone else who also spent a lot of time with this individual that he had done inappropriate things to us both. As sad as that made me feel for the little girl who used to be me, I was grateful for the puzzle piece to my story.

When we’re ready for the details, they can bring clarity and relief. These insights can’t be rushed or provoked. I believe it’s all in God’s good timing. He shows up as truth mixed with love when we have the capacity to see it, to process it without being undone because of it.

As part of my story, I had an abortion. The unknown trauma that decision caused me came to light a number of years ago (and decades after my decision) when God brought me through a healing journey. I received His forgiveness and was given the opportunity to grieve the loss of my child. I’m glad eternity is long. Time will give us the chance to get to know one another while worshipping Jesus together.

God is merciful to forgive repentant hearts from things we may think are beyond His reach. Even more beautiful? His grace takes our worst sin and works it together for our good. Sharing about my bad decision has helped others to make a good one. Each child’s life saved because sharing of story is a picture of God’s grace. It’s LAVISH, my friends!

Sex used to be my misguided attempt to give and receive love. I really had no concept of what genuine, sacrificial, Christ-shaped love looked like. I thought if I used my body to appeal to men they would love me. Instead, I was so often left feeling unloved and rejected (even if the relationship were longer). I came to believe my worth and value to a man was calculated by how I made him feel.

This and probably a scroll’s worth of sin I brought into my marriage.

My life has shaped me, but it doesn’t define me. Christ does! For you too. Nothing you have done, nothing that has been done to you, is beyond His redemption.

His blood covers my sin and shame. In fact, He blows those things to smithereens. It’s one of the reasons I’m genuinely grateful to God for what He has done in my life. His grace is the only reason I can write about my past without feeling condemned by it.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.─Ephesians 4:32

I have been forgiven much. I had to forgive much. God’s grace helped (and helps) me to not only extend forgiveness but receive it as well. When you have spent a large chunk of your life feeling unworthy, Christ’s grace makes sure you believe you are. Worthy of forgiveness. Worthy of love. Worthy of His time and undivided attention. Worthy of so much more than what we think or imagine.

He wants us to run to Him with our wounds, to rest secure in His arms. He is Counselor. He is Physician. He is Friend. He is our Husband. As children of God, we are His bride.

When you have a past as bumpy as the road I’ve travelled, the only way to feel worthy of the beauty and grace that is God and all He has for us is by losing ourselves in His immense love. If you’ve never experienced the love of God, I pray you are open enough to the idea of Him to receive it. He is Beautiful. Pure. True. Untainted.

He gives us power and strength to peer into our past for the purpose of a bright, beautiful, and hopeful future.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”─Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Even if you don’t believe you are worthy, even if you don’t believe those words could be true for you, if you have only a morsel of hope and belief they are true for you, that is enough. I pray God grows your belief into the fullness of reality that you are worthy. Valuable. Priceless and treasured.

I know this is possible, because He took this once broken woman and gave me a hope for my future. My life is good, pure, sweet and true, because I’m following the One who is Good, Pure, Sweet and True. He brings peace, and love, healing, and redemption.

He makes all things beautiful in their time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.─Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

Friends, we can’t fathom the goodness God desires to give us here on earth and for all eternity.

He does give us glimpses.

God gave me a new vision of love and marriage when He brought Sam into my life. From my past and the way I used to create favor with men, God didn’t allow me to use those tactics. He wanted Sam and I to do things differently. I’m so grateful for that!

Because Sam and I weren’t relying on physical intimacy, we created genuine intimacy. I do believe other than God, he knows me best. He knows me better than anyone else ever has. And sometimes he even knows me better than I know myself.

Because we didn’t rely on physical intimacy, I had no choice but to use new tools (mostly a dependency on God to help me walk out a Christian relationship). I prayed God would help me. And He did. And He does.

When there have been challenges Sam and I have had to navigate, as are inevitable in life, we have a strong foundation. Our relationship is built on Christ, the solid rock on which we stand. From that vantage point, His loving hand strengthens and encourages us to continue forward in this loving one another well thing. Really. Truly. Deeply. Flawed and imperfect, but genuine and real. My mask is off. I’m me and I hope he always feels he can be Sam. In the world we might not always be able to wear our heart on our sleeve, but I hope with one another we always will.

Merriam Webster’s definition of intimacy says intimacy is:

marked by a warm friendship developing through long association
suggesting informal warmth or privacy
engaged in, involving, or marked by sex or sexual relations

In aggregate, these make for a brilliant, wonderful marriage. We need friendship first through long association. Friendship isn’t confused by physicality and endorphins. Friendship says, “I see you for who you really are. I like you. I like spending time with you. It could be anything, really, as long as we are together.”

Genuine intimacy also requires warmth and privacy. In a marital bond with Christ leading and guiding, there is a genuine caring and concern. Because Christ lives in us, we possess His nature. He is love. He is trustworthy. He is safe. As husbands and wives, we need to be that for one another. If there has been a breach in trust for any reason, seek to make restoration. Seek forgiveness or seek God to give it to your spouse. It’s not easy. But it’s possible. Trust is built over time, through long association. Little by little, brick by brick, the house Love builds can withstand life’s storms.

While God calls me to share openly and vulnerably sometimes (to help others and to bring deeper healing to me), Sam is most often made aware of my heart long, long before I write or speak about a topic. Sam is kind. He is tender. He holds my hurts and heart gently. Over the course of our long association I have learned I can trust him. At first it felt monumental to share pieces of me and my story, like cliff diving into an unknown sea. Now it feels safe to share with Sam. I can be in my jammies armed with a box of Kleenex, looking a hot mess and know that his heart is for me.

Honestly, the physical nature of our relationship is hardest for me. There’s much hurt and brokenness there on my part, distortion of what is pure, lovely, and true.

God created sex. Satan tainted it. God has grown me to look at sex more through His eyes. At first it was a lot of the “thou shalt nots” being given─not from a distant, dictating God. Guidance given from a loving Father who only wants what’s best for me.

If you don’t know Him or just need reminding,

God wants what’s best for you!

For awhile, I had a hard time distancing myself from memories I didn’t want to linger. I didn’t want reminders of those experiences determined to try to define me. The enemy loved to torment me with those thoughts and doubts. But God brought deliverance and freedom. Years in God’s Word. Years in the school of the Holy Spirit, being comforted by Him and reassured there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Receiving His love and healing. Helping others. These all served to set me free.

Christ gave me freedom. And when I need reminding, He gives me freedom. Sometimes he brings me to new depths of freedom, each time less to hinder me. Growth in the soil of God’s goodness.

God helps me to experience sex as intimacy, not as an act. Acting I was good at. Intimacy I’m growing to become good at. It doesn’t happen over night, it happens in increments. Imagine a bucket on the beach. Little by little you fill it with sand. Eventually it is full. Eventually it overflows. Intimacy is like that.

If you have a story like mine, intimacy isn’t easy. But it if you have a story like mine and God is in the equation, intimacy is possible.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”─Matthew 19:26 NIV

Jesus looks at you.

Jesus looks at you and says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Lord, help each person whose eyes read this to fear not, to know that You are with them. Help them to be not dismayed. Help them to know You. Strengthen each one. Help them and uphold them with Your righteous right hand. In Jesus’ name, amen!

“Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

─Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

How Have I Found Family? We All Can Find Family.

02.26.2019 by Anne Marie Sopiarz //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith. We are wrapping up our series Have you found your family with our guest contributor, Anne Marie Sopiarz. I (Tracy) met Anne Marie at a Christian Women Business Organization meeting. She was the guest speaker and blessed us with her communication gift during her talk on connection with others. I knew I wanted to share her gift with others, like seed scattered so that others could receive the good gifts God has for us all through what He puts on her heart. With that, enjoy Anne Marie’s contribution to this month’s topic on family. Family. What a complicated word! Ask someone about “family” and you will likely get an emotional response. The response might be a huge smile representing love and thankfulness. The response might be eyes that glance downward revealing deep wounds and hurt at the mention of family.

Family is complicated in my life too! I have a brother who didn’t grow up with us, and my father has been married a few, well lots, of times.

I have friends all around the country whom I consider family, and I am blessed when I look at the beautiful family God has given my husband and me! This little nuclear family includes our adopted daughter who has shaped my understanding of family dramatically.

Most of all, when I think of family I think of the family of God. God is my good Father, and I am His child.

I have been blessed to study the book of Romans in-depth this year through BSF. We dig and dig each week into a handful of verses. We wrestle with each one and let God speak to us. What a gift!

As a result of my study of the book of Romans, I have been struck lately with the truth that we are adopted as God’s children. I am a child of God. If you are a believer, then you are a child of God too.

Adoption is quite the word.

My study of Romans left me considering adoption, but life experience made it come alive.

Last December I sat in the courtroom for another hearing on behalf of our foster daughter. But this one was not just another hearing. It was her “best case” hearing. Basically, our agency was laying out evidence to the judge that our daughter’s “best case” was to be adopted by us– her foster family who has loved and cared for her most of the years of her life. It was gut wrenching and sacred. I was not “allowed” to speak in court, but I sobbed silently in the last row as the judge declared my girl’s standing and placement to be “best” with my husband and me.

She has been ours all along, but with this declaration she becomes a full member of our family, and she inherits full rights as our daughter!

It’s the same for God with you and me, adopted with full rights!

God, our Father, sees each of us as His child.

How does God feel when we let Him claim us as His daughter or son? Probably similar to how I felt in that courtroom!

We are His all along. Once we realize that truth, we can finally be freely loved by God. We get the full benefits of being His child.

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” Jesus in John 14:18

Behave instead like God’s very own children, adopted into His family– calling Him Abba, Father. Romans 8:15

The Greek word for adoption here is a term referring to the full legal standing of an adopted male heir in Roman culture. God, our good, good Father adopts us. We will experience this fully one day (Romans 8:23), but it makes a difference in our life here and now as well. We are His. You are His. You are claimed and adopted. I am claimed. I have been declared His child. What a gift!

I get emotional when I let this truth sink in and when I live out of that place. How about you?

When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” Galatians 4:4-6 (emphasis added)

There were legal realities God had to deal with, which is why He sent His Son, Jesus, to cover our sins. His justice and law demanded punishment and exclusion from his presence because of our sins. God’s mercy brought our redeemer, Jesus. His sacrifice on the cross and our acceptance of Him as Savior gives us righteousness in Christ. God had to satisfy His justice and His law in order to adopt sinners into his family. This He did by the life, death, and resurrection of his Son Jesus Christ.

God our Father cries in the courtroom too. It has been decided. We have been claimed. Let Him claim you. Let Him claim me.

I have Full Rights as His daughter! My prayer is that I sit in it and live from it. How about you? Family to a believer means being a child of God! I thank God for this truth today!

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Do you desire to be part of the family of God? He wants nothing more than to adopt you as His son or daughter, dearly loved. He died so you can freely live, both here on earth and in heaven. He sets the lonely in families, where as Christians we call each other brother and sister. If you would like to be adopted into God’s family, say this prayer from your heart:

I believe You, Jesus, died on the cross for the forgiveness of my sin. I believe You love me enough to die for me, and You desire my adoption into Your family. I commit to following You as You lead and guide the way like any good parent would do. Show me what is best for my life and help me to live in light of that truth. I know being a Christian comes with blessings but doesn’t eliminate every trial either. The difference, though, is I am never alone as a child of God. Thank You for never leaving me, nor forsaking me. Thank You for helping me navigate each day as You help me every step of the way. Help me to hear Your voice, to listen and to obey the good, loving, Fatherly guidance You have for me. In Jesus’ name, amen!

If you just said the above prayer, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!

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