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Freedom on the Road to Calling

07.10.2020 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome friends! We’re so glad you’re here! This month  we’re talking about freedom and calling, two things Jesus is very concerned about for us and others.  We hope you’ll check in each week to see what He’s placed on our hearts.  We trust this message is His message, and He has freedom planned and purposed for each of us as we engage with Him.  For those of us walking free, we pray a deeper level of freedom.  For those of us still captive, we pray He sets us free through our calling.

Christ has paid the price of our admission to enter through freedom’s gates.  Let’s walk through every gate He opens.

What is a calling?  According to Merriam Webster, it is a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence.1

As God’s children guided by divine influence, we have a high calling on our lives. Each of us is placed where we are with whom we are for a reason. Our location and vocation are not accidental; they are providentional.  If God establishes our steps (and He does), each paver we walk upon is there for purpose.  Sometimes, the steps He has us take lead to freedom for ourselves.  Other times, those steps are intended to liberate someone else.  Captives are set free along the way in God’s efficient nature─a bit of me, you, we all at once.

Freedom on the Road to Calling (T. Stella)

Recently, I had a client unexpectedly pass away.  It was like a spiritual slap in the face, a wake-up call.  The volume of my tears was large, and I was in absolute shock.  As I processed my feelings, I thought to myself, “I need to pray with more intention.” I always pray for my clients, but this kind man’s passing made me realize I need to pray more and more specifically for them in light of eternity.  Maybe the person we encounter and pray for never comes to know Jesus. But maybe they do.  What if God brought them to me for that specific purpose? What if He’s put someone in your path for that divine reason too? I don’t want to miss that high calling.

Faith is a personal choice. As believers we need to respect where others are on their faith journey. Force feeding someone Jesus is likely to have the reverse effect. Like a baby being coerced to eat smashed squash, they could spit Christ out because we didn’t let them taste and see His goodness for themselves.  But that doesn’t mean we can’t pray for those God has placed in our path, nor does it mean we can’t try to walk out our own lives in such a way as to create curiosity in others.  Side note:  Jesus gave us free will because He wants us to choose Him. Let’s stay out of God’s way and give others the choice to choose Him. Pray and stay out of God’s way. He’ll let us know if and when we need to take action.

I meet a lot of people doing what I do.  I’m a REALTOR®. To say buying and selling a home is an emotional process is a bit of an understatement. The stakes are high and even if the person’s home sale or purchase is for a happy reason, it can be a bit of a roller coaster ride.  Often my job is helping level out the peaks and valleys.  I love getting to celebrate with clients as I’m let into a very treasured life event. It’s sweet and special much of the time. Tears of joy, laughter, and happy dancing, they’re all part of the calling.  (Who said calling had to be all work and no play?)

What I’d never given thought to before becoming a REALTOR® is the amount of ministry opportunities within this career path God has placed me on.  Honestly, until something impacts us (or at least me) we can be oblivious.  As I got into things, I realized people die and their estate needs to handle the selling of their loved one’s home.  Hard! So hard! Those folks need a compassionate person to sit with them in their grief. They likely need someone to help them make decisions, because they’ve already had to make some pretty difficult ones that weigh heavy on the heart.  They need someone who can help them navigate dark waters, with many people often involved who are all dealing with the loss of their loved one in different ways.  Sometimes, we just have conversation human to human. We can leave the home sale talk for later if need be.  Maybe what’s called for in that moment is a shoulder to cry on or ears that can hear their favorite memory of their loved one.  It’s a sacred space.

What sacred space is God calling you to enter?

God gives me women who have had to navigate divorce and need help finding a home.  I’ve made a personal choice I will not proactively market to women or men getting a divorce, because it feels contradictory to the calling God has placed on my life to help married couples work on their marriage and stay together.  But before I was a believer I did get divorced, and so I can certainly understand many of the emotions my clients experience.  It’s another very hard season that needs to be grieved, even if we don’t realize it.  I try to point them to hope.  Hope helps!  I remember one time I was talking with a client in a vacant home for so long Sam got worried for my safety and came to check on me. I was okay, but the one God had placed before me wasn’t. She needed to be heard and God wanted me to listen.  When He uses bits from our bio, His desire is for us to connect.  Those “me too” moments can make all the difference in the world to someone going through something God already helped us through.

What “me too” moment is God calling you to share with someone in need of hope?

There are joyous occasions, newlyweds in need of a home, excited about what the future holds.  It’s so much fun to help them dream and envision building their life together.  Sometimes, they need advice, occasionally it’s about real estate. (Wink, Wink)  Helping people buy homes, in particular, creates a close connection.  You get the opportunity to know someone exceptionally well through the process.  Along the way in the course of natural conversation, people tell you things, personal things.  I have had the best time getting to know people’s stories.  Isn’t that something Jesus would want us to do?  Whatever you do for a living, maybe God is leading you to ask someone to share their story (even if that feels far outside your comfort zone).  You learn some pretty amazing things about people.  Entering others’ story changes ours jobs from a career to a calling.

How is God nudging you to shift your mindset from career to calling?

God once placed it on my heart to do something kind for a person who had been a bit difficult.  Okay. A lot difficult. I’m glad I listened to that still, small voice.  He knew what that person had been through in life.  I had no idea. Clueless with a capital C.  So, I did this thing God asked me to and it caught the person off guard.  Unexpected kindness created an opportunity for another human being to feel safe enough to open up. A lot. Hearing that person’s story softened my heart faster than melting ice cream on a 90 degree day.  I’d say, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”  But perhaps we should in that if there is difficulty dealing with so and so, there must be a reason. If the outside reads hard, the inside is probably hurt.  Life’s tribulations can lead to prickly people, because they’re just about protecting themselves at this point.  That’s what God showed me.  This person was in deep pain. From that point on, I had a completely different thought process about this person.  They hadn’t changed, but I had.

Who is God calling you to see from a different perspective?  What act of kindness can you engage in on their behalf?

If you like to be in control of things, don’t become a REALTOR®.  This job has sanctified me about 1000 times over!  I have control over my actions (on a good day), but I have no control over anyone else’s.  If you play poker but only have half the hand and have no idea what the other player’s cards are, that’s real estate.  I know things to look out for.  I know what SHOULD happen. But I only get to see my client’s piece of the transaction.  I try to have order and process for the things within my control, but there are a lot of players in this real estate game: buyer, seller, 2 agents, 2 attorneys, home inspector, appraiser, sometimes extra family members, and occassionally interfering neighbors. (Oh, the stories I could tell.)  All those other people and their actions, I can’t control one little bit.

God has brought me (and continues to bring me) freedom in this job.  Freedom from letting my emotions boss me around.  Most of the time I do a pretty good job of that now.  Occasionally, I need God’s grace to rush back in and point me back on the path of freedom.  This job has helped me to trust God on a whole new level. We do what we can and give the rest to God. The things that I know to do, I do them. The things I can’t “make happen” make me pray even more fervently.  Sometimes, I get inspiration and direction on how to proceed.  Sometimes, I’m called to sit a spell and let God do what only He can do.  It is a gift (and a relief) to know and believe in my heart that God’s the One in charge of the outcome.

What’s something within your control God is asking you to take action on?  What is at least one area of your calling God is asking you to relinquish control of and trust Him with the outcome?

Just this week I had a moment where I let fear creep into my calling. It wasn’t good.  I was concerned that this or that wouldn’t happen.  And then if that didn’t happen, then this, and this, and this might happen.  My momentary setback was a good reminder that as much as I want to be like Jesus, sometimes I’m like the leper and need some healing along the way myself.

How does God desire to bring healing to you through  your calling?

Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance  and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice.  He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?  Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?”  Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.” (Emphasis added)

Luke 17:11-19 NIV

 

My prayer is that more times than not you and I will look a little more like Jesus. As we travel along the way walking out the calling God has on our lives that we will never be too busy to pause and “take pity” on someone. We don’t want someone to have to stand from afar off shouting for attention. Like Jesus, He’d want us to be attentive to the ones He places before us.

What if others are “cleansed” because they encountered the love of Jesus through us?  Maybe that means salvation. Maybe that means healing (or the beginning of that journey for them). Shouldn’t we stop?  Jesus was busy, but not too busy to stop for lepers like you and me.

What will we do if we help a lot of people and we don’t always feel appreciated? Remember, the scripture above. Ten were cleansed, but only one came back to thank Jesus.  I’ll speak for myself in this, but I wonder how many times Jesus has done things for me that I never bothered to say “thank you” for. I thank Him, but do I thank Him for everything?  No.

So another person’s gratitude can’t be our motivator if we are Christ’s children. We need to stop because Jesus stops. He stopped for each of us (and He still stops for us when we need to catch up to Him).

What if in that process we are like the leper ourselves?  As we go about our calling and connecting with people along the way, what  if He leads us to someone intended to help bring healing to us? Wouldn’t we hope someone would stop?

As we are going, let’s not forget our high calling to STOP for others.

———————-

Consider spending time with God processing the questions in this piece.  Grab a notebook, pray, write the question, and journal a response.  I pray God will reveal His heart for you and others during that set aside time.

Join the conversation here or on our Facebook page. (INSERT LINK)

1 “Calling.” Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/calling.

Categories // Uncategorized Tags // As we go, Calling, Career, Control, Death, Difficult People, divorce, fear, Freedom, grief, hope, Jesus, Joy, Kindness, Leper, Life Events, Listen, Luke 17:11-19, Me Too, On His way, Perspective, Pray, Sacred Space, Salvation, Stop, Story, Trust

Is 2020 Feeling Blurry?

01.21.2020 by Megan Abbott //

Hi Friends! Welcome back to Facets of Faith this fine Tuesday.  I hope amidst all the anticipation of the new year and new decade, you are finding joy in each and every new day.  This month we are sharing how we see 2020.  How do you see 2020?  Take a minute to jump back a couple weeks to Tracy’s post on finding joy, here, and check out Jen’s thoughts from last week on planning for 2020, here.  I pray that as we take on a new year here at FACETS, God will be moving in this community, and encouraging each of us.

How Do You See 2020? (Megan)

Last year I had a word of the year—rest.  It started as finding time to slow down and sit with the Lord without an agenda, transformed into learning about the sabbath, and eventually was something that gave me space for healing I really needed.  When it was first revealed, though, I was honestly a bit frustrated. I didn’t know where it would lead. It was as if the mental movie of my future felt out of focus because the word could either lead a million places, or nowhere.  How did God want me to act on “rest”?

Have you ever been there?  Where you prayed for what God had in store for you in the season, and the answer was just blurry enough you were left wondering, “What in the world, God? Where are we going?” If I’m honest, I’m right there again this year. I have been in a season of rest that feels like it prepared me for a whirlwind season. I haven’t quite settled on one word, but I feel full of anticipation for the new adventures ahead in this year. Do you know what isn’t so good, though, for jumping feet first into a new adventure?  

A walking cast. 

How does this make sense?  They aren’t exactly made for jumping, or running, and I’m not even entirely convinced they are made for walking! Definitely not for speed or excitement. When I was considering new adventures in the new year, this wasn’t quite what I meant. But here I am taking one wobbly step forward at the speed of a sloth.

SO WHERE ARE WE GOING GOD?

When I’m really confused and don’t quite know how to pray, I usually end up in the Psalms. I know this is maybe a bit more literal than it should actually be taken, but I prayed Psalm 119:105 over and over again as I was trying to figure out where God was leading me. 

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105 (ESV)  

Praying that I would find clarity in His word for what I should be learning about “rest.” I have been thinking back on it, and the same image keeps coming to mind: trying to find my destination in complete darkness.

A LITTLE BACKGROUND

Several years ago I spent a few years living in a small village in rural southern Belize.  There were 254 people, we spoke Q’eqchi, the village was surrounded by rainforest and plantations, and there was no electricity for miles. When the moon was full, or close to full, you could walk around without a flashlight in areas you were familiar with and be alright, but during that new moon time, it was dark. Can’t see the next step in front of you dark. The stars were amazingly beautiful, but flashlights were a requirement for life.

A few things you should know to fully appreciate where we are going: 

  1. My bathroom was a latrine about 100ft from my house, and my water spigot where I could wash my hands or dishes was about 50 feet away in a little shed that also housed a tarantula I named Charlotte and often a giant k’oopopo’ (toad);
  2. The shop in my village didn’t sell batteries so if I forgot them on my weekly trip to the market town, I was out of luck; 
  3. Batteries die much faster when it is over 100 degrees everyday, and
  4. I didn’t often plan ahead.

UTTER DARKNESS

So I vividly remember what it was like the first time my flashlight died and I tried to walk to the bathroom without it.  I also remember the first time I tried to walk down the path using a candle for light. Flashlights light up the whole path in front of you. You can see clearly what you are approaching, and easily find your way. Candles, not so much; they glow in your face. You can see your next step, but not much of anything further than that. I knew exactly where my water spigot was in relationship to my house, but I had no idea where Charlotte would be. When I had a candle, it was one step at a time, and a lot of praying away the tarantulas.    

FOLLOW THE LIGHT

I think walking with God bounces back and forth between taking the path with a candle, and taking the path with a flashlight.  There have been times where I have peace about decisions, a vision for where I am going, and am confident about the path to get there. There are other times that it is literally minute-by-minute. Either way, God is revealing the path as we go, just sometimes He is using a flashlight, and sometimes He seems to be using a candle. I often want the full moon version where I can see everything clearly.  

BY MY VISION

Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”  Psalm 139:12 (ESV)

As someone who likes to understand everything, and really know what the plan is, I struggle with only having a candle light the next step.  It isn’t comfortable. It is hard. It requires a lot of trust. I have read and prayed through Psalm 139 almost daily for the last week. It reminds me that God knows me, He surrounds me, He protects me, and He is going wherever I go. How comforting are these words:

Even then You will be there to guide me; Your right hand will embrace me, for You are always there. Even if I am afraid and think to myself, “There is no doubt that the darkness will swallow me, the light around me will soon be turned to night,” You can see in the dark, for it is not dark to Your eyes. For You the night is just as bright as the day. Darkness and light are the same to Your eyes.” Psalm 139:10-12 (Voice)

I have to trust the One who sees everything to guide me. The One who, whether it is dark or light, sees where I am going, and surrounds me. It is less about seeing clearly where I am going, and more about trusting the One who is guiding me.

REJOICE IN THE PROTECTION

I wonder sometimes what I didn’t see when I was walking to the latrine, or the water spigot, or to my neighbor’s house down the road after dark.  Even with the flashlight I only saw what was lit by the flashlight or candle. I saw what I needed to see in that moment. Sometimes I wonder what all I didn’t see. Men went spear fishing in the river and hunting in the bush in the middle of the night. For a period of time, there was a jaguar that was coming into the village and stealing chickens and pigs from my neighbors pens. Can you imagine if I had seen it all? Every tarantula, person, snake, rat, jaguar... everything that could possibly have crossed my path? Ugh, I never would have stepped out of my house.

STEP BY STEP WE MOVE FORWARD

So let’s back up to the word for the year.  I’m not sure what yours is, but mine is something related to anticipation (which is actually kind of funny considering it implies some sort of unknown is involved, I think I just found my word).  What if God revealed today everything we were going to experience or learn throughout the year related to our words in one moment? Would it feel kind of like stepping out of my house in the village if every creature was illuminated?

I am going to pray we can rejoice in taking today’s steps today, and patiently trust God to reveal tomorrow’s steps tomorrow.  Even if they are wobbly and taken at the pace of a sloth.

Thanks for stopping by today. Let us know what word you are walking towards in a comment below, or at the FACETS Facebook Page. We’d love to hear from you!

 

Categories // How Do You See 2020?, Megan Abbott's Perspective Tags // Christian, Facets of Faith, light, Megan Abbott, Psalm 119:105, Psalm 139, Trust

How Do We Grow in Intimacy?

07.02.2019 by Tracy Stella //

Welcome to FACETS of Faith, sweet friends!  Whether you are a new friend, or someone who has been with us on this journey for quite some time, I (Tracy) pray God meets you right where you are. It’s not by mistake God has brought you to these pages. I pray you feel God’s loving, warm embrace upon you as your eyes and heart absorb what He has for you.

Depending on your perspective, this topic might stir a host of emotion. You could be enthusiastic about the idea of intimacy.

If you’ve had tragedy in this area, you could be terrified at the mere mention of the word.  Please don’t check out if that’s you.  Hang in there. Let’s see what healing and restoration God desires to bring to your life. You are BRAVE, sweet one!

Perhaps you’re somewhere in the middle, a little indifferent to the thought of intimacy.  Maybe you’re unaware there’s a snag in beliefs you have long held as truth.  Maybe what you’ve believed for a lifetime isn’t what you once thought when you turn beliefs over and see what lies beneath.

How do we grow in intimacy? (Tracy Stella)Intimacy can be beautiful. Pure, sweet, love extended to our marital partner. The counterfeit, worldly version can leave us wanting more. Because there is more when we’re rooted and grounded in Christ’s love.

Truth be told, as we tossed out the idea of writing on this topic, some of the FACETS team was more than a little apprehensive. So, if that’s how you are feeling, know that you are not alone.  There’s comfort in that thought, right?

For me personally, I embrace the idea of intimacy when it means intellectual connection, when it means experience of fun things together, but sexual intimacy stirs up a whole pot of feelings that, in some regard, my initial internal response is to run.

Life experience used to tell me men wanted one thing and my job was to give it to them.  I deeply desired someone to love me, but struggled with the idea I was even worthy of love.  The more years under my belt, the more deeply engrained those lies became. I grew to believe I was only as valuable as how I made the other person feel.   And because I allowed my misguided attempts at love to guide my decisions, sadly, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy.  Very often I attracted the wrong type of man, the one who only wanted to use me for what I could give him and then move on.

Not everyone in my life fell into that category, but many did.

This internal belief only served to create a deeper root of insecurity. I put a lot of pressure on myself to look a certain way, to do certain things – performance more than genuine, intimate connection.

If someone could have looked inside my heart, they would have seen a grieving young girl that grew into a grieving, love-starved woman.  As years progressed, I became more and more broken.  I became what I thought I was worth.

If we don’t value ourselves. No one else will either.

I also possessed a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors.  It all came down to me feeling not good enough, so I’d engage in behaviors that were sure to prove my theory true.

At some point anger set in as well.  I was mad about how I’d been treated, about the things certain people said or did. There were deep scars that served to scream at me. Unworthy! Unlovable! Not enough!

I was raped at a party and disassociated from the memory for a long time, even though I had attempted suicide because of that incident.  There’s a cumulative effect of life’s trials. All the layers of mine had added up to despair.  I was in a relationship with a “good guy”, but after the rape incident, my body and my mind couldn’t carry the weight of it all.

I sabotaged the relationship, because of the depths of depression I was sinking in.  It was suffocating, and I wouldn’t have been able to even tell you why.  Only my journals revealed the truth. Years later, when I read the words I’d written long before my eyes could handle reading them, I sighed a sigh of relief. Somehow, things began to make sense.  Not crazy. Deeply wounded and in need of God’s loving, healing hands that never hurt. His embrace always sweet. Pure. Innocent. Love.  Good intentions from the day He created you and me in our mother’s wombs.

Another journal from 3rd grade revealed inappropriate adult attention from a neighbor.  I wasn’t sure if my mind was making it up and reading too much into the words I saw in my “little girl” journal. I was able to verify through someone else who also spent a lot of time with this individual that he had done inappropriate things to us both.  As sad as that made me feel for the little girl who used to be me, I was grateful for the puzzle piece to my story.

When we’re ready for the details, they can bring clarity and relief.  These insights can’t be rushed or provoked. I believe it’s all in God’s good timing. He shows up as truth mixed with love when we have the capacity to see it, to process it without being undone because of it.

As part of my story, I had an abortion. The unknown trauma that decision caused me came to light a number of years ago (and decades after my decision) when God brought me through a healing journey. I received His forgiveness and was given the opportunity to grieve the loss of my child. I’m glad eternity is long. Time will give us the chance to get to know one another while worshipping Jesus together.

God is merciful to forgive repentant hearts from things we may think are beyond His reach.  Even more beautiful? His grace takes our worst sin and works it together for our good.  Sharing about my bad decision has helped others to make a good one. Each child’s life saved because sharing of story is a picture of God’s grace. It’s LAVISH, my friends!

Sex used to be my misguided attempt to give and receive love. I really had no concept of what genuine, sacrificial, Christ-shaped love looked like. I thought if I used my body to appeal to men they would love me.  Instead, I was so often left feeling unloved and rejected (even if the relationship were longer). I came to believe my worth and value to a man was calculated by how I made him feel.

This and probably a scroll’s worth of sin I brought into my marriage.

My life has shaped me, but it doesn’t define me.  Christ does!  For you too. Nothing you have done, nothing that has been done to you, is beyond His redemption.

His blood covers my sin and shame. In fact, He blows those things to smithereens. It’s one of the reasons I’m genuinely grateful to God for what He has done in my life.  His grace is the only reason I can write about my past without feeling condemned by it.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.─Ephesians 4:32

I have been forgiven much. I had to forgive much. God’s grace helped (and helps) me to not only extend forgiveness but receive it as well.  When you have spent a large chunk of your life feeling unworthy, Christ’s grace makes sure you believe you are.  Worthy of forgiveness. Worthy of love. Worthy of His time and undivided attention. Worthy of so much more than what we think or imagine.

He wants us to run to Him with our wounds, to rest secure in His arms.  He is Counselor. He is Physician. He is Friend.  He is our Husband. As children of God, we are His bride.

When you have a past as bumpy as the road I’ve travelled, the only way to feel worthy of the beauty and grace that is God and all He has for us is by losing ourselves in His immense love.  If you’ve never experienced the love of God, I pray you are open enough to the idea of Him to receive it. He is Beautiful. Pure. True. Untainted.

He gives us power and strength to peer into our past for the purpose of a bright, beautiful, and hopeful future.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”─Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Even if you don’t believe you are worthy, even if you don’t believe those words could be true for you, if you have only a morsel of hope and belief they are true for you, that is enough. I pray God grows your belief into the fullness of reality that you are worthy. Valuable. Priceless and treasured.

I know this is possible, because He took this once broken woman and gave me a hope for my future. My life is good, pure, sweet and true, because I’m following the One who is Good, Pure, Sweet and True.  He brings peace, and love, healing, and redemption.

He makes all things beautiful in their time.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.─Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

Friends, we can’t fathom the goodness God desires to give us here on earth and for all eternity.

He does give us glimpses.

God gave me a new vision of love and marriage when He brought Sam into my life.  From my past and the way I used to create favor with men, God didn’t allow me to use those tactics.  He wanted Sam and I to do things differently. I’m so grateful for that!

Because Sam and I weren’t relying on physical intimacy, we created genuine intimacy. I do believe other than God, he knows me best. He knows me better than anyone else ever has.  And sometimes he even knows me better than I know myself.

Because we didn’t rely on physical intimacy, I had no choice but to use new tools (mostly a dependency on God to help me walk out a Christian relationship). I prayed God would help me. And He did. And He does.

When there have been challenges Sam and I have had to navigate, as are inevitable in life, we have a strong foundation. Our relationship is built on Christ, the solid rock on which we stand. From that vantage point, His loving hand strengthens and encourages us to continue forward in this loving one another well thing. Really. Truly. Deeply. Flawed and imperfect, but genuine and real. My mask is off. I’m me and I hope he always feels he can be Sam.  In the world we might not always be able to wear our heart on our sleeve, but I hope with one another we always will.

Merriam Webster’s definition of intimacy says intimacy is:

  1. marked by a warm friendship developing through long association
  2. suggesting informal warmth or privacy
  3. engaged in, involving, or marked by sex or sexual relations

In aggregate, these make for a brilliant, wonderful marriage. We need friendship first through long association. Friendship isn’t confused by physicality and endorphins.  Friendship says, “I see you for who you really are. I like you. I like spending time with you. It could be anything, really, as long as we are together.”

Genuine intimacy also requires warmth and privacy. In a marital bond with Christ leading and guiding, there is a genuine caring and concern. Because Christ lives in us, we possess His nature. He is love. He is trustworthy. He is safe. As husbands and wives, we need to be that for one another.  If there has been a breach in trust for any reason, seek to make restoration. Seek forgiveness or seek God to give it to your spouse. It’s not easy. But it’s possible.  Trust is built over time, through long association. Little by little, brick by brick, the house Love builds can withstand life’s storms.

While God calls me to share openly and vulnerably sometimes (to help others and to bring deeper healing to me), Sam is most often made aware of my heart long, long before I write or speak about a topic. Sam is kind. He is tender. He holds my hurts and heart gently. Over the course of our long association I have learned I can trust him. At first it felt monumental to share pieces of me and my story, like cliff diving into an unknown sea. Now it feels safe to share with Sam.  I can be in my jammies armed with a box of Kleenex, looking a hot mess and know that his heart is for me.

Honestly, the physical nature of our relationship is hardest for me. There’s much hurt and brokenness there on my part, distortion of what is pure, lovely, and true.

God created sex. Satan tainted it.  God has grown me to look at sex more through His eyes. At first it was a lot of the “thou shalt nots” being given─not from a distant, dictating God. Guidance given from a loving Father who only wants what’s best for me.

If you don’t know Him or just need reminding,

God wants what’s best for you!

For awhile, I had a hard time distancing myself from memories I didn’t want to linger.  I didn’t want reminders of those experiences determined to try to define me.  The enemy loved to torment me with those thoughts and doubts. But God brought deliverance and freedom. Years in God’s Word.  Years in the school of the Holy Spirit, being comforted by Him and reassured there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Receiving His love and healing. Helping others. These all served to set me free.

Christ gave me freedom. And when I need reminding, He gives me freedom. Sometimes he brings me to new depths of freedom, each time less to hinder me.  Growth in the soil of God’s goodness.

God helps me to experience sex as intimacy, not as an act.  Acting I was good at. Intimacy I’m growing to become good at. It doesn’t happen over night, it happens in increments.  Imagine a bucket on the beach. Little by little you fill it with sand. Eventually it is full. Eventually it overflows. Intimacy is like that.

If you have a story like mine, intimacy isn’t easy.   But it if you have a story like mine and God is in the equation, intimacy is possible.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”─Matthew 19:26 NIV

Jesus looks at you.

Jesus looks at you and says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Lord, help each person whose eyes read this to fear not, to know that You are with them. Help them to be not dismayed. Help them to know You. Strengthen each one. Help them and uphold them with Your righteous right hand.  In Jesus’ name, amen!

“Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

─Isaiah 41:10 NKJV

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Signature Image: Tracy Stella

 

Categories // Blooming in Marriage, Forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, How to Love When It's Hard, Tracy Stella's Perspective Tags // abortion, beauty, Depression, Ecclesiastes 3:11, Ephesians 4:32, forgiveness, Freedom, Friendship, Grace, healing, hope, Intimacy, Isaiah 41:10, Jeremiah 29:11, Love, marriage, Matthew 19:26, Mercy, Purity, Rape, Redemption, Revelation, Safe, Safety, Sexual Trauma, sin, Suicide, Trust, Worth, Worthy

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