social distancing Archives – Facets of Faith

Hey, friend, welcome to FACETS. This month we’re exploring a good question: Hey, Thelma! Who’s your Louise? If you’re struggling with “connection” to this flick because you’ve seen it, know that the Facets want to lean into some themes without getting trapped in the cultural swirl down some drain. Love it or hate it, the movie includes intriguing cultural commentary. Maybe. Anyway—if you’re looking for Tracy’s post, it’s HERE. Pop in for Megan’s thoughts next week!

I hadn’t seen Thelma and Louise. I watched it and found it jarring. If your story has threads common to mine and you haven’t watched it yet, I’d offer words of caution. It could be triggering. Still, I’m still thinking about something that struck me:

We all need a good friend to do life with!

I wrote this in 2018 (though I edited it here):

I’m in the season of…“Uncle!” Anyone else in that?
Most of us are stronger than we let on. We put our best foot forward and let the rest fade to the shadows. In a “fake it till you make it” sense, it’s better than sharing the “stuff” of life. I’ve got news for you: this culture isn’t what we were made for. We were made for something else—something much more!
Each of us fights a hundred battles. Sometimes daily. Privately. Secretly. Because it’s “easier” than being vulnerable.
None of us was made to peek out from the arrow slits in our thick, stone castle walls we carefully constructed. Doing life quietly and alone is a choice, but it means limiting the beautiful aspects of relationship: facing struggles together, tackling a challenge with a buddy, loving in the hard stuff, companionship in the sadness or failures, and the shared, ecstatic joy that goes with the high points.
Together we are amazing. People can share and care and laugh and cry together; and, no matter what, the whole thing is sweeter for the presence of other souls.
Who do you do life with? Are you looking for more people to include, or do you think you have enough friends? Maybe—just maybe—it isn’t about you.
“And that’s all I have to say about that.” ~Forrest Gump

When this popped up in Facebook memories, I sat with it. I wrote that? It’s still true. It feels perfect for life right now, too.

We all need…

Friend, this slice of life feels like “culture Sirens” calling and encouraging me to settle into isolation, intentional division, and internal chaos. In a world where a virus seems to govern who we connect or hang with and when, where faces are obscured whenever we get close, where a slew of “differences” that divide us are highlighted more than ever—isolation is an option, a respected choice, even a new normal.

We divide over so many things, more than I remember in my sheltered life. I feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, unsure how to proceed in connection and conversation. Can I enter into the civil discourse I was trained to engage in? I’m not sure. Can I just be “me” in a culture that might not value the intricate beauty of individual thought, skill, and appearance?

This funny thing happens when I spend too much time alone: I get myopic and then deaf. I can’t see clearly to address my faults, and I only hear the story I’m telling myself. In isolation I live in the echo chamber of my story, my preferences and peeves, and the projects and problems in front of me. On a bad day, “projects and problems” are people, and I’m sad about that.

I cannot thrive in isolation, and neither can you. You might argue “love is all we need.”¹ Our hearts are wired to love and be loved. Or is it that God simply has to be enough? The all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present God who loves us will never come up short. Period.

And yet—God saw fit to create humanity for relationship with Him and others.

In the book of Genesis, the “not good” thing was Adam’s lack of companionship with another human. Yes, God purposefully created and established family, but somehow I don’t think it was all about sex. I mean, it was about sex, but… [Putting down the shovel so I stop digging a hole with a flushed face.]

In Acts 2 regular connection in Christian community was important. It was for their survival and to meet practical needs, but it was also for their hearts, minds, and souls! It was good and right to meet and eat together, discuss deep things, and welcome others into their lives. They rejected the idea of a “private faith” or isolation in order to preserve their lives in an oppressive culture.

Really, I have no concept how dangerous it is to publicly live a faith in Jesus in parts of the world. Seriously. I do know persecution stokes vibrancy in a follower’s faith, or it reveals a casual fan. Fans burn bright when the sun is shining. Vibrant followers are live coals—get a few together and a bonfire happens in the rain! We need each other.

God uses His Spirit and relationships to ignite or re-ignite our hearts for Him and His passions.

A good friend…

I used to pick friends like I chose music: a heap of encouragement, pleasant-sounding key, and a hint of adventure. It’s selfish and maybe self-destructive to choose my inner circle that way.

It feels easy when relationships have less resistance or none. I like me and my preferences, but I don’t need another me in my life. My friends need to be who they are, not some carbon copy of my favorite things, and there’s good reason.

When I want to know the best way to do life, I find solid wisdom in the book of Proverbs:

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity. 17:17 ESV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy. 27:6

And then there’s the book of James:

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 4:4

A real friend speaks words rooted in the truth and love of God regardless of personal preferences. Preferences out of step with God’s mind and heart are in step with the world; I don’t see any wiggle room.

I’m reminded how much I need God and His people in my life. His people know and share His truth, love, wisdom, and counsel, and that’s critical—especially if I take a few steps on the wild side that dishonors the One who lived, died, and resurrected for me.

Good friends, you know who you are—you have permission: speak truth to me when I’m cycling lies in my head or spreading them. Please!

To do life with!

When I met one friend, she was completely wide-eyed when my last name was Asian but my face wasn’t. We were in a small group that eventually ended. If we were going to be good friends, we’d have to go beyond the weekly two-hour time slot. We chose to do that. Our hearts and everyday lives are knit together.

I connected with another friend through writing. Our get-to-know-you conversations deepened. We “wrote together separately” for months. Then we collaborated. We even took our families on a vacation together! That’s one of the sweetest times I can remember. Distance is happening, but I think we’re “knit.”

A new friend and I are taking the “polar plunge” into relationship, and I love it! We talk about the stuff of life; it’s the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly. Knit one, purl two…

This “doing life with” thing is important. You instinctively know it, but here are thoughts:

Good friends speak truth when it’s unpopular.
Ask: Is God’s truth, love, and passion strengthened by this friendship?
Good friends lean in whenever possible, sometimes when it’s inconvenient.
Ask: Can this friendship bear and share difficult times and some needs?
Good friends do mundane things together.
Ask: Can this friendship go beyond the “special” into “everyday reality”?

B-b-b-b-but distancing…

Proximity is wonderful, but it isn’t everything. Closeness in relationship has more to do with heart connection (even two-dimensionally, if necessary). I keep telling myself that because I’m not a fan of Zoom-everything. *grin* Lean in. Don’t quit. Don’t let someone or something tell you isolation is good or right. It’s not.

And one more thing, if I want this beautiful, genuine relational connection, I become both a giver and receiver of these things. A good friend to do life with might be found in surprising places, and she’s probably not every acquaintance you have. The friendship is selected and forged intentionally—maybe in the fires of disagreement.

What will you do? Maybe the friends you let in, the relationships you continually lean into, are the friends you keep. Maybe you’d choose different friends if you thought about it. What do you think? Pop a comment below or share at our Facebook page.

¹Lyrics.com, STANDS4 LLC, 2020. “All You Need Is Love Lyrics.” Accessed August 11, 2020. https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/9878509/The+Beatles.

Hello friends! Welcome back to our gathering space. This month, each of us have pondered on the question “Do they know they are loved?” and each of us ending with a different “facet” (haha)… Check back with Jen and Tracy to hear their thoughts, and get excited for next week’s guest, Judy! I am going to be really honest, this has by far been the hardest post I have ever written. There have been tears, second guessing, broken internet, interruptions, lost writing, emotional exhaustion, more tears, and the list goes on. I pray that God meets us both here, and our hearts find rest in a time of unrest.

Loneliness Epidemic

For years I have overheard the idea that loneliness is an epidemic in our society, but I don’t think I have ever truly experienced long-term loneliness. I have had moments of loneliness, glimpses, but never long-term. Moments when living alone left me feeling isolated, searching for a new community made me miss old friends, or even those times I was filling out an emergency contact at the doctor’s office and I remembered I’m single, and my family is 550 miles away.

Then this past week happened. Each day there were multiple updates. It was like every few hours the news changed, trips cancelled, gatherings over 1000, then over 250, then churches cancelled, and then schools cancelled. Honestly, by the time we got to the middle of the week, each time I read the news, or got another notification about something changing I started crying. I could foresee the moment when I would be told “you should stay home until further notice”. And now we’re there. I live alone. No other people. No community. No visitors to look forward to. No trips. Just me and my dog. And without a real end date. This is why I was crying all last week. The prospect of loneliness was ominous.

God Given Community

There is no denying that we were created to live in community. Start in Genesis with Adam and Eve in community with God. The census and lists of tribes throughout the Old Testament. The friendship between David and Jonathan. Jesus and His disciples. Think, even, just about the Trinity. God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. They exist in community as One. So there is no surprise that we, created in God’s image, would so desperately need community.

My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:12-13 (NIV)

I often experience God’s love and grace towards me through my friends. They remind me of the truth when I can’t see it. They get me laughing and bring joy to my days. They give me hugs at just the right moments, when I am really needing to feel God’s presence.

So what happens when we are alone? Or we are starting over somewhere new? Or there is a global pandemic, and to best love our neighbors, we practice social distancing? How do “they” know they are loved when no one is around? The easy answer is “God promises to always be with you” (Joshua 1:9, Isaiah 41:10, Matthew 28:20), but what about the moments when we need tangible community? When God feels too far away, and we need a hug to remind us that we aren’t in this alone (unless you are Jen and hugging isn’t your thing).

Seen From A Distance

A year or so ago, my friend Alaina gave a sermon at her church where the main message was: “The cure for loneliness is to help other people feel less lonely.” We have to be intentional to love people when we aren’t physically able to be in a room with them. If you are thinking of your friend, send them a text and let them know you are thinking of them, or that you miss them. Ask them how they are, and actually anticipate a response. Think about a time when you most felt seen and remembered by a loved one, and do that for someone else. Love people unconditionally like God loves you. While I acknowledge that the Spirit lives within me and often reminds me of God’s presence, God has done a pretty awesome job of leaving me feeling loved and remembered without physically being within the 6 foot buffer recommended by social distancing. Pray for the Holy Spirit to nudge you, and then listen when people are brought to your mind.

It is okay, and super healthy, to acknowledge if you are sad, if you are feeling disappointed, loss, anxiety, or even a little scared. I think a lot of us are. Which means we aren’t alone. If you are feeling lonely, reach out to a friend and start the conversation. If you have friends or loved ones that are living alone, check on them. Call them and remind them they are seen and remembered. Help others feel less lonely.

When life starts to return to normal for most of us, let’s remember that community still requires intentionality. Loneliness will still be an epidemic requiring our attention. Let us grow in compassion for one another, and ask God how we can use that compassion to better love our community now, and in the future.

Join us on Facebook, or in the comments, and let us know how you are loving your friends and community from afar!