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Perspective Shift: Shame

07.12.2016 by Jennifer Howe //

Perspective_Issue JenI (Jennifer) am not afraid to say, “I’ve got issues.” This week, I’m thinking about how God is shifting my perspective on one close to my heart in this season.

Shame. What I say, think, and do has cause and effect, benefit and consequence. Somewhere down deep my soul is hardwired to recognize the impact I make on my own life and others’. Shame can be highlighted in relationship to others as they respond to my flaws. This is a relational issue, so I want to identify the relational problems and sort them out. In my best moments I communicate well, leaning in or establishing healthy boundaries to strengthen my resolve to make new choices. Honestly, worse moments end in a private downward spiral.

It all started when…
The origin and nature of shame is the inheritance I never wanted but can’t turn down or dismiss, initially. Shame originates with sin.

Then the woman saw that the tree was good for food and delightful to look at, and that it was desirable for obtaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate [it]; she also gave [some] to her husband, [who was] with her, and he ate [it]. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves. Genesis 3:6-7 CSB

When the first couple made in the image of God rebelled, their thoughts, words, and actions missed perfection (the intentional choice was sin). In a moment, they saw it—purity, innocence, and complete transparency before the Father exchanged for nakedness and shame. Their choice changed everything. Their relationship to God was altered. Immediately they were ashamed of their appearance and their decision. Maybe they feared punishment, or they hoped to cover their shame and remain in relationship with the God they loved at the expense of the other. Adam and Eve landed in the blame game. (I’m no different in hoping to avoid blame or shame sometimes.)

But God…
The God they loved was loving in spite of their rebellion.

The Lord God made clothing out of skins for Adam and his wife, and He clothed them. Genesis 3:21

He met his people in their shame, removed their flimsy fig leaf solution, and sacrificed animals’ lives (ones He created) to cover their nakedness. There are consequences to sin. Always.

Because God loved them, He refused to allow a second opportunity that could leave all of mankind in an eternal state of sin.

The Lord God said, “Since man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil, he must not reach out, and also take from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever.” So the Lord God sent him away from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. Genesis 3:22-23

He removed them from Eden.

The damage was done.
The extent of the problem was far worse than a change in relationship and the mind. The result of rebellion against Holy God permeated the mind, body, and soul of all mankind and all of the environment.

I have a friend, Peter, who often says, “Cheer up, you’re worse than you think you are!” And he’s probably right. When I get gut-level honest about my sin, it can be worse than I want to admit. But a very good friend will remind me sin is not a line I cross in what I say, think, or do. It’s woven through every cell of my being—sin and its wages, death, entangles every strand of my DNA.

Where’s the perspective shift?
There has to be one, or it gets depressing.

The big change in my perspective was realizing my emotional-relational response stemming from a misunderstanding of sin. I began to grasp that sin was less about avoiding some line or slaving at a behavior modification program. The solution to all sin and shame was Christ nailed to a cross. Jesus took the punishment I deserved. He died to liberate me and every one of us from sin-wrecked DNA and every wrong choice. His blood paid for (covered) all sin for all people for all time.

Some know, embrace, and celebrate their freedom every day. Some have no idea freedom waits. Some pray a prayer of repentance, ask for eternal security, and continue to strive every moment as if God never hears and nothing changes. They mistakenly believe their efforts add value to the timbers, nails, and Jesus’ blood. But nothing can be added to Christ’s sacrifice; it’s final and enough.

Take that in.

It’s a process…
I am yet to be completely transformed by this truth.

My life with God has been characterized by many ideas. I’ve believed in a “one and done prayer,” but it’s not exactly that. A season was flooded with terrible concern and fear of the lines I hopped like double-dutch ropes. Exhausted and staring at a list of failures (wallowing in shame), I have settled, given up, or stopped caring about knee-jerk responses to circumstances and people. But God is loving and reveals life patterns that don’t break. What do I do when I see them and feel overwhelmed?

Remember the gospel!

He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that, having died to sins, we might live for righteousness; by His wounding you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24

A child can grasp it, but we complicate it, or worse, warp the whole thing. There is no “excellent” human flesh or behavior this side of eternity in light of God’s perfection. We have been vandalized by sin to the DNA level. God is holy and can’t be in the presence of anything less, so our sin-ridden condition places us in the best world we could possibly live in (temporarily): this marred universe with residual beauty and blessing. He put us here to wait for the single sacrifice that would be enough—enough for all sin for all people for all time. Mine. Yours. Everybody’s!

It’s simply this:

  • Place trust in Jesus’ sacrifice at the cross. Add nothing more.
  • Celebrate your new identity and liberated life here and now.
  • Because He loved you, let every choice flow out of your love for Him.
  • Remember the promise of eternity with the One who spared you.

Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Also through Him, we have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:2

For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift— Ephesians 2:8

Thanks for reading, friends. Has this been helpful? Share it. Better yet, let’s chat below or on our Facebook page.

Signature, Jennifer Howe

Categories // Jennifer Howe's Perspective, Perspective Tags // Faith, Perspective, Repentance, Shame, sin, The Fall

How Has God Changed Your Perspective About An Issue?

07.05.2016 by Tracy Stella //

As glorious as the sun is, its rays burn if we don’t find shade’s safe solace. We need protection from what could cause harm. As long as we take precaution, the sun is beautiful, inviting even. When we choose to go unprotected into summer’s sun without calculating the cost, the rays scorch as they move from warm to sizzle.

Something beautiful in design turns out to be quite painful to the touch. Our skin in need of healing, because we exposed ourselves to too much of summer’s tantalizing allure. We didn’t count the cost, and the decision to play in the sun made us uncomfortable in our own skin.

I (Tracy) have gotten too much exposure to sun. I’ve also gotten too much exposure to sin. Sinful decisions have scorched my skin making it painful to touch. Only when God’s soothing balm of love and forgiveness covered my former shame-scorched surfaces, did I see my need for God or His healing hand. Once I felt His soothing touch, my pain began to subside. As pain receded like an ocean tide, I began to walk in my purpose.

I didn’t always seek the safety of God’s shade. Now, I know the shadow of His wing is the safest place to hide as He covers me in His love, forgiveness, protection, and healing while leading and guiding my life.

In some ways I think, “Oh what I wouldn’t give to go back and do things differently.” How would my life have looked if I had known Jesus and my need for Him all along? What if I always had known how much He loved me?

But then I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have learned the hard lessons I must have needed to know. Maybe my sin was the only way I could see how good and merciful God is to us—to me. I don’t know. I do know He’s helped me climb many mountains.

Perspective_Issue TracyHealing can feel arduous, but the outcome is worth all the effort we must put in to fight for it. I’m sitting on the other side of some mountain climbs thanking God and thinking, “I am so grateful You had me start in the valley as You helped me to rise higher. Higher into my healing. Ultimately, higher into my calling.”

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. You, LORD, preserve both people and animals. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.—Psalm 36:6-8 NIV

As I have grown to understand my need for God’s love and forgiveness, He has helped shift my perspective on many things. He has helped me (and He keeps helping me) not to become scorched by my own sin.

One place He has shown me a different perspective is in the area of intimacy.

Before I knew the truth of God’s abundant love for me, I was needy in the area of love. I’d search for it however I could get it. Sex too soon and outside of God’s design was only one way I tried to fill the void. There was also striving, performance at all costs, people pleasing, and a whole host of other ways I tried to get people to love me.

Looking for love, operating out of need, is a very dangerous endeavor. We fall victim to Satan’s lies that the allure of sin will somehow help us feel better. We are also easy targets for people who are broken and in their own sin.

God first showed me what an intimate relationship with Him looks like. He met me where I was and held me close. He rooted me in His love, taught me through His Word, and helped me see who I am and how He created me to be.

Prayer became a sweet time to pour my heart out to God as I grew to know He leans in to hear what I have to say. He also taught me how to hear His voice, my listening crucial to fulfill His divine purpose for my life.

Awareness of how deeply known and loved I am by God changed me forever.

Using God’s model of intimacy, He has shown me how to bring genuine intimacy into my marriage. The more I learn and understand of God’s design for intimacy in general, including sexual intimacy, the more I see how duped I was over my lifetime—especially in this area.

God has shown me, and continues to show me, what it looks like to let someone in—really in—to a place and space where I am truly known. It’s vulnerable and real, and that’s what makes intimacy so valuable. I’m loved for who I am, not for what my sexuality has to offer. That’s powerful!

Sex is beautiful. It’s absolutely breathtaking when it’s in the context of a safe marital relationship.

Outside of that context I had no business engaging in those activities. It’s not because God is some sort of prude He asks us to wait. It’s because God desires to protect us. He wants husband and wife to become one. God doesn’t want us letting just anyone into that sacred space. He knows the scars that will be prevented if we take precaution and calculate the cost of giving the most precious parts of ourselves to the wrong person, or even too early to the right person.

I think about all the risk I exposed myself to. I think about the fear and anxiety I had to endure, because I ventured into “off limits” territory. I think about the cost of my sin. It had great expense for me, and for others.

One very costly area I encountered as a result of my sin also became one of the biggest perspective shifts God brought.

I paid the high price of getting pregnant outside of marriage—twice. I remember being very embarrassed that I got pregnant a second time. My pride could not handle having another child without being married.

While I didn’t necessarily believe in abortion, I believed in a woman’s choice. My pride screamed it was my decision. While I chose to keep my first child, I did not choose to keep my second. My sin was multiplied, because I fell to my own fleshly desires and I believed the lies of the enemy. It wasn’t just pride. I was also afraid. I already felt “not good enough” as a mom. There was a laundry list of reasons why I thought this decision was good.

That was only on the surface. I believe deep down I knew it wasn’t right. I even tried to “punish” myself afterward by not taking any of the medications to stop the bleeding or alleviate the pain.

Decades later God showed me a different perspective about abortion. It’s not a choice. It is sin.

I was reading the Ten Commandments. As I read the “thou shalt not’s”, I remember saying in jest, “Well, at least I didn’t commit murder.”

God asked a question in one of His most effective ways, since of course He already knew the answer. “Really?”

He asked the question, and then He waited.

I was very confused at first. God brought clarity. As I dialogued with Him quietly in my head, it was then He told me my choice to have an abortion was murder.

God was gentle and merciful with me, but I will never forget that day. He comforted me, sitting down in the dust of my sin as He soothed my pain from that choice.

When the reality of my decision sunk in, I sobbed. In God’s perfect timing He revealed the truth to me in love, and it was like a flood of remorse broke free. I went from joking around with God to a place of absolute repentance. God communicated in a way that convicted me without making me feel condemned; the beautiful balance only He can pull off. He needed me to walk in truth, because that’s where freedom waits.

God couldn’t heal what was left in hiding. Oh, and did I need healing! I just had never realized it.

It’s another of those big perspective shifts God brought. I needed healing from my decision to have an abortion. In God’s mercy, He brought it. I had been hiding for years from my decision, but that didn’t mean its effects hadn’t hindered me most of my adult life. It had.

Healing was hard, but the soothing aloe of Abba Father helped me through it. He allowed me to see how that decision shaped so many others. How I had bought into lie upon lie about myself. I had been buried in shame. That’s why I kept the decision so well hidden. I remember feeling unworthy of God’s goodness or His forgiveness, but I also grew to know how imperative they both were (and are) to walk in freedom from the sin that once hindered.

God in His infinite mercy gave me my child’s name, Asher. God told me Asher is happy with Him, seated at Christ’s banquet table. What more can a mama want than to know her child is safely seated with God, happy? I don’t know how all that happens, but my faith says it can. It’s one of the hopes I cling to: I will one day meet Asher and get to spend all of eternity with him. I have no right to that privilege, but that is what makes God’s mercy so powerful. We don’t deserve it, but He blesses us with mercy in spite of who we once were.

There’s a lot God can do with a repentant heart.

My decision is now part of my calling. God has placed women in my path faced with making a similar choice. I can’t make her decision for her, but I can share how that decision shaped my life. I can share how much it hurt me, and others. I can share what God shared with me in a way others wouldn’t be able to. God doesn’t let me stray too far from the emotion when I share my story. I don’t walk around “feeling it” all the time, but when I’m engaged in an important, life-saving conversation, God keeps me connected to it all. It’s important for authenticity. I have to go back and visit those feelings. It’s important, because a child’s life might be saved. That possibility is worth remaining connected to things that are hard.

The outcome is solely up to God; He only asks me to be obedient when opportunities to talk present themselves.

Besides my gratitude to God, there’s a powerful reason I want to keep myself emotionally open to engage with others about my biggest mistake. It motivates me to know my son Asher’s life mattered and still does. God brings me conversations with expectant mothers. Any child’s life saved because of a sharing of my story is part of Asher’s legacy. It’s his story too. It’s Asher’s legacy of love as I silently say, “This is for you sweet son.”

It’s also God’s way of bringing beauty from ashes. God redeems what we feel is far beyond His reach and He shows us how He works all things together for our good, even the choices we wish we would have never made. Nothing is beyond His reach. Nothing.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lords holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.—Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

Has God ever radically transformed your opinion about an issue? What or who did He use to shape your perspective? Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Block - TracyNeed help with post-abortion healing?

If you think you need help healing from a decision to abort your child, consider participation in Surrendering the Secret Bible study.  God used the teaching to heal my heart, and I highly recommend it.

Also know that you are forgiven. Scripture even goes as far as to say that if we claim to be without sin, the truth isn’t in us. He forgives us when we turn from sin to follow Him. (See 1 John 1:8-9) The truth is what sets us free. (See John 8:32)

If I could reach through this screen, I’d surely be giving you a hug right now. I’d tell you it will be okay. Trust God. Lean into Him and let Him heal your heart. Let Him love every part of you back to life. Healing, wholeness, and freedom from shame are all possible. I pray you feel God’s hand leading and guiding you every step of the way. In Jesus’ name, amen!

Categories // Life, Perspective, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // abortion, Asher, Calling, Ephesians 3:14-21, forgiveness, Freedom, healing, Intimacy, Legacy, Love, Mercy, murder, Perspective, Purity, Repentance, sin, Surrendering the Secret, truth

How Has God Changed Your Perspective About Someone Else?

06.07.2016 by Tracy Stella //

I find it interesting the way God led us to pose June’s question. To me (Tracy) the question asks us to consider more than one angle.  As I tilt my head to the right it looks one way, to the left another.

There’s “how,” as in a methodology. What process did God use to change our perspective about someone else?

There’s also “who,” as in what person did He use to help us see in a different light?

Perspective_Someone TracyWhen I first looked at “my person,” I saw him under harsh, fluorescent-like illumination. My view of him wasn’t natural. It glared. It got to my eyes, making my vision fuzzy. Fury, pain, and too many tears have a way of blurring things.

“I see marriage as an operation that sews two people together, and divorce is a kind of amputation that can take a long time to heal. The longer you were married, or the rougher the amputation, the harder it is to recover.”¹

My person is my ex-husband, Mike. I’ve held off writing about him and our situation until now. Now feels right. Now feels wrapped in forgiveness, but it wasn’t always so. I think it’s important to visit a bit of what it was to see what God did.

We were married for well over ten years. There were good years. And then there weren’t. Neither one of us were believers. Neither one of us went to church—until things got desperate and we didn’t know what to do with one another anymore.

Our marriage was in a sad state. Without God in the center of marriage, how does anyone hold it together? We don’t have enough hands. Believe me. I tried. My pride and my performance-driven nature told me I could keep it together until one day my pride said, “Enough is enough!”

Pride is an ugly animal. It roars and ravages relationships with others and with God. Pride is probably the biggest inhibitor to a relationship with Christ. When we think we’ve got things under control (or can get them there), we don’t recognize our need for Jesus.

When our marriage was in a season of desperation, we were surrounded by a sea of non-believers. Warning! Be very careful whose counsel you listen to. I had plenty of people telling me to leave him. Because I wanted to, I did. Oh, I didn’t really want to; I just didn’t know what to do. I was scared. I was mad. And I was embarrassed. How did we end up here?

I felt stupid, and back then especially I didn’t like feeling stupid. I still don’t love it, but I’m learning not to expect myself to have all the answers. I don’t. Back then, I didn’t know I didn’t need to. The Sovereign One has all the solutions I’ll ever need! Thank You, Jesus!

How does someone live in the same household as another person and not see addiction?

I walked around with blinders on, because I was too afraid to peer into what was really taking place. Only in hindsight did I see what was sitting under my nose. I wanted to believe he was just tired. Each relapse I wanted to believe it would never happen again. I wanted to believe in my fairy tale. Tracy married her prince, and she lived happily ever after.

But it wasn’t true.

No princess ever watched her prince’s head swim in a bowl of French onion soup. Over and over he took a dip. That image still breaks my heart. Addiction is sad. So sad. His hair saturated by the oily onion soup stench as his face swam in the cobalt blue bowl, cheese baked down its side. Kitty often would sneak up and secretly lap at the liquid.

There’s a lot I’ll leave out. No need to dredge through it all. After several relapses and not knowing what else to do, I put my foot down one last time. Out! And it ended. Amputated, Mike was completely cut out of my life in the physical sense. He didn’t step foot in the house again, even though we remained separated for a long time before we actually got divorced.

I think subconsciously I was holding out, waiting to see if he’d fight for our marriage and leave the substances behind. He didn’t. I don’t think he could. Wounded, I ran to other relationships for comfort. And I didn’t stop running and hiding in what others offered. Later, God showed me my pride in all of this. But I didn’t see any of that at the time. I was busy grieving in the weirdest of ways.

The day of the divorce he was a no show. For some reason that was one of the things that stung the most back then. I felt like he viewed our marriage as insignificant, not worth investing any more time in—not even for a court appearance to end it. The marriage was over without much fanfare. Later, I realized he either couldn’t appear in court emotionally or couldn’t because of addiction. It didn’t mean everything was always horrible, nor did it mean the time we shared was insignificant. It meant he couldn’t.

Over a decade spent with another person is never insignificant. It shapes us.

God changed my perspective about my ex-husband. God showed me the person I once loved is someone He still deeply loves. And I’m called to love Mike in a different way now. It is love to forgive, to release a person.

God changed my perspective when He showed me Mike was broken, just like me. I could no longer hate him when I saw his hurt. I recognized what that felt like, and I wouldn’t want that for anyone. God taught me too much about what love really is to want that for anyone–even if that anyone had inadvertently hurt me.

God has used the pain of that time, the trauma, to help me never lose sight of the blessings I have in my current marriage to Sam. We can’t take people–our marriages–for granted. We can’t assume just because something is good today means it will be good tomorrow. We have to make investments in one another, because we make withdrawals (even if on accident).

What methodology did God use to help me change my perspective about my ex-husband?

  1. It took time. I needed to distance myself from the pain in a healthy way.
  2. It took a relationship with Jesus. He healed my soul in ways I didn’t know I needed.
  3. It took reading God’s Word and learning (and believing) He had plans and hope for my future. I needed hope. Desperately!
  4. I began to understand my contribution to the demise of my marriage. His addiction was substances. Mine was work. My addiction was just socially acceptable.
  5. I didn’t see my own sin. I had a great big plank of adultery sticking out of my eye. The failure of a marriage takes two. Sometimes the sin is obvious; sometimes it’s not. Just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. We all have our blind spots. God revealed truth in love. And then I saw.
  6. As I became more aware of my own brokenness, I was able to see my ex-husband’s. His addiction wasn’t aimed at me. I was merely caught in the crossfire, just as he was caught in mine.
  7. The more I experienced God’s love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness, the more I was able to extend it to others. I read R.T. Kendall’s book, Total Forgiveness, which helped too. I forgave Mike long ago.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it’s possible. Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves. Sometimes we need to forgive others. More times than not, I’ve learned it’s a bit of both.

Through it all, I moved from sorrow, to anger, to shame, to healing and restoration. I went through boxes of tissue. And the bowl of tears God’s holding in heaven? If it were anyone other than God carrying it…it would be too much.

On the other side of divorce, God showed me “everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, the hope of nations.²” I do. Everyone does. My ex included.

“My God is mighty to save.²”

Join me as I pray for my ex. I’m not sure where he is with addiction or with Jesus. I pray he is in recovery and I pray he knows Jesus. And that he’s happy. I know all are possible. Thank You, Jesus, for bringing those to my life!

How has God changed your perspective about someone else? Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

Signature Block - Tracy

¹Gilbert, Elizabeth. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia. New York: Viking, 2006.

²Zschech, Darlene, writer. Mighty to Save. Hillsong/Columbia, 2006, CD.

Categories // Life, Perspective, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // addiction, adultery, brokenness, divorce, forgiveness, marriage, Perspective, pride, sin, workaholic

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