suffering Archives – Facets of Faith

Fall Back to Spring Forward

03.21.2019 by Kim Findlay //

Thanks for joining us this month at Facets of Faith! This space is the result of a friendship between three women who met and dug deep into life and faith, each with a unique perspective and story but united in heart for one another and Jesus. A few years ago we thought it’d be fun to write together; it seemed like a natural extension of the conversations we enjoyed while sitting in a sandwich and soup shop.

So what happens Facets of Faith here? Each month we present a question and then take turns answering. This month we’re chatting about how to spring forward with God. Tracy and Jen already shared. You can click on their names to read their responses. Come back next week and meet our guest —you won’t be disappointed!

For now, however, it’s my (Kim) turn. And I don’t know where you’re at in life, but I’ve been longing for the hope of Spring’s arrival since Fall slid into Winter.

My mom has cancer.

She was diagnosed in May of 2018 and bravely endured six rounds of chemo. She and my dad fought this beast together and last December, we cheered as she rang the “end of treatment” bell.

Many of you have faced this insidious beast. Whether it’s wreaked havoc in your own body or in one you dearly love, you understand the shock of the news, the intensity of treatment, the way you hold your breath between blood draw and body scan hoping for good news.

Unbeknownst to us, winter wrapped its icy grip around my family –the cancer remained.

What if’s plague our mind as we peer into the future and attempt to chart its course. Imagination takes over as scenarios play through our minds like a reel-to-reel movie. Thoughts take on a life of their own and strike the chord of anxiety.

The dark days of winter linger and hover, and while I long for new life to arrive in all its glorious splendor, there’s a fear of moving forward. What if the hope of spring feels too bright, like the moment a light clicks on after sitting in a darkened room? Eyes squinting, I try to limit the exposure all so I can try to limit the pain.

I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want my mom to hurt. I believe I can say with confidence . . .none of us want to hurt.

So what do we do when looking ahead brings worry and pain?

We fall back so we can spring forward. We take the risk of losing so we can gain.

It seems a little counterintuitive. Springing forward brings to mind action and determination, quickness and lightness of feet. Falling back feels like failing, like losing.

But what if that’s the point?

Think for a moment with me. Isn’t it just like the Kingdom of heaven to carry such a paradox? Consider Jesus’ Sermon the Mount where He described life in His Kingdom.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3-10, NIV

This wasn’t the only time Jesus talked about the paradox of Kingdom living.

But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:43-45

So wouldn’t it only seem fitting for us to spring forward with God, we need to fall back? How exactly do we do this?

In order to live, we die

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:39

The first thing we need to do is lose our lives. We take a long hard look at ourselves and realize we’re sinners in desperate need of a Savior. Then we surrender to the reality that there is nothing we can do to fix this sin problem. There is only One, and His name is Jesus.

. . . that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)” Ephesians 2:5

Losing our lives isn’t a one-time decision. It starts there, but to spring forward, to take spiritual ground and follow God with our whole hearts, we die daily to our sinful nature . . .

We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.” Romans 6:6-8, NLT

. . . and allow the Holy Spirit to create a new heart in us.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26, NLT

In order to press on, we give up

Control. We all vie for it in one way or another. We think we know what’s best for our lives and set our course in the direction we want to head. But then life in a broken and lost world happens, and a cancer diagnosis interrupts our plans. We rail and wonder and cry out to God —what are you doing? Why is this happening? This wasn’t in my plan.

Job experienced this. He’s the guy in Scripture who lost his kids, his home, his livestock, and eventually his health. The pain of loss and grief was intense, and he cursed the day he was born. His friends weren’t very helpful, either. He listened and spoke and wrestled with all that happened. And then God spoke to Job. He never directly answered Job’s questions. He asked a few of His own.

Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Will you discredit my justice and condemn me to prove you are right? Are you as strong as God? can you thunder with a voice like his?.” Job 40:7-9, NLT

As Job came face to face with the Creator of the heavens and earth, he remembered who really is in control . . .and it wasn’t himself.

Nor is it us. Only God.

I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you.” Job 42:2, NLT

And then His grace comes . . .

The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14

In order to spring forward, we fall back

God loves us. The Bible tells us that He loves us so much that He took the punishment for the sins we deserve by sending His Son, Jesus so that we might have a relationship with Him. We sin against Him, and He made the plan to bring us back!

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17, NLT

He did the work to redeem His people, and there is nothing we can do, or have happen to us, that will ever separate us from His love.

Not cancer or disease. Not death or destruction. Not stuff we did in our past nor the things we’ll do in the future. Not loss of money or loss of love. Not shame or guilt nor confusion or doubt.

There is not a single thing that will ever stop God from loving us. Love is His nature; He is the source. Because of that, we can fall back into His loving arms and allow Him to care for us.

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:1-4

Yes, my mom has cancer. And it’s scary and hard and exhausting for her, and for her family and friends who watch her suffer.

But for now, in this moment, I choose to spring forward with God fully trusting He is in control, that His love for her (and me and you) never ends, and we can rest in His Presence because He is good. And for that, we don’t lose a thing.

Thanks for reading along. I’d love for you to join our conversation by commenting below or join us over on our Facebook page. Happy Spring!

A Purifying Perspective on Fire, God, and Life

11.30.2018 by Kim Findlay //

This month at Facets of Faith we’ve been taking a look at what we believe to be God’s most precious attribute. You will want to check out Tracy and Jen’s posts as well as our guest this month, Erin.

I have to be honest, this topic gave me a run for my money. I’m a week late and wrestling with each word I’m about to share. Not just because I struggle to narrow it down to one aspect of his vast character, but because of this season of life I find myself in right now.

Hard. Lonely. Intense.

It ranks up there with the death of my daughter and the slow decay of my first marriage. I feel like I’m in the furnace of struggle and God is burning off the excess, separating the impurities of my life with what is precious and most valuable.

Perspective

As I sat with the idea of identifying His most precious attribute, I was surprised when the words refiner’s fire came to mind.

I don’t like fire. I’ve seen its destructive power firsthand when fire destroyed my home in 2005. I know the suffocating effects it leaves in its path as my daughter, Emma, died in its wake.

But you don’t have to have firsthand experience with your own fire these days to glimpse fire’s power. Just turn on the news and you’ll see the destruction in places like Paradise, California and through the path of the Camp fire.

So it’s curious to me that as I pondered this month’s question that I didn’t choose his peace, his hope, or his faithfulness —all of which are true. I circled this other answer, words I’m almost fearful to whisper but have been buried in my soul for years.

Refiner’s fire

My heart’s one desire

is to be holy

Set apart for you, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for your my Master

Ready to do your will

I first heard this song by Brian Doerkson back in the early 2000s. Before fire destroyed our home. Before my daughter took her final breath. Before life as I knew it smoldered with suffering. I remember singing the words and longing for them to be true in my life, I just didn’t realize the cost.

Remembering

I remember the moment my heart, my soul, and my mind converged in longing to see God move in a mighty way through my life. I witnessed the devastation of a former co-worker’s life. His story impacted me greatly as he stood before our staff and shared not only the destruction, but the hope and the intimacy he experienced as God restored his life.

I want that. I remember thinking. I want to know Jesus the way I see he knows Jesus now. Then I prayed, Lord, do whatever it takes so I might know you better, so I might live and long for you as my one desire.

to him who led his people through the wilderness; His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:16

The Furnace

The very next day, fire broke out in my home and everything changed as I plunged into the furnace of suffering. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or how I would survive. My worst nightmare had become my reality as the heat of sorrow and grief suffocated me. I felt alone and afraid and so very lost.

I see now that I wasn’t lost. Not really. Nor was I alone. God sent reinforcements from the moment smoke began to billow in the sky through the gift of a neighbor. He reminded me through my daughter’s funeral director of a very different yet slightly similar story I’ve know since I was a child.

There were these three guys, maybe you’ve heard of them? Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego, three guys who made a decision to not worship King Nebuchadnezzar despite his declaration that all must bow down before the image of gold he had set up. You can read more of their story here (Daniel 3:1-30). But their decision to stand firm and worship the one true God had dire consequences: “Whoever does not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace.” Daniel 3:6

Into the furnace they went, bound and tied.

This kind funeral director didn’t leave me standing in the flames alone, he led me straight to the truth. “Didn’t we tie up three men and throw them into the furnace?’ ‘Yes, your Majesty, we certainly did,’ they replied. ‘Look!’ Nebuchadnezzar shouted. ‘I see four men, unbound, walking around in the fire unharmed! And the fourth looks like a god!’” Daniel 3:24-25

Jesus was with these three men, and this gentle man reminded me that Jesus was with me as well.

So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stepped out of the fire. Then the high officers, officials, governors, and advisors crowded around them ands that the fire had not touched them. Not a hair on their head was singed, and their clothing was not scorched. They didn’t even smell of smoke!” Daniel 3:26b-27

The Ashes

I wish I didn’t carry the scars of the fire, but I do. Deep scars of loss and grief and suffering beyond what I ever imagined possible. But just like these three men, I’ve stepped out of the fire and survived. But I’ve not only survived, I’m being refined to resemble Jesus. I still have a ways to go, but it’s happening. And others see it, too, as I shared thoughts and experiences that could only be offered through the gift of Jesus’ presence.

I’m learning to be grateful for all of the hardship that’s happened. I’m not a fan of it, let’s just set that record straight. But I see what He’s doing in me, and through me. I see how He’s been transforming me and how I’ve learned more about Him over the past 13 years than I ever thought possible.

He remembered us in our low estate His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:23

Purifying Perspective

A refiner’s fire purifies. It separates the precious from the impure. Because of the fire, I’ve learned that God’s mercy has no limits and His grace never runs out. Because of the fire I’ve experienced the depth of His love, true and everlasting love from which I can never be separated no matter what happens or what I do.

Because of the fire I faced my biggest fears and, by His strength, I survived. And I’ve not only survived, I’m living and breathing and enjoying this life He’s entrusted to me.

Because of the fire I can say with certainty that God is good no matter what. His goodness has absolutely nothing to do with me or the circumstances that happen to me. They have everything to do with Him —His character, His essence, simply put —His is good.

Because of the fire my desire for God’s kingdom to come has grown exponentially. I long to see Him now, not just the hope or wish of heaven in the future. I experience the gift of His Spirit now. But I also have the promise of heaven, knowing that all of this pain and suffering and sorrow and tears will end. I will see my sweet girl and I will see Jesus!

Because of the fire I learned to see the battle —the very real battle that is happening between the kingdom of heaven and kingdom of darkness and I know, without a doubt, that Jesus is victorious. I tasted that victory in the darkness of grief. I tasted hope that defies my circumstances.

Because of the fire I learned to see beyond myself, my selfish desires, and my eyes have grown accustomed to see God throughout my every day. I learned to recognize His voice, His promptings, His gifts —so much of what I could not see before.

No, while fire is certainly not the most precious thing, it has led me to all that is precious. It led me to Him. And while I still long to see my girls grow up together, to celebrate the 13 birthdays I’ve missed, to not feel the stabbing pain as my precious girl danced into heaven, I can’t help but see the tenderness as God heal my heart and restores my soul.

And just like Shadrach, Mischeck, and Abednigo, I walked with Jesus through the fire and there is nothing more precious than that.

Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:26

What attribute of God is most precious to you? Join the conversation by posting below or jump over to our Facebook page to share.

Why We Need the Truth of God’s Goodness in Times of Suffering

08.21.2018 by Kim Findlay //

Welcome to Facets of Faith —a space where three friends take a topic on life or faith or friendship and offer three unique perspectives. This month we’re responding to the idea that what we don’t know, can hurt us. It’s a glimpse into our thoughts on truth and denial. Jen shared last week —you can read that here. I’m (Kim) up this week.

Truth these days has shifted from the crips black and white into the murkiness of gray. Toss in truth about God and oy! —the potential for a collision of opinion increases a thousandfold. Hang out on social media and it won’t take long to see the naysayers and trolls that come out to play; those whose only desire is to stir up trouble and angst, distracting us from what is real, what is good, what is true.

Here is the truest thing I know: God is good.

I know, as soon as you read those three words, a million reasons started to whisper why He is not. The poverty. The lost. The hungry. The forgotten. The discarded. The broken.

Suffering.

If God is good, why is there so suffering? Why do I suffer?

Before I dive in, I need to add a disclaimer here. I am not a theologian. I did not go to seminary. I’m just a life-in-the-middle gal who believes in Jesus and has a few ideas to share. But lest you think I’m sitting in my ivory tower of wishful thinking, these words you’re about to read were born from suffering.

I’ve endured what many would say is every parent’s nightmare. In 2005, my five-year-old daughter, Emma, died in a fire that destroyed not only our home, but wrecked our lives. The destruction didn’t stop there. Eight years later, my marriage crumbled under the weight of grief.

As I sifted through the rubble, I searched for something —anything that would stabilize me. That would steady my faith and ground me so I could stand. So I could survive.

In those early days after Emma died, I sat with my journal and tried to read my Bible. Sorrow wrapped its fingers around my heart and squeezed until I could barely breath. Why did this happen? How could this happen? Where was God in the middle of all of this?

I searched the Scriptures for something to cling to, for truth to help make sense of the destruction death left in its wake. I stumbled across this truth:“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13, NLT)

Nothing about my life felt good at that time. Truthfully, nothing about it was good. And yet I couldn’t ignore the words I just read. Was it possible that God could be good even in this?

Searching for Goodness

I began to search for His goodness —His definition, not my own. I learned He is not a permissive parent, allowing us to gorge on every whim and desire like Pinocchio experienced on Pleasure Island. That place where boys did what they wanted and were as naughty as naught could be.

Was that the kind of life that was good? Not even according to Disney. Fast forward as we watch the magic of the island gradually turn boys who acted like jackasses into donkeys, sold into a lifetime of humiliation and slavery in circuses and mines. What looked like enjoyment and a life of freedom and fun, became a trap into a lifetime of bondage.

And yet our minds still struggle to reconcile the suffering we see with the God who loves us. We begin to assume that because there is suffering, He is not good. Pastor and author Tim Keller explains that for those confident of their own insight, suffering actually disproves the existence of God. They reason that if He really was good, He would want to end suffering. He could do that because He is all-powerful, but since there is evil and brokenness, they determine that God can’t be both, so they believe He is not good.

Jesus’ disciples were confident of their own insight when they saw a man blind from birth. They thought they knew the answer to why he suffered when they asked Jesus. Was it his sin? The sin of his parents? Jesus replied, “It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sin. This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” (John 9:3)

Searching for Truth

Because God is all-powerful, nothing is out of His control. While your world may feel chaotic, there is purpose. And because He is perfectly righteous, everything will work together for good in the end (Genesis 50:20).

Please hear me —death is never good. Jesus wept when he saw the grief from the death of His friend, Lazarus. He wept even though He was about to raise him from the dead.

My daughter’s death will never be good. There are days when I long to hold her, to hear her giggles, to see her play with her sister. There are days when living with this distance between us is suffocating and I long for it to end, to be reunited with her.

It is in those moments when my grief feels heaviest that I’m able to turn to the One who loves me, who loves my sweet girl, and allow Him to wipe my tears and whisper truth to my soul.

You are loved, dear one.

I see your sorrow and I weep with you.

Just wait, dear one. Wait here with me, and I will wait with you. I will dry each tear and comfort each cry. I will remind you, for as long as it takes, that you are loved. That you are seen. That you are known. And that I am good.

I will show you things about this world, about yourself, about Me that you could never imagine on your own. I will reveal hidden mysteries and open your eyes to what I see. The beauty will overwhelm your sense and it will be a taste of what is to come.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared . . . I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:1,3-4, NLT

Do you believe God is good even in the face of suffering? I’d love to chat with you. Please comment below or join the conversation on our Facebook page.