“I Give Up. Who Am I?”

07.11.2017 by Jennifer Howe //

Hello, friend! I’m glad you paused for this month’s topic at FACETS because it’s a good one! Tracy’s post last week was heart-felt and full of truth. Kim will bring her beautiful heart to the screen next week. Then we look forward to a guest we think you should know the fourth week. Take a peek on Tuesdays to find out what’s happening at Facets. We think amazing conversations can begin surrounding the topics and posts.

What’s your secret? I (Jennifer) suffer from bouts with amnesia. When I sat down to write I wondered if I’d find myself in good company. Maybe I will. The truth is, sometimes I have no idea who I am. More importantly, I forget whose I am. Let me explain.

For those who believe God, you know there was a point in time when everything changed. That was true for me the summer of ’94. I had survived so many challenging relationships, experiences, and choices by then. That summer, I made the only choice that will ever matter, I think. I decided to believe God. Sure, I could have tried to do all the right things to impress Almighty God, Holy God—but that couldn’t work. I would still be the court jester performing for the King in His presence, and it wouldn’t do a thing to address the real problem. Outside of believing God, I can do nothing to improve my condition: I’m imperfect in the presence of holiness, offending holy God by trying to be good enough to earn His love. What does that mean? When my imperfection meets Holy God, He has resolved everything in Jesus.

It’s new life and new beginnings in that moment, right? Yes!

A-n-n-n-nd then I forget who I am and whose I am. The past creeps into a moment and blackens it. Memories of whatever I thought changed my life forever in a bad way slither onto the stage of my mind and begin the ugly dance I’ve seen before. I think I even know the choreography by now. The amnesia tries to strip me of my whole identity. Oh, it’s never all at once. Usually, it’s bit by bit, little things I might not even notice at first—the slip of an unkind word or thought, replacing the truth with something slightly warped or “more interesting” than reality. You get the picture. Maybe you even have the dance in your own head choreographed. It tends to look something less of the people of God and more like people who have no regard for Him.

But we are called to something else!

2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT

In my best moments, this is what I want—to believe God and live in a way that honors Him. Then the amazing adventure follows: His good plan for my life. And so, I begin by believing that He has a good plan…and that He wants me to think clearly about who He is, who I am, and the good life He has planned.

But, the cause of the amnesia is often from a single root. When I forget, I’m missing who He is and my identity that is a gift from Him through Jesus. The great thing is, when I can’t remember, powerful words will serve to correct my thought patterns and create the right kind of memory! (Thank you for the Bible, God!)

King David puts it beautifully in Psalm 139, CSB:

1 Lord, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. 3 You observe my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it, Lord. 5 You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me. 6 [This] extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to [reach] it.

Is there any moment in time when my God, my Abba, my Daddy, isn’t aware of me, my world, and even my internal life? No, my God knows everything about me, and He’s mindful of me!

7 Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I go up to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there. 9 If I live at the eastern horizon [or] settle at the western limits, 10 even there Your hand will lead me; Your right hand will hold on to me.

Can I mistakenly find myself out of His sight? Will I be misled? No, He is always with me, ready to lead me in the right direction. And the best part? He holds me close. He loves me; I’m never alone and He leads me if I’m willing (if I’ll surrender to His will).

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will become night”— 12 even the darkness is not dark to You. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to You.

But those dark times—is He aware, and does He care? I must remember: yes, He knows. More than that, He is with me in them, and there are times He will bring light to the darkness, the kind that overwhelms the dark entirely. I also know there are times I may not see brilliant light for a while, and then I’ll have enough light for the step I’m taking (Psalm 119:105). Some things I can’t change, but I know the light and the darkness are under His power.

13 For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know [this] very well. 15 My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all [my] days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began.

Verses 13-16 can be the first step in the amnesia dance in my head. (Is it similar in your head?) I quickly forget the amazing thing that happens when God creates life. Sometimes it’s hard to see the beauty or even to love the life I have. The struggle is real when I think about whatever seems “off” from others’ “normal.” Is it “wonderful” when _______ is part of everyday life? (Fill in the blank with thousands of options!) You and I were made with purpose and for a purpose. God had a plan from the beginning, and there is no Plan B. Plan A is redemption of all things (the good, the bad, the ugly in everything), and His plan is to use people (very often) to bring things to right in this world. (Here’s a random thought: think about how many people work for God and have no idea they do. Atheist doctors may resist that thought. *grin*)

17 God, how difficult Your thoughts are for me [to comprehend]; how vast their sum is! 18 If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with You.

With all that I know about my God, there is so much I can never grasp! What I really want to begin to understand is that li’l, old me is so precious to Him that He thinks of me all the time. Imagine that! And He thinks of all of us in this way and so frequently. I don’t steal a single thought moment from you, friend, and you don’t steal from me. We are equally precious!

23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.

Here’s the deep root of the surrender part! I have to ask myself questions, and the answers are telling. Do I believe God, that He is good, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, loving, and always thinking of me? Do I believe He has my best interest in mind with every single detail of my life—the things He allows and the things He doesn’t, the things He changes or stops…and the things He doesn’t? Because, if I believe God (in the true character and identity!), then I want Him to speak to me about my words, thoughts, actions, and plans for each day. And I really don’t want to offend Him.

That means I will learn the heart and mind of my God. I will study who He is, and ask Him to help me live in a way that reveals more obviously whose I am. That’s fighting the amnesia with truth and reality, and that makes me less drawn into the dance each time.

Am I perfect? Somehow more perfect than I was the summer of ’94?

Yes…and no.

I am a child of the King. I was redeemed (simultaneously bought with a price and made right in the sight of Holy God) on that day. So yes, I am so different now. I know exactly how the plan ends, but only because I believe God, honestly.

And I live a real life in this world. Ask anyone, and they will tell you I have some “skillz” (with a Z). I have beautiful friends and family who have seen me eat a lot of things: humble pie, crow, and my own feet (both of them!). My love of words can be the very thing that ruins me some days. I also have to learn to love well because that’s really hard for me for lots of reasons. And as I said, the past chases me and tries to figure out how to command center stage in my mind.

But this is about surrender and the pursuit of it. The truth is, we live in the already and not yet of all of this.

When any one of us dives deep into the truth of what God has to say—and when we believe God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do…

That’s when He brings life and liberty in the pursuit of surrender, baby! We are more alive than ever, and we live in freedom that comes with that belief and knowledge.

All that said, if you’re living in the “real world” with difficult struggles and challenges in the pursuit of surrender, I want to share the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr. I hope it speaks to you, too. We are all in the process of pursuit.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;  courage to change the things I can;  and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;  Enjoying one moment at a time;  Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;  Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world  as it is, not as I would have it;  Trusting that He will make all things right  if I surrender to His Will;  That I may be reasonably happy in this life  and supremely happy with Him  Forever in the next. Amen. ~Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Neibuhr (1892-1971)

Thanks for reading, friend! Please comment below or at our Facebook Page. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic this month, Psalm 139, or the Serenity Prayer.

How Has God Brought Life and Liberty to You?

07.04.2017 by Tracy Stella //

If you’re an American, you’ve probably heard the expression “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Surrender.”

What’s that? That’s NOT what the Declaration of Independence says?

“Oh,” she says sheepishly. “That’s right. Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Yeah, yeah, that’s it! Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Well, this month at Facets of Faith we explore “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Surrender”─no disrespect to our nation’s founding fathers. Settle into a cozy chair, put up your pedicured toes (after all it is summer), and sip on some iced tea as you read about life, liberty and the pursuit of surrender.

I (Tracy) kick us off. Jennifer and Kim follow in the weeks ahead, so don’t miss their contribution to the conversation. Feel free to chime in yourself. We’d love to hear your life, liberty and pursuit of surrender stories too!

Have you ever lay dream-filled eyes on something and thought, “Now that’s what I want for myself”? Most of us want life. Most of us want liberty. And most of us want happiness. But surrender? Forget about it!

What might me miss if we decide not to embrace surrender with a welcoming hug? What if we bristle like a cactus and back away from God? “Don’t touch me! Quit poking! That hurts!”

Let’s face it. Sometimes surrender does hurt. Sometimes surrender keeps poking and prodding as we feel like an ember as the fire glows orange. Surrender’s heat sanctifies. Surrender’s heat says, I’ve got a better way. Surrender’s heat says, Follow me into the fiery furnace.

Who wants to join me?

Now don’t everyone raise their hands at once!

What’s the problem when we don’t surrender? (Every time God asks us to)

We’re not going to find liberty. We’re not going to live as God intended, and that’s no way to live at all. Christ died so we could have abundant life. In light of His sacrifice, why wouldn’t we want to live our lives to the fullest, even if it requires surrender that sometimes pokes and prods a bit more than we wish?

Our selfish, sinful nature says, I want what I want. Whatever makes me happy? I’ll grab at that!

We may or may not recognize our behavior, but we all have a sin nature. Awareness is what helps us surrender it to God bit by bit. Some things God shows me as sin now, I would never have recognized as such years ago.

Subtly, slowly (but then again not) He sets me a little freer. Each decision of surrender moves me closer to whom God intended me to be all along. Pure. Holy. Righteous.

I’m already Beloved. You too! Those other bits? They’re the work God is moving toward as He paints His masterpiece in each of us. We’re His workmanship and we’re made in His image. That’s why, if we love Him, we’ve got to cooperate with His plan.

Cooperation requires surrender to His authority.

I don’t always understand God’s plan. That’s good. It grows my faith. It grows me. Growing pains aren’t just for teenage boys.

Sometimes the growth, and the pain in that growth, helps me to have humility─not something that comes naturally to most. Certainly not to me. I, Me, My … not so humble.

And this is from a woman who wants to be, who loves Jesus, loves herself, and loves others albeit very imperfectly! But my “want to” isn’t broken. I want to do what God wants me to do. I want to be who God wants me to be. But oh brother can I not be sometimes!

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

God walked me through a situation where I didn’t meet someone’s expectations. It was devastating to my spirit. I’ve spent a lifetime of trying to do my best, to be my best and always put my best foot forward — perfectly. Everything in order. Everything just so. Best, best, best — must always do the best. Root deep, God keeps ripping away at it. Like a weed, He’s going to pull it all the way out. Ouch!

Why?

None of that matters! None of it! It doesn’t mean the people aren’t important. It doesn’t mean the project wasn’t important. It means I matter to God more than what He asked me to do.

What’s one thing I learned in my surrender moment?

I matter more to God than what He asks me to do. And He wanted to know if His approval mattered to me enough to outweigh others who didn’t see what I accomplished, didn’t see sacrifices made. Would His approval be enough? Would it be okay to my identity, my self-esteem if no one beside Him recognized one thing I did in that season?

I didn’t like it at first. I got mad. I’m used to relying on my performance. It’s been an AWESOME coping mechanism.

coping mechanism

noun, Psychology.

1. an adaptation to environmental stress that is based on conscious or unconscious choice and that enhances control over behavior or gives psychological comfort.

Compare defense mechanism (def 2).1

The problem with coping mechanisms is it’s all about cover up. Cover Girl doesn’t have anything on this girl’s coping mechanisms God’s chipping away at.

Do you see the key word in the definition? Control! And a close runner up? Psychological comfort!

I had poured my heart and soul into this project, and no one noticed (or so it seemed). It’s as if God blinded their eyes from seeing what I know and those in my inner circle know. Beyond that? Blind as a bat. Would I be okay with that?

I opened the gift God intended.

Yes! Yes, I would be okay with that!

Others’ blindness to my performance gave me freedom. It stung at first, like when sweat drips down into your eyes from hard work. But then, God gave me new vision, He removed the salty tears that blurred and gave me perspective.

I surrendered to Him, audience of One whose eyes see all that I do, all that you do too. He doesn’t miss a thing.

He says, Good job! I see you. I love you! You are Mine. I know this was a hard lesson for you to learn, but isn’t it liberating? You’re not measured by what you do. I want more than that for you. You don’t have to try so hard. Rest in Me. Listen for My voice. Please Me. Don’t worry about the others. Perhaps when the time is right I will reveal to them. For now, you’ve learned a valuable lesson. I love you no matter what! And you will not always meet other people’s expectations no matter what you do, so stop trying so hard to do so. Just do what I ask you to do. No more. No less. No matter what, you are enough. Remember what I told you. You are good enough and sometimes good enough is good enough.

For a woman who has had a tight grip on performance as her security blanket, that sentiment feels foreign, yet liberating to my ears.

God set me a little more free. I stopped striving to earn other’s approval. And in turn I got me back, only a better version, a bit more sanctified. I got a little scorched by the flame. It hurt. But God made it all better in a way only He can. I do care what He thinks. And I’m growing to know I do make Him happy. It’s hard to imagine in my sinful, fallen state.

Coping mechanisms have a way of holding us hostage. God sets His captives free! I don’t have to be an overachiever to be appreciated. Praise Jesus!

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Surrender. Perhaps that’s the key to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. The more I surrender, the happier I become.

What about you? How has God brought life and liberty as you pursue surrender?

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page.

1”Dictionary.com.” Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com n.d. Web. 29 June 2017. <http://www.dictionary.com/>

Do I Want A Do Over?

01.24.2017 by Dawn Stewart //

This month Facets of Faith would like to introduce you to our guest writer Dawn Stewart. Dawn has a passion for Jesus that drives her obedience to following His call. She is one of the founding members of a ministry, Beautifully Broken, whose mission it is to equip and empower women to walk in the freedom of their true identity in Christ and to minister this freedom to their homes, churches, and communities. Join us in welcoming our guest Dawn.

As the Christmas season was underway, I found myself thinking about gifts. What makes something a gift? Well, for starters, a gift comes to us from an outside source, is given by the giver freely – something we don’t have to earn. We do not need to be deserving of or qualified for it. A gift comes to us because the giver desires to give it. It comes without our asking for it, at any time, and for any reason.

Our part is to receive, show appreciation, and gratitude for the gift. As a recipient, we get to make the choice what we will do with it. Sometimes gifts get used immediately, sometimes they get set aside and forgotten about, and sometimes they get returned or exchanged for something better. It’s entirely up to us.

Are you aware that one of the most precious gifts you or I will ever be given in this life is the gift of time? It is more precious than the most rare jewel, worth more than the most priceless artifact. It is something that we could never earn, don’t deserve, and aren’t qualified for. It is a gift freely given to us by the ultimate Giver – the Lord Himself. And only He knows how much of it we have. Only He knows the plans He has for our lives. (Jeremiah 29)

Our job as the recipient of the gift of time is to use it well. To live in a way that gives honor and glory to God. Our role is to make choices with the time we are given that we won’t regret later. The way we spend our time means a great deal to our Heavenly Father. We see this throughout His Word. In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told that there is a time for everything. In Psalm 90 we are reminded to number our days. In James 4 we are reminded that we do not know how long our time on this earth will be, or what tomorrow will bring. In Ephesians 5, Paul exhorts us to make the most of our days. These are just a few of the messages in God’s Word about our time here on earth. The Bible has so much to say on using the gift of our time wisely!

But what happens if we make choices with our time, which feel more like a waste of our gift than a productive use of it? What if we, like the Israelites, waste precious time wandering and complaining in the wilderness when we could have just gone straight to the Promised Land? Do we get a do over? Do we get another chance at this life to make the right choices? Are we able to start over and create a new path for ourselves? Do we have the power to turn back time? No! Not even a second of our time will be refunded to us. We can’t exchange it, and we will never get back the moments we have squandered.

So, are we without hope? Are we doomed to live a life fueled by regret, remorse, and guilt for the way we chose to spend our days? Is it possible to get back the wasted hours, days, months, or years?

We serve a pretty incredible God. You see I was one of those people who chose to squander away precious years of my life, living in a constant state of discontentment. I wasted so much time seeking purpose, pleasure, fulfillment, comfort and happiness – that I missed out on the real deal. I made so many wrong choices that led me down so many dark paths, that by the time I was 33 years old – I felt hopeless and stuck. I honestly believed that the sole purpose for my existence was to trudge through my days until I died. I had no idea of the abundant life that God had created me to live.

I was 35 years old when I surrendered my life to Christ, on the heels of discovering that I was alcoholic. Surrender happened after I recognized the depths of dysfunction that resulted from my choice to have an abortion at the age of 22. True submission to God came as I walked the road of divorce, and dealt with the shame and stigma of bulimia. Surrender came from a place of true desperation. Submitting myself to the grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness of Jesus happened as a direct result of coming face to face with my life choices. Facing up to the consequences of my actions hurt – a great deal. Walking through the pain instead of trying to escape, avoid, or numb it was difficult even on the best days (and still can be). For a while, I longed for a do over.

But God doesn’t just give us a do over. He does better than that! He actually restores and redeems our life! He takes the time we wasted and replaces it with new life when we come to Him! He gives us the gift of becoming a whole new creation as we submit ourselves to Him. His Word tells us that He actually gives us a new spirit and a new heart (Ezekiel 26:36). He restores the “years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25) and puts us in a spacious place (Psalm 18) where we can learn how to live the abundant life He has called us to live.

So, do I need a do over? Do I even want a do over anymore? Not for a second. In the words of Paul, I focus on what lies ahead (Philippians 3:13) and not on what has already happened. God, in His great mercy, continues to restore the painful moments of my life by working them all out for good (Romans 8). He has used every one of my wrong decisions to minister to others and to bring Him glory in the process. It seems impossible when you look at it from a human perspective – that a woman like me could be loved and used by a God like Him. That is one of the things that makes our God so ridiculously amazing – He died for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). He didn’t wait for me to clean my act up before forgiving me. He actually died to forgive me before I even graced this earth – it was just up to me to receive that beautiful gift of forgiveness and choose to live the rest of my days on this earth for His glory rather than the pursuit of my own happiness.

Nope. No do over for this girl. If I had the chance to go back to the moments when I made all those poor choices, I wouldn’t try to change them. Because every one of those choices was a piece of the puzzle that landed me exactly where I am today. And there is not one single part of my life today that I would exchange – not for all the riches in the world! Praise be to the Lord!